How trauma forms from abuse.

[NoSelfSelf]

This is all an add on to the first 8 years of your life, where you formed wounds that later abuse just makes it bigger until it splits open...This coupled with emotional part(shadow work) can make it work...This is all my theory not scientific or anything (only the 8 years of childhood that formed the foundation for trauma by how emotions were treated by parents/society)...

 

 

1.Losing trust in yourself-slowly you not realize that the constant abuse ,lets say from gaslighting,from shaming,verbal abuse, you start to start seeing your own thinking/feeling/action as worthless, thinking all i need to do to avoid the abuse is supress my thinking/feeling then everything is fine.

2. Its like everything you do is ends up wrong and againts you...

Since probably your deep thinker/unique indovidual and way you see the world is completely different from others,everything if you truly express yourself comes of as wrong could also be part of losing trust in yourself.

 

 

3.Losing ability to defend yourself.

The more abuse is frequent, the more you defend, then you see it makes it worse ,lets say if you grew up with a narcissit he will make you pay for going againts his thoughts with silent treatment,everything being said is false and turned againts you, so you learn to not defend your position in the future it goes hand in hand with point 1.

 

 

3.Forming codependency(feeling and thinking something is wrong with me)

At this point you start to feel like somethings wrong with you (almost all the time )and you need to fix yourself but this also makes things worse by seeing yourself more and more as someone thats broken and needs fixing(but its necessery first step).

Depending on your self image and how you see yourself on the past experience(of the abuse) mind turns to defining you based on that, how world(could be a group of friends as your world)treated you thats how you see yourself and now you feel stuck in that world, where you dont have self belief to think different than how world saw you.

Fixating on valuing other people thinking and opinions over your own,now outside world is in the drivers seat on how you will think and feel.(expecially in social or pressure situation its amplified/fear of conflict).

 

 

4.The more you lost the trust in yourself the more lower the self belief and confidence is the more it generates negative downrowd spiral

From point 3 everything goes down 

Because of point 5.

 

5.Constant inner conflict emerges where you are batteling againts yourself all the time ,rejecting yourself because of abuse where you saw you your thinking and feeling is worthless,because its shut down every time making you create an inner contract(outside world didnt harm you you saying ill never voice my opinion and interpeting the abuse made it all possible)saying my thinking doesnt matter i cant voice it so every time you want to speak up in front of people social anxiety comes to stop you because you have that contract....

 

6.Losing your individuality because of codependency

Constantly being lost,confused cant find the way out of the problem because you lost the ability of original thinking and knowing whats best for you(plus inner conflict) so every part of life suffers leaving you with more suffering and depression fueling the old wound...

Cant find place in the world.

 

 

 

Well this all sounds "bad"... this is my theory and experinece and how i saw it.When i saw the pattern it i started to regain my personal power with trusting my own thinking and feelings to be completely valid and has huge value for me,thats in my opinion is the start of recovering yourself and everything else that piled on that core problem that started the domino effect(losing your trust/your defence/your thinking/living in a world defined by abuse experience.. hope it helps...

[theleelajoker]

 

Quote

When i saw the pattern it i started to regain my personal power with trusting my own thinking and feelings to be completely valid and has huge value for me,thats in my opinion is the start of recovering yourself and everything else that piled on that core problem that started the domino effect(losing your trust/your defence/your thinking/living in a world defined by abuse experience.. hope it helps...

It does help and I can relate. There is one thing a friend once said that I found true in many situations: "Wounds inflicted by others can only be (completely) healed by others, too".

What I mean by this is that certain traumas may only be solved by interacting with people and (kind of) expressing them again. However, this time the "traumatic" experience is replaced by "healing" one.

To give a personal example: My father is a narcissist and I obviously was never good enough. I developed the feeling of not being good enough and avoided and/or suppressed certain behaviors and personality parts of me. I worked on this but and all the meditation, self-work etc. on my own did not heal this (seeing this with many people). However, it gave me the strength to first gradually accept it and finally to show it towards someone else. And only when I found the part of me that I disliked was accepted when I expressed it and that I was loved equally nonetheless, then I truly felt the healing.

I know this goes against the "it's all in our own power, nobody can give you love and acceptance but yourself" idea and I do agree with this, too. I do not find that contradictory but rather see it complementary. And in a way at least for me it shows that relationships are crucial and one of the most important things life has two offer to us are each other.

[Ulax]

@NoSelfSelf Just seen this mate. Nice post.

I relate to the first one a lot. I'm working on it but find it difficult.

Edited March 29, 2023 by Ulax

[NoSelfSelf]

@theleelajoker Yeah when you give yourself a permission to be fully you then showing it to others,expecially the ones like narcissistic father(who abused you)can be healing because you look it all from different pov,and allowing to be you, seeing how they forced you to abondon yourself but now you dont listen and abandon yourself after the same abusive pattern...

@Ulax I got even more deeper into this one,not trusting yourself and constant doubt in yourself is the cause of so called toxic passivity, where you always look for something else to give you things so you can heal yourself,constantly hearing other peoples thinking inside of yourself not knowing what you want and not taking so called personalized action where you do action only for yourself  (could put it in point 2).This is so deep that i didnt digest it all.

But probably you can relate that you dont easily make a decision and always looking for the new answers and consuming stuff and not taking action for yourself and trusting your judgment/intuition because it was beaten out of you from abuse that everything that you always wanted as a child was bad and every time you start to do something for yourself it becomes an emotional mess.

@001 Thanks ?

[Ulax]

35 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Ulax I got even more deeper into this one,not trusting yourself and constant doubt in yourself is the cause of so called toxic passivity, where you always look for something else to give you things so you can heal yourself,constantly hearing other peoples thinking inside of yourself not knowing what you want and not taking so called personalized action where you do action only for yourself  (could put it in point 2).This is so deep that i didnt digest it all.

But probably you can relate that you dont easily make a decision and always looking for the new answers and consuming stuff and not taking action for yourself and trusting your judgment/intuition because it was beaten out of you from abuse that everything that you always wanted as a child was bad and every time you start to do something for yourself it becomes an emotional mess.

@NoSelfSelf Yeeee dude i think you're on the money here.

I meet the diagnosis for cptsd. If you haven't heard of it, my understanding is its essential a psychic structure that results from an accumulation traumatic experiences, i.e. compared against say ptsd which might just be one incident.

Anyhow, reason i bring it up is I watched a vid online by a guy wo recovered from it who made a video about how the psyche of a cptsd person is actually quite similar to folks who've experienced war torture or been in a cult. Its like the voices of the perpetrators are like parasites inside the mind of the victim. And that seems to be the same thing you're talking about here.

Is this something you've had personal experience with? If so, to what extent have you overcome it. No pressure if you'd rather not talk about it here, or at all.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Ulax Yeah im thinking about exactly that,well im self diagnosed codependent could say mixed with trauma,which were really bad before whit constant anxiety,somebody could tell something about me(true or false)triggered the big respons(how others feel i would feel).You know some stuff about yourself but you dont even see that you abandon yourself,no interest in your own self,that causes you not having formed identity so you are lost in the world.Learning Game helped me with destroying codependency,not fully but big chunk of it,thats why i speak with so much passion/agression in dating section i dont know if thats that.

Still have problem with figuring out myself,enlightement work helped me become normal and now i see better the abuses and ways things influenced me to form that so called passive toxicity or whatever(all this im thinking detached because i dont really trust noone anymore but myself to form information for me)...

I would say i was at negative -100 got to a solid 0(normality) and now going up every day in this direction of self trust and taking back my personal power lets say.

I guess that would be a preview...

[Ulax]

@NoSelfSelf Respect for making the progress you've done.

And I can understand why game is so meaningful to ya. I see it as like a way outta hell for a lot of folks.

I look forward to watching your further growth.

[Vibes]

@NoSelfSelf You nailed it 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Ulax Thanks ?

@Vibes ?

[flowboy]

@NoSelfSelf Nice post.

I've come to understand trauma as a backlog of unfelt feelings.

When it's too unsafe, too deadly threatening or there's no support in comprehending and feeling the full extent of what's happening, the "feeling" step of interpretation gets skipped and the memory gets filed in a separate "to be processed later" cabinet.

These cabinets later start to act as "aspects"/"modes"/"subpersonalities"/"parts" and start to cause all sorts of CPTSD symptoms.

Good luck on your healing journey!

[NoSelfSelf]

@flowboy Yeah just learned about that in more detail,there are like whole galaxy of emotions,beliefs,memories,assumtions etc. mixed together that wants to integrate in every moment crazy stuff..