Free association gone wrong

[StarStruck]

Free association is a technique to take the logic out of a conversation. I do this exercise once in a while during night game.

If the girl is very into you it doesn’t matter if you say something uncalibrated. The thing is that not all girls are totally into me from the beginning and sometimes I do say something uncalibrated and create awkward situations. The awkwardness comes from this: saying something to her that she can’t respond to easily. 

So it goes something like this:

Her: I study literature 

I: ow cool, I had never the chance to read Harry Poter 

Her: *not knowing what to say to this*

 

[Leo Gura]

Stop expecting her to carry the conversation. The solution is to simply plow her with words without caring what she says.

When you open, you carry the conservation 90%/10%. It's not really a conversation, it's plowing. After a few minutes of plowing, then she will warm up and you can have some actual conversation.

Edited March 14, 2023 by Leo Gura

[StarStruck]

3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Stop expecting her to carry the conversation. The solution is to simply plow her with words without caring what she says.

When you open, you carry the conservation 90%/10%. It's not really a conversation, it's plowing. After a few minutes of plowing, then she will warm up and you can have some actual conversation.

Good point, conversations aren't a ping pong game where both people have to carry the game.

[Girzo]

Free association technique is for you when you don't know what to say next, not for derailing every thing someone says

[Vrubel]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Stop expecting her to carry the conversation. The solution is to simply plow her with words without caring what she says.

When you open, you carry the conservation 90%/10%. It's not really a conversation, it's plowing. After a few minutes of plowing, then she will warm up and you can have some actual conversation.

Plowing through on disinterested girls is uncalibrated and bad for your self-esteem. It's only something you have to do as a beginner but at some point, you need to be relaxed enough to feel up if she clicks with you. 10-20 seconds is enough for that. That's also enough time to turn an initial standoffish girl around. Any more investing than that is a sign of neediness and being socially out of touch. 

All game that doesn't take into consideration: Self-esteem, integrity and self-respect is unsustainable. 

Edited March 14, 2023 by Vrubel

[Leo Gura]

30 minutes ago, Vrubel said:

Plowing through on disinterested girls is uncalibrated and bad for your self-esteem.

Obviously you need to calibrate to her, and you don't want to be some autistic asshole who keeps talking when the girl just wants you to leave.

But when you are very experienced you can tell if a girl is interested or not just in the first 5 seconds. But you want to develop the ability to plow. This is a crucial skill which will get you laid a lot.

Even if a girl is receptive to an approach doesn't mean she knows how to carry a conversation. That's your responsibility.

Edited March 14, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Vrubel]

@Leo Gura I Totally agree

The girl I am now with was extremely standoffish when I approached her (She is a very closed-off Russian girl that had a bad day). But I turned it around in just half a minute. She said: "what do you want!?". And I innocently responded: "I just want to meet you, if you don't want to that's fine." From then on her whole demeanor changed and we went on an instant date.

Edited March 14, 2023 by Vrubel

[Vrubel]

@Leo Gura I Totally agree

The girl I am now with was extremely standoffish when I approached her (She is a very closed-off Russian girl that had a bad day). But I turned it around in just half a minute. She said: "what do you want?". And I innocently responded: "I just want to meet you, if you don't want to that's fine." From then on her whole demeanor changed and we went on an instant date

 

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Even if a girl is receptive to an approach doesn't mean she knows how to carry a conversation. That's your responsibility.

Sure but just don't be a try hard and also be demanding of her to invest as well. (have a look of disappointment on your face when "she just sits there". This can trigger a quiet girl to invest at least a little.) 

Sometimes fun and passionate monologue flows naturally, other times I just casually show her some (travel) pictures on my phone. Sure slightly boring but also no inauthentic gamey bullshit involved. 

Being a little plain, logical and cliche > try hard gamey

Edited March 14, 2023 by Vrubel

[Chives99]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Obviously you need to calibrate to her, and you don't want to be some autistic asshole who keeps talking when the girl just wants you to leave.

 

using abliist slurs is highly distasteful 

[Ulax]

8 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Free association is a technique to take the logic out of a conversation. I do this exercise once in a while during night game.

If the girl is very into you it doesn’t matter if you say something uncalibrated. The thing is that not all girls are totally into me from the beginning and sometimes I do say something uncalibrated and create awkward situations. The awkwardness comes from this: saying something to her that she can’t respond to easily. 

So it goes something like this:

Her: I study literature 

I: ow cool, I had never the chance to read Harry Poter 

Her: *not knowing what to say to this*

 

@StarStruck Maybe make some of your free association about her too.

I.e. "Ow, cool. I never had the chance to read Harry Potter. I bet you read Harry potter though. You have that kind of a vibe to me"

I'm not experienced in game btw. But I'll chip in if i think i can still be of value. Maybe just take my thoughts on this topic with a pinch of salt though. I don't wanna mislead you. I understand the green name colour can imply some authority.

Edited March 14, 2023 by Ulax
Spelling

[StarStruck]

47 minutes ago, Ulax said:

@StarStruck Maybe make some of your free association about her too.

I.e. "Ow, cool. I never had the chance to read Harry Potter. I bet you read Harry potter though. You have that kind of a vibe to me"

I'm not experienced in game btw. But I'll chip in if i think i can still be of value. Maybe just take my thoughts on this topic with a pinch of salt though. I don't wanna mislead you. I understand the green name colour can imply some authority.

True. People like themselves. That is like n1 rule in the book how to make friends and influence people. 

I contemplated this topic today and I came up with:

• free association should be relevant or aimed at her 
• it should be emotionally spiking to some extend 
• free association is not just spitting words, vibe is just as crucial. 

When I see people who are good at free association or natural game, it is like looking at a rapper free styling on a catchy “vibe”. 

The thing is that my vibe is off lately. I have been doing some shadow work and deep meditation. Facing some deep demons inside of myself. 

I decided to stop gaming few weeks ago but I can’t help it to spit game when I see a cutie in public. 

Edited March 14, 2023 by StarStruck

[Ulax]

@StarStruck I like it man.

I respect all the work you seem to be doing on yourself btw.

[ZenSwift]

16 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

When you open, you carry the conservation 90%/10%. It's not really a conversation, it's plowing. After a few minutes of plowing, then she will warm up and you can have some actual conversation.

Notes: Plow for a couple minutes.

I've had ONE set where this worked well because she was clearly interested to keep putting up with me. I managed to make her laugh which was probably one of the key things that set apart all the other sets.

 

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Obviously you need to calibrate to her, and you don't want to be some autistic asshole who keeps talking when the girl just wants you to leave.

But when you are very experienced you can tell if a girl is interested or not just in the first 5 seconds. But you want to develop the ability to plow. This is a crucial skill which will get you laid a lot.

Even if a girl is receptive to an approach doesn't mean she knows how to carry a conversation. That's your responsibility.

This really makes me think about the last 100-150 approaches I've done, I've only had like one decent hook. (All night game). Tough crowd? Poor game? Probably a bit of both? 

I need better friends to hang out with to make night game actually fun. 

[universe]

18 hours ago, StarStruck said:

The awkwardness comes from this: saying something to her that she can’t respond to easily.

Wrong, the awkwardness comes from within you. The words you say are really not important.

You expect the conversation to go well and you have a need for that.

Release that need and then focus your attention into your body.

Feel and relax into it.

16 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Good point, conversations aren't a ping pong game where both people have to carry the game.

Sometimes people are not yet warm to have a conversation, that's when it can be helpful to warm them up by carrying the conversation.