Maturing Feminine Recommendation for Maturing Masculines (Response to How To Get Laid

[withinUverse]

Well hello there gentlemen!  Leo has been one of the key tools who inspired me towards focused practices for six years now along with creative flow states, observation, mindfulness and contemplation, recognizing and processing triggers, and psychedelics.  So grateful that I attracted Leo’s insights into my experience, and it’s admirable and encouraging to see others who enjoy sharing their passion freely as well.  My first ever YouTube video was “How To Be A Strategic Motherfucker”, and I’ve been hooked ever since.  Now most of my time is spent in my personal progression but find myself going back to see what Leo’s releasing nowadays.  But that’s not why I decided to post for the first time on this forum.  Bear with me while we bare a possibility that might just help you out.  Have you thought about dancing, partner dancing, as a viable skill to help you get laid or find relationships?  Let’s entertain the idea before completely rejecting it. We’ll put in some background particulars to help narrow down who this might be helpful for and some of my experience to recommend dancing and why.  We’ll finally go through Leo’s advice and how it’s applicable to partner dancing.  

 

The word Maturing is deliberate.  I’m going to assume that the masculines who would gain more benefits from this recommendation are those who are implementing the work and practices, not just the mental masterbators (at least not as the primary source; it’s fun, but).  If you've been challenging yourself step by step through transformations in your life, then you’ll appreciate that this domain can transform as well… with consistent effort and action along with strong desire.  This is not a quick fix and it’s not going to be easy for me to be concise.  I’m a maturing feminine and I find I’m more open to trying new avenues because I’m curious how it will expand my potential and how it fits into the puzzle.  Dancing is for all ages, but masculines and feminines who are in their 40s or older seem to be searching for events and activities that they can run into partners who aren’t wanting the party scene.  As I’m maturing I’ve realized I gain no value in drinking.  If you’ve shared this type of journey, you might have sensed a little pressure or uncomfortableness we find ourselves and others feel because you choose not to drink.  This does not become an issue normally at a dance venue, because drinking is not the source of entertainment… the dance and music are.  It’s common for people to be drinking water to hydrate.  Now if you do drink, it’s available too, but you’re rarely going to find anyone getting smashed.  Now I know this can help you get laid, but honestly and hopefully I’d like to recommend this to masculines who want opportunities for feminine relationships regardless of intimacy, friendships, or just getting use to feminine energy.  I know the “friend zone” sounds like the worst place to be but… in the big picture, it can be a great steppingstone to obtain a larger social circle to hopefully meet feminines who don’t want to put you in the friend zone…which is where you want to be.  And damn it… the feminines want to be there with you too!    

 

So, who is this lady and why the hell does she even care?  Well…first of all, I’d like to admit that I originally skipped over this specific series “How To Get Laid” because I thought it didn’t apply to me personally; however, I have many, many masculine friends who talk to me about this all the time.  I know, I know… I’m the epitome of the “friend zone” expert.  But please don’t hate me yet.  My personal transformations of sexuality and relationships of intimacy have been stretched, twisted, molded, and peculiar time over and I’m still learning.  The stage I’m currently at is celibacy for years now and trust me I would have never believed it myself if I haven’t been actually living the process and receiving more fulfilment and wisdom then I imagined.  It’s been one of my power moves and it's what’s working for me now, but don’t assume I’m promoting celibacy.  It’s extremely challenging specifically at the beginning and only a select few would choose this technique towards self-mastery.  It’s not going to be my story forever.  I’m just extremely selective especially the more I develop myself, and yes, I’d rather have a profound connection along with attraction.  I’ve found that I find almost everyone attractive; attractiveness is not only physical appearance.  When Leo said that the feminine doesn’t really care about your looks… well you get confirmation from at least one woman that it’s true.  Since I’ve chosen chastity, I still yearn for physical touch; it’s one of my top two love languages along with quality time.  Lucky for me though, I was a professional ballroom dance instructor, and I know where I can get that ache nurtured… on the dance floor!  

 

Now let’s touch back on those masculines who are in my friend zone entourage.  Some I’ve met on the dance floor, so they know the benefits and gain value in dancing.  But many others don’t take my recommendation seriously, but they also aren’t Actualizers either (no matter how much I want them to be).  They want me to hold them by the hand, but I’ve got my own vision driving me.  I can share some of my time and energy to give them a taste which is pleasurable.  They need to take the next actions to see if magic can happen through dancing or not.  I don’t want to be their long-term dance partner.  I want to be their long-term friend which can be more valuable.  I’m not sure if it actually works to let them know that I went through a fear stage and a long building muscle memory stage.  They only see where I am now and cannot imagine I wasn’t born like this.  I admit to them that it seems like I was naturally drawn to dancing but to partner dance... that had to be learned.  Something clicked inside and I decided to choose jobs that I was passionate about.  I chose ballroom dance and teaching art at that time.  The first attempt to enter the dance studio failed; I couldn’t open the front door.  I needed a few more days to convince myself that the fear I’m having is not stronger than the desire to (A) dance more and (B) to learn more about something I’m passionate about.  The world of partner dancing became much more complex and interesting the more I was there.  The interrelationship in personal and collective psychology and sociology, not just physicality and creative expression was fascinating.  My playfulness, quirkiness, and positive energy was being expressed and given more freely.  I love love (the strong affectionate sensation).  I’m a hopeful romantic still, and I want people to attract and connect to people who are compatible or even combustible (not literally).  I have been that passionate cheerleader helping others to gain confidence and dance in balance and harmony with one another.  But also, I’ve helped partners realize they no longer want to work together.  This allows them and their partner the opportunity to find someone who desires that with them.  I’m no longer a ballroom dance instructor; however, dance is a part of me and there is more I want to learn and experiment with.  I thought that maybe if at least one courageous masculine could follow through, he may receive an unexpected surprise that might give him more than imagined.  So, we may understand that everybody is in different states of consciousness at any given time in any given situation.  I’d say I’m a bit more conscious of partner dancing than most.  For me as a woman I ask, What do most feminines have in common?  The desire to dance!  Not only dancing, but being held by a masculine, feeling their energy, giving our energy, looking into their eyes and communicating without having to say a word.  Depending on the style of dance it literally can be foreplay.  To say the least it can be a ton of fun, but action has to be a choice taken by one who feels this might be a good fit for you. 

 

Ok let’s take some of the concepts Leo stated in the series and meld them with why I feel dancing could be a legit option for some. First of all, I agree that feminine energy is very attracted to strong masculine energy.  The art of partner dance sets up sexual energies for success right from the start.  It’s the two energies that may complicate the system.  The feminine may want the control because it’s hard to trust, and the masculine may not have gained sufficient confidence, so they are timid in leading which doesn’t give clear direction.  In the system of dance there is only one leader… the masculine.  Now as you advance the masculine can gain enough confidence and experience to allow their feminine to share leadership, but I’m not going to cover that now.  Right now, there is only one leader and honestly, it’s hard to convince the feminine that this is how she wants it really.  It looks like a wrestling match instead of a dance when there are no clear distinctions on the lead.  When the feminine has clear leadership, she then begins to understand that she can focus her attention on becoming the art instead of the artist.  It can be exhilarating to surrender and enjoy the unexpected ride the artist chooses, but it takes time for her to realize this.  When I say a strong masculine energy, it’s confidence and clear direction.  This is doable in dancing mostly by realizing there is a system of dance and repetition. Once you see that you can systematically approach dance instead of needing natural creativity, then you can start gaining confidence that this is a skill you can build.  Repetition will train your body and mind to move without having to think as much which gives you confidence.  If you truly start to enjoy the process then dance can eventually transform into an expression.      

 

Next Leo suggests moving to a large city to gain more opportunities for the quantity of feminines.  In most large cities in the States and internationally, you will find partner dance scenes which will include Salsa (Latin), Swing, and Tango.  Depending on your personality and possibly if you’re particular with the style of music can help determine which works for you.  I love it all!  I love the white and uptight where you soar around together like the Waltz, Tango, or Foxtrot.  And I also love to get down and brown.  Travelling the world to dance as many styles as possible I can find is something I’m working on.   But it seems the Latin scene is everywhere and fairly easy to learn if you want to get out there as soon as possible (and not to mention a wealth of diverse beautiful women).  Leo suggested that you might have to make a big decision to move.  Well, if you’re not quite ready for that step, but you are willing to travel to major cities around your current location, then you can look for dance classes and clubs as an activity to look for feminines.  Many salsa clubs actually host free dance classes before they really start to light the floor on fire.  You can also probably use YouTube to learn the basics too.  Just remember advanced dancers started from ground zero at one time too… so you don’t have to be so self-conscious that you aren’t the best at the beginning.  Since I remember the process and was aware of my development, I enjoy dancing with beginners.  I like to give them my positive energy for their confidence to continue and build their muscle memory.  Also, with beginners I’m not having to follow a thousand different moves so I can actually have a conversation.  Which is great because you can ask them to sit, rest, and chat after the dance.  

 

When Leo talks about the cold approach, an actual dance venue geared for lets say Salsa night makes it advantageous for you.  There are many women there and they mainly want to dance and socialize.  They do not want to sit around unless they’re resting or engaging in an interesting conversation with someone (hopefully you).  Technically you don’t even have to say much at a Salsa club… just extend out a hand which invites the ladies to the dance floor.  A lot of times after a dance you both exchange a thankful acknowledgement and maybe mention to hopefully get another chance to dance later.  Most dance communities are used to dancing with everyone there.  Sometimes you might get a couple that wants to stick together, but in general people like to switch partners each dance.  I would highly highly encourage you to develop your communication and socializing skills.  But I also have a father who is extremely shy.  It seems like it’s going to be impossible to drag him to a dance club; he would refuse to have a conversation period.  But I’d first get him to at least try to just dance without talking.  I guess what I’m trying to tell you is that there are ways to ease into this process; it’s not impossible to build new skills.  If you prefer the “day game” approach, then this would be an excellent suggestion for the ladies to go out dancing with you for the “night game” which could lead to some fun results.  You can admit you’re a beginner to these “day game” ladies who will probably be new at dancing as well… so don’t be shy to invite her in your early stages.  She will thank you for it later.  If both of you are new it might be hard to have a conversation at the same time as moving, but it’s fun to mess up with each other.  We are not looking for robots who are perfect at everything.  You can relax into it and just laugh off the mistakes… it’s really not that big of a deal!

 

Now I hear that all masculines are highly attracted to the feminines' physical appearance.  And it’s harder for the feminine to change their appearance.  Again, attraction combines multiple aspects to one’s character along with physicality.  Leo mentioned that men might also blame the size of their package as an excuse for not being successful with women.  Well let’s remember a cliche: it's not the size that matters; it’s how you use it.  Well… that can be translated for both genders.  Some women might not score as a 10 on the physical aspect.  But that score could possibly increase once you see them move.  So, keep that in mind gentlemen.  After you’ve gained your confidence (with consistent effort and practice which takes time), your skills in dance have now boosted your score in the feminines’ mind as well.  Also, with advancing your skills the whole physical escalation techniques can be masterful and tasteful during dance.  Believe it or not it can be encouraged by almost every feminine you dance with.  If you want to play the game, dancing can be a great tease-please game.  People may find they enjoy the buildup… the suggestion and anticipation of something more.  Delayed gratification can be very rewarding.  If you’re doing the work in all areas of your life, you’re going to realize you are a 10.  Once you’re a 10, you’re going to be looking for a 10 as well.  10s aren’t just physically beautiful.  I feel if it’s only about the looks it’s more towards shallowness.  Actualizers aren't shallow; we’re deep.  

 

 A final warning that I feel responsible for at least putting it out there.  These dance clubs can have a tight knit group of dancers.  They usually know each other.  So again, I recommend this for the maturing masculine.  If you go around and only try hooking up with the ladies like a one-night stand type, I’m guessing your reputation will carry farther than you want.  So, plan accordingly.  Normally dancers anticipate being touched so touching isn’t considered creepy, but I do recommend being observant while you’re there.  You can observe what’s considered acceptable in that spot.  I always say yes to the first dance, but it doesn’t guarantee you a second.  I’ve been dancing with hundreds of men, and I’ve only rejected two men after the first dance.  One was too aggressive; trying to do advanced steps he wasn’t ready to lead at full speed and the other who was kissing my hands and arms after I told him I don’t want him to continue; I was surprised it even started.  It can get exciting on the dance floor, but don’t try to take it farther unless you have consent.  Take the conversation off the floor and see where that leads.  Again, I’ll agree with Leo when feminines don’t want to look like they’re too easy.  Also, we don't like it when masculines assume we’re too easy because we’re comfortable in our skin and like to smile.  I’m telling you starting at the friend zone can give you time to check out options before going all in too soon.  Learn how to be comfortable talking and feeling feminine energy.  I laugh when I hear that we have to learn how to have normal conversations with people… I struggle with that myself, so we’ve got to practice.  It all benefits us in the end.  If dance doesn't work out for you, please gain the ability to be open to socializing somewhere (even like spiritual retreats).  Find doors for you to meet the ones you’re looking for.  We feminines are looking as well, so don’t give up! 

[NoSelfSelf]

No masculine man will accept friendzone, he will be direct and if she says no, he will walk away thats it simple as that.

Dancing is good opportunity, but without game its nothing, because you can meet women everywhere.

[Leo Gura]

Dance classes are a great place to meet girls. Yoga too.

It's just hard for a socially awkward guy to gain enough experience there to get really good with women. But it is still worth signing up to dance classes to get whatever experience is possible there. If you are into pickup, you should sign up for some dance classes and try your luck there as well. It will teach you a less direct form of game.

Edited March 22, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Devin]

     Yeah I've been to beginner group dance classes and they have you rotate partners and then there's open dance after the class, the girls are constantly coming on to you during the class and it would be easy to ask them to dance afterward, and there are more women then men in these classes.

[Vrubel]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It will teach you a less direct form of game.

I need to get better at this, I want to pick up chicks that go (alone) to museums and botanic gardens, they are the highest quality ones. I actually subtly tried this by using observational openers, but still, I am overcompensating with extreme friendliness and dropping out very fast so as not to seem pushy or needy to have a conversation. I don't want to make it awkward as we are both confined in the same place. 

Edited March 22, 2023 by Vrubel

[Devin]

52 minutes ago, Vrubel said:

I need to get better at this, I want to pick up chicks that go (alone) to museums and botanic gardens, they are the highest quality ones. I actually subtly tried this by using observational openers, but still, I am overcompensating with extreme friendliness and dropping out very fast so as not to seem pushy or needy to have a conversation. I don't want to make it awkward as we are both confined in the same place. 

Study the museums and gardens you go to, so you have a ton of conversation content. Also, do farmers markets if they have them there, 'study' that market to.

[withinUverse]

@NoSelfSelf Yes I agree that some masculine men won't accept friendzone, especially if their primary purpose with a feminine is only sexual in nature.  In fact with your comments, I'd assume you don't have any reservations with your confidence in finding females.  Most of my friends are males and I could probably agree that they are more of a combination of masculine and feminine, as am I.  I don't have any issue embracing my masculine side and telling a man I'm not interested when I know their only focus is sex.  We've found more to talk about other than sex... especially with me I love to talk to them about self-mastery, awakening, and what purpose they want to create in their lives.  Lol... that's majority of what I like to talk about.  Some people just crave attention and communication from someone else.  Most are the nice guy types which I love, but I also see why they have issues finding feminine interactions that result in the lack of sex or deep connections.  They are not realizing the attractiveness for strong masculine energy... the ones I'm trying to assist usually need to gain more confidence and leadership to develop their masculinity with their presence.  Again, most are nice guys and even want to put the feminine on a pedestal which definitely repels in sexual attraction.  We try to create balance within ourselves, so we don't have to put anyone or ourselves on a pedestal.  And partner dancing can help build qualities they are lacking in a more subtle way where they don't have to be everything, they think they're not all at once.  They can ease into it if that's their temperament.  And yes, there is plenty of opportunities for game.   Many people are successful, and I was myself.  But obviously it's not the only way... as you say women are everywhere.  But if someone's interested in maturing feminine... we'd like the masculines to see us for many qualities not exclusively sexually but inclusively.  

 

@Leo Gura Yeah I agree with your direct approaches.  And your suggestions would get results quicker than my own recommendation.  That's why I was personally drawn to your teachings.  I'm just giving the socially awkward guy options if they're intimidated in the balls to the walls approach.  Yes dance classes will lack in their experience with women directly.  That's just to help a bit of confidence and orient them into a new system before getting them out into the dance venues where they can really apply themselves.  

 

@Devin Exactly... in fact thank you, I forgot to mention that the ratio is in favor of the masculine.  Females end up learning both lead and follow because we lack males to dance with.  Did you gain enough experience where you ask women to dance wherever you are?  

 

@Vrubel If you're looking for a less direct form of game, have you considered partner dancing?  It could be something to try out.  

3 hours ago, Vrubel said:

I don't want to make it awkward as we are both confined in the same place. 

I can feel masculines who are uncomfortable in just being in feminine energies.  You can work this idea of being awkward out of your system when you're literally sharing close personal space.  Women who want to dance with men allow you in their space.  You can be awkward at first, so can we... but we're taking a chance together to see where it goes.  

 

3 hours ago, Vrubel said:

but still, I am overcompensating with extreme friendliness and dropping out very fast so as not to seem pushy or needy to have a conversation.

This is the work and to be consciously aware of.  It's not like women don't find friendliness attractive, but extreme friendliness?  I might need a little more to know what you're saying but I might understand.    It's ok for someone to have boundaries.  Friendly and respectful in a conversation= good.  Creating best friend material, the first time we talk= no good.  That leads to the concern about seeming pushy or needy to have a conversation.  For me neediness is the most unappealing and frequent quality I run into.  First, I had to realize that needy quality was in myself which seems like you do as well.    Mine seemed to be geared towards a lack mentality and desire for attention.  You're looking for the highest quality chicks at museums and gardens... nice!  Do you have your own personal interests in these areas?  If you do, then you can create conversation fairly easy.  I'm not certain what type of museums, but as an example an art museum... you see her lingering on a specific painting... tell her you noticed she seemed to be attracted to this specific piece... you're curious why?  Take a moment to hear what she says, but you can also observe the same piece and feel out what that piece does for you.  If you conversation seems to flow then continue, but if not... she's not the only quality chick there.  Even if you end the conversation with a simple interesting and literally walk away... and leave it as that; is great.  If she was really engaged in the conversation, then you'll get her thinking... was I interesting? was the comments I said interesting?  The more she can think about you after you leave the better.  You can also really work on trying to find moments of direct eye contact.  That's really crucial.  Not only in their personal space, but when there's distance between you too.  I can't help to bring it back to dance, but when it comes to a tango malonga... that's how you connect with a partner to ask to dance.  If your eyes meet and you continue to be able to look at each other in interest, then you walk towards each other to meet on the dance floor.  When it comes to the gardens, allowing people to enjoy the environment by themselves is the assumption I would take.  I wouldn't assume they go to the gardens to find conversation with strangers, so if you feel like the conversation isn't going anywhere... it's ok walk away and use the natural environment to calm and relax you... it doesn't have to be a failure; they may not need human interaction in nature.  Now if I as a woman find myself having a fun conversation with a man while I'm in the gardens it would be an added bonus, but it would be a pleasant surprise not an expectation.  I'm not sure if you like dogs or not, but visiting parks where people like to walk their dogs could be another chance where women have an open expectation to have men approach.  I guess when I'm suggestion dance... you gain qualities that you can ultimate use elsewhere.  

[Devin]

2 minutes ago, withinUverse said:

 

@Devin Exactly... in fact thank you, I forgot to mention that the ratio is in favor of the masculine.  Females end up learning both lead and follow because we lack males to dance with.  Did you gain enough experience where you ask women to dance wherever you are?  

 

     I've only been to them with my girlfriend or date, but it seemed like an extremely conducive environment. After a few times going and continuously noticing the women subtly coming on to me it started to feel like it would be as much a speed dating event as it was a dance class if you were single.

[withinUverse]

@Devin

1 hour ago, Devin said:

 I've only been to them with my girlfriend or date, but it seemed like an extremely conducive environment. After a few times going and continuously noticing the women subtly coming on to me it started to feel like it would be as much a speed dating event as it was a dance class if you were single.

Well you're definitely helping me convey why I'm trying to recommend dancing.  Absolutely, it's an extremely condusive environment even for guys who might be shy and afraid of rejection.  These are the guys I'm hoping to encourage.  Speed dating can be a good way of putting it as well.  Hardly anyone is going to be upset or taking it personally when they switch around.  I don't know if its just me, but I enjoyed when others were attracted to my partner too.  It felt satisfying to know that... but I got to take them home.  I feel the classes are the safe start.  Its beneficial to be able to pickup the subtlties of women expressing reciprical attraction.  There's differences in smiles, looks, and touches. Helps men understand when a girl is just being nice or she's wanting more.  Also helps them understand what their body language is communicating as well.  But the classes can get you in the comfort zone fairly quickly.  There's a different dynamic when they actually go out to clubs.

[Devin]

23 minutes ago, withinUverse said:

@Devin

Well you're definitely helping me convey why I'm trying to recommend dancing.  Absolutely, it's an extremely condusive environment even for guys who might be shy and afraid of rejection.  These are the guys I'm hoping to encourage.  Speed dating can be a good way of putting it as well.  Hardly anyone is going to be upset or taking it personally when they switch around.  I don't know if its just me, but I enjoyed when others were attracted to my partner too.  It felt satisfying to know that... but I got to take them home.  I feel the classes are the safe start.  Its beneficial to be able to pickup the subtlties of women expressing reciprical attraction.  There's differences in smiles, looks, and touches. Helps men understand when a girl is just being nice or she's wanting more.  Also helps them understand what their body language is communicating as well.  But the classes can get you in the comfort zone fairly quickly.  There's a different dynamic when they actually go out to clubs.

There's also usually at least one very 'comfortable' woman that would push the guys out of their shell too, some women are very...... forward and fun having.

[withinUverse]

@Devin I want to promote healthier and happier humans.  I tend to be that comfortable woman.

[Devin]

8 minutes ago, withinUverse said:

@Devin I want to promote healthier and happier humans.  I tend to be that comfortable woman.

Awesome, thank you.

[Vrubel]

@withinUverse Nice, Thank you!

Yeah, I am obsessed with art and plants haha. I am also very sensitive to stylishly dressed girls. "I like your style" is almost my only opener because I almost exclusively approach girls with sexy/feminine styles.

Edited March 23, 2023 by Vrubel

[withinUverse]

@Vrubel

1 hour ago, Vrubel said:

Yeah, I am obsessed with art and plants haha. I am also very sensitive to stylishly dressed girls. "I like your style" is almost my only opener because I almost exclusively approach girls with sexy/feminine styles.

I see your profile picture... are you an artist by chance?  Is that you're personal work?  When you say obsessed with art... I can relate, but there's so much the mind can assume from that.  I'm trying to clarify if you happen to be an artist, because I am as well.  I use deep creativity in the zone connections to help self-process and can apply my process into other areas of my life.  Can you relate to what I'm saying?  I apologize... I'm new to this forum and to forums in general, so I'm trying it out.  I'm hoping it's ok for me to just spill out my feelings; maybe it can help.  I try to find everything as a form of growth.  So, I can try to give you an example that's more general and then personal to try to give you an idea of what I'm trying to say. 

I'll start with drawing and painting.  I love drawing because of all the detail I get absorbed in and painting because I just allowed myself to not think as much and free flow more. Through my progression of making art has gone through a lot and still transforming.  I love that this love of the process will never end.  When I was young and developing my skills... I really just loved learning and I found it easier for me then others say in educational settings to increase my skills technically.  I thought maybe to be an artist.  I assumed I had to make artwork that others would enjoy if I was going to be able to make any money from that.  A long story shorter I found that so miserable.  In my mind I felt like I was selling out.  It was hard for me to connect with the artwork because it truly wasn't me that I was expressing.  It was me using my skills to create something but using others' opinions to direct my attention.  I decided that creating my own artwork I'm actually interested in was far more satisfying for me.  Because it was so personal, I never really wanted anyone to see these pieces because it makes me vulnerable.  Since I still wanted art to be a part of my life, I decided to become an art teacher instead.  Fortunately for me at that time one position was instructing painting classes for 2 or 3 hours depending on whether the students were children or adults.  The other position was elementary after school art programs where we focused on a growth mindset and exploration.  Because I was the teacher and loved learning... I gained so much value from these positions.  The first position I finally was able to create artwork quicker.  I wasn't allowed to create my unusual artwork which at first, I didn't like.   But because I was required to make simple paintings, I was able to really complete a large body of work.  Before this I took forever to complete a piece because I was striving for perfection.  The second position with the kiddos was amazing for me.  I'm a bit of a wild child myself.  I didn't setup the space where they are sitting in one spot the entire time... I'd have them move to different spots interacting with each other instead of separated from each other.  They wanted to be good artists and they assumed that they needed to follow my instructions and try to get as close as possible to what I was doing.  For the most part I'm giving direction, but when people made mistakes... that's where the real work and real creative opportunities are.  At first, I had students crying at this point of mistakes.  They couldn't see how their work was going to be anything like mine.  I'd explain that this is the perfect opportunity for you to make it more your own.  Let's come up with different options you can do at this time.  If they didn't have any ideas, we'd open it to the class, and everyone had ideas.  They would ultimately have to choose the new direction they wanted their work to go.  By the end of the semester the children would still try to follow along with me, but when they made "mistakes" there was a sense of excitement instead of crisis.  

Now there's a lot of information I gave... Let's get a little deeper now and see how this can be applied to ourselves and maybe it can be applicable to you and your dating life (which is where we want some guidance, right?)

We can find that we can think about the big picture and at the details at the same time.  Finding a balance is the work.  I found areas in art where I found myself more consumed by the details (drawing) and other areas where I felt more relaxed and freer (painting).  My suggestion is when you are approaching women for the first approach you want to draw on experiences where you are more relaxed and freer.  In the big picture, approaching this woman is not going to be a life-or-death situation.  Go into it with curiosity... you don't know whether you two will click or not.  Try to detach from the outcome.  I know it's challenging, but we'll touch on more details further along with examples.  Because you are using environments that you're actually interested in... check your feelings before you approach.  Are you relaxed?  If not take the time to observe the environment... the artwork or the garden... connect yourself before approaching.  You've got locations where people aren't usually rushed.  People usually take their time in museums and parks so don't worry about missing your chance with that particular chick.  Honestly, it's better to let them leave then it is to approach when your energy isn't relaxed.  We can sense these subtle energies of emotions, well at least I can.  I can tell whether someone's tensed or relaxed.  If you're relaxed, you'll be more likely not to act too quickly or desperately.  When it comes to the conversation you choose, maybe you can start by a bigger picture question and then if there is reciprocation switch to more details.  

When it came to creating artwork, I found that I wasn't happy trying to figure out what other people will like.  I find it more fulfilling to create what speaks to me.  This is crucial for relationships.  I'm going to assume you enjoy Leo's work because you see the value of working on your own personal development.  We are the piece of art, and we are the artist.  Essentially, we are working on ourselves so we can be more authentic.  Authenticity is attractive.  Possibly you may be thinking what does this woman think is attractive in a man?  I hope to cut this thinking shorter for you.  Develop yourself to stop thinking about what does someone else think (at least at the beginning).  I'd suggest focusing more on what makes you, You.  Do you feel authentic?  Do you feel comfortable in who you are?  If you want quality women, then you should assume they want quality men.  A quality man isn't putting on layers of facade they think others will like more.   You want to attract women who are attracted to you.  Now I'm going to assume you are trying out new techniques because you are developing yourself into a more authentic version... which is great!  Maybe see this as a process though... this is a long-term journey.  If you feel like your self-esteem needs a lot of work... you'll be attracting women who will actually confirm that to you.  They be more likely to be critical to confirm to your insecurities.  If you're at the point that you don't care you just want a woman... then hopefully you can keep this in mind.  You can learn a lot from this relationship, but it may hinder your growth potential.  But it might be exactly what you need to continue your understanding.  

This is a good opportunity to compare this to when I was instructing simple paintings.  It was beneficial to me when I wasn't striving for perfection.  I had a lot of results by repetitively painting simple paintings.  Through repetition and with less emotional attachment I was gaining a lot of experience.   You can apply this to relationships as well.  If you're still dead set at attracting women at the stage you're at... ask yourself honestly where are you?  If you have a growing self-esteem then maybe you're not really looking for long-term relationships with women.  Not all women are looking for that either.  If you're just wanting to gain experience with women on a sexual basis, fine, then you can communicate that to the woman.  I've been through many stages in my sexual development.  I've had one-night stands... I had friends with benefits... I used to be involved with polyamorous relationships too.   I lived through these experiences to understand what I was actually looking for in sex and relationships with men.  Hell, I was in a thirteen-year relationship when I was young.  I didn't realize that the dysfunctional state I was at wasn't going to create a healthy relationship I desired.  I wasn't healthy.  I chose celibacy because I want to develop myself so thoroughly that I'm going to attract and be attracted to men who saw this valuable as well.  The healthier you are the more you will be pickier with your relationships.  Because I've been single, I've found purpose in my life.  I know who I'm developing into and open to know more of me.  Before I wanted to forget my passions and just figure out how to be with my partner... I was very needy and inauthentic.  You are in a process... you will be, and be ok with that... eventually you'll get extremes amount of joy knowing there's not a destination and only opportunities to gain.    Where are you in your self-development?  That can help you understand how to possibly approach your relationships with women at your current state.  

This leads into the after-school program focused on "growth mindset".  You are going to be making "mistakes".  These kids in a couple of months went from crisis mode and crying to learning to get curious and even excited for potential in themselves when they made mistakes.  We can do this too... everywhere.  For some reason we are God who enjoys the games that comes with learning and creating.  At first, we won't enjoy them, but the more we put ourselves in these situations the easier it gets which actually leads to joy.  This is where I cannot really do the work for you... I can be another student giving you suggestions... You have to make the choice and see if it works for you or not.  It's good to see you're putting yourself out there... just keep doing what you're doing... gaining experience and making adjustments as you learn.  

I'm going to conclude with your only opener... "I like your style".  Does that work for you?  I could see that working for some... I'm not sure.  In general try to maybe think about questions to ask as well instead of comments.  Of course having a combination of both is ideal, but if you are asking a question then you're allowing her to talk more and gives you more clues on what to continue the conversation with.  Keep in mind that if you're the only one asking the questions then maybe question if she is even interested in you?  You're looking for equally reciprocated relationships.  You are interesting so make sure she knows that.  If she doesn't' care to know who you are, then it's ok to move on.  Back to "I like your style"... that's a good statement and I think women would like that compliment, but... you could wait to say that once you are in the conversation.  I'm not saying I know what everyone likes, but I can give you my opinion on what I would like.  If you start by using that line, then automatically I know you are talking about my physical appearance.  If I'm looking for physical connection, then I might continue to see where it goes.  If I'm looking for deeper connection, then I might say thank you, smile, but then walk away.  If you start practicing on starting the conversation differently to test out if there's an opportunity to carry on a conversation with the woman.... then you say I like your style... it will be perceived differently.  Again, how I could respond.  Ok... I'm comfortable with this guy, and he seems to be able to keep a conversation with me which is a plus.  And he said he likes my style... hmmm?  I am wondering if he's talking about my looks or my personality... let's see what he says.  I'd ask you in return, what about my style do you like?   You could respond with a comment that says you like both my personality and my looks.  For me that's a better way for you to tell me you're physically attracted because you took the time to at least get a feel for who I am first.  In fact, I'd probably go onto to tell you how much I like to design and sew my clothes.  If I'm wearing a piece, I've done then I'll let you know... and so the conversation continues.  Do you see the difference?  If you are an artist, then maybe you can think of it this way.  Do you like people just giving you a compliment about your work?  Or do you prefer people who are more curious about your process of making your work?  

I hope this helps  

 

 

[ZenSwift]

On 22/03/2023 at 6:46 AM, Leo Gura said:

Dance classes are a great place to meet girls. Yoga too.

It's just hard for a socially awkward guy to gain enough experience there to get really good with women. But it is still worth signing up to dance classes to get whatever experience is possible there. If you are into pickup, you should sign up for some dance classes and try your luck there as well. It will teach you a less direct form of game.

Noted. 

[withinUverse]

@ZenSwift Enjoy yourself if you give it a go  

[Vrubel]

@withinUverse Thanks

My profile pic is a demon as imagined by Mikhail Vrubel  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mikhail_Vrubel
I once felt like that Demon while on psychedelics.

[withinUverse]

@Vrubel

5 hours ago, Vrubel said:

@withinUverse Thanks

My profile pic is a demon as imagined by Mikhail Vrubel  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mikhail_Vrubel
I once felt like that Demon while on psychedelics.

Do you want to practice expressing yourself with a woman... because I'd love to hear what you meant.  I've had my fair share of psychedelics.  It's interesting to hear other's experiences.  You mentioned you felt like that Demon in the painting once.  What did you mean by that?  If you don't mind. 

I took a better look at Vrubel's The Demon Seated.  It's quite beautiful, in my opinion.  Again, I like to let things flow out to express myself... so I'm going to talk from my perspective viewing this art.  I saw myself drawn to the peace and beauty of nature's morning dawn. I notice this man almost hesitantly wanting to enjoy the same allure I notice.  But there's hesitation by the way he can't really look directly at the beauty.  For now, he's comfortable with the beauty in his periphery.  His physical mannerism is telling me that he's been comfortable being closed off, but there's a desire to open up more but has uncertainties with himself.  Behind him I noticed the landscape seems to be affected by the shadow he's created onto it.  It seems more muted, distorted, and fragmented.  Beautiful but maybe misunderstood if in a different context.  The phenomena behind him seems to be hovering or maybe smothering at times.   He's contemplating his decisions towards his future.  It seems he's not focusing on the past where the exaggeration exists.  Maybe that's why his past is fragmenting... he's been deconstructing his shadows.  It's something he's been living yet has noticed there is not just one way to perceive life.  There could be a new path, but maybe he thinks that it's not going to be as beautiful as it may seem.  He's on the cusp of allowing hope to inspire him to change.  It's beautiful!  

[Vrubel]

2 hours ago, withinUverse said:

You mentioned you felt like that Demon in the painting once.  What did you mean by that? 

I am this selfish "corrupted" being trying to uncover God. But also notice how beautiful I am despite being a demon. 

[withinUverse]

@Vrubel

22 hours ago, Vrubel said:

I am this selfish "corrupted" being trying to uncover God. But also notice how beautiful I am despite being a demon. 

I wonder if there's a difference of meaning if I just subtly shift your words.  As if I was communicating my perspective but using your thoughts as a reference. 

 I am God which allows me to notice the beauty of being a demon.  

interesting...