Parents Asking for Money

[TheSamir]

Dear Community, and @Leo Gura,

I would like to hear your experiences on something similar and how you deal with it.

 

I am 28 years old today, and my father and I, we have a long distance relationship since I was 8 years old. My mother is Portugese and my father is a Balkan. We were a very poor family and when I was 8 years Old, he moved to another country to work, so that he could have more money to support me and my mother, overall have a better life. Of course my parent's got divorced 2 years after and today I have a brother and a "Stepmother" which whom I have a good relationship with.

My father always supported me financially, even though he was not present, which helped me do a Master's degree. He also trusted me, and gave me something like 4000 bucks after I finished University, when wanted to start a business that failed and the money was lost.

Overall he was a good fater who always supported me financially, even though he is a very nervous and angry person, who get's upset easily.

2 years ago, I also moved to the same contry he is in now. We live far from each other. Something like 10 years he stopped working and is being helped by social security. Sometime before I finished my university degree, he lost his job and then he start saying that he had health problems in the bones and that he coudn't work. Up until today, the country's governament has't provided him a "Invalid" pession and they try to find reasons for him to work, help him to find a job but he always denied saying he was sick. He also had a change to do an exam about his sickness, (Costed some money, I could even pay for it) and if proven true, they would give him a pension - He didn't do it.

So for almost 10 years he sits in the couch and watches TV since waking up until going to bed, receiving Social Security benefits - I believe he was't that bad 10 years ago, I kind of know how he is, but with 10 years sitting on the couch of course your health suffers.

Recently he has been reaching out to me and playing some mental games "Ah when people are good in life they become arrogant and forget the family, you know life is hard, I only ask you for your December salary every year" - So he wants my financial support. In his mind I owe him.

Well I am not Poor and I am also not rich, I'm stable and I don't have any problem in helping my parents when they really need (I also help my mother).

But I don't feel good seeing my father doing absolutelly nothing to make his life better, being lazy, and still demanding that type of support. I will help him of course, but it doesn't feel right. I help my mother but she is still working here and there to try and make some money.

As I was poor my entire life so far, I am trying to create a stable base in my life with finances, so that I can also help my parents in the future, but I am frustrated if he keeps holding me back from building this.

Sorry for the long explanation

 

Any advice? Many thanks!

 

[JosephKnecht]

Follow your intuition. 

Help him if it feels right to you.

If it feels like he is taking advantage of your kindness too much, tell him that.

He helped you so that you became independent. Now it is your turn to help him so that he can help himself.

[TheSamir]

Thanks for the comment!

I help him for sure, I just know he will not help himself ?