What is the root problem for feeling bad after a rejection?

[UpperMaster]

Is there a way to permanently solve feeling bad after rejection and should we do it, or should we accept it as a common evolutionary experience. 

[Federico del pueblo]

@UpperMaster I've recently had several discussions about similar topics here with our fellow member @flowboy. From these discussions in combination with my own prior research and experience I conclude that in most cases (if not all of them) the root cause of these feelings is childhood trauma.

Certain behaviours during your childhood lead to negative responses from one of your caregivers or even other adults.

So when you did X and then got verbally abused by an adult for it you learned that "if I do X, mum/dad/this adult doesn't love me, so it must be bad to this and if I do this I am bad (and do not receive love)." Not receiving love feels painful for a child because as a child you dependon the love and care of your parents, so you aim to avoid any behaviour that could lead to you not receiving love. So your brain learns to associate "not being loved" (= rejection) with pain and therefore also associates behaviour X with pain.

Now if you get rejected as a  adult you will still feel that pain of "not being loved" as a child, you basically regress back into your child state of consciousness and think that it's the current event (the rejection) which makes you feel this way when in reality it's your unprocessed childhood trauma.

I'll search for the links where we talked about this and about a possible solution too.

Edited February 24, 2023 by Federico del pueblo

[Federico del pueblo]

 

 

In the 2nd thread just read the back and forth between me and flowboy.

 

[Basman]

There's no way to avoid feeling bad when things don't go your way, on some level. That's human nature. Feeling rejected is perfectly normal.

Best you can do is learn to deal with it. Not take it so personally. 

You can learn from a rejection, so it's not a purely negative experience necessarily. A lost opportunity can lead to a different path that ends up being right for you. Like a girl you crushed on rejected you but you grew your relationship with the boys as a consequence. Failure can grow you as a person.

Even if we could, we shouldn't strive to eliminate everything that feels bad in life. It's an important part of what makes us human.

[LSD-Rumi]

@UpperMaster developing a a deep sense of safety and self love and acceptance on the inside.

[Eyowey]

Be alone more without indulging in views, likes, comments and text messages. This puts you in a happy lonely bubble that rejection cannot penetrate.

[Arthogaan]

The root cause is not feeling worthy.

Learn to feel worthy always, no mattrr the circumstances.

Would God/Shiva/Emperor/King/Angel feel sad after rejection? 

Become an internal Emperor 

[Emerald]

On 2/24/2023 at 8:57 AM, UpperMaster said:

Is there a way to permanently solve feeling bad after rejection and should we do it, or should we accept it as a common evolutionary experience. 

Shame is the root of why you feel bad after being rejected.

Once you decouple rejection from the notion that it reflects some kind of inherent shamefulness in you, then rejection gets easier even though it’s still not fun.

[StarStruck]

On 24-2-2023 at 5:16 PM, Federico del pueblo said:

@UpperMaster I've recently had several discussions about similar topics here with our fellow member @flowboy. From these discussions in combination with my own prior research and experience I conclude that in most cases (if not all of them) the root cause of these feelings is childhood trauma.

Certain behaviours during your childhood lead to negative responses from one of your caregivers or even other adults.

So when you did X and then got verbally abused by an adult for it you learned that "if I do X, mum/dad/this adult doesn't love me, so it must be bad to this and if I do this I am bad (and do not receive love)." Not receiving love feels painful for a child because as a child you dependon the love and care of your parents, so you aim to avoid any behaviour that could lead to you not receiving love. So your brain learns to associate "not being loved" (= rejection) with pain and therefore also associates behaviour X with pain.

Now if you get rejected as a  adult you will still feel that pain of "not being loved" as a child, you basically regress back into your child state of consciousness and think that it's the current event (the rejection) which makes you feel this way when in reality it's your unprocessed childhood trauma.

I'll search for the links where we talked about this and about a possible solution too.

You personalize something that is depersonal. This is ego and it is the root of all suffering; the illusionary "I" that gets or doesn't get something.

[tezk]

You're human, you're going to feel like shit after a rejection. Just feel it & it will eventually move on. Over time you will desensitize to it.

[Federico del pueblo]

@StarStruck what do you mean?

What and how did I personalise? What would my text look like if I had not personalised it?

[flowboy]

It's perfectly possible to feel fine after a rejection.

When it feels bad, that's because of internalized shame.

Because you believe yourself to be inferior, and the rejection makes the unworthiness/inferiority story stronger.

This internalized shame should always be assumed to be from childhood (early or adolescence).

I've never seen an example where it's not.

The way to get rid of it, is through crying-in-context: shedding the unshed tears about the past.

Not willing to do that? Understandable, but then you're not going to feel fine about rejection.

The way to do it is through regression therapy, primal therapy, schema therapy, shadow work, or what have you.

I'm putting together a playlist on doing-it-yourself (more vids will be added in a couple days)

[PurpleTree]

On 28.2.2023 at 6:19 AM, flowboy said:

It's perfectly possible to feel fine after a rejection.

When it feels bad, that's because of internalized shame.

Because you believe yourself to be inferior, and the rejection makes the unworthiness/inferiority story stronger.

This internalized shame should always be assumed to be from childhood (early or adolescence).

I've never seen an example where it's not.

The way to get rid of it, is through crying-in-context: shedding the unshed tears about the past.

Not willing to do that? Understandable, but then you're not going to feel fine about rejection.

The way to do it is through regression therapy, primal therapy, schema therapy, shadow work, or what have you.

I'm putting together a playlist on doing-it-yourself (more vids will be added in a couple days)

Lovely. thank you

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwcuLLBUBiA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHfAMh6Edm4

[universe]

The need for acceptance/validation.

You can release this basic need with the Sedona Method.

I made a post about it some time ago.

Integrating Emotions