After Decades, I've Found My Life Purpose - My Story, Traps, Sneaky Mind, Discoveries

[zunnyman]

I think this will be a long post, but I hope this will encourage people, help people, and give people aha moments. 

Disclaimer 1: I haven't taken the life purpose course. I plan to take the course to refine my life purpose. Which brings me to the second disclaimer

Disclaimer 2: I don't think I've 100% arrived in finding my life purpose, but at the least I have made, not just a step in the right direction over the past 4+ days, but a quantum leap. I've determined the right ballpark of what my life purpose is. Now it just needs refining as I go deeper into the distinctions. I know I'll make more mistakes in finding it. And to be honest, I'm not 100% sure this is my life purpose, but there's a very deep alignment now with actually finding a reason to live and my life purpose. 

Since I was 7 years old, I remember envisioning myself road tripping in an RV, playing rock music all around USA. I hit 18 years old, and music has still been the number 1 life purpose for me. Then I hit age 26. I discover the Handpan online. I immediately buy it without hesitation, even though it was 400 dollars. Usually I would think twice, but I knew this was a big step in the right direction. I enjoy it the first week, love it, it feels spiritual and magical, then I set it aside. Many months pass, and it hits me again that Handpan really is the most meaningful thing in my life. So I decide to make a habit out of it. I commit to playing the Handpan every day. It's been almost 1 year exactly, and I've been playing Handpan almost every single day. I've gotten decent at it. I've developed a deep love for it. I see a life of playing Handpan in a cabin, around the world, etc. till the day I die. I know this now. But something wasn't clicking. I went to central park one day with a friend to play Handpan for people, it was fun, but I didn't feel that deep passion that I do just playing Handpan in solitude. I love performing music, but something about performing for a crowd didn't hit me nearly as close as when I played Handpan in nature or beautiful scenery. So till this day, since 7 years old, something was always off about music. Mainly, I know making songs for other people wouldn't give me the deepest fulfillment I'm looking for. 

Now I'll connect that dot to the main dot, my life purpose in a minute. Because music did open doors for my life purpose, but music wasn't my life purpose per se. 

Here's where it gets emotional for me. 

I've been UNCONSCIOUSLY living my life purpose over the decades. 

I'll stop beating around the bush now, and tell you my life purpose. Don't laugh lol .. I mean you can laugh, but this statement has deep significance for me, and its not some fantasy. I'll explain as I expand my thought. 

"I want to magically explore tons of magical worlds and magical realities in existence" 

There's a lot packed into this statement, which I'll expand on. 

Firstly, I'll give examples to illustrate what I'm saying. 

- Walking along those black beaches in Iceland, alone, in solitude, in a cold breeze, something I call "spiritual solitude in beautiful scenery" 

- living in a cabin, in this spiritual solitude, playing Handpan, but not necessarily the best melodies. Great melodies are a nice bi-product, but its the exploration of the Handpan, in its infinite depth, that's the joy in itself. 

- taking on a masterful mentorship with a tai chi master in east asia 

- exploring different holotropic states with shamanic breathing, which is like exploring different worlds in itself

- the world of partying and vibing with people. I've been to rock concerts, music festivals. There's this togetherness, connectedness that you experience there. In my view this is a world in itself that I want to explore deeper

So when I say "world" I don't mean just physical environments. I don't mean fantasy. Although physical worlds, and fantasy are part of it. You can replace "worlds" with "states of consciousness", "realities", etc. 

So if I break down this Life Purpose statement: "I want to magically explore tons of magical worlds and magical realities in existence"

I want to explore, for the sake of exploring. That's the biggest joy in itself. That's why I'm alive (or at least I feel that). This one freakin statement, makes me want to be alive. 

I've been nihilistic for so long. I always wondered, what's the point of creating a beautiful melody, or building something beautiful if it's all going to go away. But I realized its not about the creation that I create, it's about putting my energy on the exploration itself, the exploring of these worlds is the joy in itself, this exploration makes me want to live. This exploration feels deeply meaningful. 

One thing is when I submit myself to just one particular aspect of reality, I feel limited. I didn't realize I felt limited until I realized my life purpose. I don't just want to play music all my life. I want to go to Iceland, New Zealand, the best music festivals, explore the various states of consciousness with shamanic breathing, the world of Handpan, the world of poetry, etc. 

How I execute my life purpose, I see with short films, a personal brand, artificial intelligence and virtual reality. I don't just want to create fiction movies. I want to explore these worlds, and then create a lens through which other people can explore these worlds experientially. 

So if we take Harry Potter for example, I love that movie, and that world, but I don't want to create a made up story. But if I explore all these magical worlds, and something like a Harry Potter story comes up in my own personal experience, than I'll convey that world through short films. I guess my point is, it's a specific kind of mini-movies. It's "real life" mini movies. Mini movies of the different worlds I personally experience. I want a compilation of these mini movies, so that people see what a human being is capable of, what 1 life holds of different possibilities people can explore, to infuse people with spirit and emotion and so that they get out their house and explore the various worlds within reality. I want to show human potential in a way where if I explore all these worlds, people get inspire that "oh this one person can experience all these worlds, I'll do the same."

And again, back to the part where it gets emotional for me: 

I took a break from strategizing, went to the park in Austin Texas here. I was just looking out into the distance and realized I've been unconsciously living my life purpose this whole time, but again, unconsciously. I mean half-hazardly, half heartedly, not deliberately, not knowingly, not strategically, not consistently, in a sort of animalistic asleep way. Not connecting the dots. 

And when I realized that me walking alone at night in Austria, and experiencing something unique, was a part of my life purpose, I couldn't stop tearing up. Because I kept telling myself this whole time, I just have been wasting money on traveling, and that "traveling is a distraction" and all that. So I realized, it wasn't a cost. It was a deep investment in myself. These

When I was with my ex-girlfriend in a park and we were just laughing and it was a magical moment for me, I didn't connect that to my life purpose. 

When I was in Austria, and walking alone at night in the snow, and all I heard was the sound of the snow steps, and that triggered this feeling in me I never experienced, that was me living my life purpose. I just didn't connect it. 

When I was playing Handpan at the beach at night, I thought it was so I can make melodies for people, but really its me living my life purpose, just exploring that world for its own sake. 

I'd walk Princeton University at night, just taking it all in, inspired by Harry Potter, and I walked the whole university almost 200+ times. I never even attended the university as a student lol. But that's me living my life purpose. And for fun, I'd post pictures of it on Instagram, to convey a sort of "Princeton world" that I think 99.9% of people were not seeing, and I didn't realize that's part of my life purpose. 

But now that I know what my life purpose really is, I can design a very specific daily and weekly routine, to have habits that align with this exploring of reality. Instead of just walking alone at night in Austria, I can journal that world on paper, and later see how I can make a mini movie out of that. 

Anyways, to sort of wrap things up, the main takeaways: 

1) Finding your life purpose IS WORTH IT. Till this day, because I haven't actually found my life purpose, I thought it's just some cool project I'll do in life. Now that I feel that alignment between a) my life purpose and b) an actual reason for being alive with my life purpose statement, I completely change how I see life purpose. I actually believe now that life can have a purpose, and that life can actually be worth living. (I've been nihilistic. I was never suicidal. I always enjoyed life, but for a long time life just felt purposeless and meaningless. To some degree it still does, but this has been a big step towards reducing this nihilism.) 

2) If you right now think you have something, but it's not feeling exactly like your life purpose, try a) seeing what about that thing you love, and what do you not love. It might be that the thing you love is part of a bigger picture context that you're not seeing right now. 

3) Focus less on the creation, and what you want the world to have (at least at the start). Focus on why you're here on this planet, on a spiritual level, what is your reason for being alive, what means something to you on a spiritual level. Life purpose = why are you actually alive, here. What do you actually feel would be worth doing in this life? What is it that is actually worth doing that will make life worth living?

4) life purpose is spiritual at the heart, and your career is an extension of this spirituality

5) lessen the corruption of money, approval, aesthetic, etc. on your mind. 

6) a life purpose is not about a conventional, typical, or even a defined career path. It can incorporate those elements, but again, life purpose is why you're alive on the deepest spiritual level you can connect with. 

7) Even though I found my life purpose, I realize there's just only degrees of finding your life purpose. In a sense I found it before, but in a lot more of an asleep state. Now I'm a lot more awake. But I anticipate that as I keep going down this journey, and become more awake, things will be a lot more clear and I'll look back at this day and even realize I still didn't completely have it. 

I know this past week is a big turning point in my life. Everything's going to be a lot different from here though. 

I wish you all luck on this path, and hope you have a meaningful life, a life worth living, and that you don't just go with the flow of life. 

 

[Realms of Wonder]

I love that you have rediscovered something so meaningful to you. It sounds like it’s been a long time coming.

 

Alarm bells start going off in my head when I see a lack of impact on the world.
 

What impact would be most meaningful to make in the world? 
 

or

 

how would you impact people in the world with what you have articulated here? 

[BlessedLion]

Beautiful! This was great to read 

It doesn't matter your impact on the world if you don't need it to. This is your dream so if you want to explore your dream that's God exploring itself like a child who wonders at the stars. This is your right!

[Sincerity]

Great work. Very inspiring post!

But also I have to agree with @Realms of Wonder. Impact on the world is essential!

[Arthogaan]

Great! I relate a lot to what you have written and to the purpose itself.

For many years I felt bad for not having a true consistent passion. Parents often criticized me for changing hobbies too often. I liked to do that since I was a kid. 

Thanks to spirituality I realized that changing, exploring, wandering is what is my passion. I will never have the some stable career or way to live.

For some it may sometimes feel selfish, or that the purpose has to be connected to giving something to the world. But actually living in that joyfull state of exploration, change, cheerfullness and adventure we create so much more good, we inspire so much more. 

[ucan99]

Nice experience. Thank you for sharing. This is great to keep in mind as having someone who has already discovered their life purpose.