Are men polygamous and women Monogamous?

[Someone here]

For those of you who are new to these terms.. "Monogamy" refers to the marriage of two people at a time. one husband and one wife. "Polygamy" is the marriage of either a husband to multiple wives or a wife to multiple husbands. 

Why does men tend to desire multiple sexual partners and women just look for that one perfect guy? 

Men basically want to have sex with every attractive girl out there. I know I am.  Think about your porn collection lol.. You don't just fixate on one pornstar.. You try to hunt for as much hot women as possible. 

Girls don't desire every attractive guy. They only want "true love" with one guy. 

Why are men Polygamous and women monogamous? 

First of all.. Am I even right? What do you guys and gals think? 

[Nilsi]

Women can carry one baby at a time.

Men can impregnate as many women as they want.

Figure it out.

[Someone here]

8 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

Women can carry one baby at a time.

Men can impregnate as many women as they want.

Figure it out.

Good story 

[zurew]

Everyone likes to fuck, women would fuck around a lot more, if they wouldn't be shamed for it. That being said, being in a serious relationship is a different question. There are a very few people who can actually manage a serious poly realtionship (regardless if we are talking about men or women).

[Someone here]

32 minutes ago, zurew said:

Everyone likes to fuck, women would fuck around a lot more, if they wouldn't be shamed for it. That being said, being in a serious relationship is a different question. There are a very few people who can actually manage a serious poly realtionship (regardless if we are talking about men or women).

Many modern relationships are monogamous. But even if they want to be with just one partner, some people have trouble staying monogamous. This can lead to  breakups, and divorce. 

I'm all for sexual freedom for women. But let's face it.. When a guy have a bunch of sex with a bunch of women.. It is considered a sign of his manhood. When women do the same they get slut-shamed. Why? 

[zurew]

1 minute ago, Someone here said:

When a guy have a bunch of sex with a bunch of women.. It is considered a sign of his manhood. When women do the same they get slut-shamed. Why?

Because its easy for women to have sex , and its hard for men to acquire sex. But that doesn't indicates that women don't like having sex, its just means they don't want to get slut shamed.

3 minutes ago, Someone here said:

But even if they want to be with just one partner, some people have trouble staying monogamous. This can lead to  breakups, and divorce. 

Maybe, but there are a lot of reasons for breakups and for divorce. I think most people would be okay with monogamous realtionships if the quality of sex would stay good.

[Someone here]

5 minutes ago, zurew said:

Because its easy for women to have sex , and its hard for men to acquire sex. But that doesn't indicates that women don't like having sex, its just means they don't want to get slut shamed.

Maybe, but there are a lot of reasons for breakups and for divorce. I think most people would be okay with monogamous realtionships if the quality of sex would stay good.

I agree about the part that it's easier for women to have sex. But do you think the reason is because the feminine Is the sought object? I mean the receptive? And men are pressured to approach? 

I believe that monogamy is an overall bad for women. I see a lot of people getting caught up in the temporary thrills of casual sex and infatuation. Sadly, those things often get confused with love because it's all a person has known, and this can lead a person to see connections as temporary anomalies instead of something to nurture and cherish.

Then again.. Dropping and swapping partners is becoming a norm in western societies. 

If you look at monogamy in terms of priority, I suppose one could “believe” in it in that context. But people who have their priorities in order are more stable and are in a better position to be a good partner. Chaos and unpredictability makes most relationships short lived and too tempestuous. That is an observable fact, not a belief. And it is a big reason for divorce Imo. You can't just fuck one cu** for the rest of your life. Just like you can't eat the same lunch every day haha

[Bob Seeker]

A man can be more easily satisfied with just banging a stranger than most women. A lot of men would bang any hot girl they see on the spot if they thought they could where as a woman may need to build emotional rapport with the man before even being attracted to him. That means a man will be more easily be tempted even if things are going well in his relationship. His needs are a bit different and he is more visual. I’ in most relationships it is the man who starts watching porn on the side before the woman would even care to.

that being said, most men will be happiest in a deep monogamous relationship. BUT maybe it shouldn’t be expected to last forever, and maybe most men aren’t great at maintaining one even for relatively short period.

it may last forever but the man must be very mature spiritually to not rely on anything external to meet his needs

Think about it. A man is more likely even to enter a relationship just because of attraction to the woman. Under those circumstances he will certainly be tempted.

Edited February 8, 2023 by Bob Seeker

[Emerald]

Men and women can do both polyamory and monogamy quite naturally.

In most societies, monogamy is how we live. But there are cultures where one man has multiple wives. And even some cultures where women have multiple husbands.

But overall, I think this apparent divergence of men as polyamorous and women as monogamous has to do with our early dating and attraction strategies… but both are leading to similar goals in the long run.

And that goal (biologically and historically speaking) is to create suitable family structures to raise children in.

So, men will have to cast the net wide to create a funnel to find a suitable partner. So, men have a pluralistic early dating strategy that’s wide and shallow.

While women’s strategy is to sort out all the unsuitable guys and be picky and find the best fit. So, women have a monistic early strategy that’s narrow and deep.

But most contemporary men and women prefer monogamous relationships.

Men may fantasize about having sex with many women. But most men wouldn’t like the realities of an actual polygamous or polyamorous relationship.

So, most men have to choose between singleness and shallow wide plurality OR relationship and deep narrow monogamy. 

Only some men genuinely resonate with deep narrow polyamory.

[Someone here]

14 hours ago, Bob Seeker said:

A man can be more easily satisfied with just banging a stranger than most women. A lot of men would bang any hot girl they see on the spot if they thought they could where as a woman may need to build emotional rapport with the man before even being attracted to him. That means a man will be more easily be tempted even if things are going well in his relationship. His needs are a bit different and he is more visual. I’ in most relationships it is the man who starts watching porn on the side before the woman would even care to.

that being said, most men will be happiest in a deep monogamous relationship. BUT maybe it shouldn’t be expected to last forever, and maybe most men aren’t great at maintaining one even for relatively short period.

it may last forever but the man must be very mature spiritually to not rely on anything external to meet his needs

Think about it. A man is more likely even to enter a relationship just because of attraction to the woman. Under those circumstances he will certainly be tempted.

The problem is men like diversity. It gets boring quickly to have a relationship with one girl . Because there is always another girl who Is more beautiful and attractive.  So that's why committing in a serious relationship for a guy is difficult. Especially if you come across other attractive women in your daily life.  This explains why men cheat on their girlfriends while the opposite is not the case. I mean the cause is that men are polygamous and women are monogamous. 

[Someone here]

9 hours ago, Emerald said:

Men and women can do both polyamory and monogamy quite naturally.

In most societies, monogamy is how we live. But there are cultures where one man has multiple wives. And even some cultures where women have multiple husbands.

But overall, I think this apparent divergence of men as polyamorous and women as monogamous has to do with our early dating and attraction strategies… but both are leading to similar goals in the long run.

And that goal (biologically and historically speaking) is to create suitable family structures to raise children in.

So, men will have to cast the net wide to create a funnel to find a suitable partner. So, men have a pluralistic early dating strategy that’s wide and shallow.

While women’s strategy is to sort out all the unsuitable guys and be picky and find the best fit. So, women have a monistic early strategy that’s narrow and deep.

But most contemporary men and women prefer monogamous relationships.

Men may fantasize about having sex with many women. But most men wouldn’t like the realities of an actual polygamous or polyamorous relationship.

So, most men have to choose between singleness and shallow wide plurality OR relationship and deep narrow monogamy. 

Only some men genuinely resonate with deep narrow polyamory.

Good analysis. I agree.

If one focuses strictly on the reproductive aspect of relationships, it makes perfect sense: a male's reproductive strategy is to have intercourse with as many females as possible and hope that at least one of them will get pregnant, whereas a female's reproductive strategy is to get impregnated by the strongest male she can find.

[something_else]

29 minutes ago, Someone here said:

This explains why men cheat on their girlfriends while the opposite is not the case

Women definitely cheat. It's probably pretty close to 50/50 in terms of the rate at which each gender will cheat on a partner.

[Globalcollective]

@Someone here can get boring and lead to suffering by having sex with lots of different people, becomes a sort of an addiction. Nice to find one soul to satisfy you and then focus on more meaningful things. Polyamory is an energetic nightmare but fun if your single 

[Someone here]

1 hour ago, something_else said:

Women definitely cheat. It's probably pretty close to 50/50 in terms of the rate at which each gender will cheat on a partner.

Idk . I can only talk about my culture and society.  In India? Girls have far less options than Guys do. There are tinder/dating app studies that prove this. So the chances of them cheating are quite low and lower  than men.

It doesn’t take much for a guy to cheat compared to a girl,  although guys have to work harder, Women just have to be there and say yes.

I understand  that it's different  in western culture. average girl nowadays (in the west) has at least 20 guy friends attached to them, so they have a lot of chances to do so. It honestly all starts at ground zero for them. “Yes or no” to the guy who is trying to advance. Girls get hit on constantly.

Let’s not even discuss the emotional cheating part, that’s a yikes lol.

1 hour ago, Globalcollective said:

@Someone here can get boring and lead to suffering by having sex with lots of different people, becomes a sort of an addiction. Nice to find one soul to satisfy you and then focus on more meaningful things. Polyamory is an energetic nightmare but fun if your single 

I wouldn’t know. The idea of one night stands alone disgust me. I’ve been a one-woman man my entire life and have dumped women before intimacy because I discovered they had a habit of sleeping around.

Call me old-fashioned (which is hilarious because I’m the opposite of old-fashioned in every possible way) but I desire something prized and wonderful, a woman to fight for who will fight for me, to protect and be protected by, to guide and be guided, to honor and be honored, not sloppy seconds.

I respect those who are biologically geared toward polyamory but it is absolutely not for me. I won’t even kiss someone if I haven’t already deduced from analysis that there is actual chemistry and long-term potential.

[Emerald]

4 hours ago, Someone here said:

Good analysis. I agree.

If one focuses strictly on the reproductive aspect of relationships, it makes perfect sense: a male's reproductive strategy is to have intercourse with as many females as possible and hope that at least one of them will get pregnant, whereas a female's reproductive strategy is to get impregnated by the strongest male she can find.

That’s not quite what I meant by what I said.

What I mean is that (biologically speaking) that women and men’s EARLY dating strategies diverge to ultimately get to the same goal.

And that goal is to create suitable family structures to raise children in. And this can be monogamous or polyamorous depending on what’s more adaptive.

The main requirement here is stability.

If a man just runs with the pluralistic early dating strategy and forms lots of shallow bonds and impregnates tons of women…. this impedes his ability to co-create a suitable family structure and be a good father to any of these children.

And in nomadic times, this would probably mean death for the woman and child.

So, the shallow wide pluralism of the EARLY courtship process becomes maladaptive to the ultimate biological goal of raising new human beings and building strong families and communities… if it’s not transcended once a deeper commitment is formed.

[ivankiss]

Being polyamorous is just a lame excuse for not being able to fully commit to a relationship, be loyal and respectful, etc. It has nothing to do with gender, rather one's level of development.

 

[Someone here]

43 minutes ago, Emerald said:

That’s not quite what I meant by what I said.

What I mean is that (biologically speaking) that women and men’s EARLY dating strategies diverge to ultimately get to the same goal.

And that goal is to create suitable family structures to raise children in. And this can be monogamous or polyamorous depending on what’s more adaptive.

The main requirement here is stability.

If a man just runs with the pluralistic early dating strategy and forms lots of shallow bonds and impregnates tons of women…. this impedes his ability to co-create a suitable family structure and be a good father to any of these children.

And in nomadic times, this would probably mean death for the woman and child.

So, the shallow wide pluralism of the EARLY courtship process becomes maladaptive to the ultimate biological goal of raising new human beings and building strong families and communities… if it’s not transcended once a deeper commitment is formed.

Yes I understand what you're saying. 

In the past Monogamy served a valuable purpose in creating a secure and safe environment for child raising.. Isn't that your point?  Women were able to focus entirely on raising the child while men could tend to tasks such as food harvesting, hunting, etc. without the added burden of chasing extra mates.

It also cut down on the amount of infanticide that occurred in these early societies. Women who are rearing an infant child would not be open to conceive other children until quite some time so rival males would kill the child to hurry the process.

41 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

Being polyamorous is just a lame excuse for not being able to fully commit to a relationship, be loyal and respectful, etc. It has nothing to do with gender, rather one's level of development.

 

I disagree. 

I don’t believe monogamy is mandatory, crucial, or even important as a general rule.

What If you naturally feel attracted to multiple people? and everyone involved is on board with that, then there’s nothing wrong with polyamory. And I think larger marriages, in particular, could be a much better way to raise children and to maintain a household, if you can maintain the more complicated structure.

I myself was polyamorous for decades, not going so far as to be in a multiple relationship, but at some points having a relationship with multiple people (sort of dating without going steady, to use very outdated terminology) and certainly never losing interest in other ladies even when in a relationship, even when I didn’t do anything about that because the feeling was not mutual.

But I find myself, in just the past few years, in a new relationship, where suddenly I have lost interest in other women. And I’ve also, perhaps coincidentally or perhaps as a part of the same conversion, found I’m interested in my girlfriend, not having relationships with other people.

[Nilsi]

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Being polyamorous is just a lame excuse for not being able to fully commit to a relationship, be loyal and respectful, etc. It has nothing to do with gender, rather one's level of development.

That's quite ignorant.

It's just a different line of development with different challenges. 

In fact, mature polyamory requires extraordinarily high levels of emotional mastery and selflessness.

[Leo Gura]

The higher your level of testosterone, the more you treat sex as a fun activity with no attachment or higher significance, and the more variety of sex you will require.

If you inject a woman with testosterone, she becomes slutty.

Edited February 9, 2023 by Leo Gura

[ivankiss]

@Someone here Dude, you had sex like.. twice in your life? You have a long way to go. 

@Nilsi Bullshit. Nothing advanced or developed about being polyamorous. It's dysfunctional by default. It's for people who cannot form real, authentic, loving connections. It's a degeneration in one's evolution, not progression or advancement.