1g Psilocybin Trip Report

[Mada_]

Tried shrooms for the first time last night.

My experience:

- 150uq lsd

- 200uq lsd

 

Male, 22, 80kg approx.

Did research including trip reports, and what happens to the brain on psilocybin.

Did a sauna, went for a quick snorkel in the ocean, some of The Work of Byron Katie to build my state during the day. I had a healthy meal midday and didn't eat until after the trip which I took at 7pm. 

Chopped shrooms and soaked them in a bit of lemon to reduce nausea, whilst I did Hatha Yoga, right before taking the shrooms.

 

After ingesting I wrote my intention in my journal: See what will arise when I ask questions regarding my life purpose, specifically what I want to create for the world. 

 

(these times are all approximations, I did not record the experience live)

The come-up: Laying on my bed, took approx half an hour to feel state change. Begun feeling giddy and blissful emotionally, slightly drunk. 

40mins: when I closed my eyes I could see faint, beautiful patterns, colours such as red and green, like a checkered spiral that twisted. Having random, shallow self revelatory thoughts such as "be kind to yourself". I remember thinking it was so crazy that my roommates literally picked these mushrooms off of the ground and now they are altering my perception.

1 hour: My mind started morphing with reality, it felt like my mind was being twisted, stretched then squeezed. At one point it felt like my mind was twisted, and my awareness was twisted past, almost ducking under my cognitive thought and touched reality, followed by a burst in amazement (tough to describe). The sensation of my mind being twisted, and particularly squeezed was very enjoyable. At one point it felt like my mind was being twisted as if you were to take two opposing corners of a bed-sheet, one with both hands and then cross your arms over, but from multiple 'points' of my mind. 

1.5 hours: Room slightly vibrating, very noticeably, when focusing this effect stopped.

I begun to ask the question: Must the human race continue? This is a question I have been stuck on when Visioning my LP, because I am not sure whether I want to somehow ensure the future of the human race with an explicit intention of helping people evolve and transcend. I concluded the human race can disappear, there is no governing body that claims that they must live indefinitely.

But then I asked the question - what if there is and I don't know?

 

I realised I have a genuine passion for philosophy during this trip. It is amazing that I get to question reality, and it is my ultimate tool for navigating life. I could see myself learning to keep returning to my unique perspective by asking "what is happening for me now?" instead of letting my mind wander off into other people's theories.

I have been thinking for a while whether I actually authentically value questioning and philosophy. I have felt like an imposter taking an interest in this stuff in my teens, I haven't put in the effort to pursue it like it is my mission in life. I genuinely don't know if I am cut out for deep spiritual work, maybe I'll end up like one of those people on this forum, or someone I'm sure you've met at any sort of new-agey seminar, who in ungrounded, deluded, and thinks they know everything already. But the fact that I can ask a question, then flip the question on myself, really test myself by saying "okay how do I know that?", gives me a great deal of encouragement at the potential of my own intellect. I thought about the people in my life who I've literally shown Leo's contemplation with a journal video or have seen it and haven't even tried it, or are in no way interested in philosophical work. This released a fair bit of doubt that I had. I contemplated for a while do I really want to sit in a room and ask questions for thousands of hours? because that really is the life I have been visioning. 

2 hour: I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I repeated words like 'I' and my own name whilst looking at myself, I begun to feel into my awareness, there was some significance of my breath, started to feel some oneness and it was fucking awesome. 

 

Vision as a Healer

What came to me regarding my question: Love People. My roommate came back from the movies and we were talking in the kitchen. She has very different intentions in life to me. But she is here, she is exactly the way she is and I love her haha, Idk if that was an insight or I made that up. Just seeing her how she was, was beautiful. I remember the first time I tripped having a similar yet stronger feeling for someone I didn't know that well, but having such a strong feeling of love. This feeling is really the most profound thing I have got so far, the most intense love I have felt is in the presence of another person, on psychedelics, I thought back to my job as a disability support worker, and one of my clients asking me to squash and cuddle them and tickle them, and the joy of giving affection to another person - so I begun to vision a career with this experience at the centre of it. I can see myself scouring the planet for healing modalities, travelling all over the world working with academics to tribal shamans to construct an opus of healing the human being. Before I went to sleep I lay on my pillow and realised I didn't feel as depressed as I usually do, i actually didn't realise I was depressed, when i would put my face on my pillow and let out a little sob I thought I was faking it because I felt most of the emotion in my face, but I just felt calmer and more at ease - this added a layer of meaning to my vision of helping people ground themselves, I thought "shit if this is how I feel after a little bit of mushroom, imagine years of health work, trauma release etc, then being able to help others do this."

I moved a picture of someone making music on my vision board and put it in the bin, then replaced it with an image I had in my 'emotion' section of someone getting guided through breath work, the vision felt so complete. I know I made it up but as I was visioning being a healer I could feel myself tearing up, if you look at my bookshelf and basically what I pursue in my life it feels very congruent. 

I visioned using intense love to heal people. And to love/help people 'from top to bottom', their health, heal their trauma, help them develop their intellect. I wrote things down like Integral Psychiatrist, Integrate Occult Healing with Western Medicine, start my own Primary School which teaches children bulletproof psychological tools. I saw myself as almost a mother to people, and played with the idea that perhaps it is not my role to keep all of society alive as humans are allowed to become extinct, but whilst humans do exist to love them whilst they are here.. "my life is not dedicated to humans, but a human, the one in front of me who I am helping in every single way". I would be using my passion for philosophy and questioning, my kundalini experience and altered states experience as a teenager, my interest in health an nutrition, to help people heal and grow into a more grounded, insightful version of themselves. 

Life exactly the way it is is dope

I saw my foot, and begun so ordinarily conscious that I had a foot. And how that alone is so awesome. I have a fucking foot. I was flexing my toes. Life exactly the way it is, is so beautiful. This made me think of the Sadghuru quote "it's not about becoming superhuman, its about realising being human is super". It so fucking is. It made me think, why isn't this apart of every conversation? Like shouldn't every conversation just be two people screaming at each other "why the fuck am I here! are you real?! am I real???" like we all just go about life working so fucking hard, throwing this matter around and its literally incredible.

It is so amazing just by itself that I can question, like perhaps I won't even get any "answer" or the 'answer' won't be a word blah blah blah, but the fact that here I am, and this mind goes "hey what's up? Wtf is this?" it's wild. I was able to see questioning as an end in itself. 

I don't need to change reality at all for it to be incredible, but this is perhaps my motivation to do spiritual work, if I gather correctly that spiritual work is intentionally aligning me with these kinds of realisations, the experience of appreciating my foot, the euphoric feeling I had in the mirror when feeling oneness. I've been not practicing anything regularly for a while now but I think I want to start taking it more seriously. 

other random thoughts

- I want to be more be gentle with the kids I look after at my work, I can be a bit firm in my tone of voice

- I want to stop trying to change my brother or push him in any direction, he has his own vision

- I should stop expecting people to understand me, nobody is obligated to understand or agree with me

- my body is pretty fucked, i should probably address the obvious pains and imbalances

- no I shouldn't have that beer, eat that etc. It is a stupid fucking idea

- if I was to sit upright and erect my spine, sit like Sadghuru, it would release a lot of pain, but would also take courage to do that in front of people. A lot of the pain in my neck and spine is potentially lack of courage to sit up tall and proud.

Edited February 22, 2023 by Mada_
Typos and unclear wording

[Leo Gura]

Nice work