Note To Self

[ivankiss]

Feeling pretty damn good. Optimistic and enthusiastic. Probably because sex was fucking great last night. And this morning lol.

It's been a few rough days, but over all things are good. Great things are heading my way. I know it. I just have to survive the lows, when they come. All is well, and sometimes life can suck ass. It's all how it should be.

Edited March 11, 2023 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

When I'm composing, I never know where the song might take me. There are infinite directions you could go, when writing a piece of music. It's really about listening real close and letting the music tell you where it wants to go. You simply follow and write things down. I think that's how you achieve that perfect flow.

Happy with what I'm currently working on. It's coming together real nice.

[ivankiss]

Please forgive my twisted desire to be your saviour

[ivankiss]

In observation, I analyze
All the aspects of humanity that I despise

I am the voyager
I have tasted pleasures of the flesh
And drunk the pleasures of the mind
To reach the point I've attained
Clear focused and defined

[ivankiss]

Once or twice is kind

Three or four is blind 

[ivankiss]

Holding on to pain, it may seem to some

 

The easy way, to say o.k.

Twist your knife a little deeper

 

Enforce the words no more, be free
Alone you might just find serenity

 

To forgive is to suffer

[ivankiss]

Dark skies were beating me down
with shadows of deceit slashing at
trust till it forever bleeds
with doubt, with pain, with trust

is

pain

When you taste the truth you will
see like others before me, to you
I am past, a story to tell 

Tell it

[ivankiss]

A few days of mostly peace and joy behind us. Maybe some boredom and frustration too. But overall, it's quiet and pleasant. Can't complain. Good times like this can lure me into fantasizing about all kinds of possibilities. All kinds of scenarios and scripts. All kinds of stories. 

It makes me wanna envision my future with you in it. A life that we co-create.

I am cautious. Even though I'm entertaining all these ideas, I never really buy into them. I'm not getting attached to any outcome here. It is that way for a reason and it is going to stay that way.

[ivankiss]

How long
Is the pattern going to speak for you

How far can your voice reach
Your song below the night

[ivankiss]

To run along the freeway
To weigh one's heart against the oncoming dark

[ivankiss]

What pain will it take
To satisfy
Your sick appetite
Go in for the kill

Always in sight, prey
The time always right, feast

Feed on the pain, taste
Sorrow made flesh sweet

Live how you want
Just don't feed on me
If you doubt what I say
I will make you believe
Shallow are words
From those who starve
For a dream not their own to
Slash and scar

Big words, small mind
Behind the pain you will find a scavenger of human sorrow

[ivankiss]

I have heard your words, and I am unchanged

[ivankiss]

Watch your eager tongue
Attack me from behind

[ivankiss]

Stuck in self pity
Anger filling the void
Rapid expansion of the sinful city
The darkness being my call

Strangers walking in my home
Sounds of you not there

Never seen the night so dark
I lack the will to care
All alone in city lights
Where you absorb the echo

[ivankiss]

Another death, another rebirth.

It was close this time. I know we nearly parted ways for good. But the attraction is still too strong. It's clearly not the smartest idea to persist, but neither one of us seems to be ready to let go.

I want you and nothing but you, and simultaneously, I want nothing to do with you, ever again. Sometimes I fantasize about completely forgetting about you, and it makes me feel better. It's just the truth. 

I'm so grateful you're here, keeping me company, giving me pleasure, joy and love... And I also wish you never crossed my path.

[ivankiss]

- "If we fail it's going to be because of our stubbornness."

- "Because of our differences..."

- "No. Our differences could be a great thing, if we were open - minded and courageous enough. We're just too proud and too stubborn. Too afraid." 

Edited April 20, 2023 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

Cleaver got me this far, then tricky got me in

I am what I'm after, I don't need another friend