So how I'm supposed to get laid ? It's feels impossible especially for a guy like me

[koyadr3]

Hey, I'm a 19-year-old young man who wants to get laid desperately, Recently all I think about is sex and women, It's dominating my psyche I can't even focus on the stuff I used to love to do, like being creative and working on my projects

It's sucks because I don't want to deal with this... I'm an introvert, I have social anxiety, and I'm insecure because of my height (I'm 5ft1 it's extremely short, and It also makes me suicidal because of it) the problem also with my dating life is I don't know the fuck how to get laid like I have zero opportunities to meet women and even If I do, I still don't feel good enough to talk to girls because of my height and even If I do somehow feel good enough I still would never cold approach a girl this just seems crazy to me, and It's not socially accepted where I live

I have no clue how to talk to girls I heard being nice does not work, so I don't know how to act, there are so many obstacles that feel impossible to overcome I feel lost, and I still think I will never be able to get laid just because of my height

[NoSelfSelf]

Wow there is so much to unpack here ... im overwhelmed here and not even in your shoes ?

Edited February 5, 2023 by NoSelfSelf

[koyadr3]

20 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Wow there is so much to unpack here ... im overwhelmed here and not even in your shoes ?

I know right ? sometimes I wish I was asexual

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7HIyQaJN9Q

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQniIQgv0S0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPKQuwyYScQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bQjfTHlwzU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLMhT__eg0A

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXqZtfP6O64

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reZVUV7InJ4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPCU03Dp8Zw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twTrrGiRXtY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L2MzmE8cwo

Edited February 5, 2023 by Raze

[NoSelfSelf]

@koyadr3 I see basically every point that you lacking, its not something shallow its deep rooted and it impacts every part of your life not just dating...but to answer it all here will take like 10 hours ?

[aurum]

3 hours ago, koyadr3 said:

Hey, I'm a 19-year-old young man who wants to get laid desperately, Recently all I think about is sex and women, It's dominating my psyche I can't even focus on the stuff I used to love to do, like being creative and working on my projects

Are you in school somewhere?

At age 19, you should just be focused on making friends. That’s how most people your age will date and find someone.

The reality is you need more social experience. That’s the key. How you do that is mostly irrelevant as long as it’s ethical.

3 hours ago, koyadr3 said:

It's sucks because I don't want to deal with this... I'm an introvert, I have social anxiety,

Yes, life is hard.

3 hours ago, koyadr3 said:

I'm 5ft1 it's extremely short, and It also makes me suicidal because of it)

If you are actually suicidal, seek professional help.

Otherwise, this is an insecurity you going to have to face and deprogram. This may be a long process.

5’1 might make things harder for you. But it’s not at all hopeless if you’re looking for a partner. 

3 hours ago, koyadr3 said:

I have zero opportunities to meet women

Well then you may need to create some opportunities. Maybe you need to move. Maybe you need to pick up a hobby. Or get a new job. Whatever.

Passivity and helplessness will not solve this problem. Or really any problem in life.

3 hours ago, koyadr3 said:

I still would never cold approach a girl this just seems crazy to me, and It's not socially accepted where I live

You don’t need to do cold approach. You need friends. There are many ways to meet people. Notice that 99% of people have never done cold approach and yet most of them still have a social life.

3 hours ago, koyadr3 said:

I have no clue how to talk to girls I heard being nice does not work, so I don't know how to act

And that’s why you need more social experience.

Notice that feeling helpless about this paralyzes you from taking action, which leads to you not gaining experience, which then leads to you feeling clueless, which then leads to you feeling helpless around taking action, and on and on the loop goes…

Break the loop.

[vindicated erudite]

Pay for sexual services. You might have to travel to a red light district in order to do this safely. But once you've lost your virginity you're going to realise that intimacy is more important than the act of sex itself. After you realise this you should focus on creating emotional connection with the women you want to date. 

Traveling to a shorter country might help with your height if you find that you get rejected to often because of it. 

7 hours ago, koyadr3 said:

I have zero opportunities to meet women and even If I do

This is what's holding you back. Inject your presence into social situations that contain lots of women. Then you have to get into the habit of conversing with women without trying to hit on them. Use these experiences to learn how to communicate with women. Then when once you're confident approach women with romantic interests.

I think you should create a personal rule to limit the amount of women advance to romantically to something like for every 10 women you make laugh romantically pursue one female. This is to keep your morale up when you romantically pursue women. Change the rule to fit you.

Another thing you can in friend groups is saying something like you're single and looking for a long-term partner if the topic of relationships rise in the convo. 

7 hours ago, koyadr3 said:

and It's not socially accepted where I live

I'm assuming that you're in a Muslim conservative country (correct me if I'm wrong), if I'm along the lines that you'll just have to follow the advice in blue when in conversations with male elders.

Also you can do the obvious stuff like hit the gym and work on your career.

 

[koyadr3]

12 hours ago, aurum said:

Are you in school somewhere?

At age 19, you should just be focused on making friends. That’s how most people your age will date and find someone.

The reality is you need more social experience. That’s the key. How you do that is mostly irrelevant as long as it’s ethical.

Yes, life is hard.

If you are actually suicidal, seek professional help.

Otherwise, this is an insecurity you going to have to face and deprogram. This may be a long process.

5’1 might make things harder for you. But it’s not at all hopeless if you’re looking for a partner. 

Well then you may need to create some opportunities. Maybe you need to move. Maybe you need to pick up a hobby. Or get a new job. Whatever.

Passivity and helplessness will not solve this problem. Or really any problem in life.

You don’t need to do cold approach. You need friends. There are many ways to meet people. Notice that 99% of people have never done cold approach and yet most of them still have a social life.

And that’s why you need more social experience.

Notice that feeling helpless about this paralyzes you from taking action, which leads to you not gaining experience, which then leads to you feeling clueless, which then leads to you feeling helpless around taking action, and on and on the loop goes…

Break the loop.

But I don't like having friends I'd rather be alone than have friends I used to have friends, but I left them, because I couldn't stand them I feel so inferior compared to them and jealous, envy I compare myself to them and I feel inferior… Is this really the only way to get laid or get a girlfriend…? Because I truly hate having friends

[koyadr3]

8 hours ago, vindicated erudite said:

Pay for sexual services. You might have to travel to a red light district in order to do this safely. But once you've lost your virginity you're going to realise that intimacy is more important than the act of sex itself. After you realise this you should focus on creating emotional connection with the women you want to date. 

Traveling to a shorter country might help with your height if you find that you get rejected to often because of it. 

This is what's holding you back. Inject your presence into social situations that contain lots of women. Then you have to get into the habit of conversing with women without trying to hit on them. Use these experiences to learn how to communicate with women. Then when once you're confident approach women with romantic interests.

I think you should create a personal rule to limit the amount of women advance to romantically to something like for every 10 women you make laugh romantically pursue one female. This is to keep your morale up when you romantically pursue women. Change the rule to fit you.

Another thing you can in friend groups is saying something like you're single and looking for a long-term partner if the topic of relationships rise in the convo. 

I'm assuming that you're in a Muslim conservative country (correct me if I'm wrong), if I'm along the lines that you'll just have to follow the advice in blue when in conversations with male elders.

Also you can do the obvious stuff like hit the gym and work on your career.

 

I would never pay for sex and no I live in belgium It's just that cold approaching a girl is weird like how is it socially acceptable…? I'm going to seen as a creep

[vindicated erudite]

58 minutes ago, koyadr3 said:

I would never pay for sex and no I live in belgium It's just that cold approaching a girl is weird like how is it socially acceptable…? I'm going to seen as a creep

Just follow the other points I wrote in my previous post.

[koyadr3]

3 minutes ago, vindicated erudite said:

Just follow the other points I wrote in my previous post.

Yes, that's what I'll do, thank you. I need to find a new strategy to meet and approach women, preferably in a safe relaxed environment not like in the streets or something like that I could never do that lol

[vindicated erudite]

24 minutes ago, koyadr3 said:

Yes, that's what I'll do, thank you. I need to find a new strategy to meet and approach women, preferably in a safe relaxed environment not like in the streets or something like that I could never do that lol

Good luck!

[aurum]

9 hours ago, koyadr3 said:

But I don't like having friends I'd rather be alone than have friends I used to have friends, but I left them, because I couldn't stand them I feel so inferior compared to them and jealous, envy I compare myself to them and I feel inferior… Is this really the only way to get laid or get a girlfriend…? Because I truly hate having friends

Dude, dating is an inherently a social activity. There is no success in dating without socializing. You might as well try to become a world-class swimmer while standing on dry land.

You’re not dating a rock. You’re dating a human.

If you don’t like people and don’t like having friends, that’s kind of a problem. And it’s probably not healthy.

The whole point of being a social species is that we benefit from our social arrangements. That’s survival. 

Granted, if you’ve had shitty friends in the past, that may have rightfully traumatized you. But from your description it sounds like your own insecurities more than anything else. You’re gonna have to deal with that.

Edited February 6, 2023 by aurum

[koyadr3]

58 minutes ago, aurum said:

Dude, dating is an inherently a social activity. There is no success in dating without socializing. You might as well try to become a world-class swimmer while standing on dry land.

You’re not dating a rock. You’re dating a human.

If you don’t like people and don’t like having friends, that’s kind of a problem. And it’s probably not healthy.

The whole point of being a social species is that we benefit from our social arrangements. That’s survival. 

Granted, if you’ve had shitty friends in the past, that may have rightfully traumatized you. But from your description it sounds like your own insecurities more than anything else. You’re gonna have to deal with that.

Damn I think I’m fucked for life

[Carl-Richard]

15 minutes ago, koyadr3 said:

Damn I think I’m fucked for life

Nah man. I basically didn't talk to anyone except my few closest friends in high school because of social anxiety, but today I'm a different man.

[koyadr3]

21 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Nah man. I basically didn't talk to anyone except my few closest friends in high school because of social anxiety, but today I'm a different man.

Do you still have social anxiety ?

[universe]

Have you discovered the value of Emotional Mastery yet? It will change your life.

 

[aurum]

1 hour ago, koyadr3 said:

Damn I think I’m fucked for life

Not at all. You’re just young, horny and have some social anxiety. It’s not the end of the world. I’m sure a lot of people on this forum can relate, including myself.

You can in fact improve this area of your life. Don’t let what I’m saying discourage you. If I actually thought you were fucked for life I wouldn’t be writing this.

[Consept]

12 hours ago, koyadr3 said:

I feel so inferior compared to them and jealous, envy I compare myself to them and I feel inferior

This is your actual problem and what sub-consciously you want to change. You have the belief that if you can get a girl to sleep with you, you will no longer feel inferior but trust me this is not the case, might as well say if you win the lottery you will no longer feel inferior. This is something that really needs to be looked at and worked on, I would go to a therapist or try and do some shadow work. 

Once this starts improving, finding a girlfriend won't seem as impossible because you will no longer put your worth into whether some girl likes you or not.

[mr_engineer]

@koyadr3 When I was in your shoes, I tried being an asshole. And, it kinda worked, but not in a good way. Let me explain how I did that. 

I participated in a chess-tournament with my friends. There, we performed well. All of us won some cash prize or the other. My prize was the biggest. And, we met a girl there, she became our friend. She wanted to hang with us after the tournament, cuz we were supposed to be partying after winning a cash-prize, right?! 

We went to a restaurant. And, they gave a treat, but I didn't give a treat. I decided 'I don't want to waste my money partying, I want to be smart with my money'. It was non-conformism to people being nice, in a relatively low-stakes situation. And, it was an asshole-thing to do, let's just be honest. And, I saw the effect that had on the girl. She started being really nice and kind to me, in order to placate me and 'fix' me! But, the problem with this is that I felt disrespected. That's when I started feeling fatigued because of the inauthenticity of what I was doing. Because, let's face facts - I did want to give the treat. Who wouldn't?! And, because of my fatigue, my frame self-destructed. I didn't do or say much, I acted kinda petty. 

I don't regret this too much, cuz the stakes weren't too high. I wasn't really into this girl, she was just the first female-interaction I'd had in a long while and I took my opportunity to try out something I thought would work. And, I didn't do something really horrible to her. It was just a little step towards being mean. And this was the reaction it had. (What this also did for me is that it killed off any future impulse I could've had to be a simp.) 

I'd suggest you do something similar. If you think that 'being nice doesn't work', fine. Be the asshole and see what happens! 

Edited February 7, 2023 by mr_engineer