Porn vs NoFap. My experience.

[Vlad_]

In 2020 I stumbled upon an interesting booked titled "Your Brain On Porn". As I was reading it, I was getting the idea that porn can be dangerous for men. 

My problem was that I wasn't really skeptical enough so I blindly bought into the idea that Porn is horrible. I read a lot of stories about guys who watched some real shit on pornhub and I was afraid to end up the same way. I made a decision to stop watching porn. Eventually I shot myself in the foot. Why?

1. Not watching porn makes your sexual cravings unbearable. Yes, I'm talking about cravings for sex, not for porn. For me I need to have sex or to watch porn. There's no alternative, nothing in between. 

2. NoFap made me needy. Whenever I was encountering with women I couldn't concentrate on their personal qualities, all I wanted was to have sex with them. I was  basically objectifying them. Also it was a big turn off for women because they could sense my neediness. 

3. NoFap made me aggressive and emotionally irritated. Again, I wasn't angry because I wasn't watching porn it was because I clearly and truthfully wanted to have SEX.  

4. NoFap improved my confidence. Yes, no fap can boost your confidence, but you'll have to pay the price for it (and it's not worth it). 

I've been watching porn since I was 13 and now I'm 26. Amount of porn consumption hasn't been increased since I was 13 nor did I change my video preferences. I watch normal porn without animals or some weird shit. 

Don't buy into something without verifying it for yourself.

Direct experience is your only authority. 

 

[Optimized Life]

I am always feeling ambiguous about no fap. 

I feel clear benefits, but sense drawbacks. 

with too much fap I lack sexual interest to persue women & be flirtatious and sexual. 

But I have done all my dates on no fap, and like you said I struggled to concenctrate on the girl & show genuine interest & precense in what she was saying, and acted desperate. 

but confounding variables is obviously lack of experience, other factors (my coffee addiction, disrupted sleep routine, deep inner issues, general needyness due to lack of options ect...). 

I remember Leo claiming that he only recommends no fap when "doing beast mode at the club but not for dates as it'll make you too needy". 

Then again I heard reports of men who have done no fap for years and they succeed with women very well or even one guy on here claiming that hot girls approached him on no fap. 

It's a confusing world, or I'm just stupid?

Edited March 8, 2023 by Optimized Life

[Ulax]

@Vlad_ I like the post. Here's my view on nofap.

Personally, I see nofap used as a pretty superficial crutch in general.

I've done it before and I did notice more energy and more sexual energy towards women. I found myself much more aroused, and sexual desire played a much bigger part in my life. I did enjoy this, and did find value in the sense of discipline developed through the practice.

However, I found it pretty shallow in the overall effect it had on my psyche at the time. And the results were always a few devil's handshakes away from being lost . Which i found made nofap pretty unreliable.

Also, I think nofap can often be used in the place of doing serious inner work. I don't tend to hear people talking about things like depth psychotherapy in those communities. Usually its quite stage orange, in my view.

Further, I think what's not accounted for is that nofap has a whole community surrounding it with certain norms around what is to be celebrated, i.e. not jerking off for a month is something worthy of celebration. So, I think when people go for a long streak, some of the positive results they attribute to nofap are likely just feelings of pride of meeting celebratory norms within a community they belong to.

Finally, I think a lot of folks in the nofap community already probably deal with issues surrounding sexual shame. So, doing nofap furthers that sexual shame in my view because the practice is, in my view, centred around the idea of the enjoyment of sexual pleasure being wrong in some manner, at least implicitly. I wouldn't be surprised if a decent amount of those in the community are actually attracted by this sexual shaming dynamic.

[Roy]

Guys doing NoFap would be better off spending all that time trying to get a girlfriend to solve their sexual frustrations rather than focusing on NOT doing something.

Nobody ever cured an addiction or issue by focusing on what not to do, but rather what they will replace the void with.

[Osaid]

No-fap seriously destabilized my libido and sexual sensitivity after it caused a "flatline", which no one ever seems to talk about, but it does happen, and when they do talk about it, they just chalk it down to bro-science about how "it's just your brain adapting itself". There is no conclusive evidence around it of any sort, so you're mostly on your own if you ever do experience it.

Basically, it killed my libido and sensitivity for a bit. Thankfully, it improved over time.

On the other hand, somewhat paradoxically, it helped me explore my sexuality much more deeply and it actually deepened my sexual experiences more, since it created so much sexual energy and obsession. It didn't do anything to make me transcend sexuality or detach me from it, the exact opposite occurred, because it makes you obsess over sex way more than normal since it makes you so horny. 

I would only ever recommend 10 - 20 days of abstinence, just for the experience. From what I learned from that experience, I would only abstain for about 7 days. Anything more is unnecessary. The effects cap at around days 3-7 IME, then it just stays the same from then on.

There are certain people with a condition called POIS, in which they feel ill after orgasming. Then there are people who simply project their feelings of shame and unworthiness onto the activity of masturbation. A distinction needs to be made between the two. The former is a real thing and there are forum members who have alleviated it and talked about it before. I also suspect that POIS can come in different and more milder degrees which would not be diagnosed as full blown POIS, but POIS would be the radical end of the spectrum.

My experience and your experience with libido and the time periods of no-fap can vary, as it seems people can experience sexual energy differently, which is why I recommend the broad time lapse of 10-20 days, which should give you more than enough time to scope how it affects your body.
 

Edited August 30, 2023 by Osaid

[Holymoly]

Some people involved with tai chi say it take about three weeks for a man’s sexual to enter the heart chakra after an ejaculation, for me it’s pretty undeniable that frequently ejaculating isn’t good For a man’s vitality. I am 10x more social when doing nofap/ semen retention. It’s very very powerful energy and you need to be doing a practice of some sort to not go mental 

[Holymoly]

Also I think if you’re struggling to get laid no fap can help allot if you just decided like yo I’m not going to masturbate anymore I’m just going to have actual sex you will start to seriously evaluate your life and why you can’t get laid and will move towards fixing that in a very organic way. 

[ZenAlex]

You have to give these things time to kick in. You wont be aggressive and irritable forever, it's a temporary period of discomfort.

But tbh if you can get to the state where you're jerking off occasionally that might be the best for you. Just stop fapping to porn regularly.

This is why nofap has a 90 day challenge, give it time to kick in.