How can i drop my roles?

[effortlesslumen]

I know there are exercises for this, but i keep on sliding into the same ones, because everyone is stuck in their boxes of ego survival, so it is only encouraged it seems. So it puts me back in a spiral to copy others. Of course this makes sense and is good to some degree or better than the alternative, but im mindlessly thrown into this boxes. It becomes a threat to survival.  Find your authentic self someone would say, but that would be the same?  

Edited February 12, 2023 by effortlesslumen

[mmKay]

Can you be more specific? Fitting in is one of many survival strategies. Your identity is not rigid and can be changed over time but it has inertia. Your physical and social environment also constantly shapes you and is prone to keeping you the same. 

[effortlesslumen]

It could be that im hyperaware of how my way of acting changes when im around certain people, but i dont to this willingly. Maybe more like imposter syndrome. But also my emotional state is highly reactive to the ones of others. It sometimes feels like i feel there being as a whole. Than on the other hand it crystalizes as hiding my intellect of fear from the reactions of other people getting an disturbance by there current perception of my person. And sometimes my intellect as it is self fluctuates. Sometimes around people and sometimes when im alone , but more rarely. Like my roles get activated with the flick of a switch. 

[mmKay]

It's no imposter syndrome. As said before, fitting in is a natural survival mechanism. You've just noticed it recently and now it feels alien to you because you've located it in your unconscious instincts rather than as a conscious decision.

It's like you've looked for the first time in the mirror and now you find weird the shape of your eyebrows because you hadn't noticed before... but its just the way things are. 

Having a reactive emotional state to some degree is the same thing, fitting in.  If you want to fit in, you can hope you properly feel empathy and fear and laughter the same way as others if you dont want to be an outcast. Being autistic or a sociopath is generally not a good strategy for fitting in. It's best to be able to relate and connect emotionally with others. Therefore you've noticed another natural instinct of yourself as the modern monkeys that we are. 

Exagerated example, imagine laughing when someone is crying. Not very effective way to be accepted by the tribe. 

"Hiding your intelect"  as a fear of people's disapproval of you is also a coping strategy to fit in and not stand out. 

 

In the end, as you develop your character and confidence , you become more grounded and you stop caring less and less about fitting or the approval of others

Edited February 12, 2023 by mmKay

[effortlesslumen]

Thanks i will think about this when i experience this perception the next time, maybe it is another step to resolving the problems its causing for me.