Overcoming fear of cold approaching is impossible

[koyadr3]

I'm too scared to cold approach girls. No matter how much I try to work through my limiting beliefs, I'm still too scared to take action. I have really low self-esteem, and I've been spending a lot of time on incel forums lately, I really want to find a girlfriend and hook up, but it feels impossible.

It's pure torture, I'm suicidal as fuck and the frustration and suffering won't go away it's a never ending suffering, but I was wondering is there a drug out there who eliminate all fears and limiting beliefs? I'm hopeless

[nhoktinvt]

my advice for you is to just do it, embrace the pain !

[CARDOZZO]

It is possible to make it more easy.

Study NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming).

[CARDOZZO]

@koyadr3

L Michael Hall, Richard Bandler, Robert Dilts, John Grinder.

[NoSelfSelf]

Are you willing to pay for coaching or just feel sorry for yourself?

[Vrubel]

@koyadr3 It will definitely get easier with (years of) experience 

[UnbornTao]

Ineffective. Confront the fear and do it. What's meant by impossible likely is that it hasn't been done yet.

Try approaching without expecting anything in return, simply talk to many women. Might be a good first step.

Edited March 15, 2023 by UnbornTao

[Paul Boldyrev]

@koyadr3 Definitely listen to Leo's "How to get laid" series. Other than that, it will always be scary, yes.

 

You could drink alcohol, but that's not healthy and won't give you many returns long-term. What I recommend you do is to check out some meetup-events in your city. There are certain events in which the whole premise is to talk to the other people attending the meetup. 

 

Also, try to chat up guys, too. Just be more social. Go outside more. Works wonders.

 

Once you're comfortable with these things, check out a Bachata event or go to a dance class. That will ease you up even more around women and people in general.

 

Random tips at the end: From now on, I'll try to view my sets mostly as improv comedy. Perhaps that could help you, too? Also, be more vulnerable. If you are really anxious while talking to a girl, use that. Talk about your current state and be honest. Most of the time, that will also alleviate lots of the pressure and you'll be more of a "man" than those machos who try to hide their anxiety.

[Gesundheit2]

You don't need to overcome the fear of approaching. You should approach despite the fear, until it's gone. The only way out is in.

[Devin]

Do the first few knowing you're going to botch them, go up to women that get approached all the time they'll just blow you off as a nervous wimp, after that you'll be gold.

Edited March 14, 2023 by Devin

[koyadr3]

1 hour ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Are you willing to pay for coaching or just feel sorry for yourself?

No, why would I pay for coaching? It's cringe and a bit too extreme

[koyadr3]

1 hour ago, Vrubel said:

@koyadr3 It will definitely get easier with (years of) experience 

But it's feels impossible for me, the idea of cold approaching is like needing to dump a bunch of spiders and chill the fuck out until you don’t have that fear anymore

[koyadr3]

2 hours ago, CARDOZZO said:

It is possible to make it more easy.

Study NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming).

Ok thanks

[Devin]

1 minute ago, koyadr3 said:

But it's feels impossible for me, the idea of cold approaching is like needing to dump a bunch of spiders and chill the fuck out until you don’t have that fear anymore

Warm up to it by just saying hi in passing to people, ask your cashiers how their days are going.

[Ulax]

@koyadr3 Hey mate,

I respect your situation.

I'd advise getting started with some inner work on the side as well. Maybe some IFS therapy on the side if you have the finances. 

Sounds to me like you might be more of a hardcase newbie, which I think requires more inner work on the side.

Also, if you want to cold approach, I'd really work on your goal setting. Just work on things like saying 'hi' being your goal. Or even just turning up at the place you wish to game at. Then build over time.

Maybe try and get some supportive wings too. 

[Vlad_]

3 hours ago, koyadr3 said:

I'm too scared to cold approach girls. No matter how much I try to work through my limiting beliefs, I'm still too scared to take action. I have really low self-esteem, and I've been spending a lot of time on incel forums lately, I really want to find a girlfriend and hook up, but it feels impossible.

It's pure torture, I'm suicidal as fuck and the frustration and suffering won't go away it's a never ending suffering, but I was wondering is there a drug out there who eliminate all fears and limiting beliefs? I'm hopeless

My friend, I feel you. 

I have the same issue. But don't feel sad and don't be depressed. Sooner or later you'll get to the point of approaching.

Start with small baby-steps. Try to go to meetups and just talk to people (men and women). Even if it will take you years to make an approach it's still fine. Don't criticize yourself, don't think that you're some kind of inferior man or something like that. Instead try to invest in yourself as much as you can. And of course - love. Self-love is the answer. 

The reason why you're afraid of approaching women is because you put too much value on them. You need to find out why  you're doing so and become conscious of the root cause. 

Again, find more ways of loving yourself. If you can't - find a good psychologist who will guide you.

 

[NoSelfSelf]

@koyadr3 Now we know why its impossible..

[koyadr3]

9 minutes ago, Devin said:

Warm up to it by just saying hi in passing to people, ask your cashiers how their days are going.

But the problem also is I don't go outside that much, there's nothing to do I'm bored and the weather here sucks

[koyadr3]

Damn I wish my amygdala was removed, it would've been a lot easier

[NoSelfSelf]

Im locking this thread