Do you have a list of boundaries?

[Mada_]

I recently listened to the 6 Pillars of Self Esteem Audiobook a couple times through. One of the pillars is Self-Assertiveness. 

This inspired me to list my boundaries in my commonplace book (I can't believe I hadn't already done this). 

These are three solid boundaries I have drawn from 22 years of my life experience, definitely open to change:

- I don't consume anything that I don't want to. Someone buys me a drink, I don't have to drink it, it is Christmas lunch with my family, I will sit there with an empty plate and socialise. I choose what goes in my body and nobody else has autonomy over this. 

- I don't let people discourage me from doing anything constructive. No appointment with anyone can interfere with my current practices e.g. Yoga, Self-Help courses I'm doing. 

- if somebody hasn't researched or thought about a topic, I don't have to continue the conversation. 

[Osaid]

Haven't read the book but this sounds like a great idea

[Devin]

Starting my list now, good for communicating to your romantic partner!!

[Ulax]

@Mada_ I try to base my boundaries on the assertive rights in Manuel Smith's "When I say no I feel guilty", and Pete Walker's list of assertive rights in "CPTSD survival to thriving".

Though I pretty much always currently struggle in the moment. But that is okay.

That said, I think my boundaries would depend also on the my perception of the people around me. If I'm in a golf country club, I might feel more relaxed asserting my boundaries politely. If I'm in Jihadi John's Isis commune I'd probably be less assertive in my boundaries.

[caspex]

That last one is very nice and defined a boundary I was subtlety trying to set for myself.

[Mada_]

3 hours ago, Ulax said:

That said, I think my boundaries would depend also on the my perception of the people around me. If I'm in a golf country club, I might feel more relaxed asserting my boundaries politely. If I'm in Jihadi John's Isis commune I'd probably be less assertive in my boundaries.

That's a good point, there are definitely nuances and exceptions. 

E.g. with my boundary about people stopping me from positive habits. Usually I go to sleep with a taped mouth for health reasons, but when my girlfriend stays over she asks me not to. I'm sort of happy to because she only stays over once every week/fortnight. 

[Manusia]

On 3/8/2023 at 8:54 AM, Mada_ said:

- if somebody hasn't researched or thought about a topic, I don't have to continue the conversation. 

if someone's not bringing their A-game to a conversation, you're not gonna waste your time on it. Good bro.

[Kshantivadin]

Number one for relationships - No physical violence 

[gettoefl]

ask chat-gpt to give you as many as you feel like

chat with it to tell it your personality your traumas your past relationship problems your relationship goals

you can have different lists of boundaries for each different environment you inhabit

[universe]

No talking bad about others, no gossip.

Even though I don't have a list, it's more of a vibe or feeling.

Low conscious behaviour as a whole.

[caesar13]

No. However, this idea emerges into my mind so often that I actually want to build my own boundaries one day. This is not really my idea - an idea from Seneca's "Letters from a Stoic", in which he said that a man may not be the same man when he returns after spending some time with a group and hence one should have their own psychological stature in place.