My girlfriend wants sex every day and I can't

[Someone here]

..so, the title pretty much sums it up.. I  started seeing a girl a few months ago and we had a lot of chemistry from day one. Once we started sleeping together things got wild quickly. I’ve always had a strong drive but I tried to explain to her that there something called refractory period when the guy just loses all interest in his dick after orgasming so often. But this girl is just ON 24/7. I thought that it was the newness of it at first, but after having sex pretty much every week, I just want to take a damn nap...

I tried certain subtle tactics such as giving her more orgasms in a single “session”, and other things that had the goal of making her feel satisfied... but if anything, her drive increased.

Now, as a man with above average drive, in spite of never having ‘demanded’ sex, I have experienced the frustration of being super horny and being turned down... so I never wanted to make her feel that way. I also feel relationships should be about reciprocity and she does a million other things for me just because she knows they’re important to me, so I feel a small moral ‘obligation’ to reciprocate and suck it up even if I’m tired because it’s important to her.

So long story short, I’m looking for some advice here... should i even bring it up at this point or give it a bit more time? If I decide to approach it, how? I certainly wouldn’t want her to think I think there’s something wrong with her or that I don’t enjoy intimacy with her...

I’m a pretty eloquent guy, but this is a problem I never thought I would have, so I’m at a bit of a loss. 

[flowboy]

You can't be responsible for other people's feelings.

All you can do is state your boundaries, desires and needs in a calm, non-threatening way.

Whether she takes it well is up to her, and you should never be responsible for that, because that is codependency.

Easier said than done, I know, for me as well.

But that's the way of healthy relating.

Edited March 11, 2023 by flowboy

[Devin]

Have her do the work, you won't get tired from it then.

Edited March 11, 2023 by Devin

[Someone here]

12 minutes ago, flowboy said:

You can't be responsible for other people's feelings.

All you can do is state your boundaries, desires and needs in a calm, non-threatening way.

Whether she takes it well is up to her, and you should never be responsible for that, because that is codependency.

Easier said than done, I know, for me as well.

But that's the way of healthy relating.

I tried telling her nicely. She didn't believe me . She thought that I'm joking and in the worst case scenario that I'm cheating on her (sleeping around with other women).

I know I'm not responsible for her lack of understanding but she is pretty immature I should say and have false expectations about men . Im not freaking stallion to bang her every other day .

it may be that she needs physical touch as a reassurance that I'm still into her .

7 minutes ago, Devin said:

Have her do the work, you won't get tired from it then.

What do you mean? 

[Emerald]

Now, she may just have a high sex drive. In which case, you’ll have to be clear about your boundaries and not feel too obligated to give her what she wants all the time.

But it’s also possible that she’s expressing herself that way because women are often consciously or subconsciously under the impression that all/most men have a super high sex drive and care about sex most of all.

This is really common in media tropes. And there are plenty of men who fit the bill or seem to fit the bill.

So, because of this, many women genuinely believe that men are only capable of valuing women for sex… and that women have no other type of value beyond their sexuality in men’s eyes.

So, hyper-sexual behavior in women can often be a bid for love.

It wouldn’t be unheard of for a woman to behave in a hyper-sexual way to try to entertain/please the man in a bid to be valued, needed, and loved.

And this conditioning can go deeper than she’s consciously aware of.

So, even if you say you’re not feeling it right now… she may not believe you (because of her views about men being hyper-sexual and only caring about sex). And furthermore see may see sex as her only outlet to be valued by you, even if that’s totally not the case.

And if this is true for her, you may tell her that you just want to cuddle and reassure her that you love and care for her even when you’re not having sex. It could be the most important thing for her to hear, if she can receive it.

Edited March 11, 2023 by Emerald

[Devin]

22 minutes ago, Someone here said:

 

What do you mean? 

Have her be on top more often.

[Emerald]

2 minutes ago, Devin said:

Have her be on top more often.

I think he means that she wants sex before the refractory period is complete.

[Jacob Morres]

I think a book on boundaries might be helpful here 

[Devin]

30 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I think he means that she wants sex before the refractory period is complete.

"According to some studies, 18-year-old males have a refractory period of about 15 minutes, while those in their 70s take about 20 hours, with the average for all men being approximately half an hour. Alt"

[Emerald]

18 minutes ago, Devin said:

"According to some studies, 18-year-old males have a refractory period of about 15 minutes, while those in their 70s take about 20 hours, with the average for all men being approximately half an hour. Alt"

My experience with men has been that most of them need a decent amount of time to recover in order for them to be ready to go again. That’s what I’m counting as part of the refractory period.

And by ready that doesn’t just mean in terms of energy. It often means in terms of arousal and sexual appetite as well. So, the woman getting on top wouldn’t really solve that issue if the man is in a state of sexual satiety.

But either way, it’s important that she doesn’t pressure him into having more sex than he feels comfortable having.

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Devin said:

"According to some studies, 18-year-old males have a refractory period of about 15 minutes, while those in their 70s take about 20 hours, with the average for all men being approximately half an hour. Alt"

Bro, are we talking about orgasm or are we talking about enjoyable sex?

[vladorion]

You can also avoid cumming every time you have sex. This will make you interested in having sex more often.

Takes some discipline.

[Devin]

2 hours ago, Emerald said:

My experience with men has been that most of them need a decent amount of time to recover in order for them to be ready to go again. That’s what I’m counting as part of the refractory period.

And by ready that doesn’t just mean in terms of energy. It often means in terms of arousal and sexual appetite as well. So, the woman getting on top wouldn’t really solve that issue if the man is in a state of sexual satiety.

But either way, it’s important that she doesn’t pressure him into having more sex than he feels comfortable having.

He's probably just exhausted, exhaustion kills libido.

[Devin]

2 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Bro, are we talking about orgasm or are we talking about enjoyable sex?

An all weekend marathon is fun sometimes.

[Carl-Richard]

Just when you think life is about to become a lot better, it throws a completely new set of challenges at you 

[Emerald]

38 minutes ago, Devin said:

He's probably just exhausted, exhaustion kills libido.

That’s what I mean. If a man’s exhausted, then he’s probably not up for sex.

Then the advice of the girl being on top isn’t really a fix here because he’d be engaging when he doesn’t feel like it as a chore for her. 

The surface level solution here is to set a boundary.

But the deeper issue probably comes from her understanding and assumptions about her value as she believes the OP sees her.

[Devin]

@Emerald  This is to prevent the exhaustion, or let her get exhausted as well.

[Leo Gura]

Communication is the key to healthy relationships.

Having sex too often ruins sex.

Edited March 12, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Gesundheit2]

• Didn't you used to jerk off like 7 consecutive times a day?
• Does she require you to use your dick?

[Bando]

@Someone here I remember when you'd make posts explaining how you'd never find sex or a woman, now you have the problem of having to much sex, now thats called self improvement!

One thing you can do besides setting boundaries is to build anticipation around sex. Instead of having full intercourse, eat her out, finger her or talk dirty to her while she masturbates in front of you. Sex is much more than physical sensations, taking breaks from intercourse or full on sexual activity makes sex better.