I'm addicted to sex

[Breakingthewall]

@ivankissIt's okay to fuck a lot. It's not so good to get attached to who you shouldn't. that's catastrophic. goodbye peace of mind. I prefer a sad dick

[Eternal Unity]

@ivankiss Why aren't I surprised? lol 

50 page sex journal...

[NoSelfSelf]

@ivankiss Thats a big downside i see in relationships,somene has to run a game on someone, if you are not in power position and on top of things, she will be..it wont be pleasent for you, but if you are in power position you can make it pleasent because you are more concious...that could be the premisse of concious relationship which i wonder how does the series will end up and if thats the thing that makes it concious..

Edited February 14, 2023 by NoSelfSelf

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hpjM_NNFQw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_dawQLA-mA

[Ulax]

7 hours ago, acidgoofy said:

If you want to do something about it, learn about addiction. You can use these triggers in relationships to see where you have more work to do. It is important to understand why you are behaving this way. I recommend looking into the work of Gabor Maté and Richard Schwartz.

I second this.

[ivankiss]

So I got into a pretty nasty fight with my girlfriend last night. On Valentine's day lol. She disrespected and humiliated me in public and I just fucking lost it. 

It's clear to me that this girl is not right for me. The relationship is already damaged and toxic, and it's been only 6 months. I don't see how this could get better. Only worse.

I know this won't last for too long, but I cannot break it off just yet. She lives with me, rent free, and has nowhere to go. I cannot throw her out just like that.

I know I have my own shit to deal with... but I never disrespect her, attack or abuse her in any way... I just snap when she does something outrageous. Like doing coke all night on a boat with dudes who are dying to fuck her, etc... There's already so much bullshit... I don't know what the fuck is going on... Either she's a complete psycho and enjoys causing men pain (which she kinda admitted at some point) or she's just this lost girl who lacks emotional maturity severely, and is unaware of the shit she does. Either way, I know we're not a good match.

But man... the sex is fucking great.

I know I'm kind of putting pussy on the pedestal, but I don't think that's the main reason why I'm staying in this shit. It goes deeper than that. I obviously do not value myself enough. And even though I could find a new girl in no time, somehow that's not what I wanna do. I want to make this work. I like working on shit and fixing stuff, I guess. I enjoy growing together with someone. Obviously there's going to be drama in any relationship. But if there's no progress and we're just running in circles, then it's kinda driving me mad.

I definitely put too much importance on my relationships. I need to take it a bit more lightly. It's causing me too much stress, heart and head ache.

 

 

[Vrubel]

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Like doing coke all night on a boat with dudes

Holy shit, you should be attracting intelligent sweet girls not unstable party sluts. That sounds so fucking trashy, immature, and low-value. 

If she is not overwhelmed with regret for making you snap like that she is clearly sociopathic. 
Love yourself more than the girl!

There is a very clear giver-taker dynamic going on typical of sociopathic relationships. You are an endless giver and she is an endless taker. 

Edited February 15, 2023 by Vrubel

[StarStruck]

@ivankiss you mean those boats in Belgrade in the city center where people go out? I didn’t know people were doing drugs there. 

[ivankiss]

@Vrubel I hear you... but the thing is, I love a girl who is a trashy slut in bed. I hate it when she is a trashy slut outside of the bedroom. So that's kinda my problem. It's contradictory.

I would love to meet a decent, kind, loyal, respectful and loving girl who can also be a freak in the bed. And that's not that common.

I just should not fall in love with crazy chicks like this... but I cannot help it. I'm just a very loving guy. If I spend enough time with anyone I'll end up loving them. Even if I hate them, I'm gonna hate them till I love them lol.

@StarStruck No, I don't live in Serbia anymore. This was a small, private boat. 4-5 people or so. It kinda makes me wanna throw up, just to think about it. 

[Vrubel]

Dude, it's way hotter when a decent girl gets freaky.

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

I'm just a very loving guy

You value sex and the unconditional pleasing of your sociopathic trash girlfriend over your self-respect.

Usually, guys who fall within this dynamic grew up with parents who were in a highly dysfunctional (even violent) relationship so later on in life, they will be overcompensating with total and unconditional love. This makes them the perfect prey for a sociopath. 

[Devin]

I hear good things about Internal Family Systems Therapy if that hasn't been mentioned yet.

[ivankiss]

@Vrubel I hear you. I studied personality disorders quite a lot, after that nasty break up I mentioned. Toxic family dynamics too. I understand this stuff, to great extent.

I agree with what you're saying, but I don't want to put labels on people and stick a diagnosis on their forehead. I think it does more harm than good. I also don't want to see myself as a victim. There is definitely something off about this girl, big time, but at the end of the day, I still chose to be with her. No one forced me. She's super manipulative and all that, yes, but I am not chained to her. I think I'm keeping my head above the surface. I am aware of the bullshit that's happening. And it's not like I don't have an agenda. I am not a saint either. 

This will end soon, I know. I'll try my best not create a bigger mess than it has to be. 

@Devin Noted, thanks.

[somegirl]

@ivankiss Welp, I can relate in a sense that once you find how amazing sex can be especially with one specific person, you kind of fantasize about it often. 

I do not, however, relate to the part that I tolerate any kind of behavior because I just want sex. Quite the opposite. I'm willing to give up sex (even though it's hard) with a specific hot person because I want to be treated properly and want to be respected. 

But then, to compensate for it, I will literally visualize having sex with that person in my mind to "fulfill" my need for sex with him. That's what I do to cope with it.

Maybe you have these feelings because you don't respect yourself much? Maybe your inner being knows you tolreate any kind of bullshit just because of sex, so really, you're just showing yourself that you're not really loving yourself.

[ivankiss]

@somegirl Interesting coping mechanism haha! Thanks for your input.

Definitely... It comes down to unworthiness and lack of self - respect. I'm aware of that. And as I said, it's not like all of my partners were disrespectful and trashy. This is literally the second girl, among many, that is being a dick towards me. Not all the time, of course, but quite often. She's just used to toxicity and deceit. It's how she lived her life so far. It's pretty much all she knows. And that's where my saviour complex kind of kicks in. I'd like to show her that it can be much, much better. But I won't break myself over it. I did it once before, and it was more than enough. 

I'm not being dormant or passive in this dynamic. I'm letting her know loud and clear what I won't be tolerating. But even that is not what I should be doing. We're clearly incompatible. We are mainly just attracted to each-other sexually.

Obviously, I have to work through some stuff, but I'm pretty sure I'm done with girls like this forever.

 

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

She's just used to toxicity and deceit. It's how she lived her life so far. It's pretty much all she knows.

Ugh, tell me about it...

Good thing is that you recognized it has nothing to do with you (pretty much that's always the case). But just because you are aware of her traumas, doesn't mean you should tolerate it. That's her problem and responsibility to solve for herself, you're not her caretaker lol. 

What you can do is following. Show her compassion and love, without expectation. Just for the heck of it. Because that is who YOU are. But also show her that you have bounderies and you love yourself enough not to tolerate her bs and disrespectful behaviour too. And actually mean it. 

This might inwoke something in her. Or it might not. Again, no expectations.

She's not gonna be able to see your pure intentions if she sees thag she can do whatever she wants with you and that you're gonna tolerate it. That subconsciously tells her you don't respect yourself, so why should she. This is why loving yourself is crucial. You literally set an example for other people this way. And they respond to the love you have for yourself.

Though if it makes you feel better to just drop this whole story and leave, then that is probably what is the right thing to do for you. 

Just offering a slightly different perspective instead of the usual "Leave that trash" kind of advice lol.

 

 

Edited February 16, 2023 by somegirl

[ivankiss]

@somegirl Good advice, thanks. And yeah, that's pretty much what I've been doing so far. I'm kind and compassionate, but I don't let her walk all over me. I let her know where my boundaries are. Sometimes in a nice and calm way, and sometimes in a more loud and sharp way. Depends how outrageous the shit she does is.

I cannot say that I did not notice any improvement, but I don't think it's because she honestly wants to improve. I think she's just trying to adjust to the environment and play the role of a girl I desire. It's not authentic or real. 

I won't give to much time and effort to this. It's just not worth it. 

[ZenAlex]

On 14/02/2023 at 1:59 PM, NoSelfSelf said:

I would rather never have sex, then tolerate any kind of disrespect from a woman, i would cut her off if she only raised her voice once, i dont get why is there such a high tolerance and low standard of yourself, like sex is more important than me as a whole! Thats could be like a root issue why you are depressed and bitter...you sell your whole being and who you are for sex...

Rofl really? What a pussy.

[NoSelfSelf]

@ZenAlex You calling me or yourself?

[MarkKol]

On 2/15/2023 at 3:04 PM, ivankiss said:

No, I don't live in Serbia anymore

+1

[Applegarden8]

On 2/14/2023 at 7:04 PM, ivankiss said:

@Leo Gura Found it, long time ago. It's music. I live for it.

But this issue can get in my way sometimes... That's why I'm addressing it.

Let's go then.