how can i help someone?

[In_Search_Of_Truth]

my significant other has a multitude of mental issues, including; OCD, BPD, SH(though not recently), ED, anxiety, and depression among others. she has a large mass of trauma including SA, generational trauma, abuse from previous relationships, and a general inability to be easily open and emotional. i want more than anything to help her, I feel that she needs someone to love her through the dark nights, to talk to when things get bad. don't get me wrong, when its good its great, and she is never mean or aggressive toward me. she is difficult sometimes, with random dissociative episodes and depressive states brought on by her ED and random outside influence affecting her emotions. any advice that you guys can give me? I just want to help her heal.

[In_Search_Of_Truth]

@Judy2 I have always made it clear that I do not expect anything from her, that she is perfect exactly how she is. I try my best to be supportive and always here to listen. Would it be a good idea to use positive reinforcement? For instance, show that I am proud of her when she is doing good, and simply listening when she is having a bad day. Or would it be best to avoid the subject in the brighter moments as to avoid causing a change in mood?

[Salvijus]

Maybe just play it by ear. You can know what to do in each situation by being attuned to the present moment and the guidence of the heart instead of the eternaly confused mind.

Start to rely more on that for your answers would be my advice. Learning to play things by ear can take a long time. However it's probably the only solution to these type of problems that will stand valid in the end.

Also you're probably the only one here who knows what u should do the most bc you're the only one here who has a full picture of what the situation is like moment to moment. 

P.s. having a good intention to help someone is already enough in many ways i believe.

Edited February 16, 2023 by Salvijus

[In_Search_Of_Truth]

@Judy2 do you happen to have any experience in dissociative episodes? she seems to go into these blank states, it can become hard for her to communicate how she is feeling and what is currently affecting her. by any happenstance would you have any advice on how to bring her out of, and prevent future episodes.

i have noticed that there are certain precursors, physical and emotional stress seems to bring them on. for instance, a few days back she got a random phone call from her grandmother (a fairly regular occurrence). her grandmother said maybe she should not eat so much chocolate (I had bought her a small assortment for valentines day), so that she can keep the weight off, and stated that "she looks so much prettier than last year".  she is, at the present moment a healthy weight, and has been confident in herself, working out, and eating plenty. the phone call had an immediate impact on her, she became nauseous and distrought. and proceeded to spiral into a dicociative episode, was not really communicating and seemed out of it, then fell asleep for around two hours. when she woke up she was groggy at first and appeared to be fine, but claimed to not remember anything before her nap. is there anything i can do to break her out of an episode or prevent one in the future? i know outside influence cannot be helped, but i would like to know if there is anything on my part that can be done.

[flowboy]

Get her to do Primal therapy. Preferably go with her and both do it.