Is it worth having children?

[r0ckyreed]

Thanks for all of your responses guys I appreciate the input!

I get those of you who say it is selfish and self-centered to not have kids, but don’t overlook your double standards. Any choice you make in life is going to be for your own self interest. You could argue that having kids is selfish. Society is already biased and puts pressure on people who don’t want kids to have kids.

To be most effective at being selfless, one needs to honor one’s needs, values, desires, and development. If you neglect your highest desires, you won’t be good for anyone or the world. The world needs everyone of us at our best, and that starts with honoring our purpose. Selflessness and selfishness go full circle.

My purpose may not be to have kids, but I will still be ejaculating and reproducing into the world because that is my highest desire. I am an existential therapist and have just started that chapter of my life purpose. If I have kids, I see that slowing down my goals in my life purpose as of right now.

This is all a lesson for me that this is an area I lack clarity on and need to contemplate even more. 

Edited February 20, 2023 by r0ckyreed

[supremeyingyang]

@r0ckyreed

[Ulax]

@r0ckyreed Imo, there is quite a lot of bias in societies in favour of people having kids. I think people get flustered by child free people because it goes against a cultural norm that many take as a necessary part of life. So, by going against that norm you affect their sense of self identity. Hence you get a rather emotional response, imo. I find the argument that its selfish not to have children a bit ridiculous. Its way too black and white to my mind. 

I'd check out the r/childfree subreddit, just so your mind can get in touch with the fact that there are a lot of folks who decide not to have kids.Also, its probably important to get perspectives from someone of a similar expected socioeconomic stance to you. I.e. its quite common for a middle class person to be pro having children and just gloss over all the added difficulties that they would have if they were working class and raising kids.

[Emerald]

10 hours ago, inFlow said:

@r0ckyreed There are plenty of pros to having children and those will be said by other people here who comment, but I only want to say that you don't Love her ENOUGH  believe me, when you reach the highest levels of Love for a woman it overflows into the need to have children with her. I have a phrase that goes like "I Love you so much that I want to give you children". When a woman is SO in Love with her man, she wants to somehow materialize that Love. When you asked your Mom and Dad where did you come from they almost always say "Daddy Loved Mommy, and Mommy Loved daddy and then you came into being" they weren't lying, that the ACTUAL formula for you! It's LOVE! If you want to be a good philosopher then actually experience what's it like to be SO in Love with a woman that you WANT to have children with her

This is a really romanticized and unhelpful way to think about having children… mostly because it equates romantic passion with the desire for the act of raising children.

And a person could want the former without truly wanting the latter… and be tempted to engage with the former anyway as an expression of passionate love.

Also, some people just don’t want kids. And that doesn’t mean that they love their partners any less. It’s just not right for their life.

And when you equate procreation/sex with passionate love in such an exacting way, it can lead to reckless family planning decisions and an adversarial relationship to birth control.

Also, it is unwise to breathe children into existence as a testament to their parents love and passion in the heat of a moment.

It’s important to really understand the child as independent of being an expression of love for the other parent.

[inFlow]

@Emerald I know all the niuanses you just mentioned. I just wanted to speak about one aspect and that's it, why flood this thread with things that everybody already know.

12 hours ago, Emerald said:

There are plenty of pros to having children and those will be said by other people here who comment, but I only want to say

Re-read my quote.

[flowboy]

23 hours ago, inFlow said:

@r0ckyreed There are plenty of pros to having children and those will be said by other people here who comment, but I only want to say that you don't Love her ENOUGH  believe me, when you reach the highest levels of Love for a woman it overflows into the need to have children with her. I have a phrase that goes like "I Love you so much that I want to give you children". When a woman is SO in Love with her man, she wants to somehow materialize that Love. When you asked your Mom and Dad where did you come from they almost always say "Daddy Loved Mommy, and Mommy Loved daddy and then you came into being" they weren't lying, that the ACTUAL formula for you! It's LOVE! If you want to be a good philosopher then actually experience what's it like to be SO in Love with a woman that you WANT to have children with her

Well said.

 

[flowboy]

19 hours ago, r0ckyreed said:

I get those of you who say it is selfish and self-centered to not have kids

That's not what I said, I hope you didn't interpret my comment that way.

You're not hurting anyone by not having kids. That would be absurd.

I was rather making a more feeling based point: that you seem to be a bit overly cold and logical, just like Leo, and you may miss out on the best things in life that way.

It can help to interact with children, to get a sense of how it would be like, and how they can also inspire and motivate you in an entirely different way.

Do you have nephews you can babysit?

Edited February 21, 2023 by flowboy

[r0ckyreed]

On 2/21/2023 at 4:22 AM, flowboy said:

That's not what I said, I hope you didn't interpret my comment that way.

Correct. It is what some of you may think but doesn’t seem like you.

I am overly logical and you make a good point to try and see how I like interacting with kids. I am really selfish and I think it has to do with the stage of life I am in (young adulthood). My biggest fear is making irreversible decisions that restrict my freedoms. Maybe my views will change in 5-10 years when I have more of my life figured out.