Mother mentally torturing me again

[zurew]

7 hours ago, Hibahere said:

And like @Gesundheit2 said its very hard in a 3rd world country where you are only expected to move out once married. Thatshwy pakistan has so many mamas boys and girls with daddy issues

One other option could be to move to one of your friends. If you don't have such friends,then more socializing could be very beneficial for you because 1) you don't need to stay home with your mother during the time you are out, 2) you can meet new people who could potentially shower you with certain opportunities (lets be it a part time work opportunity, or a cheap place where you could live, or you could meet with your future husband).

So you can either go hard on socializing and/or on dating or you could work a part time job.

[Gesundheit2]

@Something Funny @zurew Moving to a friend's house is like committing suicide. There are only three places a woman is allowed to live in in a third world country (especially the more religious it is):

1. Parents' house.
2. Husband's house.
3. The grave.

Edited February 22, 2023 by Gesundheit2

[zurew]

1 hour ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Moving to a friend's house is like committing suicide. There are only three places a woman is allowed to live in in a third world country (especially the more religious it is):

 

Are there actually laws that would prevent a women from doing those things (this is a genuine question, not a rhetorical one) or it is more about all the negative effects of incredibly harsh and strong judgements and social pressure coming from that society?

If its the latter, then I would say that, I don't want to  downplay social pressure, because thats a really strong force for sure, but I would personally rather get judged than to stay in a toxic relationship ( but i can totally understand why others would rather stay in that relationship, especially if the social pressure is incredibly harsh and especially if you get indoctrinated very heavily with certain worldviews and social norms )

 

Edited February 22, 2023 by zurew

[Gesundheit2]

@zurew I don't know about other countries, but my country's law system is secular and reserves civil rights as long as they don't openly oppose traditional laws. A perfect example of this opposition would be gay marriage (or even relationships), as they are absolutely forbidden under all circumstances.

But it's not just social pressure and harmless judgement that you'd deal with. You could actually get killed or at least physically hurt. I've heard several stories of men killing or beating up their sisters, mothers, daughters, wives, etc. as a way of disproving of her deeds in order to defend their honor, even if that's against the law. It's not just imagination or social conditioning. These stories are real. Although sometimes, the offender gets their fitting punishment, but when that happens, the damage is done and it's already too late.

It's not like you would imagine. You might be thinking that 90% of women follow the social norms, but there are 10% that don't and OP could be one of them if she's up to the challenge. Well, I haven't been to Pakistan, but if it's like my country, then the percentage is absolutely 100% that follow social norms (I'm not exaggerating), and not a single female in the country lives on her own away from family or husband.

The only scenario I've seen that did not follow that rule is if the girl is studying for college in another city, so she has to move to that city temporarily away from her family. But even that is highly controlled and she is sent there with at least one female friend or family member.

Edited February 22, 2023 by Gesundheit2

[Hibahere]

@Gesundheit2 I love this

[Hibahere]

@zurew trust me, the sexism and hyper critical views on my dressing especially that I face from even women of this country are more than psycholpsycholy torturous. Our cultural bs and societies toxicity is so strong that if a foreign woman came here to live she would commit sui****. 

[Hibahere]

@Gesundheit2 ou are 100 percent correct. Every day I go to university with the fear of being judged, harassed or even Physically harmed. Our culture uses the teachings of Islam to justify honor killings, when Islam prohibits and punishes such acts. Yes I am one of those privileged ones that live in a city, yes I wear jeans shirts instead of the traditional shitty burqa, yes my home feels a safer place as compared to the horseshit outside world but trust me...I still face a lot that I'd so hard for me to mentally handle. I'm still strong, I still stand up for myself whenever I have to. Today some university personel called me out on my dressing, she scolded me and threatened me even though I was wearing modest dressing and my parents never restrict me. I couldn't believe myself when I stood up for myself and insulted her back, I called her a bitch as well. Much to my surprise she was a member of the disciplinary committee and now I am being called there...lol. I can handle that as well but trust me sometimes I break....I take things to heart and living in this country is very stressful. My parents did take me to another city to give a test for a top university here. I didn't pass though. I have no relative there and they trust me enough to be alone on my own so yes I do have some advantages and opportunities as compared to other women.

Edited February 22, 2023 by Hibahere

[Gesundheit2]

@Hibahere There are pros and cons to everything. Our culture is highly protective of women which is good in essence, but at the extremes it becomes suffocating. Contrast this to western culture which gives women a lot of freedom, the women there fall easily for sexual predators like Tate because the family system there is too weak against freedom it cannot protect the young girls. So as a result of this, a lot of western women end up having to learn the lesson the hard way. It's not a perfect world, and there are always tradeoffs. But if you're conscious, you will be able to make it anywhere. I would say your best bet would be on achieving good education and then moving out of the country entirely. I don't think your parents will oppose that if you prove mature and responsible and you are not too young.

[Hibahere]

@Gesundheit2 yes definitely 

[sda]

@Hibahere Who is the breadwinner of your family? Who earns money in your family to support you? Does your father earn money to support your family or does your mother earn money to support your family?

[Hibahere]

@sda dad does 

[Eternal Unity]

@Hibahere Leo went through something similar, I believe. PM him.

[TheAlchemist]

If you can't move out, consider taking a trip out of the home for at least a few weeks. The sense of power she feels she has over you is likely connected to your lack of options. If you go away for a while, she might become more aware that if she wants to remain close to you she can't act any way she wants towards you. She's taking you for granted and abusing that power. There's a big power in saying no and in walking away. These are the types of situations where a bit of stage red energy can be very healthy. 

[sda]

On 23/02/2023 at 1:38 AM, Hibahere said:

@sda dad does 

Isn't your dad their to support you in those moments when your mother mentally tortures you?

[Ulax]

@Hibahere I'd check out Dr Ramani's Youtube channel

[Hibahere]

@sda no