Unlimited Scripture - Birthed From A Vision Board Picture

[tyy]

Since my last post I was able to finish off my first Tolle book. I immediately went out after and got his next one along with another he wrote titled "Practicing the Power of Now," which is directly related to the book I just finished. I am thrilled that there is basically a practical manual to accompany all of that content from the first.

Back on Wednesday the workshop theme was assertiveness. We practiced making "I" statements while communicating during more difficult situations, to steer us away from being too passive or too aggressive.

Yesterday was another solid work day. I soaked in plenty of sun while laying out a street of curb. On breaks (which used to be time for Instagram) I checked in on here to read different threads. I guess it is an upgrade of habit but still just something to distract myself. There was a lot to be done at work and I felt at peace mentally while doing it, tapping into a flow state where I wasn't checking the time whatsoever. After work I carried that momentum to the gym and completed a leg workout with 2.5km of rowing after.

Just writing this journal has stirred up my thoughts. I feel there are a few other things I could touch on but then I over-analyze if I should give them any attention or not. I honestly do not know how my meditation is going. I have been doing it, but half the time my mind doesn't slow down. I try and watch the thoughts, they always seem like partial sentences / just topics / mental images that arise. Once they pop up I try and just spectate but then I feel I get devoured by them. I don't think I retained enough of the information out of the first meditation book I read. I am hoping this new Tolle practical book will give me some help.

Gratitude: I am thankful for plans with good friends. I am thankful I woke up healthy. I am thankful for all the insights I have gained from this site.

[tyy]

I think it is impossible for me to sleep in nowadays.

I thoroughly enjoy the weekend mornings; a time to read and have silence. Today I have gone deep into Eckhart Tolle's book, "Practicing the Power of Now." Reading some of this before my meditation earlier really got me into the proper mind frame, or lack there of, I suppose. I have been incorporating the singing bowl into meditation lately as well.

Hit the gym for weights and rowing after reading. It was a steady go, upping the volume of weights on chest and still completing 2km of rowing after. The cold showers have remained intact for the most part (throw a few lukewarm ones in there too).

I am really closing in on ending this weed habit I have been repeating. There is going to be no more in the house and I will refuse to purchase it going forward. My girlfriend is on the same page and she does not want to have find any either. Increasing the amount of time we work on creativity, like painting, could possibly take the spot of the weed habit for now.

Being a home-owner definitely brings awareness upon the ways people can stay so distracted throughout everyday life. The grass is growing wildly, dead trees need to be cut up, and the hedge is turning into something else altogether. That's just outside of the house. That's what ends up being discussed while with the fam most of the time. It is also a chance to focus on sections of nature spread amongst the houses. I love having the area I do in the city. Around my house I see a rabbit, blue jays, a woodpecker, occasional cat and fearless squirrels.

Gratitude: I am thankful for Now. I am thankful for gym discussions. I am thankful for my dinner.

[tyy]

Rainy day today. My eavestrough not being properly cleaned is leading to a waterfall effect in front of a window. I guess I'll add that to the list of home related jobs as well. 

Earlier today I got a shoulder work out in; my cardio was some hockey with friends. This hockey may have been quicker paced but that warms me up for Monday night. I look at it as a great form of exercise. 

Continued to make way in the second Tolle book. The thing that has stuck with me is to not give 100% to the external world; keep some with the inner body too. 

It hasn't been a very creative weekend. I enjoyed all of it though. I had some good times with my girlfriend, and time alone too. Now I am sitting typing this and seeing lightning followed of course by some pretty decent thunder. 

Gratitude: I am thankful for no new injuries. I am thankful for this couch I am on. I am thankful my two cats are friends, sisters. 

[tyy]

The week has started with back to back nights of hockey. The hockey on Sunday night, mentioned above, left my ego upset over pride and feeling like friends would judge my performance. The hockey last night seemed much healthier in every way. I think reading beforehand helped towards that. The legs seemed a little tired but overall it was a great hour of exercise.

After hockey was finished I had my cold shower and meditated. At first I was very frustrated while meditating, and actually stopped the timer and abandoned it. I read about somebody's trip report yesterday on here and I think they said something along the lines of until they had their breakthrough experience, their meditation was without proper direction or they were unsure if it was successful or not. I could have that wrong, but that was the thought in my head along with other chatter while I was sitting to meditate. Regardless, I ended up returning to meditate. Even though my mind wanders, all that matters is I realize and come back to breath while continuing to try to be the watcher of the thoughts.

On to the bad habits. Pop is still drastically reduced; I basically just get one when at a restaurant or to share with my girlfriend. Energy drinks still need some work, I have had minimal restraint towards them. There is no longer any weed in my house, so this is positive!

Driving in to work today gave me some beautiful views that I have neglected to pay attention to for the past 8ish years. There were dark blue skies, foreshadowing rain, mixed with the morning's bright sun. Actually the sky had dark blue, white clouds / streaks and light blue spread across. Seeing the sun shine down on the lake and towards the escarpment (all full of trees) looked wonderful. There is a highway smack dab in the middle but I was envisioning what it would look like without any civilization.

Gratitude: I am thankful for an ankle sleeve. I am thankful for nature's beauty. I am thankful I woke up feeling healthy.

[tyy]

One of the best parts of the morning commute is when I reach the top of the escarpment. Bright sun makes the lake look like glass far below the elevation of my vehicle at the top. Trees are stationary all down the side of the escarpment, and civilization takes up the space between the bottom and the lake. On clear days, skylines that are miles and miles away can be seen up here. Taking these views in has made me want to hike some day soon.

I had 10 minutes to myself this morning before work. I chose to spend it looking out the window with my cat. She was keeping an eye on the birds surrounding our house. This time with her brought forward thoughts about what @Prabhaker posted in a thread I read yesterday. It was from an Osho text, "In Search of the Miraculous Vol 2," and touched on the seven bodies and seven chakras within. Quoted below:
 

"First body becomes active in plants so we get the first evidence of life in plants.  Physical body exists here without any movement.  The plant puts down its roots and always stays in one place.  It is not mobile because for that the second body must be activated-the etheric body from which all movements come.  The plant is a fixed animal.  There are some plants that move a little, in a state between plant and animal.

The second body becomes activated in animals.  Motion comes from the e-motional body.  This does not mean that the second body has reached awareness; it only means it has become activated.  The animal has no knowledge of it.  Because of the second body being activated it experiences anger, it can express love, it can run, defend itself, it experiences fear, it can attack or hide and it can move."
 

Thanks @Prabhaker for posting this and the text which it came from. It is very interesting and I plan on reading the entire document.

Last night I was able to get some reading, meditation and a back workout in with a friend. I was bad habit free (since there was no weed in the house). To be honest, if there was any weed left over, I probably would have smoked it. My girlfriend and I structured a similar night to when there was weed, burning incents and listening to some music. It feels like I got over the first hurdle in quitting by not reaching out to easily accessible sources of weed while I was craving. A more difficult test will be when the weekend arrives, but that does not deserve any of my attention right now.

Gratitude: I am thankful for plenty of food in my lunch. I am thankful I did not get into any accidents while driving. I am thankful for how today has gone at work.

[tyy]

On the drive in to work today I spent some time reflecting on my dream from last night. It is very interesting how it may have tied into all of yesterday's thoughts & events. In the dream I saw two young guys getting high and almost felt pity as they were doing it as soon as they woke up (I haven't been smoking). I saw them because they were on their porch and I was working at a new job on their street (I have been contemplating my career). Then I ended up at a funeral viewing (I attended one last night for my girlfriend's coworker). At the viewing and on the way home I was crying (I did not know the coworker well, but he was young and it was tragic. I did not cry while awake). All this really makes me wonder how dreams operate.

My girlfriend & I sat down last night after the viewing to burn incents and talk. I feel good after talking because we covered some heavier topics. I have stressed a fair bit about how our agendas will align. Especially after starting the life purpose course. She would like to go back to school, so I would be working during that period. That period could be 3-4 years and she has also expressed the idea of a baby in 4-5 years in the past. Doing the math had me thinking, when do I get the time to transform my career? Well, she is not as opinionated about the baby as I thought she was, thank god. I only want a child if the timing and reasons are right. She will work on her schooling while I work and figure out my values / next career steps. This is definitely a situation where all of this serves as a distraction on the path. I know what is most important in all of this but I will try to balance everything while continuing the journey. I have to stay mindful to try and only focus on these future steps when necessary, as Tolle has advised to do. Speaking of Tolle, I am almost finished the practical version of "The Power of Now."

Last night I had to opt out of the gym to do some these homeowner tasks I have mentioned before. I will get back there later today though. Nature has 3-4 days of serious rain heading this way, and the grass was already looking jungle-ish. For the sake of my lawnmowers well-being, it was crucial that I at least knocked things down a little!

Lastly, I have continued to work on bad habits. I made an energy drink last two days instead of downing it in 10 minutes like normal. It's the process and the taste that get the best of me sometimes. I tried to really feel the restlessness of no weed on a night that I could have been smoking. That is difficult. Pop is a non-factor. Sarcasm is another thing that I have recently started to try and reduce. I wasn't really aware of how infested my communication is until I started to try to notice when I am using sarcasm.

Gratitude: I am thankful for my appointment tomorrow. I am thankful I do not need to get wet at work. I am thankful for clear breathing.

[tyy]

Last night my girlfriend & I had some more positive communication over dinner. She started to read "The Power of Now," and had some questions, which I tried to answer as best as possible. We ended up talking about spirituality compared to religion, and I brought up some of what I have read in the Osho text I mentioned earlier in the week. Osho states:

So it will be an error to look upon God as a person. God is not a person but an energy; therefore, prayer and worship hold no meaning. It is meaningless to have expectations from God. If you wish that this divine energy becomes a blessing, grace for you, then you have to do something to your own self; hence spiritual practice has meaning, prayer does not. Meditation has meaning, worship does not. Understand the difference clearly. In prayer you are doing something with God: you beg, you insist, you expect, you demand. In meditation you are working upon your own self. In worship you are doing something with God; in spiritual endeavor you are doing something on your self. The effort for spiritual growth means that you are transforming yourself in such a way that you are not in a discord with existence, with religion. When the river flows you are not swept away by the current. Instead, you are on the bank where the waters of the river strengthen your roots rather than washing them away. The moment we see God as energy the whole structure of religion changes.

I feel great that we could just discuss this topic in general. Both of us are fairly new to spirituality and her family was religious while she was growing up. We also touched on what I have learned about egoic "love" vs. unconditional or true love.

I was able to get back into the gym last night. I didn't head in in the greatest mood, but had a solid workout. Earlier today I got worked on by a physio. I am so grateful that I stopped powerlifting when I did; I was beating this body up bad. Ending the powerlifting style of training has allowed more sport and general health exercise into my life.

Gratitude: I am thankful for two days off. I am thankful for a new iced tea with all natural ingredients. I am thankful my body is back to normal.

Edited May 5, 2017 by tyy

[tyy]

This has been a weekend with plenty of time spent with friends. With that comes an increase in lower conscious style activities, but quality conversation at times. Some of my favorite conversation happened with a 5 year-old. Talking with someone that age is refreshing, not plagued with negative emotions or gossip.

The week was weed free. This weekend was not. I had one hit last night while burning some incents and listening to music. It is down from maybe 2-4 night sessions with one hit from prior weeks, but still not a complete weekend without a hit. I debated about touching on this topic because I don't really want to dwell on it, being in the past and all, but making it public could have some advantages and bring insights to light for me. Why wouldn't I report about this? Would it be to uphold a certain image on the forum by leaving out certain aspects of my personal development? In other bad habit news, I have not drank a full energy drink before my workouts over the past few days. They are still present though; they have a spot in the regular pre-gym routine.

I have noticed one of Tolle's points popping into my head several times this weekend. There is no such thing as future. On Friday I was walking through the mall before a haircut and focused on all the sights while pondering that insight. Trying to be in the Now. Maybe I was just off on some thinking tangent but I tried to choose a mood of happiness and felt free of past/future thoughts for a couple longer durations. My latest meditation was improved as well.

Gratitude: I am thankful for my cats' love. I am thankful for people setting up hockey. I am thankful I can afford a gym membership.

[tyy]

Another week has commenced. With the start of the week brings the hockey. I met with friends last night and continued to work on my technique. Yesterday I was trying to focus on skating technique, keeping the knees bent at all times. I felt more involved than last Sunday, and that was the harder group to play with. Tonight's ice time should go well as long as my legs hold up!

This past weekend I finished reading "Practicing the Power of Now." Considering that it is a shorter book, it acts as a good refresher of the content from "The Power of Now." Now I am on to "A New Earth," by Tolle again. I have been really enjoying reading but I need to make sure to retain this new information, and put it to use too.

Today is one of the days when I am thinking to myself, "am I really making any headway in personal development?" Some days I feel fully engulfed in these topics and then others I seem to need a break or don't have the capacity to provide as much attention. It has been a little while since I watched a life purpose course video, so time should be allocated for that this week. Overall I think serious progression is being made, I just got to stay aware that these off days happen and I should go with the flow of life. Consistency in training/cardio, meditation, cold showers and journaling will all not allow stagnancy on this path.

In unrelated news, I suggest watching the documentary "Losing Sight of Shore." A crew of women rowed the Pacific, from California to Australia. As I type this I just get an insight of, "maybe this is one of the reasons I am feeling halted with personal development, I am using my time to watch people do great things... on Netflix." As one of the rowers put it, "everybody needs to find their own Pacific to row." That is what I will takeaway from this documentary.

Gratitude: I am thankful for this moment. I am thankful for support at hockey. I am thankful the rain has subsided.

[tyy]

These legs were certainly tired last night. No major improvements to report about regarding hockey, it would be nice if there was just some open ice practice time rather than constant scrimmaging. It is still something enjoyable to do anyways, and great for the cardio. Tonight will be weights only!

I just remembered an insight regarding this new hockey hobby. It seems that it can come paired with some undesirable traps to navigate as well. One that stands out is the materialistic side of the sport. I have already noticed an urge to buy more equipment, like a different stick, shoulder pads or another style of sock. All of which are pretty unnecessary currently, but the desire would be due to other reasons of course. All of the equipment is vital, true it is a dangerous sport, but I think I got lost in this trap with a few of the things I purchased in the bag. Something to practice staying mindful of.

Another couple of realizations over the last while were based around the topic of self-esteem / beauty emphasis in training and everyday life. I noticed whenever I go to unfamiliar places, or almost any place, I have a need to look like I am strong. This may just mean pulling the sleeves up on a baggy sweatshirt, so the forearms are showing. Also, choosing outfits that will fit appropriately to hide insecurities and accentuate stronger parts of my body. This may stem from being bullied in school, and being naturally small in stature. The other thing I was always doing without noticing it was sticking my chin out when I look in the mirror. I have been self-conscious about my jaw in the past, and would always wonder why I feel like I look so different in pictures.. it was because my jaw and chin was relaxed (as opposed to how I was looking in the mirror). As progression is made along this journey these issues will dissolve, but writing this to stay mindful can surely be useful.

On the topic of creativity, I just started a new poem. Hopefully it will be done before Mother's Day and I will give it to my sister, who just recently became a mother. The content will consist of my nephew and I working together to formulate the poem, since he can't speak yet, and sharing why our mothers are so important to us. Once again, staying mindful that this is to be created to bring her joy and not to seek praise for my writing.

On another tangent of bad habits, life after Instagram has been pretty easy. Next will be Facebook, actually just went and deactivated that as I wrote this. I just wanted to be sure I could still use the chat option, which I can. During the time I have had Instagram deleted, I notice that I am looking for music more. Can the rush / feeling you get when you find a good new song be an addiction as well? Hmm.

Gratitude: I am thankful that a trip is affordable for me. I am thankful my nephew has warmed up to me. I am thankful for endless learning resources.

Edited May 9, 2017 by tyy

[tyy]

A day like today is when the mind has the opportunity to race. There has been minimal work to do, so not many chances to dive into a flow state. These days amplify the importance of finishing the life purpose course. There are plans in place to work on that on Friday. It can't be like this for the next 30+ years.

Continuing into "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle, a line I read last night was:

The ego isn't wrong; it's just unconscious. When you observe the ego in yourself, you are beginning to go beyond it. Don't take the ego too seriously.

It feels like "my" ego can be detected, but what actions to take now is what is confusing. Is it wrong to continue saying "I"? It seems like I have already began to distance my identity from materialistic things. I know my knowledge regarding the ego's workings and the Truth is still very shallow, but what I am reading resonates with me. After this, Tolle touched on inner body work, which was fascinating too.

Last night was a difficult night, going weed-less. For many years this habit was contained to Thursday-Saturday, so if I didn't smoke on those nights then these different feelings would arise. Since moving out, weed could be smoked sporadically on any night, which has now made not smoking on any night of the week problematic. I ended up having an Epsom salt bath instead. I don't know if I am surrendering to the negative feelings properly. One thing is for sure, this path towards quitting has shown just how pesky a drug this is that I am dealing with. Speaking of ego, I always feel worried about reporting on here about weed. A concern is that this community will look down on me, because of these struggles. I can see the unconsciousness that this topic has caused. Rewind to when I read "The Power of Now," and I can see the ego's obsession of the past + the future (past smoking habits, future reputation in the community) in this paragraph.

The poem started yesterday was basically erased and reconstructed. It is going well now though!

I was able to get to the gym last night before the Epsom salt bath, even though the mind was stirring. My girlfriend's motivation to train helped with the workout. Tonight I will be hitting the weights again, with some cardio either today or tomorrow. Productivity in the gym has been steadily solid.

Gratitude: I am thankful for the relationship shared with my mom. I am thankful for electric trimmers. I am thankful for no long term health issues.

[tyy]

Creativity seems to be flowing right now, as that poem was just completed with ease. There is a perfect picture for it to be placed on as well. Now the decision is to frame it or turn it into a card of some sort. I have used gift-giving as a creative outlet in the past.

Hard work continued in the gym last night. On the agenda was a weights session for chest. I have been rationing the energy drink intake, trying to have only a half before each workout. Yesterday was less, because the half that was saved was too warm to enjoy. It was still a successful work out. Tonight should bring a leg session with some cardio.

The current work situation is rather stale. Not only is there not a lot to do, but grown-man-drama is a cancer to the company. There is a lot of toxic storylines going on throughout. I have stayed mindful that to engage in this activity means complete unconsciousness. There is an inkling to want to know what is going on still, being completely honest. I do not pursue any information though. All of this only amplifies the importance of finishing the life purpose course, to get concrete values ironed out, to move on. Until I do have a plan, I just stay in my lane, to keep an income coming in.

Not feeling very inspired to dive into any other areas at the moment. Later tonight will provide an opening to get back into "A New Earth" and/or meditate. Like I've mentioned before, some days these topics engulf the day and others I feel a need to rest and step back.

Gratitude: I am thankful for this tea. I am thankful I am not included in work drama. I am thankful for an income tax return.

[tyy]

The poem and picture is now complete. My brother-in-law took a great picture a while back that suited the poem perfectly. My nephew looks to be in deep thought, and there is an open area beside him to fit the text. I am excited to give it to her!

Over the past couple days there has not been any time slots created to meditate. Instead I have rested or reached for a book and what not. At least the weekend will bring about some openings. Every page I flip in "A New Earth," seems to explain something going on in the day. Yesterday was about resentment. I resent other people's dishonesty, lack of integrity, what they should and shouldn't do.. this is all just pertaining to the work drama from yesterday. I felt like I wasn't involved because I wasn't speaking, but the ego was certainly still present as I examine the feelings. Making "me" right and superior. Also, associating their unconsciousness as part of their identity. It is contradicting too, I resent other peoples lack of integrity, as I type this while "working". This is a chance to listen to Leo's advice about exploiting others to grow, see their actions and reflect on areas where I may act the same.

Tonight should be the last weight training session before a day off, it has been 4 in a row. Last night was legs. The training sessions have changed so much over the past few years but it feels nice to train with so much freedom and so little importance of numbers. After training I have plans to meet with friends and have a self-development work shop.

A stagnant area on the vision board has been the action to exit my comfort zone. Sure, cold showers do that, but I haven't been 100% strict with those. Hockey is no longer outside of the zone neither. Maybe taking on some jobs I have no experience with, around the house, could be an exit? More pondering needed here.

Gratitude: I am thankful for Tim Hortons. I am thankful for a good sleep. I am thankful I can read and write.

[tyy]

Since yesterday afternoon I was able to do some meditating and get back into the life purpose course. I want to be in the top 5%! Slow and steady, one small step after another will still result in great heights.

Pretty tired right now. Today was filled with wedding festivities. It served as a good day to bond with my girlfriend though, killing time away from home in between the ceremonies. We browsed antiques; you never know what you'll see in those places. The whole day acted as good mindfulness / ego-awareness practice as a whole: the church ceremony, antiques browsing, dinner reception and speeches.

Now I sit writing this with my two cats. They have been alone a lot of the day and are happy to have me around. They are so full of love, day in and day out. There's no ego in them to create dysfunction.

Back in the gym tomorrow for a shoulder workout. I am excited because another friend will be joining hockey tomorrow night as well. More importantly, back into the now, I think it's time to rest and return to the eternal source until morning!

Gratitude: I am thankful for good weather. I am thankful for this blanket. I am thankful I rest easy.

[Gabriel Antonio]

@tyy I like that you write about the present moment. 

[tyy]

Thanks @Gabriel Antonio , I feel that more focus on the now in this journal will influence the same mindset when I am away from here.

As I sit here I feel pleased with how Mother's Day has gone. I was able to visit both my mom and sister, along with my nephew. The poem I have been reporting about was loved. My sister read it and kept it private, which is good, since it was about her and her son's bond. I was also able to discuss some of those outdoor jobs I want to take on (comfort zone exits) with my dad.

I am feeling relaxed since the gym is already completed too. Did a weights session first thing in the morning. In other exercise news, hockey was cancelled tonight which is a shame because I was looking forward to it. I will be fresher for tomorrow night though instead.

This morning held some good practice of staying mindful / conscious of egoic patterns in action. My girlfriend did not want to go into work because of situations amongst coworkers (call it drama). At the beginning of our relationship, some similar situations caused issues between us because I would get angry at the unconsciousness, not knowing that my ego was just as involved because of the reaction. Today I tried to give the proper advice, not to be right, and not hold her accountable for the ego's work.

Gratitude: I am thankful for this laptop. I am thankful the cats are happy. I am thankful I have had plenty of food to eat today.

[tyy]

As I drove back to the office a few minutes ago, the blue sky was filled with several "traditional" looking clouds. The kind that people are most likely to draw if asked to draw a cloud. I got to spend a fair amount of time outdoors while working earlier. Some time has passed since I have had to be on job sites so getting moving wasn't as motivated as say mid-summer. The sun was great on both sites. As I drove between the sites I listened to Leo's video about embracing confusion.

Instead of hockey later I think I will train weights and cardio in the gym. I will need other nights off from the gym this week, and I don't know what the energy levels will be like at 9-10 tonight.

Some tidbits of wisdom from Eckhart Tolle as of late are:

Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you.

Unconsciousness, dysfunctional egoic behavior, can never be defeated by attacking it. Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.

Whoa. I have had suspicions about the first line for a while now, questioning myself, as I share an office with somebody who I've never really got along with. Once again, as Leo says, exploit others to raise awareness of and grow yourself. Tonight may have some reading involved since I will get to sleep in tomorrow morning.

Not too inspired to write about anything else currently.

Gratitude: I am thankful for Bluetooth technology. I am thankful for warm temperatures. I am thankful for downloadable content from Leo.

[tyy]

Today has been calm. I got to sleep in and head in another direction once I left for work. Just a little sample taste of what it is like to start when you want and work for yourself. I do not though, yet. That being said, I am grateful for the amounts of freedom I do have, compared to some jobs from the past.

Since Facebook and Instagram were deleted, I find myself having quite a bit of time that is unoccupied. In addition to those two, I no longer have any basic cable or satellite, just Netflix. I can think of several positive habits to shove into these times, but aligning them with my girlfriends interests and together time doesn't work always. Also, when these open (often labelled "bored") slots occur, I find myself not wanting to do the positive habit half the time. I will continue to go with the flow and let these times unfold as they will.

Since this journal was started, the travelling aspect of it has barely been mentioned. Well, at the end of the month there is a long weekend planned in the Bahamas. I imagine this trip will go a lot like the last, Jamaica, and serve as unwind time. I have barely been thinking about this trip, but as I think of it now I look forward to being in clear water with some goggles.

I have been using a podcast app to listen to Leo for a while now and just figured out today how to make playlists. This will be handy, I think focusing on one topic a week while I drive could be better than just picking whatever video I am in the mood for at the time. Today's listening was about the do-nothing meditation technique. Any other listening this week will revolve around meditation too.

A powerful insight from reading to end this entry (from Tolle):

All you need to know and observe in yourself is this: Whenever you feel superior or inferior to anyone, that's the ego in you.

Gratitude: I am thankful for a longer commute today. I am thankful for cameras on phones. I am thankful for alone time in the office.

Edited May 16, 2017 by tyy

[tyy]

Before starting this entry I had a look at the original vision board to refresh me on topics that I may have strayed away from. I had this as the wallpaper on my phone but changed it a little while ago. Parts of the board that have stalled are yoga practice and exiting the comfort zone. Other areas may be more dominant than one another but I feel everything else has been present at least. Yoga, mixed with weight training / cardio / hockey, falls to the side because of energy levels. Exiting my comfort zone has stalled only because I haven't given that area enough attention. As mentioned, I feel a home project could serve as a comfort zone exit.

Today has been improved, but I feel that my energy levels have been lower than normal the past couple days. At the same time, my showers have not been 100% cold and I have allowed hot Epsom salt baths as well. I think tapping back into the cold cold water more regularly may be required. After last night's leg workout I made sure to not chince out on the coldness.

After the training and cold shower I sat down for a do-nothing meditation. Itches seemed to pop up all over to test my control of the physical part of the meditation. I am unsure how successful I was at giving the mind free rein to do what it wanted.

When work, training, showering and meditating was done, I was left with my thoughts about / feelings of boredom. I have gotten rid of most of the quick fix fillers: satellite, Facebook & Instagram. An insight that has been arising is how I have never really let boredom happen. As soon as that feeling arises I change the situation. Not to say I don't have times where I do nothing, like sit in silence, but at those times doing that isn't boring. The unsettledness is probably a mix of trying to kick the weed habit, my girlfriend's added restlessness at times, not being aligned to a life purpose yet, the new-ness of life without the quick fix fillers, and a developed but lacking knowledge of being present. Before the night was over I had scraped together a small hit of weed from old bags and listened to some music. This habit is definitely dying slowly, but maybe my awareness needs some deepening or consistency to abolish it entirely.

Every morning on the drive to work there is quite the gathering of animals roaming a farmer's field. It seems like an unlikely grouping. There are cows, alpacas and a small donkey. The alpacas and donkey are always together (it is a large field, plenty of room to be apart if desired), which is awesome. Today I stopped and got out to take a picture of these friends I have seen for years now. The background of the picture is the same tree line which inspired my painting a while back too.

Gratitude: I am thankful for animal friends. I am thankful air conditioning. I am thankful for a packed lunch.

[tyy]

Not feeling overly inspired to journal today. That doesn't mean I can't stop in to be grateful though.

Gratitude: I am thankful for this beautiful day. I am thankful for low stress levels. I am thankful for sunshine.