What Makes A Good Man?

[gettoefl]

i'd be just like leo in san tropez ?

 

[Applegarden8]

A good man contemplates his answers before replying to topics on forums. Def not what I do. Basically any time when there is a "real man" discussion, i want to answer i am neither a good or real man, because i feel this is a pointless discussion to have and is a "only you have to think how to improve, not me".

[Eyowey]

A good man is a problem solvaholic. He deliberately searches for problems so he can solve them. Out of tampons? Don't worry honey I'll make one with some sheep wool.

[Emerald]

In my psychedelic experiences of Divine Masculine, there was the experience of God Mind and God Heart.

And it was this mixture of deep vulnerability and attachment mixed with infinite strength and detachment.

And it allowed the Divine Masculine to extend itself through every facet of reality and to come to know and love all things infinitely… and to care deeply for all things and grieve all losses.

And if I’m to pick the number one quality that makes a great man is that he is able to embody this in human form.

It is the Lover Archetype that extends the most vulnerable parts of itself to give love out into the world. And being willing to experience pain and discomfort if it comes, in the pursuit of this love giving.

And practically this looks like a generous and prolific giving to his family, community, and humanity at large.

[soos_mite_ah]

@Emerald It's good to have you back, Emerald 

[Emerald]

6 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

@Emerald It's good to have you back, Emerald 

Hey, good to see you ?

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Just going to post what I think after going through what I wanted to go through:
 

• Vision oriented and purpose oriented
• Thinks about values and integrity and works on character qualties empathy,compassion/love,honesty, 
• Is aware of shadow personality
• Knows what he wants most of the time 
• Goes for what he wants
• Has drive 
• Stability as well as aspects for a proper prolific future (excuse my english)
• A certain level of humility (depends on times...)
• Does not disregard the weak.
• Does not engage in gossip of the very toxic kind, in terms of gaterhing information I feel it's fine to talk about others sometime
• Keeps his word, and does his work (I struggle with this personally for various reasons, as I overestimate myself at times)
• Interested in god/spirituality in a non-dogmatic and non-idealogical way
• Has projects.
• Integrates feminine side, and is playful.
• Rejects toxic feminity!!
• Has courage to say the truth without going to ham
• Accept deeper yearnings&darker desires, and chooses to engage and not engage in them.
• Generally gives direction 
• Can lean into feminine when to much masculine is present
• Is not overly neutral, yet is neutral when situation asks for it.
• Is a sexual creature, knows how to please women and enjoys it!
• Positive ownership in relationships
• Accepts feedback and does not engage in over-thinking
• Questions assumptions
• Let's go of control and controlling others and manipulating
• Does not act in the expense of others
• Does not engage in apeish group mockery, out of fear and insecurity
• Knows how to make fun of himself at times (not to much!!! no clowning)
• Takes care of physical health
• Is assertive and direct tells girlfriend 女朋友, boundaries, desires and is interested in holistic communcation and power disambiguation 
• Motivates and supports partner in spiritual pursuit and carrer.
• Accepts others for who they are and is open-minded.
• Kicks out toxic loosers in his life who are disinterested in beign in integrity and are just in for the money (tricky, because some like this authentically and need to do the mistake eventually)
• Is a creator and comepetitor and is not overly competetive, as a certain level of healthy competition with focus on the process, art, beauty and the craft is needed. The best performance comes from god, lol.
• Is passionate about one and or two things in life (I struggle with this at some level, as I underwent some changes)
• No smoking cigarettes to be cool
• Not following toxic media and seeing it as the absolute pinnacle of what masculinity is about.
• Sees relationships as a mastery process
• Integrates healthy red (assertivness and going after what you want) with healthy yellow not going for excessive self-interest
• Upgrades life conditions without excessive self-interest and accepts the ineviabillity of some of it, without demonizing it to much.
• Non-judgement (I struggle with this to some extend)
• Aceepts women who have power (It's odd at times, yet I still empower it 99.9% of the times... that is an odd TQ quality... might be purple also)
• Helps and aids those weaker than himself does not see himself as above as well as beneath others. (tricky as hell -> look into the mirror)
• Integrates healthy tough love as well as healthy levels of compassion as a feminine approach (tricky as hell)
• Not lost in schizophrenic delusions (been there, learned some stuff)
• Accepts the inevitabillity of lonliness at times
• Non-needy as well as goes after his needs (see Abraham Maslow) healthy friendships, healthy networking (online&offline) etc. Even just brief interactions going out solo and talking to people.
• Is self-aware
• Chooses self-aware women/men/trans etc.
• Does not groom beigns to ones own ideaological agenda.
• Accepts influence
• Is aware of projections of others and does not blame others consistently, because of one's own "unfortunate circumstances"
• Asks for help
• Goes away from negative news & negative toxic warmongers
• Accepts most stage of the spiral and is aware of it's pitfalls in Spiral dynamics
• IMO prefers insight prior to knowledge
• Does not have predefined categories of women as social roles & stereotypes
• Engages in positive roles with partner and is aware of them

TLDR; Is not a dick and is not a pussy. (I struggle with not beign a dick at times) 

This is mostly it.

Edited February 5, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[gettoefl]

chat with chat-gpt:

 

in zen from the highest perspective can we define good as anything which facilitates awakening?

 

Yes, in Zen philosophy, "good" can indeed be defined as that which leads to awakening or enlightenment. The ultimate goal of Zen is to achieve a state of inner peace, wisdom, and understanding, and any actions, thoughts, or practices that help a person towards this goal can be considered "good."

bearing this definition in mind, how might one define a good man?

 

From the Zen perspective, a "good man" would be someone who strives towards awakening and embodies the qualities associated with it. Such qualities include:

Compassion

Wisdom

Integrity

Mindfulness

Humility

Self-awareness

Kindness

 

A good man, in this sense, would be someone who not only seeks enlightenment for himself but also strives to benefit others and act in accordance with Buddhist principles such as the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path.

[Aaron p]

On 31/01/2023 at 9:22 PM, Leo Gura said:

@LastThursday You're getting too absolutist. There is an important relative matter at hand.

Every young man should ask himself the question: How do I become a good man?

Don't overthink this with your nondual God-logic.

This is an episode I would love to see. I struggle greatly with morality and struggle to see where it fits in with awakening...seeing as good and bad don't exist, I would absolutely love to hear some stuff about why I should even be a good man. I struggle to find the reason why I should actually be a good man at all. 

Does morality have a place at all? I've been very confused about this topic for a long time. 

----------

The Christian model of awakening suggests that love flows effortlessly after awakening and that it doesent come from a sense of morality but a sense of general love that is nearly accidental. 

We have been made righteous through death, and the law was not made for the eyes of a righteous man.

...

But awakening can take years, I wonder if morality has even a place for the young seeker who isint awake yet...

Edited February 5, 2023 by Aaron p

[Insane butterfly]

https://fb.watch/ivFVl8FJkF/

[Juan]

@Leo Gura

I hope this recent video helps with something. 

 

[integral]

A man takes care of his needs, then when sustainable expands to take care of his immediate family, then when that is sustainable expands to take care of a larger circle of friends and people, then expands to his nation, country, world, universal... this keeps expanding until all is umbrellaed. 

Progression of levels to incrementally nurture all that one has the capacity to nurture and have the insight to nurture and not more then one can handle. To nurture within ones means, but not nessisariy a factor of naïve effort, but wise choice. 

Edited February 6, 2023 by integral

[Roy]

A Good Man does his best to be a steward of the world in his time here.

Edited February 7, 2023 by Roy

[Juan]

Answering the thread, it seems like a tricky but deep question. Some people are answering stuff that also qualifies a good woman imo like being honest, compassion, kindness, etc. 

I have to study deeper into sexuality (what makes a man a man and a woman a woman) before make such conclusions. 

[Matt23]

Someone who's able to be honest and do the right thing as he sees it irregardless of personal consequences. 

Edited February 6, 2023 by Matt23

[Matt23]

15 minutes ago, Juan said:

Answering the thread, it seems like a tricky but deep question. Some people are answering stuff that also qualifies a good woman imo like being honest, compassion, kindness, etc. 

I have to study deeper into sexuality (what makes a man a man and a woman a woman) before make such conclusions. 

Yes.  I know there is this whole thing about empathy and compassion and the like being also masculine things as well... and ya, like, of course there's a balance and stuff... but also I think there is something unique in the male psyche that attracts him to certain virtues over others; some just feel more meaningful.  

For example, I literally cried ("crying" is putting it mildly.  It was something that was like I NEED THIS) for 30 minutes when I read Alexander Beiner's essay on masculinity (he's a co-founder of Rebel Wisdom)

• I believe many people, regardless of sex or orientation, are craving stories that celebrate masculinity. That don’t demean men and boys for their preference for connecting shoulder to shoulder instead of face to face. Stories that don’t shame men who prefer not to express their emotions sometimes. That don’t pathologise a male desire to set emotions aside if they get in the way of a larger purpose.

The part of "shoulder to shoulder" reeeeaaaalllllyyyy touched me deeply.  I cried so much envisioning standing shoulder to shoulder in the front line of a battle formation, the enemy charging at us, the things we love and are protecting behind us... each there for each other as we face what needs to be faced to protect what we love.  

The image of a circle of men facing outwards also came to mind as a powerful image; with the center, again, being what we're protecting (loved ones, nature, whatever it is).  

This makes me think protecting what is most meaningful to you is a powerful masculine trait or characteristic.  protecting side-by-side.

 

Edited February 6, 2023 by Matt23

[UpperMaster]

@Leo Gura Relative no?

[ValiantSalvatore]

14 hours ago, integral said:

A man takes care of his needs, then when sustainable expands to take care of his immediate family, then when that is sustainable expands to take care of a larger circle of friends and people, then expands to his nation, country, world, universal... this keeps expanding until all is umbrellaed. 

Progression of levels to incrementally nurture all that one has the capacity to nurture and have the insight to nurture and not more then one can handle. To nurture within ones means, but not nessisariy a factor of naïve effort, but wise choice. 

So true!

Even when it hurts a little reading this. 

 

Edited February 6, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[RachaelLewis]

Most importantly; Someone that lets me be me. No trying to control me. Yes by all means gently guide, make suggestions. Either let me be me or there is the door. 

Someone that understands that as a sensual woman I want to be softly and gently caressed and aroused, of course there is a place for hard fast and furious style sex, but you need to work slowly and build it up and either look for cues or ask what I like, work at it. 

Someone that understands I want the man to be a man and help with the things that I'm not designed to do easily as a woman or don't really enjoy, things that need a lot logical building skills and body strength. All the female singers that sang about the independent woman can go suck a dick, I want a real man. 

Someone that understands as a female I get hormones and I'm gonna be a bit more irritable once a month for a couple of days and doesn't take it personally. But by all means if I overstep that mark, yeah tell me to wind it in and stop being a dick. If you want an easy life mark on your calendar a few days before your girls going to have a visit from aunt Flow, run her a bubble bath, cook her a dinner with extra carbs that night, set her up with chocolate and a hot water bottle in bed then leave her to it for a few days while you go play video games or go out with your mates.

Someone that understands as a woman I want to feel sexy, special and yeah ne spoilt sometimes and made to feel important and wanted. It doesn't have to be romantic nights in a hot tub, although occasionally that's awesome and much appreciated, it can be spontaneous hugs, compliments, bringing a cup of tea.

Someone that is independent and has their own life and gets on with it and lets me get in with mine but comes together to enjoy time together when both want that.

Someone that's not afraid to have debates and philosophical conversation, to show interest in her airy fairy hobbies and not be afraid to open up a little and try that tantra, kundalini or yoga workshop.

This is my perspective as a 41 year old woman that's been with my husband for twenty years and has a happy marriage with mutual understanding and respect. I still find my self falling deeper in love with my husband and still think he is the most beautiful man inside and out. I love and appreciate what we have right here, right now. But know this may change one day and just love what we have here and now. I want him to be happy and be his best self and encourage him to do all he wants to do and give complete freedom for him as he does for me with personal endeavours. We work at making compromises when needed to find a balance. Were still finding out new things about each other now. We didn't just lay it all on the table. Were still learning 

[Jenkins]

In my opinion a good man is loud with his character and not with his words.

Clothes have little to no importance.

He's the stoic mountain, grounded. Women are emotional around him as they feel they're understood, and they can be taken care of (not saying this should be the scenario, however it feels good once in a while).

A good man sees the potential in others and judges them by that, not by their shortcomings.

A good man is like a concrete foundation.

A good man is honest.

A good man is brave and would protect his family with the price of his life.

A good man is an example to his link to the future.

A good man is selfless as he realizes "he" is bollocks.

A good man functions even better with a good woman around him.

A good man sees through deceit and puppet shows.