Dealing with Self-Deception

[HMD]

Any tips for dealing with the fear and anxiety that appears when I start to contemplate self-deception and also observe it in myself. I don't exactly feel the anxiety, but I start to experience its physiological manifestations (including shortage of breath). Due to all of this, I have to engage myself in other activities (Like reading or socializing) and take a break from introspection to avoid pushing myself too far. 

Also, are there any techniques that you use and practices that help you get a hold of self deception. Something that can be done every day and lead to compounding benefits after a few years?

[HMD]

On 7/12/2016 at 2:19 PM, Ayla said:

Running away

*I would first like to emphasize that this particular post is ONLY intended for those who are SERIOUSLY searching to embody who they really are. Also, this is, again, my own experience and understanding.

Running away is.. the ego. It can take up many forms, as many as people are, but for the purpose of this, I will focus mostly on the ENERGY behind it. 

Human beings are born equal and free. What I like to do to verify my steps forward, and to be sure that I don't fall into some ego trap, is put myself in a state of mind where I embody several people in the same time: I pick people from forgotten tribes from different parts of the world and I ask: would this person agree with me? would they do what I'm about to do? ( desert people, amazonian tribes, Australian aborigines, etc). Behind this, there is the understanding that THE TRUTH is everywhere present and it is not dependent of human (ego) understanding. Anything that you find yourself DOING that ALL those people would NOT do (are not doing), is a running away. 

The most obvious ways to run away from spiritual work, are the addictions: substances, relationships, sex, sports, perpetually seeking information, etc. 

Less obvious ones, are: meditation, inquiry, the need to understand things, the need to solve or to fix things, etc. 

Now your ego might feel the pinch or the sword of these words, thinking that all (most of) those things are GOOD. And yes, they CAN be, but usually aren't and this is why, VERY few people get results from them. (have you ever encounter people that have meditating for 30 years and...their energy is still solid as a rock, and you feel no openness from them?  )

The KEY to recognizing a "run-away" is AWARENESS and SELF-HONESTY!

Several ways to verify if you are running away, or on the contrary, if the tools you are using are beneficial on your own path: 

Let's take the meditation example (but you can replace it with anything that you "DO"):

- meditation as run-away: constriction, guilt and fear: (can you guess who's attributes are these?  )

• feels like a doing and an effort-ing. Every time the chosen time-slot for sitting down to DO it, feels like a huge burden to you and you are searching for any possible reason to skip it.
• something happens one day and your meditation schedule is perturbed. You feel this self-blame and frustration and become agitated 
• after meditation session you get up and feel this enormous sense of relief ("I did it! pheww")
• there are NO OUTER manifestations in your daily experience: no increased awareness, no calming of mind, no peace. Your reactivity to challenges (neurosis) remains unchanged.

- meditation as spirit call: spaciousness, compassion and peace

• schedule for meditation is flexible and you seem to somehow do it whenever you have a bit of time, even while walking or cooking.
• there is an expansion and a peaceful feeling when the time comes to sit down and meditate.
• the peace and awareness is prolonged into daily experiences and your reactivity is replaced by being RESPONSIVE 
• skipping a session is met with compassion and understanding 

*******************************************************************

I'd also like to talk about the difference between running away from thoughts (emotions) and dropping them:

When you run away from an emotion, it will feel like a constant pull to keep coming back to it (inner or outer). People and circumstances will show up and bring it back over and over again. It is also called pushing it down (or back). So, does it feel like fear? Does it feel like you'll still need to understand it, work on it "later"? That, is suppression. 

When you drop a thought, when it has been integrated, healed, let go of, it will feel like peace, like a liberation, a sense of accomplishment and of lightness. 

This helps, if anyone is experiencing something similar. 

[Breakingthewall]

we all have a lot of deceit, we cling to it so as not to fall into the void of absolute truth. we feel comfortable chained by deceit. when you try to get rid of it, you will feel anxiety, fear, horror. you have to face that and go through it, or you stay in the delusion. It's a choice that must be made

[gettoefl]

self deception is identifying with the wrong self ... you are a spectator not a participant ... all plans are ego ... let life come to you not you come at it

[HMD]

@Breakingthewall well put