I awakened and I don't like it

[Ninja_pig]

10 hours ago, SeaMonster said:

You read this forum, imbibed its solipsistic teachings and then, lo and behold, your trip reflects those teachings?

Well, isn't that just a pure coincidence, lol.

Yeah, I've taken psychedelics too -- some powerful ones.  Never in my experience did I get a message of solipsism from them.

If I acquired the idea of solipsism from Leo or this forum, wouldn't that mean that I would have also acquired the ubiquitous claim that awakening is pleasant?

Also, I don't think it takes a spiritual experience to recognize the logic to solipsism. Is it not an assumption that other people are conscious? After all, there is no real way to prove it. 

I've heard from others that every trip is different on mushrooms. You ever hear "there is only one thing going on, and you're it"? That is pretty much the entire claim of nonduality, and that claim pretty strongly implies solipsism.

[Ninja_pig]

16 hours ago, Hibahere said:

@Ninja_pig I would suggest you heal yourself before doing a trip again. For most people this feeling might be liberating but for someone like I also think I would feel the same. Maybe consider your past and try to feel into yourself, feel into how you felt if or when you were either abandoned as a child, or in your teens even in your whole life experience. Try to actively heal yourself and bring the two aspect together who are in opposition inside your being. Look up parts work or shadow integration and work hard towards that. Once you feel a shift in your being, then try this again to see if it feels different 
 

See I thought that I had already done that to a pretty large extent. I spent the better part of 2 years getting though all of my abandonment issues and it really felt like I truly overcame them.

Everyone is saying I must be the problem if I didn't like my trip. Maybe it's simply just heavy stuff? Maybe it's merely something that is very shocking to anyone who discovers it even if they are some kind of "fully integrated" person?

[Ninja_pig]

On 2/21/2023 at 1:47 PM, Flyboy said:

Well, first of all, doing some mushrooms is not an "awakening."  Yes I've done heavy mushrooms, yes I've had that experience.  It's not it, nor is even DMT or 5-MEO "it."  Nothing will be "it" while it is even possible for "you" to experience a "you", regardless of state.  Which is why psychedelics will never awaken you.

The problem is that your self-structure is still intact, and at subtle levels remained intact even at the peak of your "awakening".  But especially now, sober, you perceive everything through that filter, and of course the "I" does not like being lonely, and certainly doesn't like not being special.

Psychedelics can give you a taste, or a flavor, but it's still just not it.  5-Meo is like wrapping yourself in plastic and jumping in a pool.  It might really FEEL wet but you are still fucking dry.  There's no way to get wet through the plastic.  Enlightenment is being wet, and to take the analogy to an absurdity, it's actually like being the water itself.  The difference between BEING THE WATER and experiencing water through plastic is the difference between enlightenment and psychedelic "awakening".  This forum desperately needs to understand this, and Leo is not a good guide here.

Long story short: do the real work if you want to be free.  You're going to do it eventually, so why not just do it?

This is the best response so far. I think you're right. I mean I intuitively know that there are some (okay many) things I don't understand about spirituality. The longer I think about being completely alone the more okay I am with it, and the less I feel like I am a person in the conventional sense. I think that @Sincerity explained it well in another post. "Suicide is the only way to fully awaken, but god instilled me with fear (out of love) so that I don't do that" (not the exact quote btw).  Anyway I'm glad there is someone here who both validates my negative experience and gives me the real way out.

[Kalki Avatar]

You have some hidden belief/thought filtering your view of God as alone, lol. 

Too much fears or social traumas. 

Awakening does not feel alone, that is a human idea. 

When I experienced my awakenings I felt amazing and free. No words to describe it. No God, nor alone. Just. BLISSFUL SUPREME BEING (Silent Truth) in pure ecstatic freedom. 

In fact I didnt wanted to go back into the dream. I was mad that I kinda had to in order to survive. 

I suggest you heal and awaken meditating first. Quit the forum to cleanse those filters and then after being a clear blank, maybe take psychedelics again without expectations. 

This tends to happen to the majority of people who awaken on psychedelics while magnifying their inner false beliefs and have not awakened first by the natural way through meditation and removing all lenses. 

Dont try to fly without learning how to walk properly. 

Reading osho can also help you get a proper context of truth. Remember truth is the natural way. Ego ways are the unnatural way for survival. Its your ego trying to trick you back into its false ways. You are in reverse but not used to it. It takes some time to adapt. 

Edited February 24, 2023 by Kalki Avatar

[Leo Gura]

On 2/21/2023 at 0:47 PM, Flyboy said:

Well, first of all, doing some mushrooms is not an "awakening."  Yes I've done heavy mushrooms, yes I've had that experience.  It's not it, nor is even DMT or 5-MEO "it."  Nothing will be "it" while it is even possible for "you" to experience a "you", regardless of state.  Which is why psychedelics will never awaken you.

The problem is that your self-structure is still intact, and at subtle levels remained intact even at the peak of your "awakening".  But especially now, sober, you perceive everything through that filter, and of course the "I" does not like being lonely, and certainly doesn't like not being special.

Psychedelics can give you a taste, or a flavor, but it's still just not it.  5-Meo is like wrapping yourself in plastic and jumping in a pool.  It might really FEEL wet but you are still fucking dry.  There's no way to get wet through the plastic.  Enlightenment is being wet, and to take the analogy to an absurdity, it's actually like being the water itself.  The difference between BEING THE WATER and experiencing water through plastic is the difference between enlightenment and psychedelic "awakening".  This forum desperately needs to understand this, and Leo is not a good guide here.

Long story short: do the real work if you want to be free.  You're going to do it eventually, so why not just do it?

Silence, you imbecile!

YOU ARE NOT AWAKE!

How dare you think you're more CONSCIOUS than me.

Edited February 24, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Tanz]

@Ninja_pig People that want to be happy do not chase after enlightenment or awakening even though the end product will bring you everything a being can ever wish for.  Once you awaken, you can understand why people want to stay asleep.
 

Awakening requires you to give up so much. Becoming the mind of God grants you the power to feel and become everything. Feeling "alone" or "by yourself" is one of the things you experience.   Become more comfortable with it and do the work because if you do so, it will require you to be with others in a much more authentic and loving way because there is nothing they can give you that you don't have.    

Edited February 24, 2023 by Tanz

[The Mystical Man]

On 2/21/2023 at 9:47 PM, Flyboy said:

do the real work if you want to be free

What's the real work?

[The Mystical Man]

3 hours ago, Ninja_pig said:

Is it not an assumption that other people are conscious? After all, there is no real way to prove it. 

If everything is consciousness...

3 hours ago, Ninja_pig said:

"Suicide is the only way to fully awaken, but god instilled me with fear (out of love) so that I don't do that"

That's not even true.

[The Mystical Man]

3 hours ago, Ninja_pig said:

The longer I think about being completely alone the more okay I am with it

What's cooler than only being with yourself, forever? To be aware of the fact that you're only with yourself, that's the greatest spiritual power. Actually, it's not even a spiritual thing. It's a very down-to-earth human thing. As human beings we must accept the fact of our ultimate aloneness.

Edited February 24, 2023 by The Mystical Man

[bliss54]

You just got a taste with psychdelics, thats not the 'real' thing . 6 g of mushrooms also comes with a ton of nausea

[inFlow]

@Ninja_pig My only one concern with psychedelics is that it just blasts you off to Consciousness at the level of an Enlightened being who has done the work for decades. And as you can see your psyche and the level of development that you have is not ready to accept Truth. That's why DOING THE WORK is so crucial. Don't just play around with these substances, take them seriously with huge respect.

[Chives99]

Leo confusing people as usual with his non dual perspective , very zen

[Sincerity]

13 hours ago, Ninja_pig said:

I think that @Sincerity explained it well in another post. "Suicide is the only way to fully awaken, but god instilled me with fear (out of love) so that I don't do that" (not the exact quote btw).

Thanks! 

Very grateful to hear You find my shit worthy of consideration. 

[Ninja_pig]

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Silence, you imbecile!

YOU ARE NOT AWAKE!

How dare you think you're more CONSCIOUS than me.

What even is this forum lmao

[SeaMonster]

On 2/23/2023 at 0:23 PM, PurpleTree said:

Did you ever the feeling that you‘re „god“ though?

That's an inflation experience.  

14 hours ago, Ninja_pig said:

If I acquired the idea of solipsism from Leo or this forum, wouldn't that mean that I would have also acquired the ubiquitous claim that awakening is pleasant?

Why would a solipsistic experience be pleasant? Has anyone here actually claimed that? It seems pretty horrifying tbh.

14 hours ago, Ninja_pig said:

Also, I don't think it takes a spiritual experience to recognize the logic to solipsism. Is it not an assumption that other people are conscious? After all, there is no real way to prove it. 

Lots of "logic" is specious.  Lots of things sound logical when you can't recognize where the logic goes off the rails.

https://webhome.phy.duke.edu/~rgb/Philosophy/axioms/axioms/node43.html

14 hours ago, Ninja_pig said:

I've heard from others that every trip is different on mushrooms. You ever hear "there is only one thing going on, and you're it"? That is pretty much the entire claim of nonduality, and that claim pretty strongly implies solipsism.

You have to understand the difference between an experience of inflation (or cosmic ego) and the experience of nonduality.

If you expand your boundaries to include the entire universe, there is still an ego.  You're identifying with the all.

Nonduality means the very process of identification is dissolved.  This is virtually incomprehensible to someone who still has a fairly strong ego (and is susceptible to ideas like "solipsism.")  It's as if the idea of "ego" is meaningless.  It is seen as a fiction.  

This is not the same as '"I" am the only thing in existence.'

 

[Flyboy]

14 hours ago, The Mystical Man said:

What's the real work?

It is accepting every single experience, appearance, emotion, thought, feeling, sound, and even raw emptiness itself with all of your being and all of your love.  Over and over, through the deepest resistance inside you, through despair, through hell itself.  Choosing to love that which is utterly unlovable, utterly painful, utterly damning and unconquerable and unbreachable, even if it kills you (and it will).  Accepting that total acceptance will leave nothing behind, no trace of you or a world, no trace of existence or non-existence, of reality or unreality.  Accepting that YOU CANNOT DO THIS.  That a pure trust, from the center of your heart, is required.  True openness to no control, no knowledge, no understanding... a surrender to the totally impossible.  Put your entire being into this until it is finished.  That is the real work.

[Breakingthewall]

10 hours ago, Flyboy said:

It is accepting every single experience, appearance, emotion, thought, feeling, sound, and even raw emptiness itself with all of your being and all of your love.  Over and over, through the deepest resistance inside you, through despair, through hell itself.  Choosing to love that which is utterly unlovable, utterly painful, utterly damning and unconquerable and unbreachable, even if it kills you (and it will).  Accepting that total acceptance will leave nothing behind, no trace of you or a world, no trace of existence or non-existence, of reality or unreality.  Accepting that YOU CANNOT DO THIS.  That a pure trust, from the center of your heart, is required.  True openness to no control, no knowledge, no understanding... a surrender to the totally impossible.  Put your entire being into this until it is finished.  That is the real work.

I would say that the real work is to see through the deception, totally, and realize the reality. where will this take you? it is not known. hardly anyone has really done it. will it make you happier? crazy? suicide? no one knows, because there is no one. they are part of the deception.

Edited February 25, 2023 by Breakingthewall

[vibv]

@Breakingthewall Well said 

There's nothing to accept because Love is all there is, which is already completely accepting of everything.

[FourCrossedWands]

Yes, you have created this reality where others expect you to reproduce and live a mediocre life, otherwise you are considered a weirdo. While, in fact, there are no others and everything is just an illusion you have created for yourself.

I don't find this sad but rather "cringe"...

[vibv]

@FourCrossedWands The point is to transcend this. That's potential for pure joy. We're here to realise the potential of humanity, which is not what's happening right now, that's for sure.