Healing my childhood

[Federico del pueblo]

@flowboy Thanks a lot for providing some tools to help me with my emotional healing.

I'd appreciate it if you could have a look at what happened. No pressure to respond though.

I've worked with the questions you gave me in the other thread for three times on the same memory and two times on another less charged situation of about the same age.

Quote

• What happened?
• Who was there?
• What details do I remember?
• What was I feeling?
• What could I have been feeling?
• What else could I have been feeling?
• What would I have wanted to say, that I couldn't?
• What would I have wanted to do, that I couldn't?
• What could I have wanted to ask, that I couldn't?
• What else, what else, what else...

The memory I worked on was in my 1st school year if I remember correctly, but definitely no more than 2nd year.

There were some interns in our class, the people who study to become a teacher themselves. Our regular class teacher was also there.

We were drawing pictures and I felt like I had finished mine and showed it to the intern and she informed our teacher.

Her: "he says he already finished his drawing"

Teacher: "who? Aahh....this one....mhh"  with a dismissive tone, as though she was saying "this boy is quite weird actually". At least this is how I interpreted her response.

I felt sad when I heard that. I remember that from then on I believed that I wasn't good as a kid, that something must have been wrong with me. But of course I didn't say anything, I just swallowed it down. But I was thinking about it and assuming that her perception of me must be correct.

So in the exercise I fully put myself back in this situation. And then said/asked different things that I couldn't say back then like the following:

"Why did you say 'aah this one'?"

"Why do you not like me?"

"I gave my best with this picture. Why do you think it probably isn't good?"

"Now I feel like I'm not a good kid"

"Now I feel like all the other kids are better than me"

It didn't even take half a minute and I was already crying like a child. I kept going for several minutes, repeating the things I couldn't say back then.

I've done this 3 times now just for this one memory and cried every time. Even now writing this I was on the brink of crying, my eyes were already watery and I started to shake a bit.

So I guess there's still more pain attached to this memory, right?

Is it normal like this, taking several times to resolve the pain of the same incident?

Do I keep repeating this until I can't feel any more pain and can't cry any more?

Anyway it felt good even though it felt sad. I'll do it more times in the upcoming days.

[flowboy]

@Federico del pueblo That's awesome!!

I'm very happy to read this.

Yes, it's possible to "get into it" without a guide, and you succeeded!

The more of this you do, the better you'll start feeling.

On 27/01/2023 at 2:42 PM, Federico del pueblo said:

It didn't even take half a minute and I was already crying like a child. I kept going for several minutes, repeating the things I couldn't say back then.

I've done this 3 times now just for this one memory and cried every time. Even now writing this I was on the brink of crying, my eyes were already watery and I started to shake a bit.

Excellent excellent excellent.

You gotta want it. But the pathway to healing is already mapped within you.

On 27/01/2023 at 2:42 PM, Federico del pueblo said:

Is it normal like this, taking several times to resolve the pain of the same incident?

Yes. Depending on the intensity it's normal to feel the same feeling/situation once, or even for weeks on end. Birth is so intense that people work on it for months.

On 27/01/2023 at 2:42 PM, Federico del pueblo said:

Do I keep repeating this until I can't feel any more pain and can't cry any more?

When the tears stop, you ask: "Is there an earlier beginning?" and see what other situations/stories your subconscious feeds you.

On 27/01/2023 at 2:42 PM, Federico del pueblo said:

Anyway it felt good even though it felt sad. I'll do it more times in the upcoming days.

Great!

[Federico del pueblo]

@flowboy Thanks a lot for responding!! It means a lot bro!

I'm now reading the book of Jean C. Jensen. It's already blowing my mind...

Best wishes to you!