Deep cravings for loving relationships

[Vlad_]

When I was a kid I was a very shy, unconfident child. In my teenage years I wasn't socializing at all, I was playing videogames instead and watching a lot of porn. In my university years I was socializing, but I had a few relationships. I never really was on a date though. 

Now I'm 25 and I have a 9-5 job and I work from Friday till Tuesday, so it also makes socialization process harder. I can easily talk to guys, but when it comes to women I feel very insecure. I have a strong believe that no beautiful girl would like my authentic self. Deep inside I have a feeling that I'm a weirdo and I won't be able to keep a girl I like. 

I tried to approach like 20 women, but it wasn't successful  and was extremely weird. 

For the last few weeks I've been feeling very lonely and like a victim. 

I've been listening to love songs and I've been watching a lot of romantic movies, dreaming about a girlfriend. I crave kisses, hugs, deep conversations and of course sex. Every time when I see a happy couple I feel jealous and bitter, but I'm trying to lie to myself that I don't feel these emotions or I "don't care". 

I work in a hotel and we have a restaurant in the same building. Few weeks ago a new cute waitress started working there and I find her very attractive, but I'm afraid and insecure to talk to here. I think she's too good for me. My mind uses a lot of thoughts against me such as:

"She's too good for you, she probably wouldn't like you",

"She already has too much attention from other guys, so yours wouldn't be noticed"

"She must be in relationships with somebody for sure" 

Also my mind questions my masculinity and self-worth by producing these thoughts:

"You're not a man, because you can't talk to women"

"You'll never be successful with women" 

"You're a week person" 

.....

When I have these thoughts I feel like crying. They make me feel depressed, anxious, unhappy and even suicidal. 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecJUnxzLVek

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuptHm-kZWo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcfis8Xxi8A

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3miuaOWsj8

 

[mr_engineer]

Day 1, lesson 1 of approaching - state is everything. And, you want to be in a masculine state. Here's what worked for me. 

 

 

[Roy]

What else do you do besides work? What kind of hobbies and interests do you have that are fun and give you fulfillment?

A big part of what it takes to attract women is to have passions and things that make you an interesting person, of course you shouldn't be doing those things JUST to attract a woman. You won't be able to enjoy them fully and once you get the woman it will probably be exposed you were putting on a show and she'll resent that, and you'll resent yourself.

Also you should lean into your quirks and natural style a bit, don't be afraid of that. In fact being secure with yourself being kind of a sensitive nerd for example is more attractive than desperately attempting to be some uber macho dude that you are clearly NOT. Women can't stand try hards/fakes, any good woman worth being with won't be fooled and can sniff that stuff out in an instant.

I would research into how to emotionally ground yourself and be more comfortable in your own skin and being alone. If it's causing such turmoil that it's make you depressed, unhappy, and even suicidal that's a BIG clue that it needs to be your top priority. That will help you more than any dating strategy at the moment.

I'd recommend talking to a therapist for at least a couple sessions to give you a strong direction of what you need to address, and learn some patience. Keep working hard and use your position to practice talking to different women every day without any expectations. Confidence comes with experience.

Edited February 23, 2023 by Roy

[puporing]

If you're in a state of great lack atm.. I recommend directing your focus toward several angles besides this relationship angle. This is to diminish the effects of rejection to your overall mental/emotional wellbeing where you might get some of those needs met elsewhere (while going about your ways to find a date/gf).

Some you might've heard but not think related:

- Talk to a therapist (maybe someone that is comfortable with more "close conversations").

- Join some groups/events that you share common interests in.

- Volunteer at a help/distress line (bit counterintuitive but it is one place where you can have close conversations with strangers). Or just try to talk to strangers in general (unconditionally), many you might find are happy to talk to you for a moment.

- Go meta and merge with God (and the feminine aspects of yourself).

Edited February 23, 2023 by puporing