How do I stop comparing myself to others?

[Something Funny]

I really want to finally get comfortable being in my own skin.

I always compare myself to other people with regards to looks, intelligence, carrier success, success with relationships, etc. How do I stop doing that and appreciate myself for who I am?

On the intellectual level I know that I am unique and have my own strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else so it's silly toncompare myself to other people, but emotionally I don't feel like that at all. For example today I saw this really tall and handsome looking guy at work, and my immediate reaction was to get insecure and think that he is better than me.

It's such an abstract issue that I don't even know how to deal with it.  Like, even if I do a tonn of cold approaches, achieve great success with women, become a billionaire or whatever, I will still feel confident only in relation to other people. I will compare myself to them and think that I am now better than them and feel good because of that. Which still doesn't address the root issue of me not being comfortable being who I am and having to compare myself to others at all.

 

[Gesundheit2]

Here's a snippet of a post I've made regarding this exact topic:

On 12/28/2022 at 6:13 AM, Gesundheit2 said:

I've learned it the hard way that the best way to improve is to focus on myself. The healthiest comparison that you could make is with yourself and who you were yesterday. If you improve only by 0.1% everyday, you will be 36.5% better by the next year. Comparing yourself with others is invalid, unfair, and unhelpful. There are countless factors that make everyone's lives different than yours, and all of those factors are ignored when you compare yourself with others. I mean it's good to see how and what others are doing, but just as an interesting input for your own joy, creativity, and motivation.

I've learned that excessive focus on the outside world causes me to lose touch with my authentic self, and it only serves to create a poor experience overall. If you compare yourself with people who are doing better than you, you will feel less and inferior, your self-esteem will suffer, and you will become powerless or resentful. On the other hand, if you compare yourself with people who are doing worse, you will become lazy, arrogant, and cruel. Of course, there can be degrees of severity to how bad this can get, but in either cases, you won't get anywhere positive. It's just a downward spiral and really one of the biggest traps in life, and the smartest move is to move out of it entirely instantly.

I think it's one of my best contributions so far.

[Something Funny]

@Gesundheit2 I completely agree with whay you wrote. But how do I actually start feeling and functioning in that way?

Edited March 15, 2023 by Something Funny

[Leo Gura]

Just decide to stop it.

You don't need a method.

If you don't want to behave in some way, just use your fucking will to stop doing it. Get serious. Enough games and excuses. Set your mind on a goal and just do it.

Edited March 15, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Something Funny]

@Leo Gura I do try to stop this kind of negative thoughts out whenever they arise.

But the feeling is still there no matter what I do.

57 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

I saw this really tall and handsome looking guy at work, and my immediate reaction was to get insecure and think that he is better than me.

Like in today's case, I've noticed this behaviour right away and told myself all the things Gesundheit mentioned above. And even made this post afterwards, lol. It didn't stop me from feeling insecure.

Are you saying that if I get really serious and try to willfully change it, I can even change the way I feel in the moment?

[Gesundheit2]

1 hour ago, Something Funny said:

@Gesundheit2 I completely agree with what you wrote. But how do I actually start feeling and functioning in that way?

Like Leo said. Just do it. That's the best way.

However if, for some reason, you're still struggling, you can try this follow-up post:

On 12/28/2022 at 3:14 PM, Gesundheit2 said:

Every step closer to wisdom is a step further from ignorance. Put your focus on improving yourself and comparing yourself today with yourself yesterday, and when you catch yourself comparing with others, just observe your thoughts mindfully and ask: Is this helping me or anyone? What can I do today to improve my life tomorrow?

 

[Something Funny]

@Gesundheit2 yeah, okay, I get it. There are no special techniques. 

I will try my best.

[NoSelfSelf]

Creating competition whit yourself to not focus on others ..

[r0ckyreed]

You have to challenge your negative automatic thoughts, core beliefs and integrate shadow.

It is all about interpretation and perspective. Try to see that comparison is a game that gets you nowhere. Same with negative thinking. That’s all comparison boils down to.
 

The only thing worth comparing yourself to is compare yourself to God.

Edited March 15, 2023 by r0ckyreed

[StarStruck]

There is nothing wrong with getting inspiration from others but you should be careful to not use other's success as a stick to beat yourself over the head by making unfair comparisons. Your soul is looking for inspiration and you should find your own way to feed it.

[Something Funny]

1 hour ago, r0ckyreed said:

The only thing worth comparing yourself to is compare yourself to God.

I like that perspective. 

@Lila9 thanks, the notebook idea sounds really cool and creative. I think I will try it.

50 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

Spending more time alone, doing things alone, traveling alone, going throught challanges alone.

I am almost always alone. So this one is covered 

51 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

Having a hobbie that help you to feel more connected to your body, or mindful, or boost your confidence, not necessariliy going to the gym, it can be something like surfing or sub-form of it or any cool hobbie that you feel related to but isn't ncessariliy very common in your area or popular. 

I have this handled as well.

51 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

Collecting both usual but also unusual experiences, things that most people are unlikly to do.

Do you mean things like travelling? Can you explain how this should help?

[Leo Gura]

21 hours ago, Something Funny said:

@Leo Gura I do try to stop this kind of negative thoughts out whenever they arise.

But the feeling is still there no matter what I do.

Like in today's case, I've noticed this behaviour right away and told myself all the things Gesundheit mentioned above. And even made this post afterwards, lol. It didn't stop me from feeling insecure.

Are you saying that if I get really serious and try to willfully change it, I can even change the way I feel in the moment?

That kind of insecurity you can be fixed by doing spiritual work and coming to love yourself more. God Consciousness really helps with that.

Edited March 16, 2023 by Leo Gura

[gettoefl]

just face the fact that everyone is on a continuum of evolutionary development

know where you're strong, know where you're shit

market yourself to find those who need your strong and counter your shit

only very few are for you

same for everyone

 

[Something Funny]

@Leo Gura  okay.

23 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

I mean to odd but also diverse experiences, things your ego isn't identified with and that are unlikely for you to do, it might be related to traveling but not necessarily. In my opinion, people who go through such unusual or diverse experiences learn a lot about themselves and end up feeling more confident than the average person.

I see, thank you for advise.