Women treat MEN the way men treat JOBS: how relationship goals change the dating

[Devin]

 

 

[Devin]

@Gesundheit2  I will say this to temper what I've posted, a man can easily have a great relationship with a woman, I think he needs to understand these things about women and choose one he really wants though. Just telling men they need to work hard at a relationship or listen to the woman is nonsense, women never communicate or understand the problem properly. When you know what to do it isn't even hard, let alone work. And this isn't saying men are the problem, women are terrible with relationships too, I'm just speaking as to how a man can have a good relationship, this won't work for a woman.

Edited March 9, 2023 by Devin

[Gesundheit2]

1 hour ago, Devin said:

many women leave without abuse.

Where are these women? Seriously, I haven't seen one like that in my life. I know my culture is different, but come on. It really sounds like a stretch to say that relationships are fun unserious stuff for many women and that they leave looking for a more "luxurious life" (lol?). And if it's really fun unserious stuff for them, then how is that similar to a job?

Quote

I think the leaving he's speaking about in all these videos is what he says in this video, paraphrasing "you have to continually do what attracts her to you".

It's bad advice. Also, impossible to implement in practice. The flame goes dormant after a while no matter what you do. It's not like there is a special dance move that you can do on the dance floor to get her wet and loyal. It doesn't work like that.

Quote

Women leave due to lack of emotional connection, whereas men will stay even if they're not getting anything from the relationship. This is a gross over generalization of course but still peaks into the pyches.

So the solution is not to continually do what attracts her to you, but rather to connect with her emotionally. It's really not much.

Quote

This is important to understand for relationship quality as well, not just to avoid separation. It's why everyone says men don't put in the work for relationships, because those men don't know that women are different about things compared to men, and women don't know about men.

There is some truth and validity to what he is saying, but it's full of noise. Women say exactly what they want, but nobody listens.

Edited March 9, 2023 by Gesundheit2

[StarStruck]

32 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Where are these women? Seriously, I haven't seen one like that in my life. I know my culture is different, but come on. It really sounds like a stretch to say that relationships are fun unserious stuff for many women and that they leave looking for a more "luxurious life" (lol?). And if it's really fun unserious stuff for them, then how is that similar to a job?

It's bad advice. Also, impossible to implement in practice. The flame goes dormant after a while no matter what you do. It's not like there is a special dance move that you can do on the dance floor to get her wet and loyal. It doesn't work like that.

So the solution is not to continually do what attracts her to you, but rather to connect with her emotionally. It's really not much.

There is some truth and validity to what he is saying, but it's full of noise. Women say exactly what they want, but nobody listens.

I'm really curious how your dating life looks like ?

[Devin]

38 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Where are these women? Seriously, I haven't seen one like that in my life. I know my culture is different, but come on. It really sounds like a stretch to say that relationships are fun unserious stuff for many women and that they leave looking for a more "luxurious life" (lol?). And if it's really fun unserious stuff for them, then how is that similar to a job?

 

    Not for more luxurious, for that flame you said dies out, for deeper connection.

 

 

39 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

 

So the solution is not to continually do what attracts her to you, but rather to connect with her emotionally. It's really not much.

There is some truth and validity to what he is saying, but it's full of noise. Women say exactly what they want, but nobody listens.

       No, this is why what he is saying is so important, you can't just be her emotional support animal, for a great relationship you have to do what she's attracted to, you have to date her the rest of your life.

[Devin]

HerWay.net

https://herway.net › 9-reasons-wom...

9 Reasons Why Women Leave Men They Love

Aug 12, 2021 — 1. She feels like she can't be herself · 2. There's no appreciation · 3. The relationship feels like an emotional burden · 4. She's tired of being 

[Gesundheit2]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

I'm really curious how your dating life looks like ?

Absolute inceldom currently, but I've been in a couple of relationships before and I've achieved non-virginity before 25 years old in a third world conservative country.

1 hour ago, Devin said:

    Not for more luxurious, for that flame you said dies out, for deeper connection.

That flame is a luxury. Most women don't leave a family they've spent years on for that.

1 hour ago, Devin said:

why what he is saying is so important, you can't just be her emotional support animal, for a great relationship you have to do what she's attracted to, you have to date her the rest of your life.

This is ridiculous. It's the noise I was pointing out.

Obviously being a complete simp is not good, but there's some element of simping that is good as long as it's coming from masculine energy. Like you are not simping because you're needy, but rather because you genuinely appreciate her. She's not the focal point of your life, but she has importance and value for you over other stuff/people.

[Danioover9000]

@StarStruck

On 3/3/2023 at 5:39 PM, StarStruck said:

Basically the same message Andrew Tate gives but obviously without the toxicity. Andrew Tate is basically Prometheus that let the red pill genie out of the bottle. Even highly educated people are basically taking over Andrew's talking points. I think there will be a major switch of momentum against toxic femininity in the octagon of narratives.

 

   What if I don't want a short term relationship?

[Devin]

13 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

That flame is a luxury. 

If you want to call that a luxury I agree I just assumed you meant money.

15 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

 Most women don't leave a family they've spent years on for that.

True, I'm not saying they do, just talking about their compulsion, staying with the husband is more compelling in most cases, but over here divorce rate is said to be like 50% now.

[Devin]

52 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

 

This is ridiculous. It's the noise I was pointing out.

Obviously being a complete simp is not good, but there's some element of simping that is good as long as it's coming from masculine energy. Like you are not simping because you're needy, but rather because you genuinely appreciate her. She's not the focal point of your life, but she has importance and value for you over other stuff/people.

         Just so you know, that's betrayal in a woman's eyes, you lured her in with romance and then slowed it down over time, see his romance video.

 

 

Edited March 9, 2023 by Devin

[Devin]

 

[Gesundheit2]

6 hours ago, Devin said:

If you want to call that a luxury I agree I just assumed you meant money.

True, I'm not saying they do, just talking about their compulsion, staying with the husband is more compelling in most cases, but over here divorce rate is said to be like 50% now.

50% divorces and 90% of them initiated by women.

I don't think that this "compulsion" is the main driver in all divorces, maybe a small 10% of the 90%.

Regardless, I blame both men and feminism for these rates. I don't think the majority of women are very unreasonable with their demands. In fact, I think they can be under-reasonable sometimes. But with feminism, a minor issue can get amplified in their mind and turn into a deal breaker. Again, I think that's still a minority, even with feminism. But I don't know, not being racist here, but maybe a lot of women in the west are entitled Karens. Maybe power corrupts all people equally, even women.

6 hours ago, Devin said:

Just so you know, that's betrayal in a woman's eyes, you lured her in with romance and then slowed it down over time, see his romance video.

Then don't betray them.

The video about romance makes sense. But I don't understand how it is relevant to this discussion. If you're implying that the heartless rich person always wins against the mediocre romantic guy, then you're wrong. The mere fact that marriage exists shows how wrong that statement is. Most men get married even though they are not kings. Truth is, it depends on the woman. While the majority of women find money appealing, they still have to consider the lack of heart. And while probably all women find romance appealing, some of them still go with the rich guy. There are four different archetypes for men. And all of them are attractive. There is the warrior archetype, the king archetype, the lover archetype, and the magician archetype. Any one of them will work, and the more the merrier. But none of them at all is a very long shot.

[Emerald]

7 hours ago, Devin said:

         Just so you know, that's betrayal in a woman's eyes, you lured her in with romance and then slowed it down over time, see his romance video.

Romance is nice… but emotional intimacy and connection is way more important to a woman. And romance is really only valuable to women because it is a vehicle for emotional connection.

And a relationship isn’t meant to be exciting and romantic most of the time… it’s meant to be calming and grounding. It’s meant to feel like home.

After the first three months of relationship, the hot exciting hormones subside and switch to deeper, calmer, and more addictive hormones that are geared toward long term pair bonding.

And romance is the icing on the cake, but emotional connection is the cake itself.

If the emotional connection isn’t there, there might as well not even be a relationship. This is what often makes a woman want to leave when she feels alone in her marriage. 

Without emotional connection, it’s just two people sitting in a room together.

Many men are okay with this because they don’t tend to value emotional connection as much as women do.

But most women can’t ignore this lack of connection. It’s a very deep need.

Like imagine a relationship where there was no physical or sexual contact. Think of how starved a man would feel in that situation.

Now multiply that starvation by 3, and this is what women feel like in a relationship with no emotional connection.

[Roy]

9 hours ago, Gesundheit2 said:

She's not the focal point of your life, but she has importance and value for you over other stuff/people.

From my experience (ie. every women I've ever been with) and from what I've seen from MANY women in other relationships - they essentially want men to lie to them about how important they really are.

They want you to say directly, or at least admit in a vague way that makes them feel that they are the most important thing in your life. But if you actually behave in a way and shape your life around the relationship that they ARE the most important thing they will lose attraction and leave you. I've had it happen to me and seen it a million times now.

I call it lying because by definition it fits the bill. If you are trying to convince someone of one thing, and then acting in a matter that's in conflict with that thing, you are being deceptive or at the very least not true to your intentions or committed to the truth.

The truth in the majority of cases being obvious that if forced to choose for some reason, men (or women really) are going to choose their career over a relationship the majority of the time because it's prudent for survival, which underpins our entire existence.

You want to know the quickest way to end any relationship of any depth with a woman in literally an instant? Directly state the truth of a relationship in it's most raw, logical way.

"Hey I've had a great time being with you so far, but just remember the fact of the matter that at some point in the unknown future it's near 100% likely that one of us will lose attraction/interest in the relationship, or our goals and circumstances will change where our relationship is no longer tenable. Now let's go watch a movie."

If you communicated something like that you'd instantly shatter the illusion and mystery of the relationship, and they would in real time at that moment feel like the relationship is over. It's similar to what most people feel finding out that they are going to die one day (and being truly conscious of it for the first time).

The funny thing is it's the truth, and people keep saying they want the truth, but they actually don't. People actually want to be in the warm comfort of the lies 

Edited March 10, 2023 by Roy

[StarStruck]

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

Romance is nice… but emotional intimacy and connection is way more important to a woman. And romance is really only valuable to women because it is a vehicle for emotional connection.

And a relationship isn’t meant to be exciting and romantic most of the time… it’s meant to be calming and grounding. It’s meant to feel like home.

After the first three months of relationship, the hot exciting hormones subside and switch to deeper, calmer, and more addictive hormones that are geared toward long term pair bonding.

And romance is the icing on the cake, but emotional connection is the cake itself.

If the emotional connection isn’t there, there might as well not even be a relationship. This is what often makes a woman want to leave when she feels alone in her marriage. 

Without emotional connection, it’s just two people sitting in a room together.

Many men are okay with this because they don’t tend to value emotional connection as much as women do.

But most women can’t ignore this lack of connection. It’s a very deep need.

Like imagine a relationship where there was no physical or sexual contact. Think of how starved a man would feel in that situation.

Now multiply that starvation by 3, and this is what women feel like in a relationship with no emotional connection.

Emotional connection is a prerequisite for romance anyway.

[Gesundheit2]

@Roy Totally, haha! I've found that in social interactions it's always better to go along and let people's imagination to roam freely without interrupting it with the truth. And it's not like you necessarily have to lie. People always default to self-deception as long as you don't destroy it with the truth. It's even more exciting if you don't directly define your stance, whether it's the truth or not.

And in this specific case, women appreciate that you care and that you're trying even though they understand it's not possible for you to make them the center of your life. Some women desire affection more than others. It's just good food for their imagination. But most women are not comfortable being the center of a man's life. And for a good reason, because it's not a very healthy dynamic.

Edited March 10, 2023 by Gesundheit2

[mr_engineer]

@Roy

[Devin]

8 hours ago, Gesundheit2 said:

 

Then don't betray them.

The video about romance makes sense. But I don't understand how it is relevant to this discussion. If you're implying that the heartless rich person always wins against the mediocre romantic guy, then you're wrong. The mere fact that marriage exists shows how wrong that statement is. Most men get married even though they are not kings. Truth is, it depends on the woman. While the majority of women find money appealing, they still have to consider the lack of heart. And while probably all women find romance appealing, some of them still go with the rich guy. There are four different archetypes for men. And all of them are attractive. There is the warrior archetype, the king archetype, the lover archetype, and the magician archetype. Any one of them will work, and the more the merrier. But none of them at all is a very long shot.

          If you quit dating your woman after marriage, as in you turn off your extra charm or relationship drive, she will feel betrayed, the reason I referred to the romance video here is because it points out how you were deceitful, you swooned her for marriage and then in a man's mind after marriage "Hey we made it!! We can relax now! We've committed to each other so she knows how much I love her from that." but in a woman's mind " ...... What the hell happened?".

          Yes this is not why everyone divorces the video isn't targeted to divorce, it's just that divorce statistics highlights the difference between male and female psychology. But this is often a problem in long term relationships whether it causes divorce or not most people want to improve their relationship.

            You don't have to go all out all the time, but picking wildflowers once a week on the drive home, planning a date night every other week, and doing something progressively nicer for anniversaries actually goes an extraordinary way in building that emotional connection women desire, it's almost no work too but it really means something to a woman.

[Devin]

8 hours ago, Emerald said:

Romance is nice… but emotional intimacy and connection is way more important to a woman. And romance is really only valuable to women because it is a vehicle for emotional connection.

And a relationship isn’t meant to be exciting and romantic most of the time… it’s meant to be calming and grounding. It’s meant to feel like home.

After the first three months of relationship, the hot exciting hormones subside and switch to deeper, calmer, and more addictive hormones that are geared toward long term pair bonding.

And romance is the icing on the cake, but emotional connection is the cake itself.

If the emotional connection isn’t there, there might as well not even be a relationship. This is what often makes a woman want to leave when she feels alone in her marriage. 

Without emotional connection, it’s just two people sitting in a room together.

Many men are okay with this because they don’t tend to value emotional connection as much as women do.

But most women can’t ignore this lack of connection. It’s a very deep need.

Like imagine a relationship where there was no physical or sexual contact. Think of how starved a man would feel in that situation.

Now multiply that starvation by 3, and this is what women feel like in a relationship with no emotional connection.

       Like you said here "romance is really only valuable to women because it is a vehicle for emotional connection."

       The romance is for the "emotional connection" women desire.

Edited March 10, 2023 by Devin

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, Devin said:

       Like you said here "romance is really only valuable to women because it is a vehicle for emotional connection."

       The romance is for the "emotional connection" women desire.

No… romance is just one vehicle for emotional connection among many vehicles.

Emotional connection is much broader than romance.

And I find other vehicles more effective… like having deep conversation and spending time doing day to day things together.

Romance is nice here and there. Like, “Surprise! I brought you some flowers and some lingerie.” And it can add some spice to the connection.

But if it happens frequently, it loses its charm.

The biological reality is that constant romance and excitement is not sustainable in a long term relationship.

Out bodies are wired to get those excited feelings only in the first three months. Then it subsides to something deeper and more gratifying… but also not as exciting.

Relationship is very ordinary like that.