Good at creating initial attraction, horrible at taking advantage

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xg9LIJjNU0k

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19wDKBoT2zU

 

[SamC]

4 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

Well interesting. I think i’m quite in tune with my feminine though. Since i was raised by a single mother and never really had stable great male role models also was always kind of sensitive. I’m often less in tune with my strong male side and huge issues approaching, i’d rather be approached and courted like a cute shy girl ?☺️

Yes I know you feel you act femenine but this femenine behavior is behavior from your shadow, its subconcious. You need to make it conscious. I had the exact same response when someone told me this exact thing I told you because I am also quite feminine and I thought I needed to be more masculine and got angry when someone told me otherwise.

What I thought when someone said I needed to be more femeinie was this.

>>>>>>>>>

This is bullshit! I AM TO FEMENINE.

I've been the nice guy and it doesn't work

I don't stand up for myself

I need to stop care what people think.

I am a coward

I am weak

I can't be femenine

I NEED TO BE MASCULINE.

---------

And what I figured out is that this thinking actually was what was stopping me from being masculine.???? 

If you want to be masculine you need to give space and allow your femininity. You're not doing that right now. You don't love being feminine, yoy hate it and feel like that it has taken control over you. You feel dominated by yourself, by the femenine.

The key is to find a way to releese this way of thinking and allow yourself to be who you are because when you do that you provide masculine containment for yourself. Notice how you can't be masculine without allowing the feminine to exist, whether it be outside or inside.

Listen to me bro, because I've been exactly where you've been.. I am pretty short aswell and I've always been brutally rejected by woman+ have had crippling low self esteem but I figured it out enough to get laid and land a girlfriend.

And the way to do it is to integrate your femenine side!! Because that's the only way to be masculine.

@PurpleTree

Edited February 17, 2023 by SamC

[PurpleTree]

3 hours ago, SamC said:

Yes I know you feel you act femenine but this femenine behavior is behavior from your shadow, its subconcious. You need to make it conscious. I had the exact same response when someone told me this exact thing I told you because I am also quite feminine and I thought I needed to be more masculine and got angry when someone told me otherwise.

What I thought when someone said I needed to be more femeinie was this.

>>>>>>>>>

This is bullshit! I AM TO FEMENINE.

I've been the nice guy and it doesn't work

I don't stand up for myself

I need to stop care what people think.

I am a coward

I am weak

I can't be femenine

I NEED TO BE MASCULINE.

---------

And what I figured out is that this thinking actually was what was stopping me from being masculine.???? 

If you want to be masculine you need to give space and allow your femininity. You're not doing that right now. You don't love being feminine, yoy hate it and feel like that it has taken control over you. You feel dominated by yourself, by the femenine.

The key is to find a way to releese this way of thinking and allow yourself to be who you are because when you do that you provide masculine containment for yourself. Notice how you can't be masculine without allowing the feminine to exist, whether it be outside or inside.

Listen to me bro, because I've been exactly where you've been.. I am pretty short aswell and I've always been brutally rejected by woman+ have had crippling low self esteem but I figured it out enough to get laid and land a girlfriend.

And the way to do it is to integrate your femenine side!! Because that's the only way to be masculine.

@PurpleTree

I thought my problem is more an inferiority complex, some ptsd and social anxieties and overthinking. If you think not owning my feminine side is the main culprit, what are some steps to own it?

i do stand up for myself. I can also be very confrontational. It’s just a huge fear of rejection and showing interest in a woman fear of coming off as needy, and also similar as you low self esteem or lets call it very unstable. I actually haven’t really been rejected and also not brutally because i don’t even let them, hehe joke’s on them.

Edited February 18, 2023 by PurpleTree

[SamC]

10 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

I thought my problem is more an inferiority complex, some ptsd and social anxieties and overthinking. If you think not owning my feminine side is the main culprit, what are some steps to own it?

Psychadelics and or anima integration. Google anima possesion. 

10 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

i do stand up for myself. I can also be very confrontational. It’s just a huge fear of rejection and showing interest in a woman fear of coming off as needy, and also similar as you low self esteem or lets call it very unstable. I actually haven’t really been rejected and also not brutally because i don’t even let them, hehe joke’s on them.

Maybe I am wrong, but if I where you I would look into what I've said deeper and investigate if there is any truth to what I am proposing. Good luck!

 

[Mada_]

Dude did you watch Leo's game series? 

Literally none of what you have said here has anything to do with attracting a woman, you stood in a club and thought things, you've done no work to attract anybody here. 

You can literally approach any woman in your vicinity, get their attention then talk to them. There is literally nothing stopping you except your decision not to do it. 

You can't attract any one if they don't meet you. 

[Frosty97]

Actually I have a similar problem, Good at first attraction but don't take advantage of it.

Any suggestions?

[PurpleTree]

On 19.2.2023 at 7:05 AM, Mada_ said:

Dude did you watch Leo's game series? 

Literally none of what you have said here has anything to do with attracting a woman, you stood in a club and thought things, you've done no work to attract anybody here. 

You can literally approach any woman in your vicinity, get their attention then talk to them. There is literally nothing stopping you except your decision not to do it. 

You can't attract any one if they don't meet you. 

I’m traveling right now and often in hostels so i‘m already talking to more women than i usually would. Still the huge fear of rejection, overthinking and also i never really make it sexual as fear of coming off as a creep.

also some chronic fatigue so usually too tired to go out and when i do force myself to go out often don‘t have any energy/serotonin/dopamine left to „entertain“ a woman. Maybe i can try more with modafinil.

 

9 hours ago, Frosty97 said:

Actually I have a similar problem, Good at first attraction but don't take advantage of it.

Any suggestions?

i think we‘re stuck in this being nice thing because of early childhood mother issues or whatever. The fear of coming off as an asshole, creep, and being rejected. Alsonthebfear of what others think when they see me get rejected.

Edited February 20, 2023 by PurpleTree

[Mada_]

On 21/02/2023 at 4:19 AM, PurpleTree said:

I’m traveling right now and often in hostels so i‘m already talking to more women than i usually would. Still the huge fear of rejection, overthinking and also i never really make it sexual as fear of coming off as a creep.

also some chronic fatigue so usually too tired to go out and when i do force myself to go out often don‘t have any energy/serotonin/dopamine left to „entertain“ a woman. Maybe i can try more with modafinil.

 

i think we‘re stuck in this being nice thing because of early childhood mother issues or whatever. The fear of coming off as an asshole, creep, and being rejected. Alsonthebfear of what others think when they see me get rejected.

I mean if you have serious, debilitating health issues you can work on those separately, or while you are approaching. 

Owen Cook used to say work on the full spectrum of your personal development e.g. finance, career, trauma, health etc. but keep approaching whilst you're doing this.  

You are not going to 'want' to go out every night, game can be a slog, it take APPROACHES and conversations for it to be fun. But you're travelling ffs like what else are you doing other than sightseeing and socialising. 

 

I don't want to gaslight you because you could have genuine issues that you should prioritise over dating, but its sounds like you have a lot of excuses. Like 'fear' isn't an excuse not to approach, you're not going to get over a fear of people by not talking to people. And you probably are a creep, think about it you're literally talking to girls to have sex with them, a creep isn't an outlandish description, but this doesn't mean you intend to harm anyone physically or traumatise them in any way. Contemplate how you could be respectful, its not that difficult though, if someone's not interested "have a good night", if someone doesn't like your Kino stop and "oh sorry". 

Fear, rejection, coming off as a creep, you can do inner work on this which is a great idea, but a remedy for these is talking to people. Get in a light-hearted conversation, relax your body, it is hard to think about this stuff when you're talking absolute shit. You're travelling dude!! Take girls on funny adventures - round up your friends and some chicks and do a night swim, bounce girls to some bar for old people just because it would be funny, rent those electric scooters (if your city has them) and zoom around on them at midnight. My favourite part about socialising or game is ending up in situations I wouldn't normally put myself in, it is a very positive, light-hearted process, it's nerve wracking but it is definitively adventure it you want it to be. 

 

Rematch Leo's game series, it is literally the sole reason I am no longer a virgin. You either haven't watched it or have just forgotten what he said, he addresses like all the concerns you have. 

[PurpleTree]

2 hours ago, Mada_ said:

but a remedy for these is talking to people.

I am i meet a lot of intresting people while travelling actually. Usually i‘m scanning them and situations for proof that „they don‘t like me“ though. Which can be and is exhausting.

Also in a way i‘m probably an introvert who wants to be the life of the party.

 

 

[Mada_]

3 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

I am i meet a lot of intresting people while travelling actually. Usually i‘m scanning them and situations for proof that „they don‘t like me“ though. Which can be and is exhausting.

Also in a way i‘m probably an introvert who wants to be the life of the party.

 

 

I am certainly introverted. People aren't obligated to like you though, the majority of people I have talked to whilst going out have been plain rude, I see it as them communicating to me that they aren't interested in me, nobody owes you anything really. If you are in a populated area and talk to enough people you are likely to find someone who is interested though, or at least just have a funny conversation. 

 

All of the limiting beliefs you have written down in this thread can be used as prompts for inner work, could list them in your journal. That being said your doubts sound similar to mine, the vast vast majority of people are nervous socialising, all these doubts you're having sound normal. It's your choice as to what they stop you from doing.