I can't let go of how desperate I am

[Optimized Life]

I can't even arrange dates with girls who are interested because I'm so desperate, I can't talk to people because I'm so desperate. 

I can't think straight, make straight eye contact. 

Those who have less everything will be taken. 

I don't think I can climb out of this whole. 

Yes there's a weird looking ugly chick from bumble who would come over ... majkes no difference. I am desperate for a hot or cute woman, not just anything. 

I couldn't even meet a girl who's intersted becuase im so desperate, over thinking everything to ensure I don't mess up, and then if she doesn't respond to my text quickly enough I am depleted of dopamine. 

I am so sick of being in bed alone that it feels like a constant pain a burning mental sensation, yes I should go and look to pickup more girls but my vibe never works because I can't hide the neediness, you can't fake your vibe. 

Question 2 : Can you just invite a girl straight to your place, do you even need dates? 

Edited March 18, 2023 by Optimized Life

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oxt4dbfgVc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2owjJLUh0rs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L2MzmE8cwo

[Davidess]

I recommend reading Letting Go by David R. Hawkins ? You'll slowly lose resistance towards your feelings and you'll begin to think straight.

[ValiantSalvatore]

10 hours ago, Optimized Life said:

Question 2 : Can you just invite a girl straight to your place, do you even need dates? 

You can ask if for instance if she is interested for a drink and ask her to drink wine at your place, as well as a place very close to your home. 

Ex:
Let's drink some wine at my place, I cook some dinner for us (more casual girl). You can still opt for not drinking wine, and just tell her you'd wanted to meet her and cook dinner with a beautiful girl etc...

Let's go for drinks at place XXX,  (near your place for a potential pull etc.) You could drink a little bit of alcohol if it is that neccessary, yet I would not overdo it and constrain oneself to balance.

This usually happens when a girl is very straighforward to you, as well as feels comfortable, you can still then opt for if she says no, we could meet for a coffee as well as for ice cream, drinks nearby to your place. 

Just masturbate and get the neediness off, deep discipline in exercise can help, yet you have to have the mind and body for this to pull this off. As this can also be a tremendous benefit. Currently I get better results just jerking off. It seems to be even good for hypertrophy exercises. Letting go and just feeling the emotion obviously helps. Develop a positive "hopeful & obstalce overcoming mentality", setbacks do happen this is progress enjoy the plateau this is part of mastery. 

I have the same pictures for online-dating where I invested 100€ into and they are still to feminine, there is a lot of room for improvement work on one thing at a time, of what is currently feasable and don't rely on online only, be social and have some friends. I struggled with this too, as I lost all of my friends doing this developmental work, and I consistently gain new ones. Lower your standards also to some level, there is no need to loose self-respect I struggle with this mentally also, you can easily date a cute&average girl who's a 6/7 just to get some experience. 

There is no need to give into the desperation to sleep with someone you'd hate yourself for, you'd just damage yourself and the girl. 

Online-Dating is way way harder than offline, you have to be at a model level to get the top 5% I am good looking and get compliments, I match also very hot women at times with a shitty frame, look for what you can optimize and improve that would give your the highest leverage, and just jerk-off. Don't cling to this masculine idea of testoserone if you are not approaching girls in real life, I don't think this is helpful.

Full discloser: I am not super experienced, yet this might be good food for thought. Look for different openers also. I tested so many, if she really likes you as a human, she will be interested in the most casual message. If she is picky cause hot etc. You really have to be playful. The best matches I had beign very provocative and just focusing on this for fun, it's risky, I lost these matches also as I could not hold up. Beign playful and cheeky get's you more hot matches. You can test run openers on OkCupid, as it let's you message girls. 

Include her name always!!! 99.9% of guys don't even do that you can reverse test with a profile as a women. They are just very timmid imagine every guy writes you as a girl.

Hey how was your weekend?
Hey youu look sooo beautiful
Hey I like your eyes
Hey you are so sweet  
You like what you see down there  (chad guy almost naked in his profile)
---
If you are a bit serious about this create a womens profile and analyzie it from a womens perspective, see what others write and differentiate yourself from the crowd. Get a masculine type shooting in that is cool, and talk with guy friends who are succesful in this or just doing it. 

I am also still in the optimization process of this, it's legit only looks and status on Tinder, Bumble gives more room for authenticity and OkCupid is just a pure testing plattform with some hidden gems, yet it pisses one more off, as women there screen heavily and it feels at times political. 

Last tip: 
Do some shadow work (once a week) and develop a gratitude mindset, it helps to generate more hope in times of desperation, this also changes results in online-game for me, just by who randomly matches me etc. 

This is about beign a better version of yourself, yes results matter, BUT!! Focus on the process and work on the ends that yield the highest results. For online it's your body and looks & status great photos, no need to go black pill etc. 

Get a friend on a weekend to shot pictures and check out picture guides. Get into some decent fashion. You can do all this authentically and you will attract more authentic women. 

External stuff certainly can change the internal, yet the deepst work is internal find some way to do some kind of work that procures the internal changes you need, be it yoga, swimming, doing athletics, training for a triathlon etc. Vision and beign 100% in this mode, will give you a lot of access to this. When I was on the peak recently I almost fingered a girl in the club super hot chick, and gave a friend his first make out, he was so happy. 

Edited March 18, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[Leo Gura]

1) It's okay. Just keep faking it till you get some results. As you get results your neediness will slowly dissolve. In the meantime just try to act as chill as you can. Jerking off helps a lot here.

2) Yes, you can invite her straight to your house. The odds will be something like 50% max that she will come over. But you don't lose much by trying as long as you do it in a non-creepy way. A better way is to tell her to drive to your house and that you will drive her out for an ice cream. This is a much smarter way.

Edited March 18, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Optimized Life]

@ValiantSalvatore @Leo Gura Thank you for taking time out to respond, really appreciate this. 

[Mada_]

I smiled reading this, could be used as sales copy for a pickup course haha. 

I relate to your mindset so much, I remember being in a club on a Thursday standing in front of girls feeling almost inferior to them, but being in awe of their beauty and style. 

It's growing pains my friend. Keep at the approaches. 

[universe]

On 18.3.2023 at 10:39 AM, Davidess said:

I recommend reading Letting Go by David R. Hawkins ? You'll slowly lose resistance towards your feelings and you'll begin to think straight.

This.

Sometimes doing the approaches and everything isnt cutting it.

Thats when you have to dig deeper. You have to work through all the childhood trauma. Sedona Method is perfect for this.

Start by releasing your neediness.

[Roy]

The stakes aren't as high as you think. You need to learn to chill out and stop taking it so damn seriously, THAT is what will help you the most. Even when you start getting results you'll realize having sex and getting girlfriends is just "nice". It's not the most important thing in life. You were ok before, you are ok now, and you'll be ok later!

By not caring so hard you will counter-intuitively attract results and find things easier. It doesn't mean you have to be so care-free you are an emotionless drone, but care-free enough that you can just let things flow.

[BringBackBeige]

You can absolutely fake your vibe.

I mean, you make your vibe, even your real vibe is technically fake. So a fake vibe is just as real as a real vibe