What does it mean to 'respect women'?

[mr_engineer]

How should one show respect for women? 

Should respect be given freely, or should it be earned by them first? 

[mr_engineer]

Here's what I think - 

To give respect to women is to be a giver, to give them something. And, to disrespect them, is to be a taker. This is what it means to show respect to the part of them that is 'receptive'. 

And, should it be given freely, or should it be earned - it should be earned. (Not the thing that you're giving in and of itself, that'll make it 'transactional'. And that, counter-intuitively, will be perceived as 'disrespect'.) The respect for the part of them that's receptive should be earned. 

Edited February 7, 2023 by mr_engineer

[mr_engineer]

33 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

ideally, you will respect any living being to the degree that is appropriate based on the relationship that you have. and obviously this can look very different depending on who you are relating to. however, being respectful should always be a given.

Here's how my logic went - men are not given respect on a silver platter. We have to earn the respect. Every single bit of it. Why should women be entitled to respect on a silver platter? 

[something_else]

47 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

men are not given respect on a silver platter. We have to earn the respect. Every single bit of it

Even as a dude most people will gave you a basic level of respect just for being a fellow human. People who don't do that are assholes.

[mr_engineer]

21 minutes ago, something_else said:

Even as a dude most people will gave you a basic level of respect just for being a fellow human. People who don't do that are assholes.

Yeah, but who's going to battle the assholes for us?! Women?! Children?! No. We have to do it. 

[Leo Gura]

@mr_engineer What does it mean for you to feel respected vs disrespected?

Edited February 7, 2023 by Leo Gura

[mr_engineer]

7 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@mr_engineer What does it mean for you to feel respected vs disrespected?

As a man, being respected means - to be received, to be given a fair chance to perform. 

Being disrespected means - being given unsolicited criticism. I tend to not take that well, I tend to deflect it back. I only receive criticism well when I solicit it. 

[Matt23]

2 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

How should one show respect for women? 

Should respect be given freely, or should it be earned by them first? 

The same way you'd show respect for any other person, animal, or thing.  

How do you show respect for your mother, your father, your friends, your dog, your favorite toy as a child, yourself, etc.. ?

I mean, if you just meet someone and know nothing about them, I think I usually just start off with respect.  Then, as we interact and I get to know who they are and how they interact with me, that initial respect may fluctuate; it could grow or decreases as I feel them interacting with me and learn what they do/have done etc.. 

 

Edited February 7, 2023 by Matt23

[Leo Gura]

@mr_engineer Contemplate even deeper what makes you feel disrespected. Make a list.

What IS disrespect, fundamentally? Generalize it out from man to hu-man.

Edited February 7, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Matt23]

15 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

I only receive criticism well when I solicit it. 

How will you grow then, if you aren't open to hearing others' POVs, and hearing them reflect to you things you don't want to hear yet are true and would be healthy for you to hear?

 

Edited February 7, 2023 by Matt23

[mr_engineer]

Just now, Matt23 said:

How will you grow then, if you aren't open to hearing others' POVs, and hearing them reflect to you things you don't want to hear yet are true and would be healthy for you to hear?

By soliciting the ones I find credible. 

If someone is trying to indoctrinate me with a bad self-concept without me soliciting it, I become suspicious of their intentions and reasons for doing that to me. It's not that I can't take an ego-hit, it's the issue of credibility and intent. 

[Emerald]

14 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

Here's how my logic went - men are not given respect on a silver platter. We have to earn the respect. Every single bit of it. Why should women be entitled to respect on a silver platter? 

You seem to be under the impression that women are in a more powerful and privileged position to you.

And you seem to feel envious and resentful towards women because of this perception.

And so, you’re creating these posts to further shadow box with the imaginary women in your head. And these imaginary women in your head are implying that you’re less worthy of respect somehow.

I know you’ll probably deflect my observations again and say that I don’t know what I’m talking about. But it’s such a common issue, and it can be spotted quite easily.

All this woman-focused resentment is just a protection mechanism to avoid your own feelings of shame and to self-soothe.

Can you notice that you’re making these posts to try to diminish the power of these imaginary women who live inside your head?

[vindicated erudite]

It means to acknowledge somebody's dignity and to not violate it.

[mr_engineer]

@Emerald If we set aside your psycho-analysis of me for a second, (don't worry, we'll get there, in this thread, I am open to it) - what is your answer to the question to which you're replying? Cuz amidst the psycho-analysis, my stupid brain is missing the actual, factual answer to the question. 

[Emerald]

9 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

@Emerald If we set aside your psycho-analysis of me for a second, (don't worry, we'll get there, in this thread, I am open to it) - what is your answer to the question to which you're replying? Cuz amidst the psycho-analysis, my stupid brain is missing the actual, factual answer to the question. 

My answer is that respect should be given unconditionally to everyone.

That doesn’t mean trusting everyone of course. Not everyone has trustworthy character.

But to respect everyone recognizes fundamentally at all beings are unshakably valid and are part of the infinite tapestry of unconditional love… regardless of their shortcomings.

[Consept]

You could frame it as though you're either making a choice to respect all humans or you're selectively not giving respect to humans that you don't feel are worthy of your respect. 

If you respect all humans this is a choice you are making, so the person doesn't have to do anything. This is like love, if you love someone you just love them regardless of what they do. Now in both situations someone might be toxic or affect your peace or whatever and so you may choose to setup a boundary or even stop associating with them, but even within there can be respect. Respect for where they are and how they got there, as in if they are in pain you won't add to it or you won't be disrespectful of them. 

When you're talking about women, I guess this question must be coming to you because you don't respect some women or women have let you down etc. But still this is a choice you're making to respect all or not and I think as you grow giving respect freely will become natural. Unless you are talking about respecting women as in being a 'nice guy' or simping in which case this again is not really respect it's just you think by being nice you can get the woman to like you, real respect would you just being who you are. 

[mr_engineer]

@Emerald Okay. Let me rephrase the question.

Are all identities respectable? (Not even remotely implying anything about gender.) 

If not, what does it take for someone to earn respect? 

[Israfil]

It depends on your value system, bro. That's what everyone is saying here.

Do you think that people are not respectable unless they show you they are worthy of respect? Or do you think everyone should be respected and by actions they lose their "respectability"? Do you think everyone should always be respected? Or never respected?

That's basically the only four possible stances. You could also defend a position where men and women are treated differently under this frame, but why do you seek outside insight into this question? I don't see many people changing their behavior towards one another through outside criticism. 

[mr_engineer]

7 minutes ago, Israfil said:

why do you seek outside insight into this question?

Because people on either side of this debate really, really dogmatically identify with their stance. And most of them think that the other side is pure evil, to the point of being threatened by the other side. 

I have been brainwashed to believe that there is one absolutely right way to see this issue. By different people, who disagree with each other. Being confused about this issue is seen as very, very dangerous. No matter who you talk to about this. 

[Emerald]

4 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

@Emerald Okay. Let me rephrase the question.

Are all identities respectable? (Not even remotely implying anything about gender.) 

If not, what does it take for someone to earn respect? 

A person must earn trust and admiration. And it is often that trust and admiration get confused with respect.

In my experience, it is wisest to respect all sentient beings unconditionally regardless of identity.

The Sanskrit word Namaste means the God in me sees the God in you. So, to say that there is some person that isn’t worthy of respect is a blasphemy of sorts. It’s something that’s not rooted in the deep truth of unconditional love.

But with regard to trust and admiration, which are conditional in nature… I don’t see identity as being something that makes someone trustworthy or admirable.

Trust and admiration is earned through merit and good character… not identity.