What do I do when I get a girlfriend?

[MarkKol]

I'm 19 years old, never had a girlfriend. It usually never bugs me unless I'm exposed to a lot of new women, big cities etc... (like right now). And I always questioned, what will happen when I get one. What activities can couples do that aren't cringey? Am I supposed to live with her? as much as I want one, I don't want this girl to take up all or even most of my time. how much should I optimally see her on lets say... weekly basis? And lastly, How much sex should we have?

I'm asking this because, well I kinda lied. I had one in high school, but it was so strange I barely consider it a proper relationship! It was mostly messages, emojis and occasionally going out. I remember that this girl absolutely demanded that I message her everyday! and she would get insanely depressed and angry If I "left her one read", apparently this is a thing people look at. I was shocked. O and she didn't want to have sex at all, she said that we we're too young for that. We we're both 16. But I guess she couldn't make that excuse today

It's like this girl wanted 100% of my time just to talk to her on the phone...

[NoSelfSelf]

You need to start learning about yourself and what you want,these are not queastions for others...

[Leo Gura]

Girls can have very different personalities. Some are chill and relaxed, others are neurotic, needy, and even batshit crazy.

It's really up to you to lead the relationship and set it up as you like. You can see her often or rarely. Just depends. 1 to 2 times a week is a good starting point. If you have sex every day it gets old real fast. Once a week would keep things exciting.

Edited March 10, 2023 by Leo Gura

[something_else]

Pre 18ish relationships are usually pretty fuckin weird anyway. I wouldn’t use that as a basis for the rest of your relationships. No one knows what they’re doing at that age.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself once you’re actually in your first proper relationship. Just do whatever feels right for you. You’ll learn what works and what doesn’t for both of you.

It sounds like you have some drive to get a GF now and explore that part of your life so it might be worth making it a bit of a priority

 

[universe]

This is a very personal question, just like everyone defines their friendships different and does different activities.

In general you spend time being in mutual empathic attention, which will produce comfort, pleasure and harmony and leads to attachment. You could spend time together in a cafe/restaurant, going for a walk, meeting friends, any other activity you both enjoy or just visit each other.

Of course don't forget to yell at each other and be resentful and hurt, that will be the cherry on top

[MarkKol]

Thank you for your answers thus far, dating is actually the first thing I started contemplating with results.

I feel good about doing very romantic activities, building more depth with the girl. Plus I strongly feel like Im good at that. 

I’m in a weird place where I hardly even care about sex, I care mostly about intimacy.

Edited March 10, 2023 by MarkKol

[MsNobody]

@Leo Gura wondering when Leo will start calling women women and not girls 

@MarkKol I would say listen to you heart, the more mind you put into it the more awkward it gets. But if you want to be comfortable with the complexity of a woman you need to first know who you are, and be comfortable with your own self, with your own emotions and complexity.

The reality is that most likely this first girlfriend will not be the person you will be with for the rest of your life, you will date several people as the year passes. So when it comes to relationships,  try to always think about your side, your romantic relationships will reflect the way you treat yourself and will show you a lot about yourself. 

Calling women needy and neurotic is a reflection of what one has attracted in their life. Women are beautiful creatures, you can learn a lot about softening into life and opening your heart with the right person, if you want to go far chose wisely who you walk this path with. But remember, the lesson is always about you, don't focus too much on them, relationships are simply mirrors. 

I see that shallow sex doesn't interest you, that is so good for someone your age given the state of the world now. Just surrender to it and trust your body, tantra talks about the wisdom of the body, do a little research about it, tantra is not only about sex. The sex you will experience will be according to your level of consciousness.

[MarkKol]

I wrote this today in my journal:

High value men are like Superhero’s for women

Out of sheer boredom at the conference I was today, I started staring at the hair of this academic girl , skinny, absolutely stunning face and eyes, such an elegant body shape & seemingly innocent personality. These academic, fashionably preppy and mature girls are in the highest tier of sexy for me. And then… boom! it hit me.

Just how good it would feel to make this girl laugh, smile, to conversate with her, to start seeing glimpses of attraction in her eyes as she looked at me, to let her know that her high value man that she’s been subconsciously and consciously looking for this entire time, is finally here.

I realized that I can be that for her, I realized that If I don’t become a high value man, some sweetheart just like her out there is pretty much guaranteed to never find one. Instead they will end up unhappy with some culturally brainwashed bozo out there, maybe even divorced.

Now as a man I feel obligated to be that guy, I’m letting down women If I don’t.

I need to save someone out there by developing myself into a high value man, maybe not that girl specifically, but there is at least one lovebird out there waiting for a hawk. (as deadly, romantic and corny as it sounds)

I don’t want these high value lovebirds to settle for mere pigeons.

[toasty7718]

@MarkKol what an insight, that was a wonderful journal entry 

[supremeyingyang]

On 3/10/2023 at 9:20 PM, MsNobody said:

@Leo Gura wondering when Leo will start calling women women and not girls 

@MsNobody, you killed it with this one! This wording is maybe the reflection that society does not value aging but youth? Call a women a girl is therefore flirting.

Edited March 14, 2023 by supremeyingyang
correction