I Have No Idea What Is Happening...

[bloo]

Hello guys. So in the past few months or so I found this Naked Reality guy. He has a different approach to all the enlightment, meditation stuff and I decided to try his stuff out. Pretty neat to be honest. 2 weeks ago I had an interesting meditation experience. I will copy-paste the experience description from the message I left under one of his videos "Hey Rali it's me again. So I've just been meditating and again I had this extreamly interesting experience. I felt like I was enormous, without boudaries like infinite but still finite at the same time. I couldn't pinpoint where was this happening. I was constantly expanding but still I was here. My room started to feel like it got HUGE and the objects were expanding with it. The distance between me and the objects was constantly changing but remaining the same and as my feet started to feel numb i had this weird sensation as my body was dragged down but mentained at the same place. Is this going towards "The thing" ? I kinda already know what you are going to say tho (Makyo) but still i kinda want to know since in a previous video you talked about "The silence, and there is nothing more, that's it". Cheers." After that experience, my mood sky-rocketed and after 8 years of smoking (started at 12 !!!!) I freaking quit cold turkey just because one time I decided to not be a slave to the cigarettes anymore (and after watching Leo's video for the 3rd time I think, on addiction) (I'm saying this because smoking was kinda a part of me and I NEVER DO ANYTHING beside video games. I was honestly amazed). But now that week has passed, and now I feel like absolute trash, after I meditate I start to feel angry for some reason, yesterday I kinda had a rage episode, I was at my university's counseling today, and obviously they said it's depression. I have literally no reason to wake up in the morning, and at this point, honestly, I would rather die just because I don't have any meaning to life, jobless, moneyless, no friends, no gf, I'm talking to my parents like they are trash cans. I don't understand why the fuck this is happening and I honestly don't understand why that week was something "special", before being kinda the same how I am now. How the sensation of being huge influenced my mood up, started a routine including Wim Hof's breathing techniques for 30-45 mins a day and then a really cold shower. I don't even feel like doing that nor meditating anymore, feeling stuck and just wasting my days in my room.Forgot about the "Oh I wanna do this with my life" and after a short time it goes away. Then again for other thing. Then I come back to the first thing. It seems I'm freaking stuck in a loop of thoughts being forsaken not to learn from my mistakes. But it doesn't go through.....

Cheers. 
 

[eskwire]

@bloo First, your ego doesn't want to change, so you're backsliding after having an ego diminishing experience.

Second, you have nothing to live for because you are focusing on your possessions.

Gf, friends, job, meaning. 

Anybody who has that shit needs to understand it's temporary.

Your gf could leave you tomorrow.

Your friends of many years might not answer your text. And they might never talk to you again because your consciousness is rising above theirs.

You could get fired after lunch.

Your ideas about the world could be a cookie factory of broken dreams in a half hour.

Fixating on possessions brings suffering.

Oh yeah, you don't have it. How sad.

Oh yeah, you have it and it's going to leave. How sad.

Take action. You know what you do have every moment of every day?

Opportunity.

And that's it.