Did I pass the ultimate test?

LSD-Rumi
By LSD-Rumi in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God,
You who read my posts recently, you know that I have taken a substance that completely healed me from all my mental illness just after one dose but also after 5 years of daily suffering and trying everday. Today I feel like a saint. I feel like the inside of me is so pure. I am calm and peaceful,  my heart is like a sweet honey. I deal with people so sponateneously that it mazes them.y mind works like the mind of eniestin or ten times more. Insights are pouring in from everyone. I have an infinite motivation to change my life and succeed in my life purpose which is to be an intellct. I feel that I am being purified by every second. Did I pass the ultimate test? The hell test? I was literally in hell for the last five years and it hurted me a lot knowing how much wisodm I have and seeing all of you guys enjoying spirituality. I asked God everyday for help but it didn't come. I was supporting myself everyday and giving it encouragement. I didn't want to lose all this wisdom and hurt my family by killing myself. But I reached a point where I just wanted to lose hope and was convincing myself just to give up, knowing that wars can be lost and it is okey. I knew all this period that life was the ultimate gift and it was all becuase of me. But I wasn't able to escape. I watched a movie recently called martyrs. It was about a women who was tortured and beaten for months, just for her to get enlightened. Un the final scene they flay her alive which caused her to reach the truth before dying. I felt that God did the same thing to me. He has beaten me to death everyday and I accepted that everyday. I never hated God or life, I just wanted a cure. I also felt an extreme level of responsibility towards the world knowing how much I can do. But I was not able to wake up from the bed. I was watching my life getting wrecked while doing nothing. My grades kept going down, I was socially isolated, I had an extreme levels of of social anxiety, I was not even able to see my family memebers. My brain never stops. The ocd nevers stops bullying me. I was raped mentally daily.  I have tried everything, personal development, spirituality, cbt and medication. Nothing worked. It just kept going worse. Also my family was affected by my long and bad depression. I saw them get depressed too without being able to do nothing. It was even worst than my own suffring to  watch others suffer because of me. I wanted to kill myself just so my family can move on but I was afraid to do them more harm doing that. I am happy now. I don't regret anything and if Gods tell me you will suffer this again I would not mind  Cheers  
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