So how I'm supposed to get laid ? It's feels impossible especially for a guy like me

[universe]

It's not about being emotional.

Imagine this. You are lazy and always lie on your bed all day. You have weak muscles and bad posture.

Now, when you eventually have to go out and get food, meet someone, or work or whatever. You will feel exhausted quickly.

Imagine now being someone who works out, has muscles, good posture and all that.

When you go out about your day you won't feel a tiny bit challenged. Because the workouts you normally do are so much harder. Going about your day, getting food or meeting someone is easy.

 

Now what it is like for someone who never deals with his emotions?

They swallow their emotions down. If a girl rejects them, they get sad but they don't want to feel sad. So they ignore the feeling. A classmate or coworker is rude to them, but they don't want to seem upset or angry. So they swallow it down. 

Because of this, they have hightened needs, for example a need for validation, need for security or need for control etc. But they are not aware of it.

So they might have an interview coming for a new job and but are very anxious because they feel that if they don't get this job they might not get validation from their parents. Or the project they have been working on gets assigned to someone else and they feel stressed because they wanted to be in control and feel like they are loosing it. Or a stranger gets angry with them and they are upset the whole day because they don't feel safe.

 

Now instead what would someone who has mastered their emotions experience?

They feel and see into their emotions and watch what happens. How does it feel in the body and what was the thought process prior to the emotion arising.

So they talk to a girl but she rejects them, a feeling of sadness comes up. They allow it to be and watch it. They might even show it to her and tell her. They might find out why they are feeling sad; they measure their self-worth by how this girl reacted.... hmm interesting.

Then a coworker makes a rude comment, they feel anger coming up. They allow it and let it flow through the body. This doesn't mean they have to get in a fight with the coworker. But they also don't repress the anger. By accepting the anger and watching it they might learn something but even if not - the anger will go away after having been seen.

They have released a lot on the basic needs, so when they have an important interview coming up they won't feel anxious. If the car breaks down or a project gets assigned to someone else they don't stress about it. They are not needy for control, safety or validation. If a stranger gets angry at them, they can let it go and focus on what they wanted to do instead.

 

You see, just the like the guy who works out won't get exhausted by day-to-day life. Someone who has worked on their emotions won't be stressed or anxious by day-to-day life.

And the important part here is also, that if we don't do this kind of work. Situations tend to repeat themselves because the underlying emotional need stays the same.

On the other hand, when we learn to master our emotions certain unwanted situations or problems will go away for good. And you won't even think about them anymore.

 

What will build on top of that is your baseline emotional state. When you are always anxious or stressed you tend to be in the lower stages of emotions: Apathy, Grief, Fear, Anger and Pride. These states dictate how you go about your life, your motivation, creativity and so on.

(Not to say these stages are bad, just lower on the emotional scale)

When you work on your emotions you will naturally lift up from these into the areas of Courage, Acceptance and Peace. This is where you want to be. Things that seemed to be unreachable in the lower stages will feel easy when you are here. What brings you these feelings consistently is not a girlfriend, a Ferrari, a house etc. It's Emotional Mastery.

❤️

[flowboy]

11 hours ago, koyadr3 said:

But I don't like being emotional

@koyadr3 I understand. It's very common to have resistance against feeling.

But feeling your real feelings fully is the only way to get to know yourself, and getting to know yourself is the only way to properly express yourself, and expressing yourself is the only way to get laid and enjoy friendships.

This is why I recommend shadow work. And a good therapist, if you can afford it or your insurance will cover it.

I spend a lot of time guiding people on how to feel, it's very common to not know one's own emotions, and I see over and over again how it keeps them from knowing what they want in life and getting it.

You're going to have to go through it, get to know your own emotions, and work with those.

It leads to a fuller and more complete-feeling life.

It leads to not feeling inferior, having a calm mind and enjoying talking to women and friends without much worry.

I'm assuming that that's what you want.

 

When you've made the decision to face your feelings, let me know and I can point you to some helpful resources.

Edited February 9, 2023 by flowboy

[Carl-Richard]

On 7.2.2023 at 0:44 AM, koyadr3 said:

Do you still have social anxiety ?

It's not as much anxiety about the interactions themselves as being a bit inexperienced. I have certain things to work on, and I have to take the challenges as they arise, and there might be an element of anxiety involved in that, but as for the social interactions themselves, they're not the main problem anymore.

[D2sage]

The dead old me can relate.

And you know that women also prefers introverts, right?

Johnny Depp is introvert.

Being introvert is not the same as social anxiety. 

Research what introvert really is.

When I'm on meetings I am the quiet one but women still flirts with me. I speak when necessary. Being the extroverted guy who talks all the time is not a fool-proof way to get laid.

Embrace your introvertness instead of thinking it as an handicap, which it defenetly isn't.

I've sleept with taller women than me. Sure, some women would not find you attractive for being short, but why do you really care? Are you trying to sleep with every girl on the planet? Thought so

Your focus should be to find a good woman with decency.

My man, you're 19 years old. I had social anxiety but I cured it with psychedelic mushrooms. Try microdosing for a few months. 

Back in the days I took a small amount of mushrooms and went to meetings. It gave me charisma and I feelt social anixiety less and less the more I did it.

And being introvert, I'm looking forward to the next meeting. I love when it's my turn to talk. Once they talked about how cold the weather was, I replied that I shower in such cold temperature. Everyone laugh, while the extroverted guys tried to crack jokes,  barley people laugh. Now also people had to picture me naked in the shower. So relax, extroverted aren't superior

And dress well and simple. Brown boots with black jeans, for example. Get a mature sense of fashion. Avoid clothes with to much shit on them. Like text, logos and just unnecessary stuff. Just a plain sweater with one color.

Edited February 14, 2023 by D2sage