I Have No Idea What Is Happening...

[bloo]

Hello guys. So in the past few months or so I found this Naked Reality guy. He has a different approach to all the enlightment, meditation stuff and I decided to try his stuff out. Pretty neat to be honest. 2 weeks ago I had an interesting meditation experience. I will copy-paste the experience description from the message I left under one of his videos "Hey Rali it's me again. So I've just been meditating and again I had this extreamly interesting experience. I felt like I was enormous, without boudaries like infinite but still finite at the same time. I couldn't pinpoint where was this happening. I was constantly expanding but still I was here. My room started to feel like it got HUGE and the objects were expanding with it. The distance between me and the objects was constantly changing but remaining the same and as my feet started to feel numb i had this weird sensation as my body was dragged down but mentained at the same place. Is this going towards "The thing" ? I kinda already know what you are going to say tho (Makyo) but still i kinda want to know since in a previous video you talked about "The silence, and there is nothing more, that's it". Cheers." After that experience, my mood sky-rocketed and after 8 years of smoking (started at 12 !!!!) I freaking quit cold turkey just because one time I decided to not be a slave to the cigarettes anymore (and after watching Leo's video for the 3rd time I think, on addiction) (I'm saying this because smoking was kinda a part of me and I NEVER DO ANYTHING beside video games. I was honestly amazed). But now that week has passed, and now I feel like absolute trash, after I meditate I start to feel angry for some reason, yesterday I kinda had a rage episode, I was at my university's counseling today, and obviously they said it's depression. I have literally no reason to wake up in the morning, and at this point, honestly, I would rather die just because I don't have any meaning to life, jobless, moneyless, no friends, no gf, I'm talking to my parents like they are trash cans. I don't understand why the fuck this is happening and I honestly don't understand why that week was something "special", before being kinda the same how I am now. How the sensation of being huge influenced my mood up, started a routine including Wim Hof's breathing techniques for 30-45 mins a day and then a really cold shower. I don't even feel like doing that nor meditating anymore, feeling stuck and just wasting my days in my room.

Cheers. 

PS : I am not sure if I posted this thread on the right board, but I will be posting it on the enlightment board as well.

[SLICKHAWK]

Rali says he doesn't meditate anymore however he teaches it. strange. perhaps focus on I. yourself.

Let nobody stand in only I am.

[Nahm]

You are the chooser. That special week, something triggered you to choose your own path towards happiness. You didn't keep on that path, so the momentum of your old path / ways came back. 

Appreciate that power of your own mind. See that you felt terrible from the momentum or days or what you put in front of yourself. See that you can eventually be very happy, all you have to do it point yourself in that direction.

The easiest way would be to listen to positive stuff while you're playing your video games. Be easy on yourself. If it takes a month until you start feeling better, let that be ok. At the worst, it's a month of chilling and playing video games. I promise you though, if you have such videos on, even while playing games, you are soaking it up. When you get feeling good again (another special week so to speak) be sure to keep it going. I recommend Abraham Hicks on YouTube. It may seem silly or 'full of shit' but you have to realize what you're putting in front of you is what you're thinking about, and your emotions and perspective are coming from what you're thinking about.