Are women on dating apps broken? Or am I doing something wrong?

[illusory]

Are women on dating apps broken? Or am I doing something wrong?

I began utilizing dating apps for the first time over a year ago and have since had successful sexual encounters with 11 women out of 40+ dates. However, I have recently observed a trend where despite showing interest in me and engaging in sexual activities, women are ending the relationship abruptly and often quite swiftly.

Further research revealed that this is a common occurrence in modern dating, driven by the "grass is greener" mentality. I have even had open conversations with women about these issues, and whilst they agree with me, they still exhibit the "grass is greener" syndrome later.

Prior to using dating apps, I had long-term relationships with three women consecutively, spanning a period of 14 years. However, since transitioning to online dating, I have lost respect for women and may have to start seeing them as "free hookers" to protect my emotions.

Each breakup leaves me feeling hurt and depressed, but I cannot fathom why I am so sensitive to these emotions, especially since other men seem to handle breakups better than me.

I have been contemplating if my financial status is a contributing factor. I live in a well-located and comfortable house-share, my inability to rent privately, particularly in one of the world's most expensive cities, may be a turn-off for some women. Despite earning enough to cover my rent, bills, food, and a few weekly dates, it may not be enough to appeal to certain women.

To summarize my lastest four relationships:

• The first girl wanted to become my girlfriend after just two dates, but I preferred to take things slow. I later discovered that she was dating other men, which was fine, but I found out she brought one of them back to her place even though she did not admit to sex, and that I could message the guy, I decided to end things as she was lying too much.
   
• The second woman was beautiful and very successful, and we dated for four months. However, our relationship was toxic, as she was a narcissist who constantly criticized and argued with me. At one point, she forced me into an open relationship, but when I started seeing other women, she became aggressive and even physically violent. I ended things by sending her a message, and she has since blocked me since then, this dramatic reaction is nothing new, but she's kept me blocked this time as I didn't chase after her via other platforms.
   
• I met the third girl, and we spent an entire day together, which went well. We went on a second date, and I managed to seduce her into having sex with me, despite her initial reservations. She messaged me the next day, thanking me for the experience, but did not respond to my message. I followed up a week later, and she agreed to meet for another date. However, she later canceled, stating that she had a good time but did not see us lasting long together.
   
• My most recent relationship lasted for three weeks, during which we went on six dates. On our fifth date, she spent the day with me and the night at my place for my birthday, we had a great time and even had sex three times. However, three days later, she came over, and when I asked why she did not want to have sex that day, she revealed that she was unsure about her feelings towards me and that they were not as strong as those for her past dates/exes. she was being very different in just three days, I even felt like she didn't want to kiss me properly. She ended things by saying she could not date other people while still seeing me, so she wanted to stop. She also mentioned that I was very nice (I was average at best) but she has a low standard because her exes treated her bad and cheated on her, she said she was into the bad boy types before and she did mention she is "broken" when she was ending things with me.

All these women were aged between 27-32 and looking for a serious relationship.

I am aware that I may be too forthcoming with my dating life, answering questions about the number of people I have dated, had sex with, and past relationships. Although it has worked for me in the past, helping me progress to the sexual stage faster, it may also be giving off negative vibes for something more serious?

For what its worth, I did say I am up for a serious relationship.

Edited March 18, 2023 by illusory

[Leo Gura]

Sounds to me like you're not offering enough value. Like you're not a high value guy. The girl is not that impressed by you and feels she has more value than you.

It sounds like you're fairly physical attractive, but then once the girl sleeps with you she sobers up and realizes that this guy isn't offering me very much. The other possibility is that you're physically attractive but you don't have much charm, humor, or charisma. You're not stimulating her emotionally enough to fall in love with you. This basically means your game is weak.

To really hook a girl you gotta sweep her off her feet by making her feel strong emotions and a deep rapport with you.

Of course online dating is not gonna be as great as approaching.

I've basically never had a girl end a relationship with me. Because she knows she found a rare gem. So the ultimate solution is to make yourself into a rare gem.

Edited March 19, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Yali]

@Leo Gura How do you define a "rare gem"?

11 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

So the ultimate solution is to make yourself into a rare gem.

 

[Leo Gura]

@Yali A cool, developed guy with a great sense of humor, who makes her feel strong emotions, who has a cool lifestyle, and has his life put together. Has a good career, is comfortable financially, is passionate about life, is very experienced, confident, and comfortable with himself. Who is emotionally stable and treats a girl well.

That is the perfect boyfriend.

Edited March 19, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Yali]

@Leo Gura How do you define "developed"?

[Leo Gura]

15 minutes ago, Yali said:

@Leo Gura How do you define "developed"?

All the work we do here. Upper Spiral stages.

[Yali]

@Leo Gura Where would you rank looks in the whole package? Like when a girl is analyzing the value of a guy, where do looks rank?

[Leo Gura]

11 minutes ago, Yali said:

Where would you rank looks in the whole package?

I rank it as irrelevant. Looks are important to gain her approval to sleep with you, but once she has decided to sleep with you, from then on looks don't matter. Looks are not determining whether she sees you as boyfriend material because if she has already decided to sleep with you, she already finds your looks acceptable. And that's enough. Women are not looking to maximize a guy's looks. They just need him to clear a basic bar. Looks is more like a pass/fail test.

Girls are not saying to themselves: "Well, his looks were good enough for me to sleep with him, but not good enough to make him my boyfriend."

Edited March 19, 2023 by Leo Gura

[illusory]

48 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Sounds to me like you're not offering enough value. Like you're not a high value guy. The girl is not that impressed by you and feels she has more value than you.

It sounds like you're fairly physical attractive, but then once the girl sleeps with you she sobers up and realizes that this guy isn't offering me very much. The other possibility is that you're physically attractive but you don't have much charm, humor, or charisma. You're not stimulating her emotionally enough to fall in love with you. This basically means your game is weak.

To really hook a girl you gotta sweep her off her feet by making her feel strong emotions and a deep rapport with you.

Of course online dating is not gonna be as great as approaching.

I've basically never had a girl end a relationship with me. Because she knows she found a rare gem. So the ultimate solution is to make yourself into a rare gem.

When it comes to high value, my financial value may not necessarily fit the bill since I currently share my living space with others. Which gives away my financial circumstances.

However, I am not interested in being with someone who values me solely for my financial status. Individuals who prioritize such traits are not my preference and would likely be more suited for casual relationships.

On a positive note, I have received compliments on the cleanliness and pleasant scent of my room.

In terms of physical appearance, I consider myself to be average, but have been complimented on my height and appearance in person. While I do not compare to these male Instagram models, I have taken time to capture decent photos and made some enhancements in Photoshop, mainly to make the photos look more professional.

I do think I am pulling girls with charisma, humour, and personality, however, I have concerns that once a woman has been intimate with me, she may feel that she has learned all there is to know about me. I am typically quite talkative, especially if the other person is more reserved.

I wouldn't describe myself as having weak game, I have taken steps to improve my dating skills, such as watching your 3-part series on dating and taking notes for each video, as well as your previous videos on how to attract women from years ago, I am also a fan of Corey Wayne's work.

When I had very long-term relationships in the past, I never even read any dating advice. So these advices may have made me more of a f**k boy material or it's just online dating in general.

I am not sure about deep rapport; hasn’t deep rapport been established already if a woman is willing to sleep with me?

It may be worth noting that I tend to date Asian women, who may have more emphasis on financial status and career.

Haha, I must admit that most of my relationships have ended with the other person breaking things off with me, unlike you Leo.

Even when I am not particularly invested in the person, I do not initiate breakups and instead express that I am not seeking a serious relationship at the moment. This usually leads to a friend’s-with-benefits arrangement until they eventually leave.

[Yali]

26 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Looks are important to gain her approval to sleep with you

Do cute/hot girls have higher standards than average/below-average looking girls for what type of guy she'd be willing to sleep with in terms of his looks?

I notice that couples tend to be at similar levels of attractiveness, so I'd assume so.

Edited March 19, 2023 by Yali

[illusory]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

I've basically never had a girl end a relationship with me. Because she knows she found a rare gem. So the ultimate solution is to make yourself into a rare gem.

This is not true dude, didnt the first girl who hit on you at the gym dump your ass because you had weak game , i still remember some bits of your past videos vividly in my memory

Edited March 19, 2023 by illusory

[Leo Gura]

9 minutes ago, illusory said:

This is not true dude, didnt the first girl who hit on you at the gym dump your ass because you had weak game , i still remember some bits of your past videos vividly in my memory

I never slept with her so there was no relationship. Yes, she broke it off because I was both needy and clueless about escalating.

- - - - - -

I think you reduce being high-value mostly to money. But that's actually not it. It's more about having a cool lifestyle and stimulating her emotionally. Women are driven entirely by emotions in this domain. So if she's leaving you, that only means one thing: she didn't feel strong enough emotions towards you. Clearly it's not your looks. If you are getting so many online dates then your looks are above average. So it must be your personality or lifestyle.

It could also just be some bad luck. Sometimes you have a bad streak. To draw solid conclusions you need a large sample size.

Edited March 19, 2023 by Leo Gura

[illusory]

35 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I never slept with her so there was no relationship. Yes, she broke it off because I was both needy and clueless about escalating.

- - - - - -

I think you reduce being high-value mostly to money. But that's actually not it. It's more about having a cool lifestyle and stimulating her emotionally. Women are driven entirely by emotions in this domain. So if she's leaving you, that only means one thing: she didn't feel strong enough emotions towards you. Clearly it's not your looks. If you are getting so many online dates then your looks are above average. So it must be your personality or lifestyle.

It could also just be some bad luck. Sometimes you have a bad streak. To draw solid conclusions you need a large sample size.

Fair enough, however, in the case of my last relationship, I went above and beyond to make the girl feel special. For my birthday, I took her to a hidden rooftop terrace for dinner, which she claimed was one of the best places she'd ever been to. We then went to play mini-golf, which she insisted on paying for because it was my special day. Despite attracting attention due to her loud excitement, we had a great time. Later, I took her to a hidden bar at a Hilton hotel where we drank on the terrace before spending the night together.

However, just three days later, she came over to break up with me. Despite my efforts to make her happy by cooking for her and buying her favourite dessert, she was in tears, claiming that I was too nice and that she didn't deserve my kindness. She said she was unsure about our relationship and would prefer to see other people. She mentioned multiple times there isn’t anyone else and that’s why she wants to break up before trying something like that.

Perhaps one of the reasons for her decision was my stance on her spending alone time with male colleagues. When she mentioned going out drinking alone with a married male colleague, I found it inappropriate and suggested that if she wanted a serious relationship, she shouldn't be spending time with other men. I also mentioned that if she chose to do so, I would continue to date other women too. Although she didn't like it, she agreed that it wasn't appropriate for her to be alone with a male, especially as she wasn’t okay with the opposite.

Maybe I came off as too controlling early on, but this should go both ways.

Maybe you're right it could be a bad streak, 11 sexual encounters isn't a big sample size, 2-3 of them were my fault as i refused a serious relationship. But its crazy how my first 3 girlsfriends where all longterm as opposed to what im getting off dating apps.

So Leo, you don't think the "grass is greener" sydrome is a legitimate thing in online dating? Basically its the idea that girls have indinfinite options online, so they won't settle down or be happy with their choice. unless like the perfect guys comes along, who is basically attractive, rich, has the persoanlity, and is loyal/willing to settle?

[illusory]

Also i would say there is one other major flaw with online dating, i feel like that girls don't actually stop dating others whilst dating me, so I'm always one date away from being replaced.

[Leo Gura]

37 minutes ago, illusory said:

she was in tears, claiming that I was too nice

This is actually a huge red flag. You may be treating these girls too well, too nice-guy frame. You need more of a player frame in the early months of dating.

I am sensing that there are serious issues in how you're dating these girls. These girls should be begging to be your girlfriends, not inventing excuses to run away. You need to seriously investigate what you're doing to repel them. You are repelling them somehow, this much is clear. A girl doesn't just date, have sex, and then run away crying.

Edited March 19, 2023 by Leo Gura

[illusory]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

This is actually a huge red flag. You may be treating these girls too well, too nice-guy frame. You need more of a player frame in the early months of dating.

I am sensing that there are serious issues in how you're dating these girls. These girls should be begging to be your girlfriends, not inventing excuses to run away. You need to seriously investigate what you're doing to repel them. You are repelling them somehow, this much is clear. A girl doesn't just date, have sex, and then run away crying.

Interesting, why do you consider this to be a huge red flag?

Personally I think it’s quite common for women to cry and get emotional, especially a difficult conversation such as a breakup, I’ve made women cry many times.

I’d like to point out she wasn’t sure about the breakup, actually she didn’t want to bring it up, she only brought it when I started to question her because she didn’t want to have sex, initially she was using the excuse of “she didn’t shave down there” but I knew this was an excuse so I open her up where she admitted she was unsure about her feelings for me.

Don’t you think it’s possible that maybe these girls weren’t that into me but my game or ability got them to sleep with me, but they didn’t want something long term with me?

I’ve never had a girl beg for me, besides a few relationships where I tried to break up with them.

I’d also like to point out, whenever I have tried to play it cool, or uninterested, or went quiet for days/weeks the girls just lost interest without a care in the world.

You have to understand that its extremely hard to keep a girl consistently swept off her feet for weeks or months hoping she will be ready to be your girlfriend when she is getting 50 messages a day on dating apps, with some of those guys being really handsome and/or wealthy too.

Don’t you think most girls would still choose to entertain these guys, (like just for fun / to meet new people) even if she was moderately happy with her current guy? I mean why the hell not right? Guys would do it too.

Like I said I don’t feel like I was extremely nice to this girl, her standard was very low as she used to be into bad boys who treated her bad, but she aware of her bad decision making.

For example, the narcissist girl I dated for four months, would say I’m a terrible boyfriend who doesn’t support and care for her etc.

Sigh, sometimes this can all be so much bullshit.

Yeah I’m trying to work out why I’m repelling these women, I can’t figure it out logically which is the frustrating thing with these women as they more emotional, I don’t understand how a woman goes from having a fun day, having sex with me three times to three day later where she doesn’t want to be with me anymore, with nothing happening in-between within that time.

Leo, in your 3 part dating series you said you don’t do online dating right, because it’s all about looks? Maybe you haven’t experienced what it’s like to date girls who exclusively use dating apps to meet guys?

Do you have any advice how to deal with these breakups better? They seem to be shattering my heart, especially the ones where I like the girl and feel the lost immensely.

Edited March 19, 2023 by illusory

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, illusory said:

Maybe you haven’t experienced what it’s like to date girls who exclusively use dating apps to meet guys?

That's true, I haven't.

But it's hard for me to believe that they are somehow different from normal women.

Edited March 19, 2023 by Leo Gura

[illusory]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

That's true, I haven't.

But it's hard for me to believe that they are somehow different from normal women.

Based on my observation, the main difference between online dating and meeting people in person is that an average girl can receive around 50 likes and messages on each dating app, with a few high-value matches. However, in the real world, even an attractive girl who is not on dating apps is unlikely to receive that many approaches, and the level of engagement is not as easily accessible.

Although I know I should approach girls in person, I find online dating more convenient and popular than ever before, and it requires less effort, and seeing as I get results unlike some guys, I don't want to drop it.

Interestingly, during my holiday in Thailand last year, the tables turned, and I was receiving a lot of attention from local girls due to being a foreign tourist, which made me appear high value, and I was able to date multiple girls who did not leave me.

1 hour ago, Nabd said:

I never tried online dating, but my friend  got the same experience as you, he talks to girls online and get them to go out on a date with him, he always try to make the girl laugh and be spontaneous and it works great, but then its just hard to maintain this high energy and trying to be funny 24/7 just so you can have a gf, so what happens is that literally once he drop his energy, the girl wont be interested anymore and will move on to the next guy, after all, this girl went out with a stranger and will have almost infinite amount of other strangers that she can go out with.

That's why I dont bother with online dating, its only good for sexual encounters and thats great, but these girls online have insanely different experience than ours as guys, I remember my ex showing me her DMs on facebook and instagram and she wasn't even doing much, she rarely post a photo if ever and they are normal photos, yet she got like 100 thirsty dudes who are all trying to be her friend or inviting her out, same goes for my female friends, its mind blowing.

 

Yeah, unfortunately, even when a girl becomes your girlfriend, she could still betray you by seeking other options. In my experience, some girls have even gone on dates with other people behind my back. The narcissistic girl I dated would download the dating app every time we had an argument, which was frustrating.

It seems that the grass is always greener on the other side, especially when it comes to online dating. Girls can become addicted to the attention and options that online dating provides.

I guess to protect myself from heartbreak, I need to change my perspective and approach online dating differently. Perhaps I should treat dates as "free hookers" and keep it casual, preferably ghosting them after sex.

It's unfortunate that some girls are so entitled and spoiled, but the truth is, girls want the most attractive and high-value partners. But then often complain about being cheated on, or men not wanting commitment, but they fail to realize that they're all going for the same shiny fish in the sea, hence the obvious results.

It's interesting how life balances things out. I'm glad that older women lose appeal and attention, and they're not as desirable as they once were.

I remember how my mother used to look like a typical Russian hot babe with tall, blonde hair, green eyes, and a busty figure. When I was a child, I remember she received a lot of attention, but now that she's in her 50s and has anger issues (also a victim narcissist), she complains that no one pays attention to her anymore.

I just laughed and said yeah, you lost your youth and beauty, and your personality was always shit to begin with, you got what you deserved, that got her yelling and throwing a slipper or two at me

[Hardkill]

I've hooked up with several girls from dating apps and online dating sites. 

A lot of them just want some good dick and nothing more. 

About half of the girls I slept with from dating apps/online dating either had a boyfriend or were dating a number of guys including me.

[mr_engineer]

Yes, it is true that women on dating-apps are broken. 

A dating-app is an app on which people are judged by their looks. Now, for a man, this is very good, because he gets to see a picture and make a decision. But, this is not so good for a woman. A high-quality woman will not put herself up for objectification by all the single guys around her. She will choose different avenues to meet men. 

You are dealing with women that are at the bottom of the barrel on dating-apps. So, if you get some success there, don't pat yourself on the back too much. And if you fail there, don't beat yourself up too much. Dating-app results are not to be taken personally. Because your decision is made just by looking at a picture.