Women And Gay Men Of Actualized.org, What Makes A Man Sexy?

[jse]

Please share your thoughts.

I like this Burner's definition of sexy:

 

Edited March 5, 2017 by jse

[Key Elements]

To me, it's a non-quitter guy who is also radically open-minded, honest, and kind. Understanding of other cultures deeply. (Coming from a woman's perspective.)

[egoeimai]

Im not gonna see the video. Im going to answer based on your title.

Of course you know that all opinions are personal and theyre not based on sth general. 

So, what makes a man sexy? 

• The way he talks
• The way he behaves
• The way he moves
• They way he looks at you
• His outer appearance

 

[Annie]

He needs to be authentic and articulate. And if you care about physical appearance: a sixpack is always nice to look at

Edited March 6, 2017 by Annie

[Peace and Love]

Good Question! 

As a single woman....I could say that yeah...there are a whole lot of physical things that make a man sexy, everyone has their personal preferences which if fine, but true sexiness is an inner skill that is developed. It is developed from the heart.  If done correctly this can be a non-egotistic thing....this can be a very good personal development journey, especially for PUA guys.

I was doing a search on google and I like this one specific article that comes up with a list of things that make a man "SEXY".  I'm going to copy and paste.

*And I personally agree with every single one of them.  I've always personally been a sucker for intellect and sense of humor but all of them are really important.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/erica-jagger/things-that-make-a-man-hot_b_6546886.html

1. Strength — I don’t mean how much a man can bench press, although a nice set of pecs doesn’t hurt. I’m talking about internal-fortitude strength. Firmly-planted, I-know-who-I-am strength. There is nothing sexier than a man who’s grounded, who’s in command of the impulses and anger that may have derailed him when he was younger, whose quiet confidence telegraphs, without a hint of arrogance, that he has nothing to prove.

2. Vulnerability — A man isn’t strong unless he is also vulnerable. This means he can tell you what he wants, when he’s afraid, how you make him feel, what he did that he’s made amends for, what he’s overcome, what brings him to his knees. Without transparency, there can be no genuine intimacy, that ingredient that makes sex remain sexy when the initial high of infatuation dissipates.

3. Integrity — This ingredient separates the boys from the men. While they may dazzle in the beginning, womanizers, scoundrels, and narcissists use lies, cheap tricks, and smoke and mirrors for personal gain. There is nothing sexy about a man who pretends to be something he’s not, who lacks any depth of feeling, and who doesn’t care how much blood he leaves on the tracks. If you gave me a choice between bedding Don Draper and Atticus Finch, I’d choose that soft-spoken lawyer any day.

4. Intellect — A beautiful mind is sexy. IQ points are great, but that’s just a piece of smart. Critical thinking, an unquenchable thirst for learning, and a gift for distinctive self-expression create, for me, a kind of male siren’s song. I don’t care how gorgeous a man is; if he can’t entice me with his mind, the sexual chemistry won’t be there.

5. Sense of humor — A man who lacks a sense of humor is like a cold shower on legs. It’s impossible for me to connect with someone who’s ultra-literal, hyper-serious, and rarely laughs. For me, intellect and humor are inseparable bedfellows. Smart people read nuances and see the humor in situations. And the brand of humor is critical. Even if a guy is hot, if his version of funny doesn’t sync with mine, the sexy won’t stay sexy for long.

6. Warmth — It’s exhausting trying to connect with someone behind walls. Compassion, empathy, a ready smile, an easy laugh — these traits and actions are disarming in the best sense of the word. Kind is sexy. It just is.

7. Generosity — Stinginess is a turn-off. Not only stingy with money, but also stingy with feelings. While squandering one’s money and emotions indicate a lack of control or self-worth, counting pennies and withholding genuine contact suggest a preference for things over people. I’ve also found that stingy men aren’t as good lovers as their more generous counterparts. It’s not sexy to sleep with someone who holds back physically or emotionally in bed.

8. Affectionate — Affection is warmth in action. A soft kiss on the back of my neck as he walks by. A palm reaching through the hole in my jeans to squeeze my knee. Laying his head on my chest because it’s one of his favorite places to be. A man who loves touch for the sake of touch, whether or not it leads to sex, is sexy.

9. Mindfulness — Not that long ago, I was attracted to men so ambitious that they appeared to be driven by motors. What I’ve learned is that that kind of “ambition” often masks insecurity, avarice, and aggression, qualities which are not remotely appealing. Mindfulness — the ability to be aware and present in the moment, even if that moment is painful — is the ultimate form of ambition because it requires a commitment to personal growth that is not for the faint of heart. A man who radiates quiet confidence, who is able to remain calm and centered in the face of challenges, makes me weak in the knees.

10. Partnership — The only place I want to be dominated is in the bedroom, and that still requires my consent. In all other contexts I want a man who doesn’t try to dominate me, who understands the need for compromise, reciprocity, communication, and respect. I have no time or patience for men who play games and control women in order to feel like men.

11. Sexual confidence — True sexual confidence has nothing to do with penis size, smooth moves, and bedpost notches. It’s an ambience distilled from quiet authority, an ability to read my body and my breath, a sensual lingering in the moment that may or may not involve gazing in my eyes, but always requires a desire to be vulnerable and present. A sexually charged man who is in command of his urges and firmly situated in his sexual expression will turn me into a breathless, perpetually aroused Alpha Submissive in no time flat.

 

[Guest Annetta]

1.  Honesty
2.  Kindness/ Compassion
3.  Reliablility
4.  Good judgement
5.  Protective/ Safety
6. Can communicate wants and needs
7. Stability/ Even tempered
8. Good sense of humour
9. Likes animals
10. Creativity 
11. Doesn't turn into another person - authentic

[MsNobody]

I loved it!!

Authenticity and self confidence are sexy! 

And that radical openmindedness  

[abgespaced]

Good lists ladies!

 

Now recategorise your answers according to:

1. What in a man attracts you

2. What in a man arouses you

 

They are not the same.

[egoeimai]

Actually we should post pictures because it will be fun!

[jse]

5 hours ago, egoeimai said:

Actually we should post pictures because it will be fun!

 

1. Strength

 

2. Vulnerability

 

3. Integrity

 

4. Intellect

 

5. Sense of humor

 

6. Warmth

 

7. Generosity

 

8. Affection

 

9. Mindfulness

 

10. Partnership

 

11. Sexual confidence

 

12. Wisdom

 

[Vercingetorix]

@Whywolf @Peace and Love

Thanks for the confidence boost
I wonder in what social circles equivalent women hang around?
 

[egoeimai]

@jse that is very cute. Tbh I meant real pics for example,celebrities that we like,or other ppl,that we think that they're sexy,or gifted!:)

[clytaemnestra]

10 hours ago, abgespaced said:

1. What in a man attracts you

2. What in a man arouses you

1. respect (i.e. towards women as completely equal creatures), open-mindness, intellect, life fulfilled with hobbies, artistic spirit, passionate about job, positive and optimistic, ground to the earth, serious and mature, sense of humor

2. when a man cooks. so sexy 

[egoeimai]

2 minutes ago, clytaemnestra said:

 

2. when a man cooks. so sexy 

Looolz dude

[Peace and Love]

Looks mean nothing, without the heart....  As we age....we will loose our appearances...these are the things that will matter in the long run......

This post reminded me of this youtube video of Keith Urban singing to his wife Nicole Kidman.   I'm not a big Keith Urban fan but I love these words...in his song fighter....this makes a sexy man!
 

Lyrics

I know he hurt you
Made you scared of love, too scared to love
He didn't deserve you
'Cause you're precious heart is a precious heart
He didn't know what he had and I thank God, oh, oh, oh
And it's gonna take just a little time
But you're gonna see that I was born to love you

What if I fall (I won't let you fall)   (STRENGTH - the provider and protector)
What if I cry (I'll never make you cry)   (Emotional stability- providing balance)
And if I get scared (I'll hold you tighter)
When they're tryna get to you baby I'll be the fighter
What if I fall (I won't let you fall)
What if I cry I promise I'll never make you cry
And if I get scared (I'll hold you tighter)
When they're tryna get to you baby I'll be the fighter

Look in the mirror
You're beautiful, so beautiful  (Affectionate)
I'm here to remind you
You're my only one, let me be the one   (Faithful, and integrity, partnership)
To heal all the pain that he put you through  (Comforting, Spiritual Partnership)
It's a love like you never knew  (Giving)
Just let me show you

What if I fall (I won't let you fall)
What if I cry (I'll never make you cry)
And if I get scared (I'll hold you tighter)
When they're tryna get to you baby I'll be the fighter
What if I fall (I won't let you fall)
What if I cry I promise I'll never make you cry
And if I get scared (I'll hold you tighter)
When they're tryna get to you baby I'll be the fighter

I wanna believe that you got me baby
I swear I do from now until the next life
I wanna love, wanna give you all my heart

What if I fall (I won't let you fall)
What if I cry (I'll never make you cry)
And if I get scared (I'll hold you tighter)
When they're tryna get to you baby I'll be the fighter
What if I fall (I won't let you fall)
What if I cry I promise I'll never make you cry
And if I get scared (I'll hold you tighter)
When they're tryna get to you baby I'll be the fighter

What if I fall
What if I cry
And if I get scared (I'll hold you tighter)
When they're tryna get to you baby I'll be the fighter

[Peace and Love]

@Vercingetorix   hmmmmm.....social circles....actualized.org    I'm sure there is more out there...anything involved with personal development, and spirituality....yoga....meditation..

[Peace and Love]

@abgespaced

11 hours ago, abgespaced said:

Good lists ladies!

 

Now recategorise your answers according to:

1. What in a man attracts you

2. What in a man arouses you

 

They are not the same.

1.)  The 11 things that I listed above.

2.)   I like the answer it gives in this article.....this is good! 

http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_200/228_love_tip.html

 

1. Tap Into The “F” Word

One of the top ways to rile a partner up is to tap into the feeling they most strongly associate with arousal. “Some people need to feel safe in order to be turned on. Others want to feel challenged. Some need to feel sexy or desire. Others want to feel a little frightened. Find out how she likes to feel and intensify those feelings,” says Dr. Jess, Astroglide’s resident sexologist.

For example, many women associate arousal with feelings of being desired. If this is the case, you’ll want to ply her with compliments. “Let her know just how badly you crave her. Tell her that you’ve been thinking of her all day and nothing else will do. Look at her like a ravenous beast…,” says Dr. Jess. If on the other hand, her “F” word is love (she is most turned on when she feels cared for), adjust your words, body language and gestures to show her just how much you care.

 

 

2. Tease Her

Blindfold her and tease around her entire body while avoiding her hot spots. “Use the backs of your hands to very SLOWLY caress her legs, back, hips, face and neck. When you pass over her breasts, let your fingertips linger an inch from the surface so that she can feel your warmth hovering above,” says Dr. Jess. Take your time. Get closer to her hot spots (you’ll have to communicate to identify these, as they’re different for every body) and then pull away to rile her into a fit of desire. “Holding out for longer can create a more intense reaction once you finally touch the spots that are craving your hands, lips and tongue,” says Dr. Jess.

 

 

3. Stimulate Her Mind   *(This is definitely a big one for me! lol)

Men highly underestimate the power of a woman's mind over her body. “If her mind isn't present within the sexual experience then her ability to become aroused will be difficult,” says Tyomi Morgan, sex educator/sexuality coach. The brain is the largest sex organ there is so stimulate her mind first before moving to the erogenous zones of her body. Making her feel safe and comfortable is the first step to arousing the mind and then securing her trust. “Once safety and trust are established it's a matter of helping her unwind from the stresses of the day and drawing into her emotionally. Allow her to vent her frustrations, be empathetic and then move into giving her a back rub. Show her you are interested in more than just getting into her vagina before you move into intercourse,” says Morgan. When her mind is relaxed and free of stress her body will follow.

 

 

4. Ask Her What She Likes (And Act On It)  *This is a SMART MOVE!

Let her be your teacher and the tour guide of her body. “Many men assume they know exactly how a woman likes it based on past experiences or what he has seen performed in films, but every woman is different and is aroused by various sets of sexual triggers,” says Morgan. Have a conversation with her before entering into any sexual activity to give her the opportunity to tell you what does it for her. Not only does this place her pleasure first, but it also makes her feel comfortable in knowing that you care about her satisfaction as much as you care about yours. And that is the ultimate turn on.

 

 

5. Caress Her Other Erogenous Zones

The sexual parts of a woman's body are obvious (breasts, butt, vulva, lips) but there are other erogenous zones that are non-assuming yet effective in stimulating arousal when they are stimulated. “The backs of the thighs, the palms of the hands, behind the knee, the abdomen and the bottoms of the feet are pleasure zones that can be rubbed, caressed, lightly brushed or even blown on to generate a sexual response,” says Morgan. Take the time to explore a woman's body before sex by offering a sensual rubdown beginning at the feet and then working your way up to the backs of the thighs and eventually the abdomen. Avoid the most obvious zones to create a level of anticipation for what is to come next. Create ambiance with candles and soft music and make sure the room is warm. You don't have to be a professional masseuse to do this. Use light strokes first and increase the pressure as you go along, but always check in with your partner to make sure she is comfortable.

 

 

6. Take Things Slow   *This is so IMPORTANT, I wish more men would tap into this!!!!  Its so worth it!

Don't force issues, feelings or sex ever. Roll with it. Read her energy. “Learn how to communicate with and read body language. Don't ever plan on having sex. If it happens on the first night, it's totally fine but it is usually better to wait until you're both sure about the situation. Your goals should be to earn her trust and respect instead of thinking what's the next move to get into her bed. It will be different with all women,” says Hawk. Desperation and neediness are major turn-offs.

[Vercingetorix]

@Peace and Love well nice to see creatures from Absolute infinity hanging around with us here 
thanks, so far I had limited luck in (acro)yoga and meditation group, but to be fair I just started searching recently.

[NormL_is_boring]

On 3/6/2017 at 11:31 AM, Key Elements said:

radically open-minded

That is my new favorite phrase. I hope you don't mind if I borrow it for myself :). 

 

11 hours ago, abgespaced said:

Now recategorise your answers according to:

1. What in a man attracts you

2. What in a man arouses you

They are not the same.

 

1. Intelligence, honesty, sense of humor, confident but not cocky (there is a difference), radically open-minded, passionate, grounded, positive and has their shit together. 

2. The way he kisses.

IMO I believe that you can tell how someone is going to be in bed (and sometimes life in general) by the way someone kisses. Bad kissing = no arousal lol. 

[egoeimai]

@NormL_is_boring and by the way he is looking at you. If his look makes you feel attractive/safe around him/sexy etc.

Edited March 7, 2017 by egoeimai