LSD trip report "dont you see..... it was only YOU here.......... all this time......

[Chives99]

This report is from the very first time i did lsd back in december 2016 i think i did write it on the forum but the server crashed and all the old posts got deleted. I'd heard countless stories of the amazing ability of lsd how it can open you up to move past emotional blockages and have divine insight into the nature of self and reality. I took 200ug but my brain is especially sensitive to psychedelics due to a build up of cerebal  spinal fluid. I'd done mushrooms before and that taught me what it was like to be free from identity and how nothing was needed from life when free from it. LSD was much stronger than that for me.

 

90 mins after i took it, my sense of physical reality broke down a vortex of swirling colourscapes and patterns, filled my experience. My experience was centerless as I couldn't point out where i was in this vortex or where this vortex was located as it overlayed my room, it felt like a different reality even though i could still see the room i was. My sense of self hadn't gone yet, stories were still present in this vortrex as sense of self is in the stories and not the recognising the body. for the next 90 mins I was sucked into the hellscape of the mind, I faced my darkest fears. There was a realisation that the ego was using its desire for sex to feel worthy and my desperation for it was really a desire to feel , whole and complete, not a loser and a failure of a human being. I felt like my whole identity had opened up and the whole world knew my vulnerabilities and horrible thoughts of wanting to hurt people from being pushed out of society. The ego desperately tried to run away, it didnt want to be caught, it did this by lashing out and believing it could still hold on to fighting to be a worthy a human being that would get its attainments to be complete. 

 

Leos voice then popped into my thought stream. "the ego is like a convict on trial trying to desperately to survive, he knows hes going to jail" ( something to that extent this was 6 years ago) What I can describe happened next was awareness became very meta, it felt like it was closing in on itself, so the outside was on the inside and vice versa. I then felt a VERY strange sense of deja vu, its like a remembering of something so familiar as its a recognition of whats always been the case, awareness that without content or objectivity.

 

I open up the actualised forum and looked at leos profile, he face was flashy psychedelic colours, and a thought popped in my awareness as if i was talking to Leo and it said "you dont need me for answers , just look inside of you". I stared at his pic as I was look at his pic it was if it was piercing my soul and saw right through me.

I laid up in my bed in absolute shock as my sense of being in a body evaporated , the mind was completely empty and no longer had a sense of location. " WOAH wait a minute...... is this it......? is this enlightenment???? " Leos pic just continued to stare into my soul as  if to say "yep thats right, welcome to the dead end" 

THEN EVERYTHING BECAME CLEAR

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ENLIGHTENMENT MEANS I DONT EXIST" i said out loud.

a thought then appeared in my awareness, now with this thought there was no longer a sense of me being a thinker, thinking thoughts, it was just like a thought appearing out of nothingness. the thought said " Dont you see.... it was only YOU here...... all this time., CMON MAN how did you think this was going to end??, did you really think you could hold onto your precious self"

In that moment everything was perfect, this was the deepest peace I didnt think was possible to exist it was like 1000 stronger than mdma peace. It was as if someone got a vial of liquid peace and injected it into my veins, it started at the top of my body then permeated through the rest of it. It would be fascinated to know what physiological changes were happening to my body and what chemicals were released. I laid back in my bed and Shiva appeared and started to laugh , I replied so "I'm the cosmic joke".

Within a couple of hours the effects of the drug wore off, the metaness of experience started to devolve and the ego returned trying to make sense of it all, it was really strange looking at my family the next day it was if i could see through them like they were a hologram within consciousness and they were spinning stories to make the me feel real.

 

When physicalism is seen through everything is of the same substance which is nothing, consciousness cant be something because then it would need another thing to justify its existence, God is nothingness.

 

[Breakingthewall]

36 minutes ago, Chives99 said:

God is nothingness.

the absolute emptiness of total existence. Hallelujah