Not Passionate About Approaching, Please Help

[Something Funny]

It might sound weird but I just don't feel any actual desire to sleep with a girl when I approach her.

I finally got serious about learning game and even found myself a few wingmen. And what I've noticed is that they are really into it. They approach girls because they actually want to sleep with them. They discuss girls in between approaches, they comment on how hot this or that girls is, etc.

For me, I am just doing it for personal development, not for getting sex. I want to become more confident, more social, a better man in general. The idea of fucking some random girl doesn't excite me, even if she is really hot. I would like to have a gf, but this is not really feasible right now because of the following reasons:

1. I have more important stuff I want to handle first, like my career.

2. If I get a girlfriend I won't be able to do pickup, and that's what I am primarily interested in right now.

And so because I know that it won't lead anywhere serious in the end I am not trying that hard.

I do an approach and that's it, I feel like I already won because I got over my anxiety. And then I just half ass the rest of it. There is no motivation for me to push it because I am not really interested in the end result.

Plus it feels fake. Like I approach a girl, and pretend that I am interested and want to date her, but I am actually not. Deep down I know that I am faking it and that I just approached her for the sake of approaching her. And I guess they can feel this undecisivenes as well.

 

[Ulax]

@Something Funny You could just practice cultivating your charisma and your ability to have fun socialising. For example, go into a bar and just practice talking to everyone and having fun with everyone. Maybe work on self-amusing.

You could also see what happens if you don't jerk the little man for like a week. Maybe you just lack sexual energy at the moment, and if you get in touch with it, you'll be wanting to sleep with everyone and their mother,

[Leo Gura]

1) You are thinking too far ahead. Just focus on sleeping with the girl. Then let things unfold organically. It might go somewhere serious or it might not. Both are good.

2) You have control over your level of excitement for sex. You should practice just going out, talking to girls, and FEELING horny for them.

3) Fucking a random girl can be very exciting. You just aren't giving it a chance. You need to push through that initial period of discomfort and unfamiliarity. This is done by building deeper rapport with the girl. Learn to build rapid rapport and a genuine emotional connection with the girl. You should genuinely like her and be excited to sleep with her. For now, just fake it till you make it.

4) The early phases of pickup put you so in your head, so worried about doing the right techniques, that you have no room left in your mind to really FEEL horny for the girl. It's easy to forget that part. You must learn to use your horny feelings. To turn them on and off when appropriate.

5) You don't even understand how hot and exciting a girl is until you get her naked. Even a below average girl can suddenly become super hot and exciting once you got her naked and she's horny for you. So don't judge a book too much by its cover. Complete the pickup thru to sex. Then judge the situation AFTER sex. You just won't know how good the chemistry is until you have sex.

Stop doubting yourself so much. Self-doubt and negative thinking is killing your game.

Edited February 25, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Something Funny]

1 minute ago, Ulax said:

You could just practice cultivating your charisma and your ability to have fun socialising. For example, go into a bar and just practice talking to everyone and having fun with everyone. Maybe work on self-amusing.

So not even trying to get a number, just having fun interactions?

I feel like this would be more authentic and could work for me.

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

So not even trying to get a number, just having fun interactions?

NO!

You run every set thru to the end, till sex!

Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. Just trust the process. You need to learn how to pull and close.

You are sabotaging yourself.

Edited February 25, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Ulax]

6 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

So not even trying to get a number, just having fun interactions?

I feel like this would be more authentic and could work for me.

@Something Funny Yep.

But i guess what you should pursue depends on your goals.

Edited February 25, 2023 by Ulax

[Something Funny]

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Learn to build rapid rapport and a genuine emotional connection with the girl. You should genuinely like her and be excited to sleep with her.

But I don't want to build emotional connection with a girl when I know I am just using her for practice and for sex. I guess I am kind of afraid of hurting her eventually when I will have to leave her to continue my pickup journey.

I've also noticed that I don't want to approach girls who I would genuinely want to date and have a relationship with because I am kind of trying to save them for the future,  when I will actually have serious intentions. Idk if that makes sense.

 

[Something Funny]

3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

NO!

You run every set thru to the end, till sex!

Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. Just trust the process. You need to learn how to pull and close.

 

3 minutes ago, Ulax said:

@Something Funny Yep.

But i guess it depends on your goals.

Guys, that's kind of confusing 

I can see the value in fully completing the set. But is there any way I can tailor the process for myself so it feels more natural?

[Something Funny]

@Leo Gura also you are right, I've just started so maybe like you said I just need need to push through this initial phase of confusion and then I will start to actually like it.

I am not going to quit anyway, but I was wondering if I can make some adjustments so that the process feels more enjoyable and authentic. 

[Ulax]

7 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

Guys, that's kind of confusing 

@Something Funny I'm more saying that if your goal is to just be more social and confident, and don't want to learn pick up, you can do the just have fun thing.

I think Leo is more saying that you haven't really given pick up a chance yet, and that your lack of desire is likely just because your a newbie who's in their head and lack experience.

Edited February 25, 2023 by Ulax

[Something Funny]

@Ulax I want to learn pickup. But I want to learn it so that eventually,  when I meet a person who I will want to build a relationship with, I can attract them and be smooth and confident, instead of shaking, blushing, and stuttering...

Edit: I am definitely in my head, and definitely lack experience. So Leo is probably right and I should just stick with it and do what I am told, instead of trying to reinvent the wheel.

Edited February 25, 2023 by Something Funny

[Something Funny]

@Leo Gura @Ulax is there any practical way for me to giving a girl some value when approaching her? I've noticed that my current mindset is really focus on taking, to a point where I feel guilty approaching.

I want to change that so that I feel like I am doing something nice when I approach a girl. That I am making her day better, positively impacting her life, etc.

But I don't want this to just be a mindset that I have. I want this to actually be the case. Where even if it doesn't work out with a girl, after an approach, after a date, after sex, I still leave a net positive impact on her life.

How do I do that?

Edited February 25, 2023 by Something Funny

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Something Funny said:

But I don't want to build emotional connection with a girl when I know I am just using her for practice and for sex. I guess I am kind of afraid of hurting her eventually when I will have to leave her to continue my pickup journey.

You are thinking too far ahead.

Just go out and have fun. And ALWAYS try to establish deep rapport with people. Not just girls, guys too. View this as building connections with people. You will build many connections, many of them will not work out, but some will. Do not pre-judge. Just feel out how the chemistry works.

You never know. You could find your perfect wife girl tomorrow. Be open to that. But also don't be foolish. Realistically you will date many girls before you find "the one". Girls are not so fragile that you cannot have a few one night stands with them. As long as you are not promising them fake things.

Quote

I've also noticed that I don't want to approach girls who I would genuinely want to date and have a relationship with because I am kind of trying to save them for the future,  when I will actually have serious intentions. Idk if that makes sense.

This is pure horseshit your mind is concocting. Just excuses. You must get ruthless about not listening to your own excuses. Your mind will concoct dozens of new ones.

You need to think less and just approach, and work every set to the bone.

Edited February 25, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Vido]

3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You are thinking too far ahead.

Just go out and have fun. And ALWAYS try to establish deep rapport with people. Not just girls, guys too. View this as building connections with people. You will build many connections, many of them will not work out, but some will. Do not pre-judge. Just feel out how the chemistry works.

You never know. You could find your perfect wife girl tomorrow. Be open to that. But also don't be foolish. Realistically you will date many girls before you find "the one". Girls are not so fragile that you cannot have a few one night stands with them.

This is pure horseshit your mind is concocting. Just excuses. You must get ruthless about not listening to your own excuses. Your mind will concoct dozens of new ones.

You need to think less and just approach, and work every set to the bone.

I feel the question I have is, when the mind is messing me using images, thoughts, feelings and sensations, what's your process from getting out of that underwater feeling to a more excited one?

[Leo Gura]

2 minutes ago, Vido said:

I feel the question I have is, when the mind is messing me using images, thoughts, feelings and sensations, what's your process from getting out of that underwater feeling to a more excited one?

Simple:

Just focus on your ultimate vision: At the end of all this you will grow into a powerful, confident, high value man, and you will sleep with plenty of cute girls, and ultimately find your dream girl.

That's all you should be thinking about, not the negative crap.

Edited February 25, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Something Funny]

@Leo Gura thank you, Leo

[BuddhistLover]

23 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Simple:

Just focus on your ultimate vision: At the end of all this you will grow into a powerful, confident, high value man, and you will sleep with plenty of cute girls, and ultimately find your dream girl.

That's all you should be thinking about, not the negative crap.

Yeah, we gonna find the dream girl. Lets Go! That's my best friend Leo Gura!

[Miguel1]

On 2/25/2023 at 11:57 PM, Something Funny said:

But I don't want to build emotional connection with a girl when I know I am just using her for practice and for sex. I guess I am kind of afraid of hurting her eventually when I will have to leave her to continue my pickup journey.

I've also noticed that I don't want to approach girls who I would genuinely want to date and have a relationship with because I am kind of trying to save them for the future,  when I will actually have serious intentions. Idk if that makes sense.

Honestly sounds like a bunch of excuses for fear of succeeding with girls.

And this fear can stem from many places.

[vladorion]

Focus on what you feel passionate about.

Don't feel there's something wrong with you because you're not passionate about pickup.

It's actually a sign of maturity that you're not passionate about having sex with random women.

 

[Mask Seller]

On 2/25/2023 at 11:08 PM, Something Funny said:

It might sound weird but I just don't feel any actual desire to sleep with a girl when I approach her.

I finally got serious about learning game and even found myself a few wingmen. And what I've noticed is that they are really into it. They approach girls because they actually want to sleep with them. They discuss girls in between approaches, they comment on how hot this or that girls is, etc.

For me, I am just doing it for personal development, not for getting sex. I want to become more confident, more social, a better man in general. The idea of fucking some random girl doesn't excite me, even if she is really hot. I would like to have a gf, but this is not really feasible right now because of the following reasons:

1. I have more important stuff I want to handle first, like my career.

2. If I get a girlfriend I won't be able to do pickup, and that's what I am primarily interested in right now.

And so because I know that it won't lead anywhere serious in the end I am not trying that hard.

I do an approach and that's it, I feel like I already won because I got over my anxiety. And then I just half ass the rest of it. There is no motivation for me to push it because I am not really interested in the end result.

Plus it feels fake. Like I approach a girl, and pretend that I am interested and want to date her, but I am actually not. Deep down I know that I am faking it and that I just approached her for the sake of approaching her. And I guess they can feel this undecisivenes as well.

 

I totally understand what you are saying! Trust your intuition and own yourself! You know better! You came here to leave Your life. No Leo will tell you how to live your life! Maybe you just need to socialize more and just to put your self deliberately in more uncomfortable social situations. Why only if you sleep with the girl you gain confidence etc? I don't understand. You can approach as many as you want, tell jokes, flirt and go into groups, even talk to strangers and tell them random things in the streets. If you do what others say you will loose self-esteem and self respect!