Identified my biggest issue with 'Game' and having sex with a Woman

[Sempiternity]

I just realized what is the thing that stops me the most when it comes to Women. I have no problems with approach. I'm good looking, charismatic, interesting, confident. So I have zero issue attracting women. And I get hit on alot by very attractive women. My issue is that when I see a beautiful woman I'm attracted to, I judge whether to approach her, or have sex with her, based on if I would want to date her long-term. Which is very few women, as I have high standards. So with this I am limiting my possible sexual connections by like 90%.

See I live in a pretty tight-knit community and everybody knows everybody. My fear is that if a woman is interested in me and I have sex with her, she may want more afterwards and want some kind of relationship, and if I don't want that as well, then I could hurt her. And in my community, to hurt a woman, you will get a bad reputation very quickly. Besides that, I'm a compassionate man that doesn't want to hurt a woman's feelings by creating false expectation by having a passionate night of shared love. So I'm left with passing up many many opportunities of connection.

How do you go about handling this?

Do you be up front and honest with her that night, before having sex, and say this is a one-night thing for you, and don't want anything more? Seems cruel and a major mood killer.

Do you have sex with her and then just ignore her messages afterwards, until she eventually gets the hint? Also seems cruel and unethical. 

Do you have sex with her, maybe even a few times if it's good, and then tell her later that you're not interested? Again, seems unethical, as if that's what I felt from the beginning, the right thing to do would be to be upfront from the beginning. 

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to just be an uncaring man, so I could have sex with as many woman as I want, and not give a shit whether they get hurt or not. But, that's not me, and never will be. Being a loving person, I have no choice but to consider the consequences of my actions on others.

So you can see the conundrum. I wish I could get over this fear, so I could just follow through on every connection that arises, not worrying about the aftermath. 

How do you personally handle this?

**Experienced input only please. 

[Sempiternity]

To add to this, I'm not talking about going out to random clubs and hitting on Stage Orange and below women. I am only attracted to Stage Green and higher women. My community is huge, like 8-9 thousand of amazing Stage Green / Yellow peoples. So there is no shortage of amazing women. 

If had lower standards, and was just going to clubs and picking up club chicks, this issue wouldn't be much of an issue. As I would probably never see that woman again, after sex. But this is definitely not the case. Every woman I come in contact with, and have sexual attraction with, is someone that I will see again, and is connected to like every person I know. Hence the apprehensions. And I am very much not attracted to random club/bar chicks. 

[Jannes]

Similar situation here but we are only like 60 people so when I fuck up its way worse. 

Is it that bad if the community finds out you are a f*ckboy? I mean the girls who want serious relationships would avoid you and the ones who also just want quick sex would stay. That might be even better for you. On the other side communities probably don’t like guys who sleep around so you might get shamed for it. But it’s a stage green place so you might get away with it more easily. 

[Sempiternity]

I'm not trying to 'get away' with anything. Nor am I trying to be a 'fuckboy'. I just want to be a good man with an active sex life, and not hurt anyone. 

And yes, getting a bad reputation in my community, means you are unsafe, and unsafe men get ostracized from the community, by not getting invited to events, gatherings, parties, festivals. My community greatly cares about creating a safe space for women. And my community means everything to me, and is my whole life.

"I mean the girls who want serious relationships would avoid you and the ones who also just want quick sex would stay." This is not what I'm saying I want. I want to be able to have sex with any woman I have a sexual connection to. Some might lead to a stronger connection that leads to a relationship. Some might not. The point is, if I have a feeling that it might not, is it okay to still have sex with her, with that knowledge it won't necessarily lead anywhere.

 

[Leo Gura]

@Sempiternity I have very high standards. The solution is to be very selective, fuck less, and find fewer girls who you're really into and would be willing to get serious with.

Or if you just wanna screw around then you need to go to places like clubs where girls aren't expecting much.

Obviously you can't be treating some hippie commune like a nightclub where you're pulling girls and doing one night stands and then never texting them back. That kind of behavior aligns with Orange, not Green and Yellow places.

What you lose in quantity you can make up for in quality and depth of emotional connection.

You say you want Green & Yellow girls, but your whole attitude towards sex is deep Orange. So there's the disconnect.

You know how much sex I had to surrender just to keep my integrity? It would make you cry. You can't be an Orange man-whore and also reach peak levels of consciousness. Consciousness is gonna cost you pussy. This is where your priorities are really put to the test.

Edited January 28, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Jannes]

You are expecting the girls to be selfless towards you which is a selfish thing to do because that would mean that all the emotional work is done by the girls. If you fuck a girl and she builds romantic feelings for you and you reject that then she will be hurt and hold you as a negative fuckboy in her mind. Your intentions aren’t bad that you just want sex without hurting anyone but it’s so against the girls interest to see that that she will rather hate you. 

[Leo Gura]

There is no way to sleep with lots of girls and not hurt their feelings. The more you sleep around the more you're gonna lie and manipulate to sustain it. Which is why all the best PUAs are massive liars, manipulators, cheats, and untrustworthy characters.  They sold their souls for sex.

No healthy, conscious person would behave that way.

Edited January 29, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Jannes]

Have you thought about dating apps? You could make it clear there that you only want sex so there wouldn’t be any misunderstanding and as you said you have the looks for it. 

[Leo Gura]

15 minutes ago, Jannes said:

You could make it clear there that you only want sex

Lol. No girl will sleep with you if you post that.

[Jannes]

16 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Lol. No girl will sleep with you if you post that.

Okay I said that wrong. You can leave some hints in your dating profile which make it relatively obvious that you only want sex. Like a shirtless picture on the beach, not too much smiling, maybe a funny slightly sexual profile description that leaves a hint and all of these little hints combined make a pretty clear message without ever saying it directly. 
Also I see quite a lot of girls on tinder that say directly that they only want sex.

Edited January 29, 2023 by Jannes

[Leo Gura]

7 minutes ago, Jannes said:

Also I see quite a lot of girls on tinder that say directly that they only want sex.

I've never seen nor heard a girl say she only wants sex.

They say exactly the opposite.

[Jannes]

15 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I've never seen nor heard a girl say she only wants sex.

They say exactly the opposite.

Got some funny examples for ya: 

And quite a lot also say it directly in their description.

[Leo Gura]

Looks like something you pulled from the fantasy section on an Incel forum.

That is what an Incel thinks girls are like.

Edited January 29, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Pudgey]

@Jannes Those are fake bot profiles that are used for lead generation to webcam sites. Real women do not have bios like that and the ones that do are less slutty. And the woman I've encountered that had a sexual bio, blocked me for feeling too slutty. 

Edited January 29, 2023 by Pudgey

[Leo Gura]

The running joke is... If you want to find girls on Tinder who are okay with casual sex, look for the profiles which say, "Not looking for casual sex." Those are your loose girls who will smash on the first night

Edited January 29, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Jannes]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Looks like something you pulled from the fantasy section on an Incel forum.

This is what an Incel thinks girls are like.

I share tinder highlights with friends on a discord server which is where I collected them from. And I found them myself. I am not making generalizations I just wanted to prove my point with some examples that there are some girls like that. 
 

7 minutes ago, Pudgey said:

@Jannes Those are fake bot profiles that are used for lead generation to webcam sites. Real women do not have bios like that and the ones that do I've encountered and opened, blocked me for feeling too slutty. 

I see quite a lot of ass and tits on tinder they can’t be all fake bot profiles. Sure you don’t want one of them as a gf, maybe even casual sex is to much. 
 

6 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The running joke is... If you want to find girls on Tinder who are okay with casual sex, look for the profiles which say, "Not looking for casual sex."

lol I have to watch out for that 

[BlessedLion]

Wow. I just posted something similar. OP and Leo I really resonate with everything you guys wrote and actually have a lot of similarities. Im presented with lots of opportunities for sex but rarely does it align because of this exact reason. I live in a small community. Stage green/yellow, and the women here want a tantric lover, they act open but I know that it's not what they really want. Thing is there's plenty of guys here who are just kinda fuck boys and get away with it.

 

I have somewhat of a solution, In a sense if you're just honest with the women about it, that you are focused on life purpose and aren't looking for a relationship / want to be free to date others. If you bring that up early many women will understand and you can still be great lovers. If she's not cool with that just respect it and move on.

[mmKay]

In my mind i had this funny idea that you could turn into an absolute beta simp after s*x so that she finds you repulsive and doesn't want to see you again so that you don't really hurt her emotions ( as she rejects you) if you don't want anything serious. 

But actually it's not funny and actually pretty manipulative. 

I think that would feel as if you've had done a purchase because of deceitful marketing and it turns out the product is crap and you can't even give it back. 

Had to get this one off my mental bandwidth. Enough chimping around for today ?

Edit: ok maybe it's a bit funny from an immature male perspective. As in using reverse psychology so that she doesn't develop feelings for you ,the expense of your external pride

 

 

Edited January 30, 2023 by mmKay