Unlimited Scripture - Birthed From A Vision Board Picture

[tyy]

Hey everybody!

Recently I completed my first major challenge (30 days of cold showers) and I have been doing all my journaling in the thread I used to document that process. Although the showers will continue, I feel a thread with a much larger scope should be created. My idea is to make this thread entirely around bringing my vision board to life. I have already started the process, so I will start posting immediately and continue to update as often as I feel is required. See the picture below, the main areas are:

• my passion to learn
• reading more
• cold shower therapy (duh lol)
• exercising creativity
• practicing mindfulness
• exiting my comfort zone
• meditation
• the couple dancing represents relationships & exiting my comfort zone
• exercise
• travel
• spirituality / psychedelic interests
• practicing compassion
• reducing bad habits
• yoga
• connecting with nature

I'll touch on whatever topics apply at the time, some now and some down the road. Another habit I like to incorporate at the end is my three gratitude statements every day. I'll be back soon.

[tyy]

I am back already. Yesterday I decided to write some poems simultaneously while working. It is quiet at my work currently (in construction) so I am not neglecting any tasks, just making the most of my time and keeping my brain active. It helps me to stay sane as well since I am not passionate about my job.

Like many other people, my parents had me pick a subject right out of high school and pursue it as a career. Fast forward almost 8 years at my job, I am at a point where I don't hate it but feel I could do so much more with my time. I realize that even though I had to make a quick decision regarding all of my future, I was young and still would have probably chosen wrong because I was not aware of many things. This job has also taught me many things along the way (I have gone through rougher patches here). I don't see myself doing this job for the next 30+ years.

Anyways, back to practicing creativity. I wrote this about my two cats. This is my first poem so I didn't follow much structure, just allowed myself to come up with something.
 

A morning cry of joy,

matching an eager rush to unite.

Unconditional love

gets the day started right.

 

From the darkest depths,

rises the brightest souls.

Grateful for every day,

no matter how it goes.

 

Teachers in their own way,

if we would take a deeper look.

How to be one with the moment,

it’s a blessing to unhook.

 

The simplest of events,

takes the day from great to better.

It could be the trail from a drop of water,

or a drink to get a prickly tongue wetter.

 

As evening approaches,

so does the time we will reunite.

Unconditional love beams through the window,

when we appear in each other’s sight.

[tyy]

So far it's been a great Saturday. Today I woke up and dove into my meditation book, had a tea and then cold showered. 

Regarding the bad habit reduction section of my vision board, I have lessened my pop intake but continued a marijuana habit. A way I have been keeping it under control is by no longer buying weed. As any smoker knows, that doesn't make you completely safe from it though. Last night I scraped my buster to get the refined crystal out of it, and had a hit. Even though I am smoking very small amounts, there is a clear addiction here. It gets especially hard when the weekend rolls around, as I have always called myself a "weekend smoker" when I had less of an idea of the scope of my problem. It's a work in progress and I have showed improvements in the past couple months. 

Another bad habit I began to work on was my desire for energy drinks before a workout. Last night I hit the gym without an energy drink before and proceeded to crush my leg workout. 

Gratitude: I am thankful for time with my goddaughter. I am thankful to see extended family. I am thankful for my new hair cut. 

[tyy]

The clocks have gone back and I am enjoying writing this in today's extended daylight. 

It has been another great day; earlier I got back into my meditation book, purchased a small singing bowl, lifted weights and did cardio. I have also spent some time with my cats, playing and relaxing. 

While I was resting after the gym I put Netflix on and watched "Be Here Now". It followed Andy Whitfield during his fight with cancer. The way he coped/acted during that time was extremely admirable. It was hard not to practice feeling compassion towards him and his family. It ended as a beautiful story too.

Gratitude: I am thankful for my good health. I am thankful for sunlight. I am thankful for alone time with my cats.

[tyy]

Today has been a day for creativity and escaping the comfort zone. 

Earlier I wrote my third poem about my new singing bowl. I followed the ottava rima structure type to put it together and I am pleased with how it turned out. 

After work I had a chance to read some more of my book, while waiting for hockey at 8:30. That would be the time I exited my comfort zone, playing along side a group of guys I didn't know while not being experienced in the sport. I did feel a little anxious about going to play, but I was never going to cancel because I knew once I got there I would enjoy it. It was great cardio at the same time, so win win. 

Gratitude: I am thankful for the good quality ice tonight. I am thankful I travelled around safe today in the snow. I am thankful for another day. 

[tyy]

The main areas handled today were meditation and exercise. I woke up early with my girlfriend and got in some shovelling after she had left for work; followed by a meditation using my singing bowl. I felt it went pretty well, with some chatter of course. 

I also got to see my nephew and lift some weights earlier. I like seeing Beau whenever I get the chance, and work was cancelled due to snow. I had a solid session at the gym while training back and arms. To top it all off, by the time I was home from gym another 12" or so of snow had fallen. Round 2 of shovelling. My neighbour handled the sidewalk with a snow blower so that was beautiful! 

Gratitude: I am thankful for the day off. I am thankful for whoever made my bowl. I am thankful for all of the food I had to eat today. 

[tyy]

Snow, snow and more snow. Two days off of work because of all the snow we got; safe to say my body is sore from a crap ton of shoveling. I neglected to post yesterday, I guess I was too tired during the time when I would have typically got on here. I remembered once in bed but here I am the morning after.

Yesterday in the day time I did some work from home and tapped back into the life purpose course for a few videos. As soon as I finish my meditation book I am going to grab one suggested by Leo. Side note: I see down the list in the life purpose course that there is a section about a vision board. I have not yet reached that / didn't know about it before creating this one. So I guess mine could change, or maybe I set it up incorrectly. Either way, this is what I am working with until a new one comes around!

The only other productive thing I did yesterday was go to my discussion group. Last night's topic was respect. It was a fun time; I feel I have gotten more from other topics we have done but I still felt it was positive. A small but important refresher to me was to be mindful of my usage of "always" and "never" when communicating with someone. It sets the interaction up to be negative most of the time.

Gratitude: I am thankful I could do work from home. I am thankful we did not get as much snow as other places. I am thankful for a good sleep.

[tyy]

As far as production goes, yesterday was not the most successful of days. It was a regular work day, with no gym and most of the evening filled with lower conscious activities. That being said, I spent time with my sister which I enjoy to do. The one show we watch, Face Off, is focused on the competitors creativity as opposed to regular drama on night-time television. I have not been watching a whole lot of TV so I don't feel entirely bad about Thursday nights at her place.

Something I have tried to question myself about is my reasoning for writing poetry. I feel good when a poem comes together and sounds fluent, like it is a small accomplishment. Throughout my life I have just felt energized or driven when it comes to creating. But am I doing it for the wrong reasons? Am I doing it for the work to be praised? Is this entirely ego based? I do think it is good exercise for my imagination, and I don't broadcast everything everywhere for everyone to see.

I went through a similar thought process when competing in powerlifting. It would feel great to hit a new weight on any of the lifts, and the first thing that would happen would be a video post. Was I putting in all those hours at the gym just to get a higher number to show off? Through the years I faced adversity and reached some goals so I don't think it was just for show, but there definitely was a large motivation there to be able to claim a new number. All that being said, I no longer powerlift, and those numbers I obsessed over no longer hold weight in my head.

To end the night I read more of my meditation book and meditated before bed. I don't know if it is related or if I am over-reaching here, but I find sometimes when I meditate I get a feeling through my head similar to when you think "someone is talking about you." Is anyone familiar with that feeling? It's like a ringing without a ring or like when you can sense a presence around you.

Gratitude: I am thankful for all the sun today. I am thankful for some extra sleep. I am thankful to have a couple days off to practice good habits.

 

[tyy]

This weekend has been up and down for me for some reason. My mood has been pretty flat throughout, likely caused because of my mental chatter and a potential sickness/infection I am dealing with. Too much grogginess for my liking over these past couple days.

I have been able to get a couple workouts in, cold showers, some cardio and a yoga class this morning. I have been reading my book here and there too. While out shopping with my girlfriend I practiced staying mindful about the needlessness of many materialistic things I would once jump for.

Lately I have been beating myself up over the weed usage too. I do still have a positive outlook on my usage direction I'm taking, but it's hard, when night time comes it's like my perception shifts. Having a girlfriend who is interested in smoking some does not help the situation at all neither. Either way I am in control of what I do and what setting I put myself in.

On the topic of drugs, I would like to get off the small dosage SSRI I am currently taking. It was giving to me to handle my OCD (and all that accompanies that when it's at its worst). I feel I am at a better place nowadays, and that would possibly help one area the weed is helping with now - libido. I have lost a lot of libido while on the medication, and I want to be free of drugs. I will be making an appointment this week to talk about tapering off.

Gratitude: I am thankful for all of my clothes. I am thankful I have food whenever I want it. I am thankful I am free of injuries.

 

[tyy]

Oh Monday morning thoughts. I've been in a rut for a few days now. Just booked an appointment to talk about my SSRI for next Monday. I originally wanted to go and talk about having it tapered down, but I want to be 100% sure first. I get worried that I don't see everything going on with myself, and I don't want to make a decision like that and end up depressed from the anxiety that my OCD has caused me through many years of my life.

Something I do have clear cut control over is the weed usage. I think I need to ramp up my quitting efforts here, as doing so will pay off in positive emotions and general health.

I've also been putting in some mental work regarding creating a vision for my future, work wise. I think the mix of that, weed, SSRI's, and relationship thoughts have landed me in this rut. I am trying to stay aware of everything I have learned from Leo and in this forum, and I think I need to just relax a little and know that slow/steady persistence will get me where I want to be.

On a more positive note, I'll be getting some more cardio in tonight in addition to some weights. Also, I participated in a yoga class yesterday. That got me thinking of "Yoga Teacher" as a career, as it promotes health, personal development, seems like a booming industry, and is aligned with spirituality and meditation. Anyone have any experience in this area?

Gratitude: I am thankful I can talk to my mom when I need to. I am thankful I wrote in this journal. I am thankful for my tea.

[tyy]

It's been a pretty solid Tuesday. Tonight my girlfriend and I attended a walking meditation workshop. I feel that it went pretty well overall, even though there was some chatter going on in me. Tomorrow we have a yoga session planned! 

Last night I had a good leg workout and did cardio after too. I've been really enjoying the once-hated cardio workouts.

I have plans with friends to get together and play different games on Friday, at a location where I would normally smoke weed. This Friday I plan not to smoke though, and have said I will be playing sober. 

Gratitude: I am thankful for many things being located in close proximity to me. I am thankful for a quick day at work. I am thankful Eckhart Tolle released books. 

[tyy]

TGIT - thank god it's Thursday. Nothing crazy going on but it should be a good day. I have a workout planned for later and I will be meeting with my sister to chill out like we do each week.

I had to cancel the yoga plans last night because my legs were too tight from Monday's workout. It was the second day of DOMS, and they were at the point of cramping if I moved erratically. Instead I got a back workout done, followed by a cold shower. I have been feeling the momentum flow when it comes to exercising and seeing some changes physically.

I was in another situation involving weed last night. I only had one hit, so I am not beating myself up today. Back a couple years ago I would always smoke when I hung out with my sister, like I am tonight. That's a problem with weed - it latches on to everyday activities if you introduce it, and then causes anxiety when you try and remove it from said activity. I would look at the hangouts as being different once I abolished weed from them while not feeling as excited like I once did (when sober). Long story short, I am starting to feel the good feelings that I did a long time ago regarding hangouts with my sister. The smoking at her place ended a while ago!

I want to get my meditation book done and start on the Eckhart Tolle book I got. I tried to pick up "Mastery" as suggested by Leo but it wasn't at the store. My girlfriend has begun to take a liking into some of these topics and will be reading the meditation book after me. I feel good about that. I am thinking I should start up some kind of streak counter or something for meditation sessions, to hold me to becoming more consistent.

Gratitude: I am thankful for today's sunshine. I am thankful I have all my limbs. I am thankful I don't have a phone bill.

[tyy]

On the way home from work yesterday I listened to Leo's new video about concentration. I think a concentration and meditation counter is a great idea for me to get started. I will have the house to myself this weekend to have the peace and quiet to get the habit moving, and when Monday comes I will feel the extra push to keep the counter going during a regular work day.

Last night I put some more work in at the gym. I had a chest workout followed by rowing 2k. After the gym I got a protein shake and then had the cold shower.

I don't have much planned for the weekend so I would like to: watch some more LPC videos, exit the comfort zone in some way, read and maybe exercise my creativity in some way.

Gratitude: I am thankful for Jeff Nippard's informative Youtube videos. I am thankful for the friends I am seeing tonight. I am thankful I woke up today.

[tyy]

Concentration (Day 1 - 5:00), Meditation (Day 1 - 20:00)

Just an all-around great day today. I was able to stick to my word and get quite a few things done. Today I finished my meditation book, meditated, practiced concentration training, exercised and spent some time with my cats and parents.

Keeping laser beam concentration is definitely a tall task. I chose Leo's example of focusing on two fingers pressed together to practice with. Immediately following that I meditated and felt like it was more of a success than usual. The concentration work seemed to prime me for the meditation session. The background noise was a rainy day which I enjoyed. I feel good about starting this today, but it is day one and the consistency will be the challenging part.

At the gym I feel like a machine lately. I killed the weights during my shoulder workout and did 30 minutes of cardio after with ease. After training I got my cold shower in along with some chores too.

Last night was the first time in a long time that I did not smoke weed while at a certain friends apartment. Sure, the night was filled with lower conscious behavior (video games etc.) but it's a good feeling coming out of there sober. It was great bonding time with my immediate group of friends too (two don't smoke weed, and two of us do but stayed sober). It has me feeling optimistic about my good buddy's and my future.

Gratitude: I am thankful my cats are healthy. I am thankful for the front window in my house. I am thankful I have a gym habit.

[tyy]

Concentration (Day 2 - 5:00), Meditation (Day 2 - 16:00)

So far the day has consisted of some training, reading, alone time and family time. It's been a pretty relaxed Sunday.

I kept my string of good workouts going, training legs today, and experimented with a new machine. I went hard but eased up on hamstring specific exercises in case I decide to play hockey with that new group of guys tomorrow night. After the workout I got my cold shower done again too.

I have been reading "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle on and off today. Enjoying it thoroughly! I feel like I could really use a nap and I think that affected my concentration and meditation. I was going into the trance where tracking time is lost, but it was in more of a dozy manner probably. Last night I decided to meditate to a YouTube video before bed and felt like it was a session like no other. I was hoping that would enhance today's session, but it did not.

So I neglected to exit my comfort zone in any way this weekend, but if I play hockey tomorrow night I think that will qualify. The only guy I know will not be there, so I will be playing this new sport with the unfamiliar group.

Gratitude: I am thankful Beau is getting to know me. I am thankful for clear breathing. I am thankful for all the peace and quiet today.

[tyy]

Concentration (Day 3 - N/A), Meditation (Day 3 - N/A)

My concentration and meditation sessions will be done shortly before I go to bed. Today throughout the day I tried to practice quieting my mind during different situations. Tried catching myself focusing on the past and future, which seems to happen constantly. 

I got a chance to play hockey earlier and had a good time. It was with a group of guys I don't know well but they have treated me great when I've gone. This event acted as my cardio and my way of exiting my comfort zone. 

Earlier I also had a chat with my doctor about the process of getting off of my SSRI. When I got on it I was in a much worse situation while also being uneducated about pretty much all of the topics Leo discusses. I had just found out about him, and I was in a long term toxic relationship. Regardless, it was my OCD that was causing a lot of the anxiety too resulting in some states of depression. I am just concerned about the OCD part. I feel healthier nowadays and aware of a lot of other things that would have been contributing to that poor state. When the nicer weather hits in May I will lower the dosage and work towards being drug free. 

Gratitude: I am thankful for the new skates I borrowed. I am thankful for extended sleep tonight. I am thankful I am not hurt too bad after falling hard earlier. 

[tyy]

Just checking in with a few insights that I feel I want to write so they don't disappear. I am wondering about things that I do right now that seem healthy on the surface, but I am curious how tarnished they actually are.

The first is my gym habit. On the outside it is definitely a positive habit, but I don't know what the main driver of this habit is. Reflecting back probably about 9 years, I was very small and had low self-esteem. I got a gym membership at my current gym and have barely taken time off since. A week here and there, or time off for sickness. This is obviously one of my comfort zones, and possibly an addiction? Leo quoted, if you can't go a week without thinking about it, you're probably addicted. I can't go two days. I don't think it is something I should give up.. been getting my cardio in, some weights and there are people there that I like to talk to. I think the problem might still be with my self-esteem. Why am I so scared of not looking like I go to the gym? I know a driving factor was probably situations in high school, with both girls and guys. Obviously a lot of ego is in play here too. If anyone reads this and has any input I am definitely welcoming to a different perspective.

The second is how I act at work. Right now it is very quiet (in construction) but they keep me busy during these times. I do a mix of office and in the field work. My boss has given me a few raises throughout the years, and I take pride in my work. Currently though, I come into work and just look busy and get paid. The emotion guilt arises in me when I think of this, as I am getting a pay check which is not really deserved. Living honestly is crucial and I don't feel this aligns with that. Also, I am aware of the thought fueling emotions process going on but I am not always conscious of that. I just guess I don't have all this pinned down yet of what is truly going on.

[tyy]

Concentration (Day 4 - 5:00), Meditation (Day 4 - N/A) .. these were for yesterday.

Well, apparently a counter isn't the strongest method to get day in and day out consistency from me. Yesterday was filled with a lot of activities, many centering around my girlfriend's birthday, but those aren't excuses because I could have found 20 minutes for meditation. I did sit down and do my concentration session before leaving for work in the morning.

From now on I'll probably just scrap the counter on my sessions and report the times completed for my own reference. I question myself, "is the counter only there to run up and try to get praise / respect from people who look at your journal?"

I am looking forward to getting back into my new book. I view this reading as a way of looking after the spiritual component of my vision board for the time being. It has also sparked a couple instances where I came to realization of how I was thinking about past / future situations and causing myself unnecessary emotional grief.

Gratitude: I am thankful for my location. I am thankful I have no health issues. I am thankful for this journal outlet.

[tyy]

Concentration - 0:00, Meditation - 15:00

Today was non-stop. I wanted to be sure to make time to meditate, but I only managed to do a small session. It's seeming more and more like this habit is one to do in the morning. My mind has been going every which way when I have done it in late afternoon or before bed. 

Earlier at the gym things kept rolling and I had a fantastic chest workout. My training partner and I work out well together and push one another.

On the topic of friends pushing one another, my buddy who smokes weed has gone 10 days without. He was an every day smoker, so this has me feeling inspired. I feel good knowing this will contribute positively toward me shedding this habit. This may be the first weed-free weekend I have had in a little while! Oh and also on the habit topic, I have pretty much cut out pop. It wasn't really all that difficult surprisingly. 

Gratitude: I am thankful I saw two blue jays today. I am thankful for my lunches. I am thankful for a bed to sleep in. 

[tyy]

Concentration - 5:00, Meditation - 15:00 .. these were for yesterday.

For my concentration exercise I followed counting to 100 and reversing back down once I got there. Thank you for all of those strategies you posted. I felt it was a successful. Sadly, I had another so-so meditation session. I didn't make time first thing in the morning, so it was right before bed and my drowsiness was too high.

Some things I have been feeling good about is the direction that me and my girlfriend have been heading. We have been exercising together, making wiser food choices and reading about similar topics. She has also started to adopt the same mentality regarding weed, which will really make things easier for me to quit. Yesterday I came home to her working at a newly constructed creative / art station, which excites me because I may join her instead of doing my art on a computer. We will be spending this weekend together, doing some lower conscious activities but I think we will mix in enough healthier hobbies too. There will be shopping involved, which will include good situations to practice mindfulness and restraint when it comes to needless material purchases I used to seek.

Speaking of seeking, I read about the zen ox herding pictures yesterday. Part of the explanation I have been replaying in my head and trying to understand is when he stopped running, that's when the tracks become clear. If we don't stop we can't proceed. I feel I read things people say on this forum that relate to that. I have an idea of what is being said but I don't completely understand. Something in me is so fascinated by these pictures.

Gratitude: I am thankful I have a document explaining the ox herding. I am thankful I arrived safely at work. I am thankful for orange juice.