When (almost) everyone rejects me.

[Mixcoatl]

Hey folks.

I'm recently struggling more than usual to have relationship with others. I wanna start this topic explaining something that always has happened to me.

When I was at elementary school I struggled a lot with my coexistence and relationship with my classmates. I had serious problems at home. I have been raised as Jehovah witness and my father was a violent alcoholic. These things made a veeeery introverted guy that in time my classmates used to bully me and take advantage of me. But also I think these things helped me a lot to look forward for something more in my life. Since I was a kid I had many interesting insights (which I won't expose in this post) that later, during my life, I understood why they happened to me and also, I've been corroborating that many people in the world have had the same insights.

Now, I'm trying to expose some of my understanding and insights with my closest friends and family but they don't even understand what TF I'm talking about. 

Latest incident was with my own blood brother. He is an extraordinary historian. I tried to talk about my latest insights with him but as response I have just been classified in a series of philosophical currents (sorry for my English) like: "everything you are talking about is postmodernism and ______". And things like: "it is true that during human history when people doesn't understand something, they appeal to God. It sounds like religion" "you don't know what you're talking about" "science is noble because, blah, blah". But he also doesn't even understand that I'm not even against him. 

I don't wanna expose my relationship with others either. But it seems that nobody understands what im talking about. Some have told me I'm autistic or Asperger or weirdo, etc. Some even think I should look for professional help XD. 

I'm currently studying music and it's the same with my teachers. They don't understand how I see music and they just keep on telling me that I don't know music just because I don't fit in that boring, academic approach of music.

The reason I'm exposing my struggle here is because I know there's many people here that cope with the same issue and maybe you can give me some advice on how to not feel frustrated with keeping my mouth shut and just pretending I'm a regular guy that talks about any regular shit and fits so well like everyone else around me.

 Thank you guys and it will be a pleasure to read you 

[meta_male]

Hey bro, I was raised in a cult similar to JW, I can relate to your struggles.

9 hours ago, Mixcoatl said:

Now, I'm trying to expose some of my understanding and insights with my closest friends and family but they don't even understand what TF I'm talking about. 

I wouldn't talk to them about your insights...keep them to yourself and share them with those who appreciate what you have to share. Don't throw your pearls before dogs.

9 hours ago, Mixcoatl said:

I don't wanna expose my relationship with others either. But it seems that nobody understands what im talking about. Some have told me I'm autistic or Asperger or weirdo, etc. Some even think I should look for professional help XD.

What you need is the exact opposite. You need someone who understands your experience and gives you encouragement. If you don't have anyone around you who does, then it's perfectly fine to deal with all this on your own for now. But make sure you get comfortable socializing with a lot of people on a regular basis so you can get a sense of what type of person you feel safest with. Chances are you don't have enough reference points and stay stuck in suppressive environments because of old beliefs and fear of ending up alone.

9 hours ago, Mixcoatl said:

I'm currently studying music and it's the same with my teachers. They don't understand how I see music and they just keep on telling me that I don't know music just because I don't fit in that boring, academic approach of music.

Perhaps this test can give you a little more insight in how you experience reality and act the way you do: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

Edited February 22, 2023 by meta_male

[Mixcoatl]

13 hours ago, meta_male said:

make sure you get comfortable socializing with a lot of people on a regular basis so you can get a sense of what type of person you feel safest with. Chances are you don't have enough reference points and stay stuck in suppressive environments because of old beliefs and fear of ending up alone.

That's precisely the problem, bro. That I don't feel comfortable with no body around me. Although I know they love me, i can't open myself to them and it makes me feel frustrated and shy.

Anyways, i understand what you're saying. I think I need to make an effort to go find different kind of people who not only loves me but also don't make judgements about my way of thinking 

[meta_male]

4 minutes ago, Mixcoatl said:

Although I know they love me, i can't open myself to them and it makes me feel frustrated and shy.

Do they love you in a way you feel free to be yourself? I doubt it.

[Noahsteelers34]

 

 

If I understand what your saying then I relate very much. When you have all these deep insights and it consumes your life it feels like you just want to talk about it and share it, but others don't reciprocate or understand. I would start talking about it and people would think I'm crazy. I went thru a phase of "no one will ever understand me"... it doesn't have to be that way bro. You wouldn't talk to an 8 year old about calculus, but that doesn't stop you from feeling connected with them.  It was huge when I learned to meet people where they are at. I started to treat my exploration of consciousness and god as sacred, while at the same time being shameless about sharing who I am. for example I can tell someone "yeah I'm very philosophical, it always fascinates me how its even possible that we exist". I can sprinkle that in and share who I really am without people needing to understand my thoughts about god, or go into deep philosophical talks because I already know they wouldn't understand. The purpose of human connection is not for them to validate your spiritual and philosophical explorations (ego), but rather to share positive emotions and love with others. I had to teach myself to just be humorful, not take life so seriously, and above all else be interested in others more than needing them to understand my philosophies... they never will. 

At the same time, you can meet people who will resonate with you more, but they still won't understand all your insights. why is it you need them to? if you are honest it comes from satisfying your ego.

Im not sure if I understood what you were saying but I hope that helps.

 

[Mixcoatl]

On 22/2/2023 at 4:58 PM, meta_male said:

Do they love you in a way you feel free to be yourself? I doubt it.

I feel they do love me but not enough to even respect what I think. Thanks for the things you said. I'm enforcing myself to be more consistent in my daily socialization.

 

19 hours ago, Noahsteelers34 said:

 

At the same time, you can meet people who will resonate with you more, but they still won't understand all your insights. why is it you need them to? if you are honest it comes from satisfying your ego.

 

It's crazy because today at work I had that understanding! it's just my ego that feels the need to be understood. At the end of the day, I think that's why we call it PERSONAL development. 

[Breakingthewall]

Why do you need others to understand you? The others are there to share and to love. what is deep inside you is the same as what is deep inside them, try to make that connect. Forget about being all the time releasing your special theories. they don't make any sense. Nothing mental matters, it's just a hobby. That is why we are in this forum, as a hobby that also strengthens our mind, an exercise. but it is empty, it is not real. the real is not mental

[Osaid]

You gotta let go of wanting other people to understand you. You understand yourself perfectly. That's enough. You don't have to prove or justify yourself to yourself, because you are yourself. And you know that you're just doing the best you can. Any other understanding that comes from other people is just extra cherries on top.
 

 

[meta_male]

On 22.2.2023 at 10:52 PM, Mixcoatl said:

That's precisely the problem, bro. That I don't feel comfortable with no body around me. Although I know they love me, i can't open myself to them and it makes me feel frustrated and shy.

Maybe what gives you hope for now is that you will not care about their opinions anymore in the future. You won't need their love because you will be the one giving it to them. You got this, man!

[Ulax]

On 21/02/2023 at 11:29 PM, Mixcoatl said:

Hey folks.

I'm recently struggling more than usual to have relationship with others. I wanna start this topic explaining something that always has happened to me.

When I was at elementary school I struggled a lot with my coexistence and relationship with my classmates. I had serious problems at home. I have been raised as Jehovah witness and my father was a violent alcoholic. These things made a veeeery introverted guy that in time my classmates used to bully me and take advantage of me. But also I think these things helped me a lot to look forward for something more in my life. Since I was a kid I had many interesting insights (which I won't expose in this post) that later, during my life, I understood why they happened to me and also, I've been corroborating that many people in the world have had the same insights.

Now, I'm trying to expose some of my understanding and insights with my closest friends and family but they don't even understand what TF I'm talking about. 

Latest incident was with my own blood brother. He is an extraordinary historian. I tried to talk about my latest insights with him but as response I have just been classified in a series of philosophical currents (sorry for my English) like: "everything you are talking about is postmodernism and ______". And things like: "it is true that during human history when people doesn't understand something, they appeal to God. It sounds like religion" "you don't know what you're talking about" "science is noble because, blah, blah". But he also doesn't even understand that I'm not even against him. 

I don't wanna expose my relationship with others either. But it seems that nobody understands what im talking about. Some have told me I'm autistic or Asperger or weirdo, etc. Some even think I should look for professional help XD. 

I'm currently studying music and it's the same with my teachers. They don't understand how I see music and they just keep on telling me that I don't know music just because I don't fit in that boring, academic approach of music.

The reason I'm exposing my struggle here is because I know there's many people here that cope with the same issue and maybe you can give me some advice on how to not feel frustrated with keeping my mouth shut and just pretending I'm a regular guy that talks about any regular shit and fits so well like everyone else around me.

 Thank you guys and it will be a pleasure to read you 

@Mixcoatl Hey dude,

Resonated with your post.

I think there might be something about having adverse childhood experience that makes you question the herd mentality a lot more, and see through the traditional narratives. I'd say that has been the case for me.

I think I have had very similar experiences to you in regards to intellectual viewpoints. I have studied law at a very prestigious university for quite a few years now. And, I have come to conclusions that are seen as radical by quite a few. Some of my coursemates would just laugh at me, and wouldn't take my viewpoints seriously and just trivialise them. Some professors too. However, I have met some professors and PHD students who see my views as really insightful. But i really struggle to be vocal with my views because its hard for me to have the confidence to keep dealing with people laughing at me for my views.

At the moment, I'm working on my inner psyche via things like gestalt therapy to try and get a level of emotional mastery. So, maybe some high consciousness inner work could be helpful.

I think also a fact of reality is that 99% of people simply do not think for themselves, including at universities. They simply unconsciously select points of views and become ideologues. And many of these can become prominent academics imo.

Maybe you will find some solace in listening to some of Noam Chomsky's videos online about academia too.

I agree with Leo when he talks about most people not being interested in truth. 

-----------

Edit: Also, perhaps you would find value in exploring different theories of music, i.e. via wikipedia. I would imagine there are lots of different theories of music and some scholars will have likely had the same sort of views as you. And if you do find a scholar with similar views then i think that would be reassuring to you, and would perhaps gain you more legitimacy in the eyes of your peers.

Edited February 24, 2023 by Ulax