So how I'm supposed to get laid ? It's feels impossible especially for a guy like me

[Eternal Unity]

@koyadr3 You're not SUPPOSED to get laid. As you are not SUPPOSED to do anything. You do it because you WANT to.

[Matt23]

16 hours ago, koyadr3 said:

I need to find a new strategy to meet and approach women, preferably in a safe relaxed environment not like in the streets or something like that I could never do that lol

Ya... start off easy.  Seems like cold-approaching is like literally climbing a mountain as your first workout ever, or playing against Messi as your first soccer opponent.  

Go to social places and do social activities that naturally make you feel comfortable, at-ease, and at home.  

Ideally you'll want to feel good about what you're doing.  To have fun.  

Trust me, if you're having fun, that takes care of sooooo many issues related to dating.  Cuz then it's not all about the dating part, so there's less pressure since you can always be like "Oh well, the date or picking up women isn't going so well, I'll just be myself and have fun anyways" and this will attract people (even if it's not women to sleep with).  This will attach a positive feeling to simply being social in the first place and get you increasingly confident and open and positive in a social setting; all things that increase the chances of dating and having sex. 

And sure, if you're sexual appetite is reallllyy strong, maybe hiring a prostitute could tie you over.

But try focusing on simply having fun.

Edited February 7, 2023 by Matt23

[NoSelfSelf]

@mr_engineer it self destructed because you were doing it for her and not 100% yourself, thats why everything self destruct if you are not doing it for yourself but to get her (here her approval or something).

Real asshole do it for himself and it doesnt self destruct and it works..

[flowboy]

@koyadr3  When I was your age and had soul-crushing social anxiety, made so many social errors that everyone hated me and I had no friends, and I couldn't talk to girls without freaking out, I got angry enough about my situation to bear the pain of changing it.

This defeated attitude is what's going to repel women, much more than your height.

Social anxiety and low self esteem have their roots in childhood trauma, they can be improved through practice + therapy.

So on the one end, push yourself, and then on the other end, process your past.

That's the formula for personal transformation.

I know it's hard.

But you can get laid, a lot, if you want to.

You just can't do it with a victim attitude.

Edited February 7, 2023 by flowboy

[A_v_E]

Cynic use to say to not be attached to any value and to detach from the desire to fit in anything. Maybe go buy some sex if that's so much taking up your mind.

Nothing wrong with it or just drop your need and see it as a parasitic authority. Become God cease to wish for monkeyness

[mr_engineer]

@NoSelfSelf Yeah, that's how it would work for an actual asshole. 

The way I saw it, I let it self-destruct because I saw that the return was not worth it. Here I am, being inauthentic, being the asshole in the group, creating issues with my friends for this girl I've just met and what I got, was her being nice to me to 'fix' me. I found that disrespectful. 

This basically made it so I never envy assholes who get laid a lot ever again in my life. They take the hit to their image for some pussy. This destroys their prospects of finding a long-term relationship in that circle, because they build that fuckboy reputation. And, even if they do get a girlfriend, it will be a toxic relationship. As it should be! 

I saw a pattern of mutual manipulation and got out of it immediately. And, I urge the guys who believe this 'nice guy and asshole' myth to do this experiment and see this for themselves. 

[koyadr3]

15 hours ago, universe said:

Have you discovered the value of Emotional Mastery yet? It will change your life.

 

What…? I don't understand, why would I need to learn to control my emotions? For what? I genuinely don't understand, and I'm already a very chill dude, what's the point of doing this?

[koyadr3]

15 hours ago, Consept said:

This is your actual problem and what sub-consciously you want to change. You have the belief that if you can get a girl to sleep with you, you will no longer feel inferior

Well yeah you're right I genuinely feel that way, but I also feel inferior because of my height

[koyadr3]

11 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

@koyadr3 When I was in your shoes, I tried being an asshole. And, it kinda worked, but not in a good way. Let me explain how I did that. 

I participated in a chess-tournament with my friends. There, we performed well. All of us won some cash prize or the other. My prize was the biggest. And, we met a girl there, she became our friend. She wanted to hang with us after the tournament, cuz we were supposed to be partying after winning a cash-prize, right?! 

We went to a restaurant. And, they gave a treat, but I didn't give a treat. I decided 'I don't want to waste my money partying, I want to be smart with my money'. It was non-conformism to people being nice, in a relatively low-stakes situation. And, it was an asshole-thing to do, let's just be honest. And, I saw the effect that had on the girl. She started being really nice and kind to me, in order to placate me and 'fix' me! But, the problem with this is that I felt disrespected. That's when I started feeling fatigued because of the inauthenticity of what I was doing. Because, let's face facts - I did want to give the treat. Who wouldn't?! And, because of my fatigue, my frame self-destructed. I didn't do or say much, I acted kinda petty. 

I don't regret this too much, cuz the stakes weren't too high. I wasn't really into this girl, she was just the first female-interaction I'd had in a long while and I took my opportunity to try out something I thought would work. And, I didn't do something really horrible to her. It was just a little step towards being mean. And this was the reaction it had. (What this also did for me is that it killed off any future impulse I could've had to be a simp.) 

I'd suggest you do something similar. If you think that 'being nice doesn't work', fine. Be the asshole and see what happens! 

I think the best way to attract a girl is to find a balance between being mean to a girl and being nice at the same time, like a push-pull effect

I watched a video today about a technique called push-pull flirting method, seems to work very well to attract a girl, and you don't need to be completely asshole

[koyadr3]

Also called cocky and funny or playful and challenging

[Leo Gura]

Do what I said in my How To Get Laid videos. You were given all the answers. Now just do it.

Stop wanting this to be easy.

In the meantime jerk off to porn and enjoy it. Real sex is not that superior to porn. And often even inferior. So stop beating yourself up.

Edited February 7, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Kshantivadin]

24 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Real sex is not that superior to porn. And often even inferior.

So this is why you're adamant about fapping and porn 

[Leo Gura]

25 minutes ago, Kshantivadin said:

So this is why you're adamant about fapping and porn 

I can have way better sex in my own mind than with a girl. The sex I can have in my mind most humans cannot imagine. And I have removed the limit in my mind between real and imaginary sex. As if imaginary sex is somehow inferior. Only in the minds of those who take consciousness for granted.

Edited February 7, 2023 by Leo Gura

[mmKay]

3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I can have way better sex in my own mind than with a girl. The sex I can have in my mind most humans cannot imagine. And I have removed the limit in my mind between real and imaginary sex. As if imaginary sex is somehow inferior. Only in the minds of those who take consciousness for granted.

Sounds cool. I cant even hold the image of an orange in my mind for 2 seconds though ?

[koyadr3]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Do what I said in my How To Get Laid videos.

I only watched part 1, and I skipped some parts during the video... I need to rewatch it again and finish part 2 & 3

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

You were given all the answers. Now just do it.

Stop wanting this to be easy.

I want to do it, but I don't feel good enough, I have very bad inner game I don't know If I'll ever be good enough honestly...

But even after that I still hate cold approaching and social circle I need to find a new strategy, there are so many obstacles to overcome...

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

In the meantime jerk off to porn and enjoy it. Real sex is not that superior to porn. And often even inferior. So stop beating yourself up.

But still, the frustration is still there porn sucks when you're a virgin...

You can lock this thread if you want

[Girzo]

Google for RSD Max The Natural Hotseat, it's 20 hours of footage of a legit (when it comes to pickup) guy approaching girls (maybe there's too much flashy stuff in this material, but hey that's what makes it interesting, there's solid game in there too). Look up Todd's The System for more introverted approach, but I would say Max's advice and style is also applicable for introverts, I am one, although very talkative, and it worked for me. It worked in general to improve my social skills.

Other than that, yeah sex is not really that cool. Being in a relationship is. But it's two different things although sex is a part of being in a relationship, but it's like from 1/8 to 1/3 of the relationship. (My opinion and experience, not verified on scientific data.)

[flowboy]

1 hour ago, koyadr3 said:

but I don't feel good enough, I have very bad inner game I don't know If I'll ever be good enough honestly...

Those are emotions. Or rather, negative thoughts stemming from emotions that you’re not fully feeling.

you’re not a “chill dude”, you’re repressed. You don’t feel safe or good enough to express yourself. In the company of friends, or strangers, outside you act as a chill dude but inside your mind it’s a horror show.

That’s because of emotions.

This is why people are recommending emotional mastery to you.

This is why I recommend shadow work.

You’re very emotional, you just haven’t gained the awareness yet.

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, koyadr3 said:

I want to do it, but I don't feel good enough, I have very bad inner game I don't know If I'll ever be good enough honestly...

Look, bro, this is all standard stuff.

Nothing new here. This is what game is designed to fix. I used to have bad inner game and insecurity. Now my inner game is insane. Doing 5000 approaches will fix that. Trust the process. All doubt in this field is shit. Your mind is lying to you. I know many shorts guys who get laid so much.

Edited February 7, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Lincisman]

20 hours ago, koyadr3 said:

I only watched part 1, and I skipped some parts during the video... I need to rewatch it again and finish part 2 & 3

Don't forget to take notes. Personally I use google docs.

-----

I suggest:

Contemplate what does it mean to be reality-oriented (You can ask: what is really true in this situation?). Notice that your emotions, thinking and beliefs distorts how you see this situation.

Read: Six pillars of self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden. 

 

Here i add my notes on Leo's video titled: Motivational Speech - Oct 2021. It's for contemplation, basic points. 

I don't no how about you but this video is powerful (even if it seems funny). Makes me emotional and motivated.

motivational speech.docx

[koyadr3]

22 hours ago, flowboy said:

Those are emotions. Or rather, negative thoughts stemming from emotions that you’re not fully feeling.

you’re not a “chill dude”, you’re repressed. You don’t feel safe or good enough to express yourself. In the company of friends, or strangers, outside you act as a chill dude but inside your mind it’s a horror show.

That’s because of emotions.

This is why people are recommending emotional mastery to you.

This is why I recommend shadow work.

You’re very emotional, you just haven’t gained the awareness yet.

But I don't like being emotional