Not feeling pursued by my love interest :(

[aklacor727]

@Emerald well actually, let me ask your advice on this. It’s clear I need to take at least a step back, but I was just looking.. i have initiated almost every single convo. You think at that point just completely stop initiating and see if he does. If I just took a step back I would still text him in day a day or two something casually. Like a good song i found, we have similar tastes. Thoughts? Step back or completely just stop n see. 

[aklacor727]

Well if nothing else this was a valuable learning experience. And now of course I’m thinking more after reading your comment. It’s weird how I diminish my worth like that to people. I do that all the time even not in dating scenarios. But I think partly it’s because i don’t want people to feel bad about themselves. like there were a few other things that could’ve made him look bad that happened. And made the next day a comment about how I was a little nervous this time. (It was v-day dinner date, so less casual I was a lil awkward not gonna lie lol). So I was trying to be a lil vulnerable to see how he responded, also if he was embarrassed about anything he’d know I wasn’t judging him about it if I said something like that. But yeah either way probably best not to do that anymore! 

Edited February 21, 2023 by aklacor727

[Emerald]

32 minutes ago, aklacor727 said:

@Emerald definitely. That makes so much  1000% agree.. ugh. Welp, it’s only been 3 dates. Not even 2 weeks. Maybe it’s not to late . But  I shall see if he reaches out. In the meantime I’m moving on assuming he won’t lol. If he does it’ll be a nice suprise. 
 

thank you ?❤️

You’re welcome ?

It’s still a possibility that it’s salvageable.

And your best possible chance is to stop rowing the boat and see if he picks up the oars.

[Emerald]

37 minutes ago, aklacor727 said:

@Emerald well actually, let me ask your advice on this. It’s clear I need to take at least a step back, but I was just looking.. i have initiated almost every single convo. You think at that point just completely stop initiating and see if he does. If I just took a step back I would still text him in day a day or two something casually. Like a good song i found, we have similar tastes. Thoughts? Step back or completely just stop n see. 

I would probably stop initiating altogether for a little bit… like a week or two. And see what he does.

Ideally, you’ll want a scenario where he’s initiating 60-80% of the conversations at this point in the courtship process.

I highly recommend checking out the YouTube channels of Adrienne Everheart, Helena Hart, and Rori Raye.

They all talk about staying in your Feminine energy and focusing on attracting and sorting instead of focusing on pursuing.

You can also check out Mark Rosenburg’s channel.

Here’s a video that could help with creating that space…

 

[aklacor727]

That sounds perfect. I feel better about this. It is what it is I’m happy to have had the experience either way. Look forward to checking out the channels ?

[flowboy]

9 hours ago, flowboy said:

So now to turn that around I think it’s best to say it explicitly but in a feminine way. Just tel him that you appreciate how he can take charge (even if he doesn’t yet - what you appreciate grows), and that would really turn you on if he would completely make the date happen from beginning to end.

You forgot about this. I recommend you do this right away and then lean back. Suddenly expecting the dynamic to change without any notice could just be perceived by his half-asleep brain as your lack of interest 

[flowboy]

6 hours ago, Emerald said:

And saying he’s a cut above other guys just communicates that your expectations of him aren’t high since he’s already exceeded your expectations from the get-go without any real challenge.

Spot on 

[aklacor727]

@flowboy I do want to say that. But he never responded to my last text a couple of days ago… so it would be really random, unless I initiate AGAIN.. yesterday I was anxious today it’s whatever, I’ve accepted it probably ended up just being a good learning experience. If he perceives it as me losing interest it’d only be because of his lack of effort so if he wants to regain my interest he’ll have to actually put some effort in. 
 

if for some reason we do talk again though that will absolutely be being said. 

[Average Investor]

On 2/20/2023 at 4:33 AM, aklacor727 said:

What I ended up doing was going out with my friends and meeting up with him afterwards because I was annoyed about that and wasn’t going to wait around. I called him while I was there and that’s when we figured out plans. He wasn’t assertive then either really was just like whatever you feel like doing! He’s very laid back. 

Directly communicate your needs to him. If you want him to take more charge on your plans, then tell him. What you are doing here is protesting his behavior in a more subtle way. He might not even directly correlate that with what you are wanting as your need. It also might make him feel like you care about it less potentially too. 

 

 

[aklacor727]

@Average Investor So true. I never even thought about how it could come off that way. But in all honesty I was kinda  trying to distract myself from the anxiousness of not hearing from him yet…and be able to have a fun night whether he canceled or not. He went out all night the night before and was still sleeping at 3:30pm. So yes I did think it was a little rude as well so there was a bit of what you described mixed in for sure lol and direct communication would have saved some frustration!

 

[aklacor727]

@Emerald @flowboy  UPDATE!

 Spiritually related and I know this is the dating section so just fyi if that type of stuff doesn’t interest no need to read! But figured maybe some people here would appreciate it

Synchronicities/interesting timing, law of attraction, psychic predictions coming true,  as well as going with the flow of what life is bringing me, I think has lead me to my ACTUAL future husband lol (hopefully maybe)

I was referring to that guy as my future husband to my friends after the first date! I wanted to being that energy into the universe  and I realized that it was more that he was just the exact type of guy I pictured myself with rather than any actual feelings yet. And now I’m thinking that scenario meant to happen as a learning experience for me to meet the right one? ?SO after I decided to move my focus elsewhere from that guy, I found a dating site that had the most type of men that are my type. And in my bio I described what I am a fan of personality wise. (Law of attraction)

So THEN. I meet this guy, very much my type as well, ends up fitting the personality description great too. And now a little back story…. I saw a psychic that had a very good reputation back in my early 20s. She knew a lot of things but also predicted a lot of things and I do believe some psychics are legit. So check this out! she said she saw me marrying someone that his work had to do with houses or buildings. (This guy is a union plumber). Also having multiple properties, and she specifically mentioned Arizona and/or San Diego. 
(I had gone on a San Diego trip prior, and to this day it’s still one of my favorite places). I was JUST talking to someone about that like 3 days ago for the first time in ages. So he is from San Diego!!! (Synchronicity for sure.) I had no idea either until after I met him in person. He wants to move back there and has goals of flipping houses and having rental properties.  I also am big into home renovations personally so that fits perfectly! There were other big things that fit what she said  too but I don’t want to ramble on too long. All of this seems like too much to be a coincidence to me!

So I will see how things progress but it’s feeling very positive! I have a little bit of butterflies and smile when I think about him, his love languages I very much like as well so we are off to a great start ?

 

Edited February 27, 2023 by aklacor727

[Average Investor]

@aklacor727 I have been there myself with those types of things in relationships. Best to try to communicate what you want, when you can. I notice people subtly doing those kind of protest type behaviors as well, then I directly ask them how I can improve for them. 

There is a lot of games and bs that western dating has for early stages. If you tell someone directly what you want early on, it should weed out a lot of bad partners too. Just observe how they react and how they change based on your need. If they don't want to directly communicate, then that could be a problem long term.