My Girlfriend Doesn't Care About her Health

[StarStruck]

55 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

Would you dare to explicitely share some of these meals which you define as healthy and from what it's made?

PS. If your parents make your meals, you are relatively young. Of course you have no problems.

PPS.

If your parents are that healthy your are priviledged:))

I make my own meals. 
My roots are in the Mediterranean so lots of fresh meat and veggies, healthy carbs. This morning I ate eggs with rucola, olives, tomatoes, cucumber, and so in. In the Mediterranean healthy food is more common. 

[supremeyingyang]

28 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I make my own meals. 
My roots are in the Mediterranean so lots of fresh meat and veggies, healthy carbs. This morning I ate eggs with rucola, olives, tomatoes, cucumber, and so in. In the Mediterranean healthy food is more common. 

Jep, that's good;)

[something_else]

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Stress and misery? Stress and misery was when I had a binge eating disorder, was completely ungrounded and couldn't get a straight answer out of any doctor. 

 

This is maybe why you are so focused on diet. It could be coming from a place of trauma. She likely doesn't have that, which is why she doesn't see it as being as important as you do. It doesn't make either of you right or wrong. You just have different priorities because of differing life experience.

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It's not necessary to my question about what precisely my partner eats, health is a lifelong study, I'm more concerned that she isn't interested in it as a study. 

 

It's the most relevant point to this whole discussion. It's just a bit odd to me that you don't say what her diet is yet talk about it like she's eating takeaway 7 days a week. To me that makes me think she probably has a reasonably balanced/healthy diet, just not up to your very high standards. Maybe that's wrong, it's just the impression I get.

Not everyone wants to make a serious study out of diet. Most people want a balance of health, cost, ease and taste. If you aren't an athlete or someone who needs peak performance out of their body, you can find a pretty decent balance of those things that works for you without stressing and turning diet into a serious study.

It's far more about setting up good habits than turning it into a lifelong study. You turn health into a study if you need to because you have specific/unique requirements for diet i.e. athlete, weight loss, health condition, eating disorder etc.

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How can you be on a Self Actualization forum promoting junk food? It is such a hard addiction to break, it's not going to kill her but it will keep her from her full potential. 

 

I'm not promoting junk food, I'm saying that many people (especially younger people like up to late twenties) have bigger fish to fry than worrying about eating a pizza once a week.

[Emerald]

10 hours ago, Mada_ said:

From my perspective none of this permanently justifies eating inflammatory food. Inflammation is an immune reaction, meaning you're either making yourself sick with what you're eating or allowing your body to heal. 

If someone is recovering from literal starvation restricting calories wouldn't be wise advice. As for people healing from trauma, how will they fully integrate their trauma if their food choices killing their gut flora and therefore making them depressed, or exposing them to heavy metals so they have adhd, its hard to do inner work with adhd. 

I have never tracked calories or successfully limited my quantities of food. I eat as much as I feel like, am in love with preparing whole foods and enjoy everything I eat. I used to skip classes at school to stuff myself until I ached. 

@Leo Gura

Certainly people would be wise to eat healthier food.

But my point was that there can be certain circumstances that aren’t related to lack of education that hold a person back from eating better.

It is common for people to know all about the nutrition and yet still be held back from positive changes due to psychological self-sabotage mechanisms.

[Michael569]

What does she actually eat.

Give an example of typical breakfast, lunch, dinner.

[supremeyingyang]

@Mada_

C'mon. Tell us, what makes you panic about your gals diet?

[Mada_]

On 22/03/2023 at 7:30 PM, Michael569 said:

What does she actually eat.

Give an example of typical breakfast, lunch, dinner.

Like sugary cereals, pasta, bread, enjoys baking cinnamon scrolls. The standard stuff most Aussies grew up with. 

There's enough silly debate on this forum about what one should and shouldn't eat, I'm more concerned she doesn't hold it as a value or pursue it as a topic. I'm not that interested in policing her food choices, she would need to experiment to see what works for her. I tweak my diet like every few months at least. 

Edit: sorry silly isn't the right word, it obviously has utility, but it could go on for ages. 

Edited March 23, 2023 by Mada_

[Michael569]

21 minutes ago, Mada_ said:

I'm more concerned she doesn't hold it as a value or pursue it as a topic

That's a fair concern. Not everybody values health on a deeper level, at least not to the degree you would see around here. People know a bit about sugar and heard about saturated fats and processed food and know eating fruit is good but that, in general, is it. Most don't take any extra effort to understand any of the nuances. They simply don't care . 

You can help her appreciate her health more but there is a limit to what you can achieve without it coming across as criticism - that depends on her level of development, some people are fairly resistant to feedback and get easily offended. 

One of the ways are cooking together, shopping together and showing her how tasty healthy food can be. The other way people learn is when they become sick. She's unlikely going to change if you push broccoli sprouts and green juices on her so small steps over a long time is more likely. 

[soos_mite_ah]

4 hours ago, Mada_ said:

Like sugary cereals, pasta, bread, enjoys baking cinnamon scrolls. The standard stuff most Aussies grew up with.

If she’s doing these in moderation that’s fine. You can enjoy these foods and still have and overall balanced diet.
 

As far as pasta and bread is concerned, that’s honestly great. just pair it with some fruits/ vegetables, healthy fat, and some protein and you have a balanced meal. Carbs are demonized too much these days and they are important for a healthy, well rounded diet, especially if you are a woman. 

[supremeyingyang]

41 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Carbs are demonized too much these days and they are important for a healthy, well rounded diet, especially if you are a woman. 

Honest Question. Are Carbs more important for women or receive women more of the demonization?

By the way I agree with the rest fully, I just don't understand this.

[Mada_]

On 20/03/2023 at 8:47 PM, Leo Gura said:

She's just uneducated about nutriton. What would fix her situtation is to just read a few books about what junk food does to the body.

People with good health take it totally for granted.

You can sit her down and tell her that you highly value healthy eating and that regardless of what she eats, you will only buy and eat healthy food.

Thanks this is good advice, learning about biological processes like inflammation was an absolute turning point for the effort I put into my health. 

People take ability in general for granted - that was the key insight I got from working as a disability carer. During the day I'd help someone with Cerebral Palsy wipe their ass, then in the evening have a shower and think "omg this is so easy for me, it's so crazy how independent I am, this won't be here forever"

[Mada_]

14 hours ago, supremeyingyang said:

Honest Question. Are Carbs more important for women or receive women more of the demonization?

By the way I agree with the rest fully, I just don't understand this.

There's a reason women crave carbohydrates the week before their period. The carbs help cultivate some chemical/hormone which results feeling more calm whilst menstruating, I forgot what its called I think it starts with a P. 

Ketogenic diets can make menstruation really uncomfortable.

[soos_mite_ah]

20 hours ago, supremeyingyang said:

Honest Question. Are Carbs more important for women or receive women more of the demonization?

By the way I agree with the rest fully, I just don't understand this.

I've seen a lot of women not react too well to the keto/low carb diet compared to men. Might be a hormonal thing tbh. Unfortunately, because of biases in the medical field, women aren't the ones who are typically tested on and as a result how things affect women can differ from how things affect men and there isn't as much of an explanation available because of a lack of funding that goes to that type of research. The COVID vaccine physically affecting women more than men in terms of symptoms after the dose is the perfect example of this. I'm sure this can also be applied to diet related matters too. 

I also know that regardless of gender, your body, especially your brain, needs carbs to function. I know that if I'm not eating enough of carbs l I can deal with anything from migranes, low energy, mood swings, and a generally depressed outlook. I like to joke that keto or any other restrictive diet can fry some people's brains physiologically or as far as mental health towards one's attitude towards food and their body goes lol. 

As far as women receiving more demonization, I don't think it's a controversial opinion that a woman's body and what she chooses to do with it is subject to much more scrutiny than men, apart from reproductive rights. Most diets are often marketed towards women and what our bodies look like can feel like its under a microscope to where a plethora of neurosis can stem from, ranging from demonizing women for eating a normal portion of food to expecting her to always restrict. I know for me personally, as someone who has been healing her relationship with food,  sometimes I do feel like I'm eating an obsene amount mainly because a lot of women around me basically run on an iced coffee and an oreo all day. There is also the social pressure to restrict food whether it is because your peers are doing it, you want to look a certain way, or other gendered notions of food like how sometimes people look down on you when you eat more than your male partner for example. 

When it comes to dieting and exercising for a specific goal for fatloss or muscle gain, I do think that a simple calories in / calories out is too simplistic because it doesn't take into consideration of things like horomones, medications (like birth control), energy levels, menstrual cycle, stunted metabolism due to prolonged dieting etc. into consideration. And when those factors interfere, sometimes women get written off as they aren't trying hard enough or that they are lying to themselves about what they eat. 

[supremeyingyang]

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I've seen a lot of women not react too well to the keto/low carb diet compared to men. Might be a hormonal thing tbh. Unfortunately, because of biases in the medical field, women aren't the ones who are typically tested on and as a result how things affect women can differ from how things affect men and there isn't as much of an explanation available because of a lack of funding that goes to that type of research. The COVID vaccine physically affecting women more than men in terms of symptoms after the dose is the perfect example of this. I'm sure this can also be applied to diet related matters too. 

I also know that regardless of gender, your body, especially your brain, needs carbs to function. I know that if I'm not eating enough of carbs l I can deal with anything from migranes, low energy, mood swings, and a generally depressed outlook. I like to joke that keto or any other restrictive diet can fry some people's brains physiologically or as far as mental health towards one's attitude towards food and their body goes lol. aren't trying hard enough or that they are lying to themselves about what they eat. 

If don't do that no carb diet and know no one like it, so thank you for the insight.

2 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

As far as women receiving more demonization, I don't think it's a controversial opinion that a woman's body and what she chooses to do with it is subject to much more scrutiny than men, apart from reproductive rights. Most diets are often marketed towards women and what our bodies look like can feel like its under a microscope to where a plethora of neurosis can stem from, ranging from demonizing women for eating a normal portion of food to expecting her to always restrict. I know for me personally, as someone who has been healing her relationship with food,  sometimes I do feel like I'm eating an obsene amount mainly because a lot of women around me basically run on an iced coffee and an oreo all day.

So gals who only drink iced coffee and and eat oreo judge your eating behaviour as bad? How ironic. Are this your friends?

2 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

There is also the social pressure to restrict food whether it is because your peers are doing it, you want to look a certain way, or other gendered notions of food like how sometimes people look down on you when you eat more than your male partner for example. 

 

Well if you are an average women with average activity you tend to need less than a average man with greater height. I just try to figure it out what they think.

2 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

When it comes to dieting and exercising for a specific goal for fatloss or muscle gain, I do think that a simple calories in / calories out is too simplistic because it doesn't take into consideration of things like horomones, medications (like birth control), energy levels, menstrual cycle, stunted metabolism due to prolonged dieting etc. into consideration. And when those factors interfere, sometimes women get written off as they aren't trying hard enough or that they are lying to themselves about what they eat. 

Exactly. And it takes time. I see many women do the quick thing (eat almost nothing) then crash and eat shit and bounce between. Just eat healthy (there is a Leo vid for it) and do sport. After some years, the problem is solved.

[soos_mite_ah]

2 hours ago, supremeyingyang said:

So gals who only drink iced coffee and and eat oreo judge your eating behaviour as bad? How ironic. Are this your friends?

I never had the judgement placed on me outright but I do remember feeling self concious as my hunger cues were coming back. I went to school in a really werid place where thinnness was put on a pedestal and if you didn't at least have abs, you were basically the odd one out. And just in general, I think there is a whole thing about some girls (and guys too) saying "I just realized that I had nothing except *insert a very small snack* all day" as if it's something quirky rather than concerning. And while women do need less calories then men because of their size, by no means should women aim to eat 1200-1400 calories. That's the caloric recommendations for a toddler but a lot of women at one point or another, including myself, thought this was normal and that we should all weigh 110-120 lbs because that is what is normalized. 

[supremeyingyang]

9 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I never had the judgement placed on me outright but I do remember feeling self concious as my hunger cues were coming back. I went to school in a really werid place where thinnness was put on a pedestal and if you didn't at least have abs, you were basically the odd one out. And just in general, I think there is a whole thing about some girls (and guys too) saying "I just realized that I had nothing except *insert a very small snack* all day" as if it's something quirky rather than concerning. And while women do need less calories then men because of their size, by no means should women aim to eat 1200-1400 calories. That's the caloric recommendations for a toddler but a lot of women at one point or another, including myself, thought this was normal and that we should all weigh 110-120 lbs because that is what is normalized. 

It was the same here in Germany. Where do you grew up?

People have to be educated on healthy food and nutrition. This is nuts. edit: The culture, you are perfectly sane:)

Edited March 24, 2023 by supremeyingyang
edit

[soos_mite_ah]

@supremeyingyang I'm in Dallas, Texas. The college I went to was in an upper class area with really wealthy and priviledged students (I mention this because there is a whole thing about rich white people obessing over female thinness and hold it like its a status symbol). 

This isn't about health and nutrition. This is about glorifying thinness, not eating, and losing your hunger cues as markers of how controlled, busy or quirky you are. A lot of the food rules and "lifestyles" that people talk about are just repackaged diets and not eating enough can really fuck with you in the long run. And this can effect people in all weights. We just don't talk about the dangers of diet culture nearly as much as say the dangers of obesity. I'd argue that the former is much worse than the later and that the former can in turn fuel the later as well. 

Generally speaking, when it comes to cuisine globally, they all include some fruits/vegetables for fiber and micronutrients, some carbs, some healthy fats, and some protein. The contents change from place to place depending on availability but the building blocks and format of the meals that make people satiated is pretty consistent generally speaking. There is no need to obsess over macros, "clean foods" etc. If you have a healed relationship with food and don't have any specific body building goal and are just looking to eat healthy, I think an intuitive approach to eating is the best. There are ways to make certain meals or snacks more nutrient dense and filling/satisfying but there isn't any hard and fast rules. 

[taslimitless]

Hi

I see where your girlfriend is coming from. 
I personally struggled with an eating disorder for many years and one of the main ways that they are “cured” is by allowing the individual to relax and allow all foods, no hard restrictions. This is kind of eating disorder recovery 101 if you go to any specialist or treatment. Not saying she’s had one, but just to bring some awareness to that angle. 
 

I also empathize with you. I personally eat a very healthy diet in comparison to the “average population” and have dated guys who eat poorly. Honestly I found it to be unsustainable for me because of the lack of congruence. I think this can be said for many lifestyle choices. I also can’t date someone who drinks every night or has an aversion to hiking in nature. (These people exist lol) 

It sounds like other areas of your relationship are pretty solid. I’d say continue to do you, and don’t try to pressure her. Overtime she may warm up to eating healthier just by being exposed to your good example and wanting to feel better. Ultimately “eating healthier” is something she has to desire on her own. 
 

Eventually it may be apparent that your values don’t align and you separate, or you realize it’s not that big of a deal to you and you guys grow together in other ways. You probably don’t care this much about how what your friends eat, so try applying this to her, and don’t be swayed from your values by someone else’s actions. 
 

best of luck ?

[Mada_]

14 hours ago, taslimitless said:

Hi

I see where your girlfriend is coming from. 
I personally struggled with an eating disorder for many years and one of the main ways that they are “cured” is by allowing the individual to relax and allow all foods, no hard restrictions. This is kind of eating disorder recovery 101 if you go to any specialist or treatment. Not saying she’s had one, but just to bring some awareness to that angle. 
 

I also empathize with you. I personally eat a very healthy diet in comparison to the “average population” and have dated guys who eat poorly. Honestly I found it to be unsustainable for me because of the lack of congruence. I think this can be said for many lifestyle choices. I also can’t date someone who drinks every night or has an aversion to hiking in nature. (These people exist lol) 

It sounds like other areas of your relationship are pretty solid. I’d say continue to do you, and don’t try to pressure her. Overtime she may warm up to eating healthier just by being exposed to your good example and wanting to feel better. Ultimately “eating healthier” is something she has to desire on her own. 
 

Eventually it may be apparent that your values don’t align and you separate, or you realize it’s not that big of a deal to you and you guys grow together in other ways. You probably don’t care this much about how what your friends eat, so try applying this to her, and don’t be swayed from your values by someone else’s actions. 
 

best of luck ?

I really appreciate this response. 

I've been thinking along these lines in the car on the way home from work today - eventually it may be a value disconnect that I can't get over, I've decided I'm just happy to go along for the ride. 

Other areas of the relationship are definitely awesome, I envisioned a partner who would be willing to learn and do healing practices with me, and she's really keen to start doing this stuff with me. 

I'll stay out of her way regarding her personal choices, she has no moral obligations, the world will not stop spinning if she eats a chocolate bar.