A question about the "Radical Honesty" Book

[Something Funny]

In this book there are 3 stages of telling the Truth. The first stage is telling facts: basically coming out about your past lies and secrets.

However, examples that he uses are basically things that his clients are actually ashamed of and that affect their mental health in a bad way. Like cheating on your spouse for example. Of course a secret like that can potentially rot you out from the inside.

But what about secrets and lies about things that are not necessarily bad?

For example, when I was going to the Netherlands for studying a few years ago my dad made me promise to him that I won't use any drugs and I said "yes", even though I knew that I will want to experiment psychedelics. A few years passes, and this topic got raised in a casual conversation once again, and I basically said that I didn't try any, even though it was a lie.

The thing is: I am not ashamed of using psychedelics. I still use them and plan to use them even more in the future for personal development (which is once again a secret that I am supposed to open up about according to the book). I believe that it's not my problem that he is so close minded about this topic. And I think that I have every right to hide this fact from him because in my opinion he will not be able to handle the truth in a healthy way and because I don't believe that he earned this level of trust from me.

But I still feel bad about lying to him. And I have to admit that part of the reason for hiding this is simply because I am afraid and not because of some righteous reason. And a lie is a lie no matter how you look at it. So I don't know, should I come clean about it or not?

@Leo Gura, you are the biggest Truth advocate here so any advise, please?

[Leo Gura]

The truth I talk about is truth with yourself, inside your own mind, not the things you say to others. Although the more you lie to others the more you will tend to lie to yourself.

Edited March 5, 2023 by Leo Gura

[universe]

The problem is not the lie.

This seems to be a big issue you have and a conflict between you and your dad.

I would talk it out. So you don't have to feel like putting on a facade whenever the topic comes up. This also means being true to yourself.

Many people have a bad understanding of drugs, they only know it in reference to things like weed, cocaine or heroin. They might lost a friend to it. Or see someone totally mess up their lives because of it (at least that's what they think).

On the other hand, using substances to explore your consciousness, to get some answers or a transformation you have been looking for, is a totally different case.

So have the talk with him about your intentions and whatnot and you can even talk about your trips with him, just make sure he knows you are "safe" and not going down the drain sticking needles in your arms in the alleyway.

You are likely going to have to do a lot of education.

 

But if you don't want to talk with him about this then just say you didn't take any drugs. In your mind you just make a differentiation between drugs and psychedelics. Done. Personally, I don't bring up the topic with my parents but if they ask and want to know then I would not hesitate to tell them.

[EugeneTheSage]

This was also a dilemma for me. I try to lie as little as possible, but I would lie in these cases. I couldn't tell my grandma that I used psychedelics, it would be impossible to convince her that these substances are good. Sometimes she inadequately reacts to ordinary things like taking supplements. The most important thing is to not lie to yourself and have a clear perception of reality, without any distortions, or biases.
For example, in my case, I was excusing myself about irresponsible usage of psychedelics - admitting yourself that would be much better than admitting to parents that you use psychedelics.

1 hour ago, universe said:

But if you don't want to talk with him about this then just say you didn't take any drugs. In your mind you just make a differentiation between drugs and psychedelics

I think this is actually lying to yourself. In my opinion, you are better off straightforward lying to parents than doing that kind of mental gymnastics

Edited March 5, 2023 by EugeneTheSage

[Jodistrict]

When you lie, for example, in the example you gave, you are witholding a part of yourself, and thus preventing intimacy.  You got the lollipop but gave up a part of yourself to get it.   I did a workshop with Blanton, and he advocated just telling everything and then committing yourself to resolving the conflict and turbulence that follows.  At the end of the rainbow, is greater intimacy and you are more in touch with your real self (which you refused to hide).

 

[universe]

2 hours ago, EugeneTheSage said:

I think this is actually lying to yourself. In my opinion, you are better off straightforward lying to parents than doing that kind of mental gymnastics

Could be.

I meant it more in a "my dad and me have a different thing in mind when talking about drugs"-sort of way.

[UnbornTao]

2 hours ago, Jodistrict said:

When you lie, for example, in the example you gave, you are witholding a part of yourself, and thus preventing intimacy.  You got the lollipop but gave up a part of yourself to get it.   I did a workshop with Blanton, and he advocated just telling everything and then committing yourself to resolving the conflict and turbulence that follows.  At the end of the rainbow, is greater intimacy and you are more in touch with your real self (which you refused to hide).

 

imo that is the sensible and powerful thing to do. Or just avoid the question in the first place.

[gettoefl]

telling many the truth will backfire

they will weaponize it and destroy you

you own nobody the truth no matter what you declare

in addition the truth will destroy many people

who out there can handle the truth?

 

every word you speak must be tailored to another's level of consciousness

as sociopathic as that sounds

[UnbornTao]

4 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

telling many the truth will backfire

they will weaponize it and destroy you

you own nobody the truth no matter what you declare

in addition the truth will destroy many people

who out there can handle the truth?

 

every word you speak must be tailored to another's level of consciousness

as sociopathic as that sounds

Read the book.

[gettoefl]

4 hours ago, Jodistrict said:

When you lie, for example, in the example you gave, you are witholding a part of yourself, and thus preventing intimacy.  You got the lollipop but gave up a part of yourself to get it.   I did a workshop with Blanton, and he advocated just telling everything and then committing yourself to resolving the conflict and turbulence that follows.  At the end of the rainbow, is greater intimacy and you are more in touch with your real self (which you refused to hide).

 

some people are hell bent on destroying you, and i don't exclude one's flesh and blood from this

for example dont tell parents you're gay if they will go off the deep end themselves or at you

they cant handle live and let live let alone intimacy

[gettoefl]

1 minute ago, UnbornTao said:

Read the book.

read my lived experience in the post above

[UnbornTao]

15 hours ago, gettoefl said:

read my lived experience in the post above

You're making up excuses for why one should lie and get away from imagined unwanted consequences. This is disempowering. We don't tell the truth because we want to get a lollipop (some form of self-interest, like wanting to be liked, being perceived a certain way, etc).

Some caution and discretion are called for in certain social interactions. Depending on whether a relationship allows for brutal levels of honesty, those levels needn't be reached.

Just become aware of this disposition. Lying makes you a liar! Take a look at the consequences in your experience.

I suspect you're not being honest enough. There might also be some confusion as to what "telling the truth" means. It's more nuanced than telling everything you can to everyone, or sharing whatever comes up to your mind at any moment.

It's a good book.

Edited March 6, 2023 by UnbornTao

[Jodistrict]

2 hours ago, gettoefl said:

some people are hell bent on destroying you, and i don't exclude one's flesh and blood from this

for example dont tell parents you're gay if they will go off the deep end themselves or at you

they cant handle live and let live let alone intimacy

Those are fearful thoughts generated by your mind.  The alternative is to walk though life as a free man.  

[gettoefl]

i trust no one until proven they have my back

i know the price of doing otherwise

nothing to do with lies but varying levels of self disclosure, unless we are tight, you get a big fat nothing

my life my business