Tripreport 1,8g golden teacher

[Starlight321]

Hey I want to share my insides from my trip. I ingested 1,8 g golden via lemon tek on an empty stomach.

First of all, I'm so freaking glad that I did that. I deconstructed almost all of me and reality but had only glimses and then my mind started distracting me with all it got. 

It is so astonishing how full of shit I am and other people as well. But on the other hand I saw that all of reality is just a big construction of my mind. I also clearly saw that buddhism is full of shit as well and the attenpt of overcoming of suffering is creating suffering and distracts from finding out what THIS IS. 

I also became aware how I created all the emotions out of thin air and I convinced myself that there were an external source to it. That means that all mental suffering is self inflicted and resistance created the illusion that there is something stable and contracted. That means that I will start again listening minimum to my mind and doing things I avoid. That will make me free from it.

There was another interesting aspect which is that I understood how my live turned down to shit about a year ago and I got from all people stupid advice including a buddhist nun and that I should have done this way earlier, then I would't have gone so deeply the rabbit hole. 

So the take away is that I have to and want to make my own decisions because in general nobody else can know whats best for me. Also I notices how my biases and dishonisty backfire because this shit turns against me and I cannot accurate assess situations.

The thing is that every time I become very conscious (maybe 100 times more) in my every day life my mind starts to catch me off guard and I get into a vicious circle of unconscious beheavior and create hell on earth inside me. 

By the way, it came to mind that the reason I was so free and happy for many periods before despite of heavily traumas and disability and health issues was that I was super conscious of my bullshit and therefore not bound by it and it became less and I did the right things which is obviuosly important. I also was much healthier in general because I didn't pollute as much my mind as I did the last 10 months and I was connected to love which made things way easier. It's really stunning how brillant the design of it is and how easy one can sell his soul for a wet dick or a candy bar not thinking of the cost and further than the next day.

It also became clear that if I have no positive vision which satisfies me I easily get into negativity and distruction.

All this os joyious news because that means I can do a lot to improve my situations and how I feel and think and live. I just have to act and want to do it and do it consciuosly.

I also wrote down some instructions to get on the right way again.

Finally thank you guys and @Leo Gura for your inspiration and pointing out the bullshit. 

 

I'll probably do another trip next weekend and between I'm gonna work on myself and use the energy I waste with negativity in creating a better life how I want it. I feel a little bit like a archiologist excavating diamonds under the dirt. 

Peace ?✌

Edited March 7, 2023 by Starlight321