Good at creating initial attraction, horrible at taking advantage

[PurpleTree]

It has been like that for years and yrs.

just came back from the club. 3 really cute girls showed interest in me even though i’m not tall or whatever, came next to me, danced, threw their hair in my face. But i’m just blocked to take advantage. Even one of their friends dragged her away but she came again. In the end another dude made out with her as almost always even though she liked me more the beginning i think.

i know i’m an extreme overthinker extremefear of rejection and it’s too much about me me me and my feelings but still don’t know how to get out of that.

i feel sorry for me because it could be so easy but also for the girls who are interested but the purptree is just blocked with silly shame.

[flowboy]

@PurpleTree

Wanna get rid of those feelings blocking you?

Can't get around them.

Gotta work through them!

Maybe now you're motivated enough to go deep

[NoSelfSelf]

There is no blockages when you are one with yourself!

Now you are pulled by outside forces by your programing your past experiences...

You actually want to block yourself but you dont even know it!

Thats why game is about becoming one with yourself, where everything you do and think is your original thinking and now its enviroments thinking,girls thinking,expectations etc. All mixed up to create coctail of emotions...when you are connected to yourself there are no emotions its just your intentions your ways etc. its incredible how it works if your attention is outside you are having emotions if its by you there is no emotions of blockages..

[Emerald]

10 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

It has been like that for years and yrs.

just came back from the club. 3 really cute girls showed interest in me even though i’m not tall or whatever, came next to me, danced, threw their hair in my face. But i’m just blocked to take advantage. Even one of their friends dragged her away but she came again. In the end another dude made out with her as almost always even though she liked me more the beginning i think.

i know i’m an extreme overthinker extremefear of rejection and it’s too much about me me me and my feelings but still don’t know how to get out of that.

i feel sorry for me because it could be so easy but also for the girls who are interested but the purptree is just blocked with silly shame.

What you can do in these cases is to create a more innocent form of physical contact. That way you don’t feel like you have to go from 0% to 100%.

So, let’s say that you’re in the same room as a girl and you want to get closer to her…

Look up something interesting on your phone that would take you over a minute to tell her about.

Let’s say that you and your friends went on a trip somewhere cool and you want to show her the pictures from that trip.

And you’d invite her over to check out the pictures. 

And if she’s interested, she will probably take that opportunity to sit very close to you and lean in because you’ve given her plausible deniability.

If she’s not interested, she will find a way to create space so as not to give you the wrong idea.

And if she is interested and does sit close, move your leg slightly to make slight contact with her let. But do it such the you have plausible deniability. Nothing that feels too deliberate.

If she’s not interested, she will move her leg away to make room for yours.

But if she is interested, she will keep her leg there and might even move slightly closer to subtly and deliberately communicate to you that she likes it.

Then you can be more deliberate about the physical contact that your leg is making against hers.

And even if you’re talking about the trip, the sub-communication that’s happening there is obvious at that point. And she knows that you know and you know that she knows.

And from there, once you get enough signals… you can make deliberate eye contact and if she holds it, you can lean in to kiss her.

So, I wanted to share this hypothetical scenario to give an example of how to inch closer without having to make a big leap.

And in the club it’s even easier. If she’s dancing with you, you can initiate subtle physical contact at first with some degree of plausible deniability. Then she will lean into in or pull away. And if she leans in, then you escalate further.

[Eternal Unity]

12 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

i feel sorry for me

Don't be. I'm just like you. It's a good path. God has in store for you such a beautiful girl - your jaw will drop when you'll see her. You'll have all the love, all the sex, all the freedom, understanding and power of the spirit YOU ARE. Imagine that times a billion. And that is just one experience in The Eternal Now

Edited February 16, 2023 by Eternal Unity
Twin Flame

[PurpleTree]

21 hours ago, flowboy said:

@PurpleTree

Wanna get rid of those feelings blocking you?

Can't get around them.

Gotta work through them!

Maybe now you're motivated enough to go deep

Thank you dude. Yea maybe. 

 

18 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

There is no blockages when you are one with yourself!

Now you are pulled by outside forces by your programing your past experiences...

You actually want to block yourself but you dont even know it!

Thats why game is about becoming one with yourself, where everything you do and think is your original thinking and now its enviroments thinking,girls thinking,expectations etc. All mixed up to create coctail of emotions...when you are connected to yourself there are no emotions its just your intentions your ways etc. its incredible how it works if your attention is outside you are having emotions if its by you there is no emotions of blockages..

it does seem like theres stuff stored in my body the way i get triggered so easily.

 

10 hours ago, Emerald said:

What you can do in these cases is to create a more innocent form of physical contact. That way you don’t feel like you have to go from 0% to 100%.

So, let’s say that you’re in the same room as a girl and you want to get closer to her…

Look up something interesting on your phone that would take you over a minute to tell her about.

Let’s say that you and your friends went on a trip somewhere cool and you want to show her the pictures from that trip.

And you’d invite her over to check out the pictures. 

And if she’s interested, she will probably take that opportunity to sit very close to you and lean in because you’ve given her plausible deniability.

If she’s not interested, she will find a way to create space so as not to give you the wrong idea.

And if she is interested and does sit close, move your leg slightly to make slight contact with her let. But do it such the you have plausible deniability. Nothing that feels too deliberate.

If she’s not interested, she will move her leg away to make room for yours.

But if she is interested, she will keep her leg there and might even move slightly closer to subtly and deliberately communicate to you that she likes it.

Then you can be more deliberate about the physical contact that your leg is making against hers.

And even if you’re talking about the trip, the sub-communication that’s happening there is obvious at that point. And she knows that you know and you know that she knows.

And from there, once you get enough signals… you can make deliberate eye contact and if she holds it, you can lean in to kiss her.

So, I wanted to share this hypothetical scenario to give an example of how to inch closer without having to make a big leap.

And in the club it’s even easier. If she’s dancing with you, you can initiate subtle physical contact at first with some degree of plausible deniability. Then she will lean into in or pull away. And if she leans in, then you escalate further.

Thanks yea that is good advice. Although showing someone pictures just because i want to check their bodily reaction seems a bit fake. 

[PurpleTree]

With the club thing theres so much going on. Simple things like girls grind with their ass so scared/embarrassed to get a boner. Here a simple solution could be to buy tighter underpants. But also i fear to destroy the initial attraction if she sees me clearly. Even though there is no real proof fot that. Huge fear of rejection and of letting people down or disappointing them. Also some kind of perfectionism and wanting to appear cool, nice, pretty, perfect. You know how some hot women make weird faces when you look at them because they want to appear hot and look pretty, i’m similar in that way.

[PurpleTree]

8 hours ago, Eternal Unity said:

Don't be. I'm just like you. It's a good path. God has in store for you such a beautiful girl - your jaw will drop when you'll see her. You'll have all the love, all the sex, all the freedom, understanding and power of the spirit YOU ARE. Imagine that times a billion. And that is just one experience in The Eternal Now

I mean i don’t know. Better not wait for that.

[PurpleTree]

Then there’s the loud “scary” club environment. Want to look cool infront of others. Or at least not like a weird uncalibrated antisocial loner or whatever. And especially not needy. Overthinking all these things. Also kind of add so it’s hard to not be distracted and focus on one thing or one woman. Then i often want the woman who i can’t have, which is probably just out of fear and blockage etc.

Edited February 17, 2023 by PurpleTree

[Emerald]

50 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

Thanks yea that is good advice. Although showing someone pictures just because i want to check their bodily reaction seems a bit fake. 

No… don’t fake it. Have it be something you genuinely want to show her as a human being talking to another human being. It’s part of developing intimacy to share something interesting with her.

And it’s not just to check her bodily reaction for the sake of confirmation. 

It’s to give HER an excuse to sit next to you and get physically closer to you. And for you to read her cues and subtly escalate the situation into physical intimacy.

So, it’s all about connecting and building fondness and intimacy.

As a woman, this is one of my favorite types of escalation to be on the receiving end of. And that’s because it’s very subtle and lends to anticipation and lots of opportunities for sub-communication.

It also gives the woman a lot of control over the escalation of the physical aspect. So, it feels non-intrusive.

And it is an indicator that the man has a degree of subtlety and social/emotional  awareness that many guys lack.

[SamC]

1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

With the club thing theres so much going on. Simple things like girls grind with their ass so scared/embarrassed to get a boner.

Be proud of your boner bro. If she grinds her ass agaisnt you and you get a boner, don't hide it, push it against her so she can feel it too.

It seems like you're scared to show your sexual intention with girls because you have this idea that girls don't like it when you show that you want them, but it's quite the opposite. Girls love to be desried.. and Girls love sex 

It's just that they have to be in the mood, feel safe and attracted to you. When that's done, she wants to be your little slut so don't hide that you want to fuck her, don't hide your desire for her! Dare to stand for what you want ( her).

 

Edited February 17, 2023 by SamC

[Leo Gura]

Learn game. Stop wasting time.

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

With the club thing theres so much going on. Simple things like girls grind with their ass so scared/embarrassed to get a boner. Here a simple solution could be to buy tighter underpants. But also i fear to destroy the initial attraction if she sees me clearly. Even though there is no real proof fot that. Huge fear of rejection and of letting people down or disappointing them. Also some kind of perfectionism and wanting to appear cool, nice, pretty, perfect. You know how some hot women make weird faces when you look at them because they want to appear hot and look pretty, i’m similar in that way.

If a woman is grinding on you, she’s going to anticipate that you’ll get aroused. In fact, if she’s grinding on you, she might be trying to get you hard.

But it seems to me that you might be imagining lots of negative situations in your head about how she’ll react.

Kind of like, if you’re reading all the signs of interest but make one not-so-perfect move, that she will do a 180 and now she’ll be judgmental about it.

But what I would challenge you to do, is to practice imagining things going well.

If you’re constantly imagining rejection, this will increase your anxiety.

But if you train yourself to anticipate your advances being reciprocated by envisioning scenarios where women are responding well… this can cut down on your anxiety.

[StarStruck]

You are thinking too much and you think thinking more will solve the problem while thinking too much is the problem in the first place. Just do some meditations to get out of your head because there is no book for what do you do when she flips her hair or rubs against me. Those other guys are not in their head and just let it happen.

[Ulax]

@PurpleTree Growth mindset my man.

You've been applying a certain strategy in your game so far, and the feedback you are seemingly getting is that you aren't improving in this highlighted aspect of game.

I'd research ways to overcome your inner blockages and/ or how to run your nights so that you do not overthink. I.e. what are you doing between interactions. you could do a thing where after every interaction you think of something funny about that interaction. If that doesn't work try something else. Just keep practicing, experimenting and then reflecting.

Edited February 17, 2023 by Ulax

[PurpleTree]

9 hours ago, SamC said:

Be proud of your boner bro. If she grinds her ass agaisnt you and you get a boner, don't hide it, push it against her so she can feel it too.

It seems like you're scared to show your sexual intention with girls because you have this idea that girls don't like it when you show that you want them, but it's quite the opposite. Girls love to be desried.. and Girls love sex 

It's just that they have to be in the mood, feel safe and attracted to you. When that's done, she wants to be your little slut so don't hide that you want to fuck her, don't hide your desire for her! Dare to stand for what you want ( her).

 

 

8 hours ago, Emerald said:

If a woman is grinding on you, she’s going to anticipate that you’ll get aroused. In fact, if she’s grinding on you, she might be trying to get you hard.

But it seems to me that you might be imagining lots of negative situations in your head about how she’ll react.

Kind of like, if you’re reading all the signs of interest but make one not-so-perfect move, that she will do a 180 and now she’ll be judgmental about it.

But what I would challenge you to do, is to practice imagining things going well.

If you’re constantly imagining rejection, this will increase your anxiety.

But if you train yourself to anticipate your advances being reciprocated by envisioning scenarios where women are responding well… this can cut down on your anxiety.

Yeah if only she sees it then it would be ok-ish, still a bit embarrassing. But i usually wear loose boxers and wore shorts at that party two days ago, so then everybody could “potentially” see it and it would be really embarrassing. Hence i need tighter underpants. 
But yea i am kind of scared to show sexual intent or any intent for that matter because of the fear of rejection and coming of as needy. Would be nice if leo made an episode about neediness, how to be non needy etc.

[SamC]

1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

 

Yeah if only she sees it then it would be ok-ish, still a bit embarrassing. But i usually wear loose boxers and wore shorts at that party two days ago, so then everybody could “potentially” see it and it would be really embarrassing. Hence i need tighter underpants. 
But yea i am kind of scared to show sexual intent or any intent for that matter because of the fear of rejection and coming of as needy. Would be nice if leo made an episode about neediness, how to be non needy etc.

1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

 

Yeah if only she sees it then it would be ok-ish, still a bit embarrassing. But i usually wear loose boxers and wore shorts at that party two days ago, so then everybody could “potentially” see it and it would be really embarrassing. Hence i need tighter underpants. 
But yea i am kind of scared to show sexual intent or any intent for that matter because of the fear of rejection and coming of as needy. Would be nice if leo made an episode about neediness, how to be non needy etc.

@PurpleTree To Solve this you need to work on how to trust yourself more, because what do woman want? Woman want someone who they can trust and rely on and how can she do that if you don't trust yourself?

Its not that you're unattractive or that girls don't want to or that you're fucked because you're short or whatever. it's that you show to woman you can't embody (contain)  your femenine side ( which is trust) which in extension show that you can't embody (contain) her femeninty either. She doesn't feel safe because you don't feel safe yourself.

Learn to integrate your femeninty. Look into the term anima integration.

Edited February 17, 2023 by SamC

[PurpleTree]

1 hour ago, SamC said:

@PurpleTree To Solve this you need to work on how to trust yourself more, because what do woman want? Woman want someone who they can trust and rely on and how can she do that if you don't trust yourself?

Its not that you're unattractive or that girls don't want to or that you're fucked because you're short or whatever. it's that you show to woman you can't embody (contain)  your femenine side ( which is trust) which in extension show that you can't embody (contain) her femeninty either. She doesn't feel safe because you don't feel safe yourself.

Learn to integrate your femeninty. Look into the term anima integration.

Well interesting. I think i’m quite in tune with my feminine though. Since i was raised by a single mother and never really had stable great male role models also was always kind of sensitive. I’m often less in tune with my strong male side and huge issues approaching, i’d rather be approached and courted like a cute shy girl ?☺️

[PurpleTree]

12 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Learn game. Stop wasting time.

I should go out more for sure. Most often i’m too tired in the evening though. Sometimes going out is fun can also be a real bitch with some social anxiety. 

 

9 hours ago, StarStruck said:

You are thinking too much and you think thinking more will solve the problem while thinking too much is the problem in the first place. Just do some meditations to get out of your head because there is no book for what do you do when she flips her hair or rubs against me. Those other guys are not in their head and just let it happen.

I don’t really think that though. I know i’m thinking too much and overthinking most things. Do you have specific meditation techniques which make you think less? 
this far o tried vypassana, mantra meditations. What helped the most was mdma and almost being blackout drunk (which obviously aren’t healthy)

when i’m tipsy usually feel weird and often more anxious, when drunk i’m still overthinking. Almost blackout drunk is when my inner critic starts to shit up and i make out more with girls etc.

[StarStruck]

1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

I don’t really think that though. I know i’m thinking too much and overthinking most things. Do you have specific meditation techniques which make you think less? 
this far o tried vypassana, mantra meditations. What helped the most was mdma and almost being blackout drunk (which obviously aren’t healthy)

when i’m tipsy usually feel weird and often more anxious, when drunk i’m still overthinking. Almost blackout drunk is when my inner critic starts to shit up and i make out more with girls etc.

This one is good to let go of insecurities, traumas, and other ego stuff

But what I advice is that you are aware in your life from moment to moment, living from a meditative state.

To me it sounds (unconscious) thoughts/emotions get a hold over you and you get paralyzed; you lack consciousness. So be mindful/observing of yourself but at the same time relaxed, confident and grounded.

When you observe a pattern you break the chains of that ego. It frees up and it can be used for creativity. Socializing is creativity.

Edited February 17, 2023 by StarStruck