What Should I Do When My Parents Discuss?

[Mondsee]

Not sure if this is the right forum to post this on, but anyways...

So, my parents make a big deal out of many stupid situations, it's like they're very used to discuss and that's their way to solve their issues. That's none of my business, and yet I feel it affects me.

When they start shouting or talking loud and defensively, I feel my heart rate goes up and I don't feel calm. It has nothing to do with me, nor do they involve me in their discussion, but just listening to their irritated voice tones disturbs me. I don't actively resist to any of that, I've tried to listen to it as any other sound and focus in whatever I'm doing, but it hasn't worked that much.

If you have any ideas, I'll be happy to hear them, just notice that I'm not looking for a solution of the type: leave your house until they stop. Sometimes going away to find a quiet place is not possible, for example when we're driving together in the car.

Thanks in advance!

Edited March 7, 2017 by Mondsee
typo

[Vercingetorix]

1) focus your attention on your bodily sensations, see that you resist those sensations by trying to solve the situation and by contraction of muscles in your body. The pain and suffering you feel are not caused by the external situation nor by the sensation. Rather, your thoughts about the situation is the resistance to the sensations and it's what is causing the suffering.

2) share what is happening to you, don't "hold it inside you", describe objectively (without blaming) what is happening to you - "when you shout like that it creates a heavy burning sensation in my throat, my breathing becomes short."
when you say it you might think that you become more vulnerable but actually when you don't hold it inside you lessen the resistance and it weakens the sensations and you are freer from the emotions thus less vulnerable. Your parents may also acknowledge what you are going through and take it into consideration in their fight. 

Edited March 7, 2017 by Vercingetorix

[Mondsee]

@Vercingetorix

1) Thank you for reminding me about that.

2) Next time I will focus in describing what exactly is happening in my body!

[Vercingetorix]

@Mondsee you're welcome, hope it will help you. I suffered a lot from my parents arguing too so I feel for you.

[Mondsee]

@Vercingetorix oh! I hope you got your situation handled too!

Look, this is what I wrote last time they were arguing and it was so interesting I almost enjoyed it! I discovered a lot that I had never noticed! cool stuff...

"My heart goes quickly, I feel my blood pressure in my arms and some tension in my back neck. My breathing is a bit faster and definitely shorter as otherwise. My hands feel slightly numb as well as my upper thighs, and my throat feels closed."

[h inandout]

Omg, parents are impossible to fix.  Just remember this is impermanent.  Maybe use this time brainstorm the ways you will use your freedom when you finally have more.  And notice that you have a very unique view point of the world right now.  I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes listening to your parents arguing...  Just keep observing and describing it to yourself.  Eventually this will make you a more aware and more compassionate person, which people will like about you.

[Arman]

In order to counter balance these good responses with a shitty response:

If you have headphones, you can put them in and listen to something like rain ASMR, or white noise. You may find that going to your room or even putting a pillow over your head doesn't necessarily drown peoples noise, but white noise will usually block everything else out. 

For the time's when you are not feeling spiritually strong... 

Edited March 13, 2017 by Arman

[Nahm]

@Mondsee  Thinking a physical location will calm your mind is procrastining.

Build the habit of being aware of the background that is the superposition pure intelligence oneness. It is calm, silent, still and unseeable, but it is not unobservable. Feel it's presence when your parents start their bullshit. Connect to it. Be in it's peaceful embrace. It is everything and it is everywhere. Take comfort in knowing that everything is made of it, so no matter where you go, you are always surrounded by God. God is literally all things. Build the habit of connection, and you will be powerful. You will influence people and situations, eventually, without saying a word.