I'm probably autistic. What do I do?

[bloomer]

Laugh it up lol I'm pretty sure plenty of you on this forum dislike me. So revel in me admitting to being retarded. I'm socially retarded and there have been attempts throughout my life of people attempting to diagnose me. Ever since I was a kid I've been shunned. I've been diagnosed by psychiatrists before. Not for Aspergers though. I'm 22 years old now. I got into self help trying to dig myself out of this shit but it hasn't really been working. I had an embarrassing thing today and I was driving home just pissed off thinking wtf is wrong with me. My mother thinks I'm a autistic but I got hostile about it. I have expected it for a long time but just never really wanted to admit it because if I admitted it I'd be admitting I have something fundamentally wrong with me. It explains my life though. Never had many friends, bullied badly throughout high school until I became a complete social shut in, never had a girlfriend. Well after the thing today I came home and just started googling what's wrong with me and I clicked on this article on the NHS https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism/signs/adults/. It describes me exact basically. Not all of it but most of it. 

Quote

Main signs of autism -

finding it hard to understand what others are thinking or feeling

getting very anxious about social situations

finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own

seeming blunt, rude or not interested in others without meaning to

finding it hard to say how you feel

taking things very literally – for example, you may not understand sarcasm or phrases like "break a leg"

having the same routine every day and getting very anxious if it changes

Other signs of autism -

You may also have other signs, like:

not understanding social "rules", such as not talking over people

avoiding eye contact

getting too close to other people, or getting very upset if someone touches or gets too close to you

noticing small details, patterns, smells or sounds that others do not

having a very keen interest in certain subjects or activities

liking to plan things carefully before doing them

If this were to be true that I am on the spectrum now what? What am I supposed to do it doesn't change anything for me. I'm a very quiet individual and shut in. I use the mask of "seeming blunt, rude or not interested in others" to cope as to not seem like an autist in person. Though I don't mean mean to come across that way. How do I cope with being autistic if I am? My life fucking sucks. It's getting harder and harder it feels. It makes me not like people and become more of a shut in. Responses appreciated.  

 

Edited February 1, 2023 by bloomer
quick edit

[Devin]

19 minutes ago, bloomer said:

Laugh it up lol I'm pretty sure plenty of you on this forum dislike me. So revel in me admitting to being retarded. I'm socially retarded and there have been attempts throughout my life of people attempting to diagnose me. Ever since I was a kid I've been shunned. I've been diagnosed by psychiatrists before. Not for Aspergers though. I'm 22 years old now. I got into self help trying to dig myself out of this shit but it hasn't really been working. I had an embarrassing thing today and I was driving home just pissed off thinking wtf is wrong with me. My mother thinks I'm a autistic but I got hostile about it. I have expected it for a long time but just never really wanted to admit it because if I admitted it I'd be admitting I have something fundamentally wrong with me. It explains my life though. Never had many friends, bullied badly throughout high school until I became a complete social shut in, never had a girlfriend. Well after the thing today I came home and just started googling what's wrong with me and I clicked on this article on the NHS https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism/signs/adults/. It describes me exact basically. Not all of it but most of it. 

If this were to be true that I am on the spectrum now what? What am I supposed to do it doesn't change anything for me. I'm a very quiet individual and shut in. I use the mask of "seeming blunt, rude or not interested in others" to cope as to not seem like an autist in person. Though I don't mean mean to come across that way. How do I cope with being autistic if I am? My life fucking sucks. It's getting harder and harder it feels. It makes me not like people and become more of a shut in. Responses appreciated.  

 

You seem normal to me, most of the people on here are just alligator tear gas lighter's and will screw with your mind with their manipulative deceit if you don't have other healthy minded people to interact with.

I would try to find more healthy minded people to interact with than who's on here, go get involved with some sports or something like that, also try to enjoy doing things and being on your own, accepting yourself and enjoying being with yourself, go walk through the park or take a hike, do yoga, make some food, journal, get a hobby.

Edited February 1, 2023 by Devin

[Salvijus]

Lol, i'm 10x times weirder then u and i never thought there's anything wrong with me. Nor do i consider autistic people weird. They're just different. I had a chance of speaking with a number of them. They look totally normal to me. Except a very few that really struggle to even utter a single word. 

 

[Salvijus]

Bro believe me. This entire 2000years onwards generation is made only of autistic people ? the future will be insane... ? 

Edited February 1, 2023 by Salvijus

[bloomer]

I've spoken with people online before and they've told me they don't think I'm an aspie and plus it's better to think I'm not even if I am. But it's probably just low self esteem and socially awkwardness that leads me to think I have something fundamentally wrong with me even though there isn't anything fundamentally wrong with me. I don't know though, I might just be gaslighting myself.

@Devin

Just now, Devin said:

You seem normal to me, most of the people on here are just alligator tear gas lighter's and will screw with your mind with their manipulative deceit if you don't have other healthy minded people to interact with.

I would try to find healthy more healthy minded people to interact with than who's on here, go get involved with some sports or something like that, also try to enjoy doing things and being on your own, accepting yourself and enjoying being with yourself, go walk through the park or take a hike, do yoga, make some food, journal, get a hobby.

I think it's easier to seem normal than in person. I'm going back to the gym recently and may pick up a sport soon. But as for being with myself I am with myself all the time, all I do is things on my own.

@Salvijus

Just now, Salvijus said:

Lol, i'm 10x times weirder then u and i never thought there's anything wrong with me. Nor do i consider autistic people weird. They're just different. I had a chance of speaking with a number of them. They look totally normal to me. Except a very few that really struggle to even utter a single word. 

Just now, Salvijus said:

Bro believe me. This entire 2000years onwards generation is made only of autistic people ? the future will be insane... ? 

They may look normal but if you deal with them for any period of time you quickly learn they're not. Also I was born in 2000 and most people are not autistic or made up only of autistic people. There may be more of them in this generation but that's a very stupid point they're less than 5% easily of gen z. 

 

[Salvijus]

Your happyness doesn't depend on these things anyway. As long as you're smart enough to follow dharma you're okey

[Salvijus]

2 minutes ago, bloomer said:

I've spoken with people online before and they've told me they don't think I'm an aspie and plus it's better to think I'm not even if I am

U deff seem normal by all standarts to me.

[Devin]

1 minute ago, bloomer said:

 

@Devin

I think it's easier to seem normal than in person. I'm going back to the gym recently and may pick up a sport soon. But as for being with myself I am with myself all the time, all I do is things on my own.

Yes, but most people need to actively try to figure out how to enjoy being with themselves, it doesn't happen automatically. Realize you can enjoy even being by yourself, enjoyment is not dependent on any circumstances.

[Devin]

Sounds like getting into an adult sport would do great for you. All it takes is a little dose of decent people, just some balance in your life.

[bloomer]

@Salvijus

1 minute ago, Salvijus said:

Your happyness doesn't depend on these things anyway. As long as you're smart enough to follow dharma you're okey

I don't know dude the absence of these things has been making me miserable. 

Just now, Salvijus said:

U deff seem normal by all standarts to me.

I'm definitely not normal but I might not be autistic.

@Devin

Just now, Devin said:

Yes, but most people need to actively try to figure out how to enjoy being with themselves, it doesn't happen automatically. Realize you can enjoy even being by yourself, enjoyment is not dependent on any circumstances.

Just now, Devin said:

Sounds like getting into an adult sport would do great for you. All it takes is a little dose of decent people, just some balance in your life.

I will get into a sport no doubt. Probably a combat sport like boxing. I'm content with being by myself since I am all the time anyway but I still have to deal with people and that's when I get annoyed with the awkwardness. I also obviously want a relationship with some girl at some point which is driving me fucking insane but it is what it is. 

 

[ZGROPIUS]

12 minutes ago, bloomer said:

Laugh it up lol I'm pretty sure plenty of you on this forum dislike me.

I like you the second time I read your posts. That's the time I get a recognition sense of your talking style. I love how you always use images to add feelings to your meanings. Probably the only one here I see who use image. You have visual appreciation & emotional connection with those things, which I find you funny and appreciate you. So I followed you. I tell my friend that I recognized one personality that I really like in the english context for the first time (eng is not my mother tongue). I will definitely be friends with you in reality. Even though reading your posts I feel some opinions are too biased or intense for me. But Your personality is so strong. I don't give a fuck abt what psychologists say or any other definitions, you are interesting and I like your style. I love if you being yourself.

[Devin]

4 minutes ago, bloomer said:

 

@Devin

I will get into a sport no doubt. Probably a combat sport like boxing. I'm content with being by myself since I am all the time anyway but I still have to deal with people and that's when I get annoyed with the awkwardness. I also obviously want a relationship with some girl at some point which is driving me fucking insane but it is what it is. 

 

What do you mean by awkwardness?

I would try to go further than "content", you can absolutely love and enjoy even being by yourself.

Edited February 1, 2023 by Devin

[Ulax]

@bloomer Hey dude,

Personally, I rather like having you as a part of this forum :). 

Maybe you'll find value in this channel:

https://www.youtube.com/@autismfromtheInside

Also, unfortunately, to my understanding, its quite common for people on the autism spectrum to get bullied in school. I'm sorry you had to experience bullying in your formative years.

 

[Devin]

Adults make better friends and are better to deal with than when you were kids dealing with kids by the way, they were kids, many of them learned to stop being so openly mean, try to not let the bias from your childhood about your poor treatment scare you from socializing.

[bloomer]

@ZGROPIUS

4 minutes ago, ZGROPIUS said:

I like you the second time I read your posts. That's the time I get a recognition sense of your talking style. I love how you always use images to add feelings to your meanings. Probably the only one here I see who use image. You have visual appreciation & emotional connection with those things, which I find you funny and appreciate you. So I followed you. I tell my friend that I recognized one personality that I really like in the english context for the first time (eng is not my mother tongue). I will definitely be friends with you in reality. Even though reading your posts I feel some opinions are too biased or intense for me. But Your personality is so strong. I don't give a fuck abt what psychologists say or any other definitions, you are interesting and I like your style. I love if you being yourself.

Thank you dude I really appreciate that

@Devin

3 minutes ago, Devin said:

What do you mean by awkwardness?

I would try to go further than "content", you can absolutely love and enjoy even being by yourself.

When talking with people I rarely look them in the eye. I find it uncomfortable. I'm short with what I say. I think people have some dislike for me and I'm not exactly sure why a lot of the time. There are some cases of this happening, one guy wanted to fight me and I asked him why and he didn't even know. TBF we were both drinking at a pub and he'd came up to me, an older gentlemen like 40s or 50s lol and asked me if he was annoying me in some way. I think I wear a miserable face and don't smile often which can be awkward. There's been other similar cases with people. 

I'm trying to be more content with myself but it's hard when I don't have my goals or needs met.

Just now, Devin said:

Adults make better friends and are better to deal with than when you were kids dealing with kids by the way, they were kids, many of them learned to stop being so openly mean, try to not let the bias from your childhood about your poor treatment scare you from socializing.

I think adults are mean too but they just know that they can't get away with the same shit that they could when they were kids cause the stakes are higher, not because they're more moral. This is my hunch on people. It's harder to be a bully when you can end up in prison or homeless.

@Ulax

2 minutes ago, Ulax said:

Hey dude,

Personally, I rather like having you as a part of this forum :). 

Maybe you'll find value in this channel:

https://www.youtube.com/@autismfromtheInside

Also, unfortunately, to my understanding, its quite common for people on the autism spectrum to get bullied in school. I'm sorry you had to experience bullying in your formative years.

Thanks dude. I'll check out the channel now.

I don't bring up bullying experience for sympathy, not saying that you're doing that, just it's important to your development because when all you get from people is just abuse and shit for the longest time it obviously effects you particularly in your formative years when that shit appears to be more important. I realize looking back that I was dealing with a bunch of retards. I went to a terrible school and was placed in bad classes. 

@Salvijus

Just now, Salvijus said:

Authentic" is the word i think you're looking for ? 

But it's going to flourish only after some serious consciouness work. (Speaking from experience) until then trying to fit in will be a pain in the ass ... good luck with that ✌

I just want to fit in because I worry about money and my housing situation and I'd be out on my ass and no one would give a fuck if I can't figure this out. If I didn't have to worry about housing, food and money I'd be much more content being myself lol. 

[something_else]

It doesn't matter if you're autistic or not, at least not unless you're really autistic to the point where you need lots and lots of support. If that were the case you'd have been picked up on it a long time ago.

You can improve your social skills, I've basically spent the last two years focusing pretty heavily on it.

[bloomer]

@something_else

Just now, something_else said:

It doesn't matter if you're autistic or not, at least not unless you're really autistic to the point where you need lots and lots of support. If that were the case you'd have been picked up on it a long time ago.

You can improve your social skills, I've basically spent the last two years focusing pretty heavily on it.

I'm obviously not severely autistic, if I am autistic I've spent several years trying really hard to be normal and improve my social skills. I think the only reason most people have slapped the label on me is because I try so hard to be normal and I shun any attempts at people attaching that label to me out of shame. But regardless it doesn't matter if I am technically or I'm not the problem still is the same that I need to deal with. 

[StarStruck]

Asper is no longer a thing. STOP USING THIS TERM!

https://www.verywellhealth.com/does-asperger-syndrome-still-exist-259944

I don’t think you have autism. You are just insecure and you want approval. 

Just work on your self esteem. 

[Devin]

19 minutes ago, bloomer said:

 

@Devin

When talking with people I rarely look them in the eye. I find it uncomfortable. I'm short with what I say. I think people have some dislike for me and I'm not exactly sure why a lot of the time. There are some cases of this happening, one guy wanted to fight me and I asked him why and he didn't even know. TBF we were both drinking at a pub and he'd came up to me, an older gentlemen like 40s or 50s lol and asked me if he was annoying me in some way. I think I wear a miserable face and don't smile often which can be awkward. There's been other similar cases with people. 

I'm trying to be more content with myself but it's hard when I don't have my goals or needs met.

I think adults are mean too but they just know that they can't get away with the same shit that they could when they were kids cause the stakes are higher, not because they're more moral. This is my hunch on people. It's harder to be a bully when you can end up in prison or homeless.

 

Just consciously work on improving eye contact, it will come and become even more than comfortable actually, it is actually an intimate and connecting thing to do. There are youtube videos for you to practice.

Journaling will help you with being less short, and the more you interact with people the more comfortable you will get and in turn get out of your head and be less short, just keep putting yourself out there.

People that don't like other people don't like most people, don't worry about it, it's them not you, keep looking for people you like to be with.

Many adults are still mean, just less of them, and less mean, I think they're 'good enough' though, you can find people you enjoy being with. But you should also work on enjoying being alone because enjoyment does not come from people and it's not good to think it's only from one source. Nonetheless though, I suggest finding some people and growing in a way where you can enjoy people, I love it.



Being more content with yourself; the tricks for me are seeing how my goals are usually from caring what others think, and realizing they will never bring joy. And the other big trick is just thinking of if there is anything within my reach I can do RIGHT NOW that I would enjoy, I have to quit thinking I need some grand thing or experience to have enjoyment, those are beliefs that are ingrained in us from the ignorance of society, in reality, I can enjoy a glass of water, TRULY, an orange, watching the sky, yoga, watching the stars, sunrise, sunset, going for a walk, cooking something, cleaning even,....
 

Edited February 1, 2023 by Devin

[Blackbeat]

1 hour ago, Devin said:

You seem normal to me, most of the people on here are just alligator tear gas lighter's and will screw with your mind with their manipulative deceit if you don't have other healthy minded people to interact with.

I would try to find more healthy minded people to interact with than who's on here, go get involved with some sports or something like that, also try to enjoy doing things and being on your own, accepting yourself and enjoying being with yourself, go walk through the park or take a hike, do yoga, make some food, journal, get a hobby.

Agreed, Have to lube up that button if I see they go too far on anyone I see doing it.